I played this at 13 and it was a sea change for my perspective - no other game I would readily recommend to a high schooler than this one because it so expertly talks to them at their level, unafraid to sugarcoat the real drama, frustrations, sexual paralysis, and depth of angst a teen can feel, the entire spectrum of coming into an existential self, toiling with agnosticism, and becoming aware of yourself and your limited time in such a dreadful way. it’s a post-structural treatise on a teen’s burgeoning time management skills, their ability to juggle relationships while toiling with inner conflict and secret traumas, and while it’s flaws are immediately apparent to me on replay in adulthood, it’s hard to fight the gloomy catharsis this game achieves, one I have never found anywhere else in quite the same way.

This is one of those occasions where I write a review comprised of nothing but complaints, for a game I enjoyed a fair bit. I suppose it's because the fundamentals are so solid it feels more important to lay out why I didn't think of this game as a 10/10. Bear with me I guess.

I've seen many people say that Tears of the Kingdom's existence makes Breath of the Wild a defunct game, and the sentiment is understandable, even though I disagree with it. The scope of this game's world is certainly impressive. While the sky islands were known in advance and appear in a nice and tidy fashion, the Depths really took me by surprise, especially its size. The first time you descend is a surreal experience, only slightly diminished by Elden Ring having a similar moment. The game also makes sure to properly populate its world in a much more thorough fashion than its predecessor, with tons of new and interesting enemies, as well as new world bosses to fight and conquer. It's typical sequel stuff, but it's welcome regardless.

Unfortunately, whereas TotK's scale is impressive and engaging, where it loses me a little bit is how it breaks the visual and thematic cohesion that made BotW such a special game. Every trace of BotW's weird technology is scrubbed from the map, there is not a single trace of the Sheikah, even in places that really feel like they should. The replacements the game gives in exchange all suck; shrines with dull colors and uninteresting geometry, towers with all sense of wonder removed, no proper guardian equivalent (the closest being the gloom hands, which don't even have ranged attacks). There's also a constant sense of comedic relief permeating the entire game which feels at odds with the serenity of this incarnation of Hyrule.

It does feel a little redundant to whine about visual downgrades, because TotK has way bigger problems than that, beginning with its structure. From the very beginning it's clear that BotW worked so well because all its components worked in harmony. From abilities to plot structure to exploration incentives, it's hard to change anything without inadvertedly making the whole package worse. And TotK changes a lot of those things. Everything you do before landing in Hyrule proper is derivative, uninteresting and drawn out. The game places down a lot of guardrails early on, and feverishly refuses to let you roam free. The fact that it's even possible to miss the Paraglider is somewhat of an insult.

These limitations and restrictions also extend beyond the mechanical, into the story itself. As one of the most common complaints leveraged against BotW, I was really looking forward to what this game would do to distance itself. What I didn't expect was for the sequel to follow the structure this closely. Like in BotW, the main story is told through memories, but in TotK, all connection between player and characters is severed. The ancient champions don't even have faces or names, they just appear to say robotic lines about destiny and gratitude. It's not even your memories, you just watch as Zelda experiences the story for you. There is very little character development to be found anywhere, and this time the memories are pathetically easy to find. You can just sweep them all up in one run, there's no excitement in that.

When I played Elden Ring, one of the things that annoyed me the most was how the game never let awesome moments stand alone, always degrading them through repetition. And seeing how skillfully BotW avoided that problem, it is unfathomably frustrating that TotK falls into the same trap. Seeing a Bubbul Frog for the first time is really cool, but seeing a checkmark appear next to the cave on the map and understanding the implication kills the joy. The Lord of the Mountain is now a public service you can call on, not a strange one-of-a-kind phenomenon. The coliseums are neat, but they, too, are too numerous and streamlined.

