goodchicken
145 Reviews liked by goodchicken
Metroid Fusion
2002
Starting to think metroid might be one of my favourite series and fusion is easily one of the best. This game is absolutely fantastic and has aged wonderfully, hard to believe it is 21 years old now, I first played it on a gba emulator for ios back in like 2014 and while I enjoyed it, I kept getting stuck and eventually got bored of it. I may have missed out but all these years later i’m such a sucker for a great metroidvania that I think I can truly appreciate it more.
The most impressive thing about fusion, aside from the astounding use of the game boy advance’s limiting hardware, is the atmosphere, the tone and the sense of looming dread. Fusion totally nails the isolated feeling that Metroid is known and loved for and has absolutely brilliant sprite art and pulsing ambient audio to compliment it wonderfully. While developed mechanically in games like Metroid Dread, the presence of the SA-X stalking through the facility fills the game with an undeniable suspense. Granted, most interactions with it are highly scripted events, but many of fusion’s best moments are and yet, they don’t feel that much like they are, since they often happen at times where I was feeling most at ease. Knowing that the SA-X can murder you in seconds and there’s no way you can possibly put up a fight until you regain all of your abilities makes every moment your paths cross with it that much more spine tingling. I love it as an antagonist so much and the idea of a parasite copying samus’ dna and replicating her at full stength is just so cool, not to mention you find out that there are multiple of them. There’s a real sense that only you are capable of stopping this thing, the stakes are high and even the ai ‘Adam’, your one ally through it all, proves to be misguided & unstustworthy. That is, before Samus is able to awaken Adam’s consciousness - that of Samus’ former commander and the ai’s namesake who sacrificed himself to save samus’ life.
Metroid and most games of its kind don’t tend to delve too deep into story since they are very gameplay heavy and put faith in mechanical interactions & player discovery. But fusion finds a wonderful blend between both of these things as well as its own neatly packaged narrative about stopping the X and the last of the metroids at the source. On the whole i’d be willing to say Samus is one of, if not my number one favourite protagonist, she’s quiet and resolved but a lot of her character traits are inferred rather than strictly told, dread does this particularly strongly through its masterful animation and brilliantly intimate cutscenes. In fusion, we see her log her thoughts as she recovers her abilities and eliminates threats throughout the different sectors of the BSL. Through her entries we can see a more vulnerable, anxious and perhaps even nostalgic side of her. Samus is a badass supersoldier but she’s also clearly very smart and emotionally driven and her final interaction with Adam shows that she is more than just a puppet, she knows what is the right thing to do and will do it without hesitation, even if it kills her.
As I touched on, fusion is a game fundamentally based around being told where to go and going there. In some ways its more linear than most games of its kind, but what appears to be a straight shot from one target to the next can actually be anything but, since the game is designed so well as to keep you exploring and finding your path through waves of obstacles and unexpected surprises that can completely alter your intended route. Exploration may not be as open as many games in its genre, but its there in spades and the BSL is chock full of secrets that I kept stumbling on, its just done in a way that keeps the game driving forward. Just generally exploring, navigating narrow corridors, weaving across platforms and tunnels all feels great too, since the controls and movement of samus are pretty much spot on, feeling like a faster and snappier update from super metroid. Every upgrade has its place and the order of which you get them surprised me somewhat, since it wasn’t always what I was expecting or hoping for but i’d have to make do. Simultaneously i’d be chomping at the bit to make use of my new ability or new areas that I unlocked, but i’d also still feel restricted in some ways, the staggered collection of each one felt so intentional and perfectly paced, which is a really hard thing to do. Daniel Smith (ori and the will of the wisps) once spoke about how hard it is to make metroidvania games because changing how just one thing works can change the entire dynamic of the game, so having multiple abilities across a full interconnected map takes a lot of time and thoughtfulness in its design, which I think fusion totally nails.
Fusion isn’t a long or hugely complex game with tons of content but it is never, ever boring or tedious. It is pure, delicately paced action and puzzle solving with more than a hint of fear. The immaculate ‘vibe’ or overall desolate feel of the BSL facility wouldn’t be nearly as strong were it not for fusion’s amazing bosses and threatening foreshadowing from the very start of the game. Coming from super metroid, Ridley is meant to be dead, but a frozen copy of him sits idly in the main deck just a few screens from where your ship docks at the very beginning. The boss fights themselves also totally slap, helped out by a spot on difficulty curve. The bosses, while relatively simple in design, compliment fusion’s snappy movement, making every hit you take and every one you dish out feel satisfying. I particularly like how cinematic they can get considering its a gba game and I love the grotesque nature of some its designs, especially the moment when the SA-X’s form mutates during the final confrontation.
