A stunningly gorgeous, intricate fighting game experience. I’ve long been impressed with its smooth gameplay and animations, at least on every platform that’s not the Sega Genesis; it’s a game I can always count on to jump into for at least a few rounds. People clown on this game a bit, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t slightly suspect its inclusion in the Yakuza games to have warped this game’s legacy for some.

But as with all Yu Suzuki games, Virtua Fighter is somewhat unconventional, with a weird three button control scheme (with one of the buttons being block). The AI absolutely cheats past a certain point, like in every arcade game, but I think it’s way more doable than MK2 Arcade. The characters seem hella grounded when compared to basically any other fighting game franchise, and I think it adds to the classic Kung Fu movie vibe it has. I beat the game as the apparently bottom-tier drunken master Shun Di, so hey, maybe you can beat it too.

I might pump the brakes on these fighting game reviews, or I might play them until I get totally burnt out. We’ll see what the Conmental Health decides. 😎

Going back to play Street Fighter II after being properly introduced to the franchise in Street Fighter 6 made it far more palatable for me.

Growing up I didn’t ‘get’ the gameplay. Street Fighter II always felt clunky and slow compared to -try not to laugh- Mortal Kombat. Later Capcom fighting games had the opposite problem for me, where I found it difficult to tell what was going on especially in games like Marvel vs Capcom 2 where the screen is constantly filled with characters and flashy effects.

But I get it now. The jump in quality from the first title is stunning, although it still sputters and chugs any time anything happens. It’s a bit primitive and the AI can be frustrating, which is common for games in this era. Having just dipped my toe into the Alpha series and Third Strike, I can’t say I’m going to be revisiting this entry all that often; from what I’ve played it’s even overshadowed by Super Street Fighter II Turbo. More on those games later.

Still, it’s insane that characters’ designs, special moves, and even normal attacks were so distinctive and iconic that they’ve remained fairly consistent 30+ years down the line. It’s a ludicrously innovative title, even if Vega can suck my dick. Boo Vega. L Vega not good. Almost filtered me fr

“I’m a fiend for mojitos”
-Det. James “Sonny” Crockett, Miami Vice

The 2000s aesthetic is in full swing here. Tekken 4 is widely considered the first videogame ever to be set in a city¹, but what isn’t commonly known is that it’s also the first game to feature techno music².

Tekken 4’s punch-outs take place in far more grounded settings than its predecessors or successors, such as shopping malls and parking garages. Each one is a stage from Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3³ and you can almost feel the hot breeze of a warm summer night, especially if your PlayStation 2 is overheating.

Despite its impeccable vibes, a competitive scene never arose for Tekken 4 due to it being mostly about positive energy and enjoyment⁴. Professional fighting game players rarely discuss anything other than the presence of a senile, diaper clad Heihachi Mishima as the final boss.

Tekken Force Mode returns from Tekken 3.⁵

Playing this in tandem with its 2002 sister fighting game Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance, it’s plain to see which is the better fighting game experience.⁶ The gameplay itself isn’t as balanced as prior or future entries, apparently, but everything else about this game is sleek and fluid. As an aesthetic exercise at the very least, Tekken 4 is wholly unique in its franchise if not its genre.

Tekken 8 would do well to swap out some of its particle-effect-heavy, apocalyptic stages⁷ for a pristine turn-of-the-century airport or a balmy metropolitan rooftop. Kazuya should rock some shades. Man, this game is like Tekken Summer Vacation. Let’s party.

__________
[1] I made this up
[2] Completely fabricated
[3] Pranked!
[4] Conner Wilson, On Tryhards, Penguin, 2024, p. 68
[5] Tekken 4, Namco, 2002
[6] Conman, Tekken 4, Backloggd, 2023, p. 1
[7] This just has to be the case right

“Quan Chi’s [fatality] from Mortal Kombat V was ridiculous, I can’t believe we shipped the game with that.”
-Ed Boon

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, and the PS2 struggle-bus era of Mortal Kombat is my precious, trashy treasure.

