A surprising lack of tomb raiding for the bulk of the game.

Obviously there’s still a bunch of climbin’ around and trippin’ off ledges, but also way more auto aim combat. If for some reason you play Tomb Raider for the combat, this game is for you, but almost every area had at least one very boring level. I appreciate most of the additions, including vehicles and ziplines, but as a whole I’m more of a Tomb Raider I guy.

My playthrough had occasionally buggy lighting in the classic mode, but worked flawlessly in the modern graphics style. I think this game lends itself better to the new art better than the previous one. I’d still recommend this, as it maintains the careful platforming gameplay and beautifully solitary atmosphere of the first game, even if it is significantly more tedious in the middle.

“Lara Croft is a major babe…“
-Roger Ebert

I love tank controls. Every movement and every jump in this game has to be deliberate or else Lara Croft will fall 200 ft and crumple on the ground. Moved slightly to the left? Dead. Mistimed the jump? Dead. Nothing against the Tomb Raider reboot, but I think you lose the inherent thrill of danger when everything is so choreographed.

So I played through this with tank controls, obviously (after trying the modern controls for approx. three seconds), but I also played through mostly in the classic graphics style. I think the aesthetic changes in the remaster are more faithful than say, Halo:CE Remastered, but I’ll always be a classic graphics soldier (even if I also own the trilogy on original hardware).

Reminds me of the time when I was a baby and my dad and uncle were playing through the PS1 version, when my uncle accidentally saved over their last level save file when starting a new game. Horrifying! I have a baby now too, and I think he’s at about the age I was when my Dad played through it. Weird, but cool.

Speaking of the last level, I’ve always loved that you spend most of the game raiding tombs, but then it’s suddenly Turok 2 at the end. I personally think the Egypt section is the best in the game, but I’ve always loved an Egypt level. One of my favorite generic gaming aesthetics.

I recommend trying this game, but if you do, I suggest not using the modern controls, because they suck. Also quit being a baby and just use the tank controls, unless it’s for accessibility reasons, in which case good luck bc the modern controls feel busted. Just kidding do whatever you want. The modern controls do suck though.

I love this game. Not as much as Tekken 8 but it’s pretty dang good!

“Nintendo trynna copy that shit. They know they can’t compete if they don’t got Final Fantasy. I don’t even care if any other systems get Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy sucks ass now.”

-Chad Warden

Because they hate me, Square and Nintendo got together in the ‘90s to make a Mario RPG game, thereby forcing me to suffer through Smash Bros requests for Geno for almost my entire life. Having played this remake, yeah it’s weird he didn’t eventually get on the roster, but his exclusion is still not the crime against humanity people act like it is.

That aside, this game was real good. Goated beginner RPG. I’m sure the original is great. Intuitive, witty, varied, and packed tightly; Super Mario RPG is here for a good time, not a long time.

I am confused about one aspect, though: why are there characters in this? Mario ‘characters’ should adhere to a very strict “goomba with a mustache” creativity limit, lest they irreparably damage the brand. Bold of them to assume my brain can handle encountering unique personalities and designs. Making basic household items like hammers into enemies is a step in the right direction, although if it were up to me I’d get rid of any anthropomorphization. Too confusing. 0/10

I'm gonna play this game so much my 9 month old baby is gonna think Bryan Fury is his uncle.

Review Chapter 1:
Baldy's Basics

Yes, I play as Bryan (and I am NOT good at taunt cancelling yet) but you play as Reina so stfu. I do have some legacy skill since I've played Bryan before; he really became my guy when his beautiful bald head graced the voice-synthesized schoolyards of Tekken Tag Tournament. But I'm only here writing because I just went on a truly legendary losing-streak, dwarfed only by that time I lost one trillion SF6 player matches in a row against (fellow-backloggder) Maradona.

I beat both campaigns of Tekken 8 (The Dark Awakens and Arcade Quest) two days ago, and I meant to review it then but I've been so busy getting demolished in ranked matches to remember. Okay and taking care of a baby. Conbaby plays Eddie Gordo so 1. Scrub 2. Has to wait for the DLC.