My only minor issues are that the music isn’t really much more than background noise (something sadly pretty common in metroid, except for prime) though it does exacerbate the isolated vibe quite well and the game could serve to be a little longer. I used to hate having to bomb random walls and stuff to find a path and yeah, it happens maybe too often in fusion but man, I dunno what it is exactly that changed but I just think it ain’t so bad anymore, maybe I just adapted! Overall I was super positively surprised by how much I loved this one, its filled with unique and memorable instances like when the facility goes into meltdown and you only have 6 minutes to move across the whole station and find the cause and when the power goes out in the middle of an elevator ride and you have to bomb your way out of the elevator shaft and find a new path in the darkness. Also love it when you save the animals and when the SA-X destroys the lab with the metroids and the neo-ridley fight goes so hard and the final battle against the omega metroid and…fuck…yeah, this is really, really good stuff.
The most impressive thing about fusion, aside from the astounding use of the game boy advance’s limiting hardware, is the atmosphere, the tone and the sense of looming dread. Fusion totally nails the isolated feeling that Metroid is known and loved for and has absolutely brilliant sprite art and pulsing ambient audio to compliment it wonderfully. While developed mechanically in games like Metroid Dread, the presence of the SA-X stalking through the facility fills the game with an undeniable suspense. Granted, most interactions with it are highly scripted events, but many of fusion’s best moments are and yet, they don’t feel that much like they are, since they often happen at times where I was feeling most at ease. Knowing that the SA-X can murder you in seconds and there’s no way you can possibly put up a fight until you regain all of your abilities makes every moment your paths cross with it that much more spine tingling. I love it as an antagonist so much and the idea of a parasite copying samus’ dna and replicating her at full stength is just so cool, not to mention you find out that there are multiple of them. There’s a real sense that only you are capable of stopping this thing, the stakes are high and even the ai ‘Adam’, your one ally through it all, proves to be misguided & unstustworthy. That is, before Samus is able to awaken Adam’s consciousness - that of Samus’ former commander and the ai’s namesake who sacrificed himself to save samus’ life.
Metroid and most games of its kind don’t tend to delve too deep into story since they are very gameplay heavy and put faith in mechanical interactions & player discovery. But fusion finds a wonderful blend between both of these things as well as its own neatly packaged narrative about stopping the X and the last of the metroids at the source. On the whole i’d be willing to say Samus is one of, if not my number one favourite protagonist, she’s quiet and resolved but a lot of her character traits are inferred rather than strictly told, dread does this particularly strongly through its masterful animation and brilliantly intimate cutscenes. In fusion, we see her log her thoughts as she recovers her abilities and eliminates threats throughout the different sectors of the BSL. Through her entries we can see a more vulnerable, anxious and perhaps even nostalgic side of her. Samus is a badass supersoldier but she’s also clearly very smart and emotionally driven and her final interaction with Adam shows that she is more than just a puppet, she knows what is the right thing to do and will do it without hesitation, even if it kills her.
As I touched on, fusion is a game fundamentally based around being told where to go and going there. In some ways its more linear than most games of its kind, but what appears to be a straight shot from one target to the next can actually be anything but, since the game is designed so well as to keep you exploring and finding your path through waves of obstacles and unexpected surprises that can completely alter your intended route. Exploration may not be as open as many games in its genre, but its there in spades and the BSL is chock full of secrets that I kept stumbling on, its just done in a way that keeps the game driving forward. Just generally exploring, navigating narrow corridors, weaving across platforms and tunnels all feels great too, since the controls and movement of samus are pretty much spot on, feeling like a faster and snappier update from super metroid. Every upgrade has its place and the order of which you get them surprised me somewhat, since it wasn’t always what I was expecting or hoping for but i’d have to make do. Simultaneously i’d be chomping at the bit to make use of my new ability or new areas that I unlocked, but i’d also still feel restricted in some ways, the staggered collection of each one felt so intentional and perfectly paced, which is a really hard thing to do. Daniel Smith (ori and the will of the wisps) once spoke about how hard it is to make metroidvania games because changing how just one thing works can change the entire dynamic of the game, so having multiple abilities across a full interconnected map takes a lot of time and thoughtfulness in its design, which I think fusion totally nails.