Deception is the good one, with the rpg/adventure mode, chess Kombat, and violent Puyo Puyo Tetris. Armageddon is the big one, with the beat-em-up, Mario kart, and a huge roster. Deadly Alliance is the one where Quan Chi stretches out his opponent’s neck for a fatality.

The only side-mode here is Konquest, which is just a ladder of basic tutorials for each character. The theming of the mode is totally bereft of character, (something which was rectified in the next two games) which makes trudging through it to unlock characters even more of a chore. Nary an kart nor chessboard in sight, just a stripped-back pseudo-arcade experience. Although here they introduced the krypt, which has been in almost every MK since, at its most basic.

Deadly Alliance is actually a step up from Mortal Kombat 4 in terms of presentation. The animations are smooth and realistic, and the creators obviously put time and effort into the authenticity of the real-world martial arts on display. Each character gets two martial arts and a distinct weapon, which is something I loved as a kid and still find to be the most interesting aspect of the combat. The stages are grim and atmospheric, otherworldly and visually dynamic.

The power-up and taunt systems, which give you higher damage or health respectively, are undercooked and can trivialize nearly any challenge. Seeing stinky stink-goblin Drahmin grow to double his size for a few frames adds to the thick layer of unintentional hilarity that surrounds this game. It isn’t just bottom-shelf characters like Bo Rai’Cho, Hsu Hao, and Mokap which add to the chaotic “soul” of Deadly Alliance. No, even franchise mainstays get to look and play terribly. Reptile’s design alone makes me laugh every time I see it.

In summation:
My MKDA main’s fatality:

I wish I had played this when it came out, but for now Tower of Heaven is a worthwhile little game.

Little isn’t a slight, in fact I’d rather the experience be brief than bloated, but I don’t feel like the game lived up to its full conceptual potential. Tower of Heaven left me not exactly wanting more, but wishing it had been. Even the narrative is prototypical and stripped-down to essentials, but it’s justifiably and inextricably tied to the gameplay. Through no real fault of this game’s own, I wasn’t wowed by the conceit; I suppose in the context of the time in which it released it might have been more groundbreaking.

The level-creation suite unlocked upon completion reminded me of a bygone Conman era, when I constantly play flash games and was positively ravenous to make levels. I say bygone, but I did make an entire Super World in Mario Maker 2 within the last couple years. That fire burns within me, but not this day, and maybe not with this game... but it would have at the time.

I think you should give this a shot if you haven’t played it, as I got through it in about a half-hour and since I thought it was good you will too. Obviously.

Thanks to MendelPalace for the recommendation!

“Conman,” you ask, “is Quake II (2023) the complete package? I heard it includes Original Recipe™ Quake II, Quake II 64, and a few other sub campaigns including a brand new one by the supposed Indiana Jones devs. I also heard that multiplayer, achievements, numerous QoL additions, playable demos of prerelease builds of Quake II, concept art, models, and multiplayer support are all included! Is this true?”

Yes my child, Nightdive is at it again. “But why only 4 stars, great sage? I hypothetically care about star ratings or whatever. You’re very handsome by the way.”

Well, my delicious snap pea, the game in question is Quake II.

I like Quake II. I think it’s a good shooter, and I’ve had a bit of a soft spot for it since I first played it within Quake 4. Yeah. Anyway, unfortunately, kiddo, I can’t say I like it as much as Quake. I guess I could, but it would be a lie, baby. I won’t lie to you. I’m tired here’s a list.

Weapons: Nice selection overall. I’m not a fan of guns sharing an ammo pool but that happens in lots of games like this. Railgun absolutely clears.
Enemies: feels like there’s only three kinds and they range from okay to kind of annoying to fight.
Music: Big Bumpin’
Level design: I could have used a few more level gimmicks. I’m serious, the waterway level was cool. Overall I didn’t hate any of the levels though, and that means a lot in a game like this. Good job Quakers.
Story:
Aesthetics: Cohesive, but if they ever do a modern reboot of Quake they should reboot Quake. The overall aesthetic here is maybe even more varied than the first game, but is generic by comparison.

