ciswoman
BACKER
1999
this game is criminally slept on
1998
i feel like this is a game most people i know have played via renting at blockbuster back in the day, but never actually finished or enjoyed
oh boy, what a mess. i love the game's art style and some of its music, but ultimately a lot got lost in the translation to the NA version. for those unaware, the leveling up system in the JP version works much better and actually increases your stats as the developers intended. for whatever reason, this is broken in the NA and EU versions, leaving your character drastically underpowered by the end of the game.
speaking of the end of the game, they just cut out the ending cutscenes from the non-JP versions and replaced them with a screen of text! wow, i sure wish i spoke japanese and had a JP copy of this game so maybe i could experience what it was actually supposed to be like. oh well!
oh boy, what a mess. i love the game's art style and some of its music, but ultimately a lot got lost in the translation to the NA version. for those unaware, the leveling up system in the JP version works much better and actually increases your stats as the developers intended. for whatever reason, this is broken in the NA and EU versions, leaving your character drastically underpowered by the end of the game.
speaking of the end of the game, they just cut out the ending cutscenes from the non-JP versions and replaced them with a screen of text! wow, i sure wish i spoke japanese and had a JP copy of this game so maybe i could experience what it was actually supposed to be like. oh well!
1996
for the purpose of this review, i am reviewing the Japanese version of this game because it is the better version for the following reasons:
-its single player modes are much more challenging, which were "dumbed down" for the NA version
-i like luigi, toad, and wario's voice actors in the JP version more (the NA peach voice was better)
-i would give the NA version 3 stars rather than 4
this is another one of those games that i think people remember as better than it actually is. still a classic!
-its single player modes are much more challenging, which were "dumbed down" for the NA version
-i like luigi, toad, and wario's voice actors in the JP version more (the NA peach voice was better)
-i would give the NA version 3 stars rather than 4
this is another one of those games that i think people remember as better than it actually is. still a classic!
1999
make no mistake when i say I Am A Mario Party Expert And Yes I Have A Mental Illness. this is the closest the series ever got to having a perfect party game before feeling the need to bog down every sequel with sometimes good and sometimes incomprehensible changes.
if i knew how to program and could change a few things about this game (item mini-games, no repeating mini-games, quality of life changes, etc.) that i have been thinking about for twenty years of my life (oh god why am i like this), i would have the Definitive Mario Party that would still be played at EVO to this day
if i knew how to program and could change a few things about this game (item mini-games, no repeating mini-games, quality of life changes, etc.) that i have been thinking about for twenty years of my life (oh god why am i like this), i would have the Definitive Mario Party that would still be played at EVO to this day
1998
a good proof of concept, has more little trinkets and charm than it has any right to
the game that would solidify nintendo's mainline Zelda formula that there would (mostly) not stray from for an unfortunately long time: do three dungeons where you get a new item halfway through that allows you to progress, get the master sword, do a few more dungeons, defeat ganon. throw in some stuff in the overworld and you've got yourself A Zelda.
looking back on it, the jump from 2d to full 3d must have been terrifying for developers to try and figure out how to do right, so it makes sense that they would just try to do A Link to the Past Again But In 3D. i still think this game is a classic but ultimately doesn't hold up under a ton of scrutiny.
looking back on it, the jump from 2d to full 3d must have been terrifying for developers to try and figure out how to do right, so it makes sense that they would just try to do A Link to the Past Again But In 3D. i still think this game is a classic but ultimately doesn't hold up under a ton of scrutiny.
1999
another banger of a harvest moon game
maria, my DMs are open
maria, my DMs are open
1997
this review should probably be a 3 star, but i appreciate its role in the history of "what should character-based 3D games look like" before it had been utterly warped by everything trying to be Mario 64 so it gets a star for uniqueness.
2000
this game has higher highs and lower lows than Banjo-Kazooie, but ultimately it ends up being much more messy and fun
2013
people like to throw around the word "pretentious" when talking about things that they don't like, but i don't think that they Actually know what it means. when we, as people, describe something as pretentious, we mean that it is attempting to peacock as though it is more intelligent or significant than it actually is.
well, buddy, look no further than this game for that definition. a game whose gameplay is worse in nearly every way than its predecessors, one that makes grand gesticulations towards the ideas of "racism" and "american exceptionalism" only to fall flat on its face every step of the way, and possessive of a "twist" so meaningless in the context of the plot that acts merely as a smokescreen to quickly make its escape as it hopes players will walk away unable to remember anything else about the game.