Fusion isn’t a long or hugely complex game with tons of content but it is never, ever boring or tedious. It is pure, delicately paced action and puzzle solving with more than a hint of fear. The immaculate ‘vibe’ or overall desolate feel of the BSL facility wouldn’t be nearly as strong were it not for fusion’s amazing bosses and threatening foreshadowing from the very start of the game. Coming from super metroid, Ridley is meant to be dead, but a frozen copy of him sits idly in the main deck just a few screens from where your ship docks at the very beginning. The boss fights themselves also totally slap, helped out by a spot on difficulty curve. The bosses, while relatively simple in design, compliment fusion’s snappy movement, making every hit you take and every one you dish out feel satisfying. I particularly like how cinematic they can get considering its a gba game and I love the grotesque nature of some its designs, especially the moment when the SA-X’s form mutates during the final confrontation.
My only minor issues are that the music isn’t really much more than background noise (something sadly pretty common in metroid, except for prime) though it does exacerbate the isolated vibe quite well and the game could serve to be a little longer. I used to hate having to bomb random walls and stuff to find a path and yeah, it happens maybe too often in fusion but man, I dunno what it is exactly that changed but I just think it ain’t so bad anymore, maybe I just adapted! Overall I was super positively surprised by how much I loved this one, its filled with unique and memorable instances like when the facility goes into meltdown and you only have 6 minutes to move across the whole station and find the cause and when the power goes out in the middle of an elevator ride and you have to bomb your way out of the elevator shaft and find a new path in the darkness. Also love it when you save the animals and when the SA-X destroys the lab with the metroids and the neo-ridley fight goes so hard and the final battle against the omega metroid and…fuck…yeah, this is really, really good stuff.
i really tried to see this one through, but i couldnt.
it was fun at first! but it quickly turned into me pushing myself to play for sake of completion rather than actual enjoyment
open world is hard to get right, and i just dont think botw put the pieces together to make it work. the side quests often felt meaningless and there wasnt ever really much reward for my exploration. every character i met felt really one-dimensional too, so i had no reason to actually care about them or the story
all in all, botw just felt really underwhelming compared to the hype around it and im really glad i borrowed a friends copy rather than shelling out 60 usd for my own
it was fun at first! but it quickly turned into me pushing myself to play for sake of completion rather than actual enjoyment
open world is hard to get right, and i just dont think botw put the pieces together to make it work. the side quests often felt meaningless and there wasnt ever really much reward for my exploration. every character i met felt really one-dimensional too, so i had no reason to actually care about them or the story
all in all, botw just felt really underwhelming compared to the hype around it and im really glad i borrowed a friends copy rather than shelling out 60 usd for my own
Portal 2
2011
Valve just get it, I don’t even like puzzle games but Portal is different - literally and figuratively. It just sucks me in. Its not one thing though, it is many things, all stacked up on top of each other. Portal 1 is really good but felt like a short demo into what could be done with the portal mechanics and the game engine, Portal 2 on the other hand is the magnificent culmination of that - i’ve not even technically finished it yet, i’m just wrapping up single-player and i’ve not even touched co-op or any mods yet, but it is a near perfect game through and through.
Even when I am scratching my head through portal 2’s challenging puzzles, there’s a constant drive that I feel that is the kind of rush that only great games can deliver. Plus even when i’m struggling and getting a bit frustrated, I can appreciate great design and recognise when something is just me. Many of Portal 2’s resounding successes are down to valve’s state of the art, perfectionist approach to game design which puts the player first at all times, orchestrates the pace like an award-winning conductor and strives to give this constant, enrapturing satisfaction. Not to mention the eccentric and often dark sense of humour which has aged remarkably well as well as the excellent art direction and dynamic audio that seems to ‘follow’ the player through their various tasks and interactions with the environment. The banter between glados and wheatley in particular is so good that you could make an entire tv show out of just them talking and it would work.