Review Chapter 2:
Devil Inside, the Devil Inside, Every Single One of Us, The Devil Inside

The Dark Awakens is one of the best fighting game campaigns ever. Mostly focusing on formerly-likable character Jin Kazama trying to forget about the story of Tekken 6. He's just like me fr. Tekken 8 goes the balls-to-the-wall anime approach, and as someone who has been playing these games casually since I was a wee babe, it's hype.

The dialogue is certainly expressive, with characters yelling or gruffly whispering platitudes non-stop, but it manages to ride that line between corny and cool quite well. No spoilers, but there's also more gameplay variety than I expected. The overall Jin focus keeps everything from going off the rails (in terms of story cohesion) and there are plenty of major moments with the rest of the cast. Most of them. The one big Netherrealm style plot convenience was Azucena's; they came up with a fun coffee heiress character but had no idea how to get her into the story.

Review Chapter 3:
Pokkén Tournament

Arcade Quest is a way stripped-down version of SF6 world tour, serving as a tutorial for the basics of Tekken. The plot is straightforward and the dialogue is skippable. It's an inoffensive little mode if not for the fact that you play as those ugly Xbox Live Mii knockoffs, but there’s an online lobby where you chat and run around. It’s kinda fun.

Review Chapter 4:
The AI Version of Myself is Better than Me at Tekken

The practice stuff in this game is crazy; I thought Street Fighter 6's training was bananas, but this is next-level. Aside from the normal suite of training-mode options, you can train an AI of yourself (or any other player) to fight against, and you can pause any of your replays and drop into it (as either fighter) to see what you (or your opponent) could have done better. The amount of options new and old are almost overwhelming, but you're gonna need to utilize at least some of them to get anywhere online.

Review Chapter 5:
Reina and Kazuya

As for the multiplayer, it's great. The netcode is way better than Tekken 7's- still not to SF6 levels but much appreciated. I haven't had any issues, but I do use a wired connection so your mileage may vary.

Playing Tekken online is like getting beaten-up in real life. "I almost had her." Reina and Kazuya seem like the Kens or Scorpions of this game right now, at least in the lower ranks. More Victors as I’ve gone higher. I've played a couple hundred matches and have not fought a single Raven, Lars, Lee, Jun, or Bryan in Ranked (I don't know if it tries to filter out mirror matches.) I don't think Reina and Kaz are overpowered or anything, but they're obviously popular. It doesn't have a huge impact on the enjoyment, as it's good practice. I say practice but it's just me losing ranked matches.

One week post-launch edit: Reina, Victor, King, Dragunov. Kazuya has faded into obscurity.

Review Chapter 6:
I'm Dragging this out to 8 Chapters

I know we're not very far past release, and some of that excitement is sure to wear off, but the amount of fun I'm having is undeniable.

Review Chapter 7:
Sight & Sound

This game looks stunning. Tekken 7 probably looked good too but I wouldn't know because the Xbox version looked like beer goggles.

The music for Tekken 8 is fine, but you can put any Tekken song from any Tekken game on any stage, as well as the different menus. One major omission is "Black Winter Night Sky", the Tekken 2 console opening cutscene song. Where is it Harada? Why is it never included in anything? It's not on iTunes with the rest of the soundtracks, best they've got are stinky cover versions.

Review Chapter 8:
Tekken Ball

TEKKEN BALL BABY! WE'RE SO BACK! GON DLC WHEN?? TEKKEN BALLLLLLLLL!!!! PS TEKKEN BALLIN!!!! Tekken Ball Tekken Ball gonna go play some Tekken Ball to the beach music from Tekken 4

"Review Epilogue" DLC coming soon

Some worlds are better than others, and some worlds’ wonders are better than other worlds’ wonders.

And I’ll give you miiiiine

If anyone else on this site has done that stupid joke, I apologize. If not I still apologize. Anyway, this was hella pleasant. My 9 month old baby liked it better than Alan Wake II, which I guess I understand even if I disagree. Still, Wonder is a freakin slick and vibrant entry in the Super Mario Bros. Series.

Aesthetically bold for a modern 2D Mario game, which is to say it has any aesthetic to speak of. Basically all of the additions and subtractions were welcome here for me, except for the stupid flowers that sound like a mix of Arlo and the voiceover guy who hams it up with the English translation of the Nintendo Directs. The concept isn’t horrible and a few of the gags elicit a bit of an exhale, but I really wish they went with more character in the voice. Prince Florian clears.