The hottest topic in TotK discourse is of course its new mechanical tools, the powers you're given and how they shape the game. Of the main five, I think Recall is the most fun and streamlined. It's a natural evolution of Stasis, it's easy to use, and it provides many good options, both in and out of combat. Ascend is also fun, perhaps a little overtuned, but it makes it easier to explore caves and find shortcuts. So far so good, but it's with Ultrahand and Fuse that the problems start. BotW worked so well because the world came first, and the powers second. It's hard to feel immersed when it's blatantly clear the world is tailor made for you and your abilities, and that's where TotK fails. Ultrahand is just too broken, its depth and potential makes it too hard to treat as a fun side ability. And Fuse forces redesigns upon every enemy, to make sure every horn and tooth fits on your sword like a sock. It lessens the joy of interacting with the world by commodifying everything into toy components for you to use.

Again, it feels really bizarre to be so negative on a game that I played with relative joy for 100 hours, but all the game's positives are derivatives from BotW, one of my favorite games. The combat is still solid, the visuals are still cool, but the x-factor just isn't there, or rather, didn't click with me spesifically. If I was the type to mess around with Ultrahand and create insane contraptions, I would've loved this game, but I am not, and I did not. It's solid, but it puts its eggs in the wrong basket.

this game truly hit me in so many unexpected ways, i went in a coward, expecting horror and jumpscares and terrible things, and i came out a coward, having expereinced horror and jumpscares and terrible things, but now also feeling like my brain had been left on a bbq for like 5 days or smth

james is so fascinating and should be put through rigirous scientific testing to examine what the hell is up with that, what an amazing character who will leave me thinking for many days t o come.
maria is so incredibly written idk if any ananlyiss on her oculd even do her justice tbqh.

laura is the best.

this game is honestly just fascinating, well worth even if ur afraid like me, the story and unravelling is impeccable and awful and wow and yes and ahhhhhhhhhh

(i knock off .5 stars for apartment building)(edit nvm i changed it to 5 i can't stop thinking about this game)

this is one of the best games of all time ever :)

it genuinely has so much soul and spirit (haha) and love put into it. the music is insane and exceptional and please capcom release it dear god - the characters ar evibrant and full of life (apart form maybe the ghosts...), it's truly just the most excellent. i wasn't expecting to feel SO MUCH but OH GOD I SURE DID

this game is an absolute treasure, and you should definitely check it out <3

this game is many things
you will witness the worst dialogue youi've ever read in your entire life and be like why the hell am i playing this game oh my god oH MY GOD SPLEASE MAKE THEM STOP TALKING OH GOOOOODO
but then
then
you will witness, beautiful. you will witness, goodness. you will witness the seekers of truth, and truth they shall seek. you will somehow maybe love them, somehow (for they have many probelms). yosuke is a veYYG OROD BNOY ANDF IO WILL RDEEFND HIM !!!!! (atlus put him down. give him to me)

truly actualyl frfr, this game is good, and the end climax sections are actually genuinely peak gaming. like not joking. i was crying so hard i thought i was goihng to throw up lol THIS IS A GOOD THING !

adachi. well. where to begin. best character of all time. maybe.
debatable.

great vegetab;les.

I have an interesting point that I've been pondering lately, and it may sound insane, but hear me out. Are flaws in a game inherently a bad thing?

I mean, of course they can be. Most of the time, they are. But, can they not enhance the experience? Can they not add more personality to it? And I don't mean in a "so bad it's good way" (I'm beginning to kinda hate that phrase). I mean like, genuinely.

THUG 2 is one of the prime examples of this. If you've played this game and look at my 5/5 score you're probably like "but, this game is stupid! The jackass humor has aged horribly! The vehicles suck! It's story is super simple compared to the first one!"

Thing is, I like those aspects of this game! I think they give the game a more distinct style. It makes me feel like I'm, well, playing THUG 2! Whenever I'm playing as Steve-O in the mechanical bull (which yes, controls like shit) I'm just sorta like "ahhh, THUG 2 :)".

And yea, this port, which I've in the past kinda shit on for being a clear downgrade, actually kinda further shows why I love this game so much. It's jankier, messier, the cutscenes are broken, it plays worse. But that makes it more "THUG 2", and I love THUG 2, so it works out for me!

This still isn't my favorite THPS game, and honestly, it'll probably never beat out THUG 1. But I think this might be number 2 for me. I love this goddamn stupid piece of shit.