Did I forget anything? Oh yeah I actually don’t love that you store items in an inventory. I barely ever used the items. Didn’t really need to, and I played on Hard and found most of the secrets in the game. I did so because I liked playing it despite the aforementioned issues. Four bags of popcorn and one soda.

“Conman, my king, I agree and/or disagree with this review” sick you’re my new best friend we should be friends in real life.

Card-based reverse tower-defense fantasy roguelite with an old-school pixel art style. That sure checks a lot of indie game boxes.

Fortunately, just about every element of Loop Hero is a best-case-scenario:

Card-Based:
If there’s anything I’m uncontrollably repulsed by, it’s card games. Fortunately this barely qualifies, with your “deck” and “cards” acting as stand-ins for tiles on the map, which are constantly getting replenished as you kill enemies. I know that obviously card games use cards to represent other things, but in this case it’s closer to picking a loadout of units in an RTS. Pro game design tip: if you’re going to use cards, make it easy for the Conman to forget that’s what’s going on.

Reverse Tower Defense:
Tower defense games were my jam back when I was 12, and Loop Hero puts a spin on that concept by making you the one marching automatically through the stage. Your job is to place enemy camps along the simple track, allowing the hero to get stronger with more gear and xp. Even divorced from every other element, it’s a proven, simple gameplay loop that’s highly addicting and satisfying.

Fantasy:
The story and setting of loop hero is a contrivance necessitated by the roguelite structure, but there is a central mystery and several characters… which I didn’t care about on almost any level. You could drop it entirely and if anything it would make repeating the boss encounters a few seconds quicker. The fantasy elements do make sense, and even if I wasn’t invested in the plot they at least tried to tell a semi-unique story.

Roguelite:
The procedurally generated aspect of roguelite games can be used as a crutch for producing theoretically ‘infinite’ content. As with all games, they need something to keep the player interested, and Loop Hero actually excels in this area. Not using any outside reading material, there’s a sense of discovery as you mix-and-match units to generate new combinations. The upgrade tree and hub town are mostly just supplemental to the player’s skill and strategy as well as your engagement with the mechanics. I didn’t have too much trouble with grinding for materials, although I also found the gameplay perhaps a little too easy. I found some pretty optimal setups and ran with them, making me feel like an unkillable god by the end. There are worse things than being too easy, like being boring, and this crap is hella addicting even on an easy run. I’ll probably never touch it again but I got everything I wanted out of it from that perspective.

Old-school pixel art style:
Presentationally Loop Hero is pitch-perfect. The limited color palette and crunchy sound design sets it apart from many other pixel indie games, and puts it right up my alley (especially with the included CRT filter). It legitimately gives the game the outward appearance of an early PC game, without the technological gameplay limitations thereof.

Loop Hero. Pretty good indie game. I liked it.

I’ve barely scratched the surface of Garou, but it makes an excellent first impression for SNK. Mark of the Wolves features the most beautiful stages and fluid character animations I’ve ever encountered in a 2D fighting game.

The characters themselves are fairly simple conceptually, with most of their motifs being ‘martial artist’, but the gameplay and sprite work is on another level. I found a groove with Kim Jae Hoon and was able to complete the Arcade ladder after many, many attempts. I’ll probably still pop into the Garou: MoW every once in a while, but I’m stoked to be entering this world of SNK (and Capcom) fighters.

Also one of the characters is named Butt

“Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?”
-Danny Butterman, Hot Fuzz

“I am writing this under an appreciable mental strain…”
-H.P. Lovecraft, Dagon

For those of you who don’t know how to read an official synopsis or use Google, Madshot is a roguelite acrobatic bullet-time shooter based on the works of famous author/cat-owner HP Lovecraft, with an art style heavily reminiscent of Mike Mignola’s Hellboy comics.

In my review of Vampire Survivors, I mentioned that it was like a flash game I’d have played as a kid before realizing I could just play Halo. Madshot is like a flash game I’d have played for three times as long before still abandoning it for Halo.