One thing I loved about portal 1 and even moreso here is the distinction between the flat, futuristic, cold testing areas and the industrial underbelly that you explore. I also find it impressive how a game that is about as linear as it gets on the surface doesn’t actually feel all that linear, something you could also say about half-life. The reason being because there’s no real cutscenes, everything is from your perspective and everyone is going to have a different experience of the same set of sequences. Sometimes exploring an idea that you don’t expect to be the solution ends up being the solution because trial and error is part of the experience, sometimes I would really struggle to figure something out, other times it would just click. Even playing around and experimenting with ideas feels good in portal because it has such an interesting and unique core mechanic, there’s really not much else like it, then its combined with all sorts of fun new additions like the light bridge, gels and excursion funnels to form the basis for what could honestly be a near endless stream of clever puzzles. But that would definitely get repetitive, portal 2 never is, no one puzzle is too alike to another and when an idea is explored well enough, it takes a backburner.
It makes me excited to see what more the community have done with these things because as always, valve embrace player creation with their tools and though they rarely ever develop games anymore, their philosophy and spirit lives on through the passionate modders that never stop putting out great stuff. But when you give valve’s devs the tools and let them design the levels from scratch, something hits differently, its like having your meal prepped by a professional chef, its something else man.
Other things that I love about portal & portal 2:
• A protagonist that doesn’t say a word (just how it should be), can you imagine if they talked while solving puzzles or gave advice like its god of war ragnarok or something, fucking hell…
• Stephen Merchant, Ellen McLain & JK Simmons absolutely killing their performances
• This dynamic, ever-changing feeling of progression where you’re descending, then ascending through the facility and feeling lost in this immersive world (even though its practically impossible to actually be lost)
• Finally, the fact that the game makes you feel so fucking smart. Like i’m no genius at all but there’s parts in this game where I was just like yeah, i’m the goat, i’m the puzzle king (usually right before getting royally humbled)
Just deserving of all of its praise really isn’t it, plus its going to be immensely replayable and I just know i’m going to be able to get so much out of this game even after I finish single-player. Its mad how i’ve only just played it now, but perhaps even madder that its 12 years old and not even aged a day.
Even when I am scratching my head through portal 2’s challenging puzzles, there’s a constant drive that I feel that is the kind of rush that only great games can deliver. Plus even when i’m struggling and getting a bit frustrated, I can appreciate great design and recognise when something is just me. Many of Portal 2’s resounding successes are down to valve’s state of the art, perfectionist approach to game design which puts the player first at all times, orchestrates the pace like an award-winning conductor and strives to give this constant, enrapturing satisfaction. Not to mention the eccentric and often dark sense of humour which has aged remarkably well as well as the excellent art direction and dynamic audio that seems to ‘follow’ the player through their various tasks and interactions with the environment. The banter between glados and wheatley in particular is so good that you could make an entire tv show out of just them talking and it would work.
One thing I loved about portal 1 and even moreso here is the distinction between the flat, futuristic, cold testing areas and the industrial underbelly that you explore. I also find it impressive how a game that is about as linear as it gets on the surface doesn’t actually feel all that linear, something you could also say about half-life. The reason being because there’s no real cutscenes, everything is from your perspective and everyone is going to have a different experience of the same set of sequences. Sometimes exploring an idea that you don’t expect to be the solution ends up being the solution because trial and error is part of the experience, sometimes I would really struggle to figure something out, other times it would just click. Even playing around and experimenting with ideas feels good in portal because it has such an interesting and unique core mechanic, there’s really not much else like it, then its combined with all sorts of fun new additions like the light bridge, gels and excursion funnels to form the basis for what could honestly be a near endless stream of clever puzzles. But that would definitely get repetitive, portal 2 never is, no one puzzle is too alike to another and when an idea is explored well enough, it takes a backburner.
It makes me excited to see what more the community have done with these things because as always, valve embrace player creation with their tools and though they rarely ever develop games anymore, their philosophy and spirit lives on through the passionate modders that never stop putting out great stuff. But when you give valve’s devs the tools and let them design the levels from scratch, something hits differently, its like having your meal prepped by a professional chef, its something else man.
Other things that I love about portal & portal 2:
• A protagonist that doesn’t say a word (just how it should be), can you imagine if they talked while solving puzzles or gave advice like its god of war ragnarok or something, fucking hell…
• Stephen Merchant, Ellen McLain & JK Simmons absolutely killing their performances
• This dynamic, ever-changing feeling of progression where you’re descending, then ascending through the facility and feeling lost in this immersive world (even though its practically impossible to actually be lost)
• Finally, the fact that the game makes you feel so fucking smart. Like i’m no genius at all but there’s parts in this game where I was just like yeah, i’m the goat, i’m the puzzle king (usually right before getting royally humbled)
Just deserving of all of its praise really isn’t it, plus its going to be immensely replayable and I just know i’m going to be able to get so much out of this game even after I finish single-player. Its mad how i’ve only just played it now, but perhaps even madder that its 12 years old and not even aged a day.