One questionable design decision is the inclusion of a lives system. It’s so pointless and barely existent, so why keep it at all? Is it just so the 1-Up mushroom can be in the game? Congratulations, you somehow made me less excited to get a 1-Up than ever before.

But don’t let these qualms and queries quonfuse you, I think this game is awesome. It sparked joy every time I picked up the controller, by myself or with my wife. Or in the ‘strand-lite’ online mode. More than anything, it gives me a very positive outlook for the series going forward, and made me want a Mario Maker 3 really bad. Although if they do a Mario Maker 3D I wouldn’t be mad at all. Or they can just do more games like this. I’m game for whatever they’re cooking at this point.

____________________________________________

100% Review Update: one of the easier 100% challenges in recent Mario history, but also the least of a slog. The final final special stage didn’t give me too much trouble due to the checkpoints, and my only complaint is having to grind purple coins to get all the standees. The 100% reward is way better than a stupid jpeg (Mario Sunshine wtf) or a hat on a castle, but it won’t drastically improve replay value or anything. Anyway, I’d love more of this game to play. Super Luigi Wonder where u at?

Is it too late to change my game of the year?

I won’t be the first person to compare the two, but I find that the experience my time with Alan Wake II mirrors most closely is, of course, my time watching Twin Peaks: The Return. I know they’re apples and oranges, as Alan Wake II being a mixed-medium survival horror detective videogame makes it a different beast altogether, but the way I experienced both was similar: I had a good ol’ blissful, sacrosanct binge which commanded my full attention and which I could not stop thinking about.

I went into both armed only with my knowledge of the previous entries and the works of their creators… and that musical number at the game awards.

In short, Alan Wake II is operating on such unprecedented levels of Conmancore that I feel overwhelmed. I’ll have more specific and properly composed thoughts on the adventures of Owlan Wake and Saga Andeerson once I eventually play through The Final Draft.

Yes I was trying to figure out how to shoehorn in that symbolic pun but kinda gave up.

Remedy must’ve been in a silly goofy mood when they cooked this. I love the bold innovations of “weapon variety” and “mechanically distinct enemies,” but what’s with those in-engine dialogue “scenes”? Could have used the cardboard cutout of Alan during all of them.

To be honest I’d rather just watch Mr. Scratch Joker it up, or even watch one of the actual episodes of Night Springs. Kinda fun, mostly inconsequential, mercifully short. To be fair, for a 2012 XBLA title it’s about as high-quality as they come.

On the surface, Alan Wake is the more conventional of the two RE4 inspired Peaks-type horror games released in 2010 (Deadly Premonition being the first true Peaks-type game), but once it gets into the weeds of its meta narrative it morphs into a decidedly unique action game story. The plot is also able to carry the relatively simple gameplay loop after it eventually becomes rote.

Said loop being: holding your flashlight until the Elite Beat Agents circles close and then hitting fire a couple of times.

Those repetitive encounters and environments are my only major knock against Alan Wake. Still, it’s got that diegetic flashlight reticle and y’all know that design element is a Conman-core situation.

One thing this game has in spades is the ever illusive thing I call soul. I always like to have the term soul in my back pocket just in case I’m too lazy to describe aesthetics. Alan Wake has a thought-out, serious story, but Remedy does a great job of not letting pretentious self-seriousness consume everything. The in-game tv shows, the radio, the manuscripts… come to think of it, this is one of the only times I’ve sought out audio logs to experience the audio logs themselves. That is some of the highest praise I can give a game’s collectibles.

Also, thinking about how Swery claims he’s never seen Twin Peaks never ceases to make me smile. As another side note, my almost 8-month-old son did NOT like this game or Condemned: Criminal Origins. “Boo hoo it’s scary” so what stop being a baby.

Did a monkey’s paw come with every single Genesis? Astonishing number of curled fingers over at the Sonic fandom. So this time, one of the better Sonic games I’ve ever played is an iOS exclusive; I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad that I, a certified “Sonic is okay sometimes” gamer, got to play this day one.