My first few hours with the Madshot were positive, as I backflipped, vine-swung, and wall jumped around dozens of Smash Bros. style arenas. The first half was pretty cool; jumping through the air blasting eldritch horrors certainly has some appeal for me and would’ve kept me entertained for a long, long time as a kid. As a kid.

The Switch version runs like hot trash with an inconsistent framerate and numerous glitches, which can be surprisingly beneficial to progress as you maintain powers even after selling them, or straight-up no-clip around the stage. On the Switch, the slow motion often felt more like slow down, but I don’t feel like checking if it’s the same on PC. That said, the gameplay loop can be satisfying and is far more dynamic than the aforementioned vampiric-bullet-hell-auto-shmup. It mostly needs you there, before the final few areas become a cakewalk. On the other hand, the final boss is a huge difficulty spike (more of a ‘numbers-go-up’ upgrade check than actual difficulty).

My main issue with Madshot is that there’s absolutely no progression in the back-end, as you’ve pretty much unlocked everything before the final half of the game. Progression at that point also ceases to be skill-based, and everything relies on tropes I’ve experienced in other roguelites like hitting as many arenas as possible to make your character essentially invincible.

I started this review at a higher number of stars and slowly lowered them as I began to realize the unspeakable horrors of mid game design.

It's no secret that Mortal Kombat: Deception's Konquest Mode is one of my favorite parts of any fighting game. If you didn’t know that, you should have, but now it certainly isn't a secret.

From Shenmue to Hybrid Heaven, the illusive 1v1 fighting game/RPG is something I've been chasing for a while, and the day has finally arrived that I can say hello to the official ambassador for my beloved micro-genre. But it seemed unfortunate that such a Concept™, a Conmancept if you will, had to get its defining moment in a franchise I usually avoid. Street Fighter V didn't even launch with an arcade mode.

World Tour got me in the door, but the surprise of Street Fighter 6 is how it now has me hooked on Street Fighter gameplay. I know, truly shocking that someone who enjoys oft-derided Mortal Kombat games would see the light after experiencing kino.

My esteemed and beautiful backloggd family, I've even been playing a fighting game... online. Normally this bald boy can't make it through a single online match in MK or Tekken without ending up drenched in sweat, but starting out as such a noobie in SF I felt less pressure and therefore less critical of myself. I've spent way more time in the Battle Hub than I anticipated. The Conman has even played the daunting ranked matches (I'm only currently Bronze with Guile but I started at Iron and this is basically the first SF I've ever gotten into). I've played loads of the practice modes and combo trials, and I'm just having a blast learning and slowly getting better at the game.

This has gotta be, without a doubt, the best entry point to Street Fighter. The single player RPG campaign allows you to get to grips with the mechanics (I chose classic controls) and introduces you to the world and characters, allowing you to familiarize yourself with them and pick a main. Guile actually controls the least like the characters I'm used to in games because charge attacks are simply not part of my muscle memory, but something about him stuck and I'm in. What's even crazier is that retroactively this game has helped me break down my barrier to the other SF games: Street Fighter Alpha 2 is fire, which I discovered because it’s available to play periodically in the Battle Hub.

This is a content-rich and beginner friendly experience and I highly recommend it. For the first time ever I'm seriously doubting that the new Mortal Kombat and Tekken are going to live up to a freaking Street Fighter game in terms of personal appeal to me, a guy who hasn't even played 3rd Strike. While still based and Conmanpilled, World Tour feels slightly underdeveloped in a few areas such as the generic story, lack of environment/enemy variety, and artificial difficulty, so it can and should be expanded upon in future entries. Every fighting game should straight-up copy this. NRS, stop whatever you're doing and make Konquest 2. I saw the Krypt from 11, you know you want to.

I'm such a sucker I even went to Chipotle to get fighter points, but they didn’t just give me a tier-skip or whatever, it was enough points to get the entire fighter pass. Completing said fighter pass got me enough to get the subsequent pass. The passes also all include a retro Capcom game.