if there were a poll online for "The Most Pretentious Game of All Time", i would bet money on the collective reddit-esque hive mind of "gamers" choosing something like Braid. well Bioshock Infinite, you've got my vote, friendo!
well, buddy, look no further than this game for that definition. a game whose gameplay is worse in nearly every way than its predecessors, one that makes grand gesticulations towards the ideas of "racism" and "american exceptionalism" only to fall flat on its face every step of the way, and possessive of a "twist" so meaningless in the context of the plot that acts merely as a smokescreen to quickly make its escape as it hopes players will walk away unable to remember anything else about the game.
if there were a poll online for "The Most Pretentious Game of All Time", i would bet money on the collective reddit-esque hive mind of "gamers" choosing something like Braid. well Bioshock Infinite, you've got my vote, friendo!
i say this in full sincerity: this is one of the most incredible video game experiences i ever had. i STILL quote this game on a regular basis.
haunting
2013
i think i am one of the last few remaining Wii U defenders on the planet today. i love the gamepad allowing for asynchronous things to be happening on the screens. i love Pikmin 2. needless to say, when i saw that you could split up your captains on the gamepad and use auto-pathing to multitask your pikmin for maximum efficiency during the short days, my heart stopped (i lived).
ultimately, i think the game falls short in dialing back a lot of the best parts of Pikmin 2, such as the charm of each individual treasure and the lack of caves acting as long challenging dungeons, and not expanding enough elsewhere. oh well. maybe we'll get a pikmin 4 on the switch someday...
ultimately, i think the game falls short in dialing back a lot of the best parts of Pikmin 2, such as the charm of each individual treasure and the lack of caves acting as long challenging dungeons, and not expanding enough elsewhere. oh well. maybe we'll get a pikmin 4 on the switch someday...
2001
a nice proof of concept for what they would go on to improve in Pikmin 2.
a cute spin on the RTS/Diablo-like genre that was Red Hot at the time by nintendo. in another timeline, we live in a world where we play competitive 5v5 Pikmin in a MOBA--style game where small ship captains control the small minion waves in tournaments for millions of dollars. i think that would be at least Slightly cool
a cute spin on the RTS/Diablo-like genre that was Red Hot at the time by nintendo. in another timeline, we live in a world where we play competitive 5v5 Pikmin in a MOBA--style game where small ship captains control the small minion waves in tournaments for millions of dollars. i think that would be at least Slightly cool
1996
something about playing this game on virtual console non-stop for 24 hours straight during the summer of 2009 as a sixteen year-old taught me a valuable life lesson.
i learned how to scam the exhaustion system in the game. if you work late enough in the day, time will eventually stop in the early morning (i believe 5am to be exact).
once you reach this point, the only limiting factor you have is your stamina, which can be continually increased by visiting the hot springs in the mountains outside your farm or eating specific foods. by doing this repeatedly, you can lock into this cycle: tend to your farm until your virtual self collapses, go to the hot springs and wade around for a few seconds, and then repeat this cycle until you complete everything you need to.
i did this for two in-game years, until i had what i considered to be the ultimate farm. however, my farm required too much upkeep every day to keep everything happy. i had so much money that it became meaningless. i had spent so much time each day farming that i had NEVER ONCE EVEN TALKED TO ONE OF THE BACHELORETTES.
i couldn't garner the affection of one of the girls in a measly six months. it had to be earned over time. i would be alone in a decaying farm when my father showed up to evaluate me six in-game months later. i supposedly had everything that i thought i had wanted, only to see it crumble before me. i cried and turned off the console. in this moment i realized that capitalism makes fools of us all.
five stars.
i learned how to scam the exhaustion system in the game. if you work late enough in the day, time will eventually stop in the early morning (i believe 5am to be exact).
once you reach this point, the only limiting factor you have is your stamina, which can be continually increased by visiting the hot springs in the mountains outside your farm or eating specific foods. by doing this repeatedly, you can lock into this cycle: tend to your farm until your virtual self collapses, go to the hot springs and wade around for a few seconds, and then repeat this cycle until you complete everything you need to.
i did this for two in-game years, until i had what i considered to be the ultimate farm. however, my farm required too much upkeep every day to keep everything happy. i had so much money that it became meaningless. i had spent so much time each day farming that i had NEVER ONCE EVEN TALKED TO ONE OF THE BACHELORETTES.
i couldn't garner the affection of one of the girls in a measly six months. it had to be earned over time. i would be alone in a decaying farm when my father showed up to evaluate me six in-game months later. i supposedly had everything that i thought i had wanted, only to see it crumble before me. i cried and turned off the console. in this moment i realized that capitalism makes fools of us all.
five stars.