I'm going to spoil the hell out of this one, so fair warning.
Our fictions set in the past reflect our thoughts, in the present, about that time. That's obvious they told me that in grade school. They were like, hey you dipshit kids don't assume everything in a book is real. There's a unique madness to historical fiction involving real people. Actual human beings with thoughts and dreams and complicated lives, all at the mercy of history, interpretation, propaganda, and literary tradition, made to dance like a puppet for whatever point some dipshit author wanted to make long after their deaths.
I guess what I'm saying it that I want to have a time machine to show historical figures really fucked up versions of themselves from video games. I could kill half the dudes in the Three Kingdoms period instantly with Dynasty Warriors. Ryoma Sakamoto would survive though I think. I think he could have been a gamer if he was born a hundred and fifty years later.
So, on some level Ishin is the test on if just throwing whatever into a LAD style of game will keep my interest, and the answer is yes. Turns out that yeah, I like the most generic possible LAD experience. This isn't my least-favorite of them, either. I enjoy learning about history, so I was happy to have a reason to kick off some light research to see just how bullshit every bit of the plot was. And honestly I expected it to be more of a drama of Ryoma Sakamoto's life rather than a whole-ass thing, but this is the RGG studio so it's on me for expecting anything straightforward from a game where Kazuma Kiryu gets to shoot a gun while spinning around. And also, I like when a dude I recognize is on the screen and I clap and hoot because it's Ryuji Goda. I remember Ryuji Goda. I saw him after punching a couple of tigers to death that one time.
Speaking of the whole "guys from those other games playing historical figures" thing, that's an interesting little gimmick isn't it? I started off thinking of it as like, all your pals are putting on a little play for you. Then I wondered if it was just the same thing is casting a bunch of the same actors in another movie, since most of those are being played by real actors. Finally I was forced to admit that it's like that time when Family Guy did the Star Wars movies. Because for the most part nobody is cast even slightly out of type. Almost everyone is the same character they are in the "main universe," to the point where I was convinced that Date was going to be a secret traitor specifically because it would represent a meta-twist. Didn't happen though! The closest thing is Mine, who is just fully on your side the whole time, but he's sinister as hell about it. Typical Yakuza series thing where a guy is introduced by murdering a guy with torture and then you just have to forget about it later because you're friends now.
I don't think this is really totally on purpose, but it all sorta ties into the plot being basically 90% dudes having secret identities. I haven't entirely figured out how but I'm sure it does. At least half of the main cast has more than one name in this sucker, obviously inspired by the fact that some of them actually did do that since they were actively trying to overthrow the government and had to avoid being arrested. It has the vibe of a major theme, and the characters go around discussing like, which parts of their lives are the real ones worth keeping, but fuck if I can really find anything more compelling in it than the simple fact that there's two Ryoma Sakamotos.
On its face, this is the sort of soap opera you'd expect from the series. Imposter using your guy's name, it's his sworn brother, something about their adopted dad's desires and one of them being the favorite etc etc. Viewed in context, it's the most bonkers this series' politics have ever been. Wild nationalism and a generally conservative worldview have always been there, of course, but that's just what you expect from a mass-market entertainment product. The big-brain liberal genius happening here is in taking the history of a handful of real guys and putting them into a blender so you can construct your own perfect revolutionary who never did anything that made you uncomfortable. Honestly it kicks so much ass. I want to show the real Hajime Saito the game at the same time as Sakamoto so they could both be pissed off about the former being the latter in disguise. That would rule.
(Note: I say disguise but it's exactly Kiryu's characterization so this version of Sakamoto is entirely gormless and everyone later reveals they figured him out immediately because going undercover in the Shinsengumi to catch a guy whose face you don't know but who knows yours is a terrible plan.)