And that it’s good, ackshually. Aping the mission structure of Mario 64 (it’s not identical at all but there are overt similarities) as well as vibrant visuals, solid level design, and liquid controls make this is a slick and thoroughly enjoyable Sonic experience. It seems like a 3D Sonic Mania type beat. It also ran well on all my devices, but a controller is the way to go. I don’t always talk about technical performance but we know which way the sonic monkeys paws been curlin these days.

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take, when people run in circles it’s a very very Sonic I forgot the title of the game and I’m too lazy to go to the top of the page. Soniiiiic the title of the game but again. The Dream Warriors?

This could end up becoming terrible over time, and it could be the novelty talking, but right now I am having tons of fun playing this with friends. Not quite Titanfall 2, but still some of the best player mobility and map interactivity I've experienced since that game and maybe like, Battlefield Bad Company 2? Genuinely a surprise for me, can see why some wouldn't be into it but I most certainly am. Grappling hook.

Edit: just found out about the ai voices (I played on low volume bc of my baby and didn’t hear them, and hadn’t read these reviews). Very tired of EVERY new multiplayer game having some kind of major caveat. The announcer gimmick isn’t even cool, you could delete it and the game would be missing nothing. Or, you know, they could hire actors.

Sledgehammer has cobbled together yet another Modern Warfare 3… the Ancient Ones are satiated for 12 more years, but at what cost?

This campaign is closer to one of those Titanfall 1 non-campaigns than it is to the previous two Modern Warfare titles, and if you aren’t familiar, that is a bad thing. That’s the finale to the Modern Warfare trilogy? Warzone with bots? The way it ends sure seems like the story ain’t over- almost like this wasn’t going to be its own game. Hmm.

If it weren’t for the (fun) multiplayer, this would be an entirely unsalvageable embarrassment. Even then, if you’re asking yourself “why is every multiplayer map in this game so awesome?” you must not’ve been around for the previous rituals.

Edit: I just remembered that they resurrected dead characters from BOTH of the previous games in the seasonal Warzone cutscenes and you’re just supposed to roll with that. No spoilers, but they have an opportunity to do something really funny between this and Modern WarFour

Edit 2: Modern 4Fare?

I’m not a climber. I’m not even a hiker, really, which makes living in Utah less appealing for me than it is for others. But in college, in an effort to step outside my comfort zone, I joined a group of my roommates and their friends on a “hike” of Angel’s Landing in Zion national park (aka Honest Hearts).

For some reason my little sister also tagged along, and neither of us knew what we were getting into: it starts like a hike but at the end you have to climb chains on cliff faces! You could easily fall off and die, and people have. But I think I was wearing jeans, so that might clue you into my level of preparation.

You don’t hit the stretch with chains unless you decide to go to the very tip top, and there’s a large flat area where many people quit. Several of our group, even some of the athletic ones (they apparently did outdoor things for fun. Outside where it’s sweaty and dangerous. Let’s just say I doubt they’ll be playing Jusant any time soon) got scared and didn’t go to the top. I figured if I had to be there anyway I’d give it a go.

It was extremely scary for me. I’m sure some would say it’s not that bad, and that it’s a baby’s first hike situation, but to me it was one of the most dangerous things I’d ever done. This may sound silly but I legitimately thought “What if I let my little (adult) sister come on this hike with me and she fell to her death?” Well, my sister and I got a picture at the top, so I basically never need to do that again.

So Conman, what’s with the long anecdote replete with filler words your 7th grade English teacher said were off-limits?

This game reminded me of that memory, and it’s a happy one. It made me reminisce, bringing back feelings of climbing something so tall for so long that it felt like the top was running away from me. A time I felt a little braver. Forget the text log story, forget the textureless indie art style, forget the mid cave chapter… this game made me feel good. Criticism? What’s that? All I know is gut-level emotional reaction.

Oh, I also adore the gameplay.

I’ve loved the ‘triggers as hands’ climbing mechanic since I first played Grow Up, but there it’s just one of many disparate mechanics. In Jusant that mechanic is the game; this is a focused and effortlessly intuitive climbing experience with none of the drawbacks of actually going climbing, such as having to talk to people who rock climb.

Wait, also the rope - my beloved. Oh they also took the vine-growing mechanic from Grow Home/Grow Up which totally worked. And in Star Trek V, Captain Kirk free solos El Capitán. Well, he falls off and Spock catches him with his rocket boots. Ok ok alright