Right where was I? Oh yeah, so we distinctly separate things into stuff the REAL Sakamoto did (think the caste system is bad, technically broker a peace between the Satsuma and Choshu although in this game it's entirely on accident) and the stuff the FAKE Sakamoto did (use force of arms to achieve political results) and goes so far as to make the fake Sakamoto be deliberately working to get Britain to take over Japan in one of the wildest ending FMV plot twists I've seen in a very very long time. When it comes to the feudal system, the plot is heavy-handed in its criticism to the point where I was thinking 'yeah okay I get it you can move on now', but that kind of criticism doesn't actually extend to the kind of force required to keep a system in place. The Shogun is ultimately presented as a super cool honorable badass who can shoot laser beams as you one-on-one duel him in Edo Castle after fighting your way through a really impractical number of wacky traps and ninjas. Oh yeah he stepped down because Ryoma Sakamoto sailed to Edo and beat the shit out of him but like, respectfully. And at the end of it all everyone agrees on two things. One is that Japan is so fuckin good bro. Two is that you simply cannot make real change without... love. Love being defined as like being really nice and only killing dudes when it's cool to do so for drama reasons. And I'm like hey this actually happened! This was a real thing!! The government DID change and it involved a whole-ass civil war and everything it really happened!!! What are you even GOING with this. I don't love everything that happens in any given historical period either but come ooooonnnnnnn
So basically it kicks ass. I had a blast the more fucked up it all got and did all the substories and did NOT do all the combat dungeons they added to the remake because life's too short but it was still like 40 hours of game for me. You wouldn't play this before a normal Yakuza game but if you really want more of that shit, it's all here and it's nice. I will ultimately, I think, always be harder on the historical drama than the dumb soap opera specifically because I will research stuff and find your bullshit out more carefully. Because I love the human stories of history! They're complex! People change and aren't clean dramatic characters and you have to take them as a whole. The lessons you take from real history will never be these pat little things that make you feel good all the time. What I'm saying is that Ryoma Sakamoto would probably think Castlevania 2 was bad. And I'd have to tell him listen up fucko
Our fictions set in the past reflect our thoughts, in the present, about that time. That's obvious they told me that in grade school. They were like, hey you dipshit kids don't assume everything in a book is real. There's a unique madness to historical fiction involving real people. Actual human beings with thoughts and dreams and complicated lives, all at the mercy of history, interpretation, propaganda, and literary tradition, made to dance like a puppet for whatever point some dipshit author wanted to make long after their deaths.
I guess what I'm saying it that I want to have a time machine to show historical figures really fucked up versions of themselves from video games. I could kill half the dudes in the Three Kingdoms period instantly with Dynasty Warriors. Ryoma Sakamoto would survive though I think. I think he could have been a gamer if he was born a hundred and fifty years later.
So, on some level Ishin is the test on if just throwing whatever into a LAD style of game will keep my interest, and the answer is yes. Turns out that yeah, I like the most generic possible LAD experience. This isn't my least-favorite of them, either. I enjoy learning about history, so I was happy to have a reason to kick off some light research to see just how bullshit every bit of the plot was. And honestly I expected it to be more of a drama of Ryoma Sakamoto's life rather than a whole-ass thing, but this is the RGG studio so it's on me for expecting anything straightforward from a game where Kazuma Kiryu gets to shoot a gun while spinning around. And also, I like when a dude I recognize is on the screen and I clap and hoot because it's Ryuji Goda. I remember Ryuji Goda. I saw him after punching a couple of tigers to death that one time.
Speaking of the whole "guys from those other games playing historical figures" thing, that's an interesting little gimmick isn't it? I started off thinking of it as like, all your pals are putting on a little play for you. Then I wondered if it was just the same thing is casting a bunch of the same actors in another movie, since most of those are being played by real actors. Finally I was forced to admit that it's like that time when Family Guy did the Star Wars movies. Because for the most part nobody is cast even slightly out of type. Almost everyone is the same character they are in the "main universe," to the point where I was convinced that Date was going to be a secret traitor specifically because it would represent a meta-twist. Didn't happen though! The closest thing is Mine, who is just fully on your side the whole time, but he's sinister as hell about it. Typical Yakuza series thing where a guy is introduced by murdering a guy with torture and then you just have to forget about it later because you're friends now.
I don't think this is really totally on purpose, but it all sorta ties into the plot being basically 90% dudes having secret identities. I haven't entirely figured out how but I'm sure it does. At least half of the main cast has more than one name in this sucker, obviously inspired by the fact that some of them actually did do that since they were actively trying to overthrow the government and had to avoid being arrested. It has the vibe of a major theme, and the characters go around discussing like, which parts of their lives are the real ones worth keeping, but fuck if I can really find anything more compelling in it than the simple fact that there's two Ryoma Sakamotos.
On its face, this is the sort of soap opera you'd expect from the series. Imposter using your guy's name, it's his sworn brother, something about their adopted dad's desires and one of them being the favorite etc etc. Viewed in context, it's the most bonkers this series' politics have ever been. Wild nationalism and a generally conservative worldview have always been there, of course, but that's just what you expect from a mass-market entertainment product. The big-brain liberal genius happening here is in taking the history of a handful of real guys and putting them into a blender so you can construct your own perfect revolutionary who never did anything that made you uncomfortable. Honestly it kicks so much ass. I want to show the real Hajime Saito the game at the same time as Sakamoto so they could both be pissed off about the former being the latter in disguise. That would rule.
(Note: I say disguise but it's exactly Kiryu's characterization so this version of Sakamoto is entirely gormless and everyone later reveals they figured him out immediately because going undercover in the Shinsengumi to catch a guy whose face you don't know but who knows yours is a terrible plan.)
Right where was I? Oh yeah, so we distinctly separate things into stuff the REAL Sakamoto did (think the caste system is bad, technically broker a peace between the Satsuma and Choshu although in this game it's entirely on accident) and the stuff the FAKE Sakamoto did (use force of arms to achieve political results) and goes so far as to make the fake Sakamoto be deliberately working to get Britain to take over Japan in one of the wildest ending FMV plot twists I've seen in a very very long time. When it comes to the feudal system, the plot is heavy-handed in its criticism to the point where I was thinking 'yeah okay I get it you can move on now', but that kind of criticism doesn't actually extend to the kind of force required to keep a system in place. The Shogun is ultimately presented as a super cool honorable badass who can shoot laser beams as you one-on-one duel him in Edo Castle after fighting your way through a really impractical number of wacky traps and ninjas. Oh yeah he stepped down because Ryoma Sakamoto sailed to Edo and beat the shit out of him but like, respectfully. And at the end of it all everyone agrees on two things. One is that Japan is so fuckin good bro. Two is that you simply cannot make real change without... love. Love being defined as like being really nice and only killing dudes when it's cool to do so for drama reasons. And I'm like hey this actually happened! This was a real thing!! The government DID change and it involved a whole-ass civil war and everything it really happened!!! What are you even GOING with this. I don't love everything that happens in any given historical period either but come ooooonnnnnnn
So basically it kicks ass. I had a blast the more fucked up it all got and did all the substories and did NOT do all the combat dungeons they added to the remake because life's too short but it was still like 40 hours of game for me. You wouldn't play this before a normal Yakuza game but if you really want more of that shit, it's all here and it's nice. I will ultimately, I think, always be harder on the historical drama than the dumb soap opera specifically because I will research stuff and find your bullshit out more carefully. Because I love the human stories of history! They're complex! People change and aren't clean dramatic characters and you have to take them as a whole. The lessons you take from real history will never be these pat little things that make you feel good all the time. What I'm saying is that Ryoma Sakamoto would probably think Castlevania 2 was bad. And I'd have to tell him listen up fucko
This review contains spoilers
Just as I had been told, heavensward really does massively adjust the trajectory of FFXIV's narrative and turns the game from a miserable slog into quite the deep and captivating experience. From the dramatic twists at the end of A Realm Reborn's patches (primarily new scenes introduced in updates released pre-heavensward), the game sets the stage for something far more focused, politically driven and exciting on a fundamental level.
One of the things that I love most about this expansion is its immediately compelling premise, with your player character and fellow NPCs finding themselves in such a difficult situation that it really drew me in. Seeing these overly confident allies taken down a peg, forced to climb their way back up from a major downfall is really interesting stuff, it also allowed me to understand my companions better and get to see their true colours. The change in locale, priorities and allies marks a much needed breather from trapsing around in ARR, aimlessly chasing after little objectives that random NPCs set you on - which tend to matter very little in the grand scheme of things. Heavensward's main story quests all demand attention and relate to its overarching story in meaningful ways, each serving a significantly more focused story regarding the Ishgardians and their age long war against the dragons of dravania. Across its surprisingly well paced and cleverly composed story you visit some spectacular locations, fight in some vastly improved combat scenarios (especially the trials) and uncover the terrible truth behind the origins of the 'dragonsong' war. Many of heavensward's expositionary scenes are parleyed by the dragons themselves, particularly Hraesvelgr, whom I absolutely adore. The dragons are genuinely the best thing about this entire expansion, since they are written so well and present a level of drama and intensity previously unheard of in ARR, they really feel like these ancient, mystical beings that have lived too long and remember too much, with Nidhogg filling the role of villain brilliantly. The way events unfold really change the party's (and thus my own) preconceptions about the nature of the war and the seemingly ceaseless conflict, presenting both sides and highlighting the corruption within Ishgard's theocratic 'holy see'.
Despite still possessing the same building blocks as ARR, as its still the same game after all, its genuinely very impressive how they turn it around and begin to reframe the events of ARR in new light and with a new intensity, helped out a lot by a very solid recast across the board and a big step up in the quality of its writing, soundtrack and overall pacing in the MSQ. Even the optional content is a ton more fun than anything I tried out in ARR and all combat scenarios are much stronger from a quality of life perspective since they streamline the experience and there's no longer any unskippable cutscenes in any instance or quest. Heavensward also delves into some amazingly designed / written new characters such as Estinien and Y'Sale as well as returning kings like Ser Aymeric and Haurchefant, each coming with their own fleshed out backstories, motivations and surprisingly heartfelt performances. The political intrigue, challenging nature of its moral premises and the way it gives more time and care to things outside of just the main character all serve HW's fantastic story which ends up being one of the best ff stories i've ever seen, especially in the late-game and the patches. Although I do think it starts off a little slow and the dungeons don't improve as significantly as the trials, instances & raids, its all good stuff and a great MMO experience that made smashing out ARR worth it as I had suspected - importantly, it also makes me feel that much more intrigued by the expansions that will follow, since HW sets up even more questions and important details about FFXIV's world that demand exploration.
A smile better suits a hero :'(
One of the things that I love most about this expansion is its immediately compelling premise, with your player character and fellow NPCs finding themselves in such a difficult situation that it really drew me in. Seeing these overly confident allies taken down a peg, forced to climb their way back up from a major downfall is really interesting stuff, it also allowed me to understand my companions better and get to see their true colours. The change in locale, priorities and allies marks a much needed breather from trapsing around in ARR, aimlessly chasing after little objectives that random NPCs set you on - which tend to matter very little in the grand scheme of things. Heavensward's main story quests all demand attention and relate to its overarching story in meaningful ways, each serving a significantly more focused story regarding the Ishgardians and their age long war against the dragons of dravania. Across its surprisingly well paced and cleverly composed story you visit some spectacular locations, fight in some vastly improved combat scenarios (especially the trials) and uncover the terrible truth behind the origins of the 'dragonsong' war. Many of heavensward's expositionary scenes are parleyed by the dragons themselves, particularly Hraesvelgr, whom I absolutely adore. The dragons are genuinely the best thing about this entire expansion, since they are written so well and present a level of drama and intensity previously unheard of in ARR, they really feel like these ancient, mystical beings that have lived too long and remember too much, with Nidhogg filling the role of villain brilliantly. The way events unfold really change the party's (and thus my own) preconceptions about the nature of the war and the seemingly ceaseless conflict, presenting both sides and highlighting the corruption within Ishgard's theocratic 'holy see'.
Despite still possessing the same building blocks as ARR, as its still the same game after all, its genuinely very impressive how they turn it around and begin to reframe the events of ARR in new light and with a new intensity, helped out a lot by a very solid recast across the board and a big step up in the quality of its writing, soundtrack and overall pacing in the MSQ. Even the optional content is a ton more fun than anything I tried out in ARR and all combat scenarios are much stronger from a quality of life perspective since they streamline the experience and there's no longer any unskippable cutscenes in any instance or quest. Heavensward also delves into some amazingly designed / written new characters such as Estinien and Y'Sale as well as returning kings like Ser Aymeric and Haurchefant, each coming with their own fleshed out backstories, motivations and surprisingly heartfelt performances. The political intrigue, challenging nature of its moral premises and the way it gives more time and care to things outside of just the main character all serve HW's fantastic story which ends up being one of the best ff stories i've ever seen, especially in the late-game and the patches. Although I do think it starts off a little slow and the dungeons don't improve as significantly as the trials, instances & raids, its all good stuff and a great MMO experience that made smashing out ARR worth it as I had suspected - importantly, it also makes me feel that much more intrigued by the expansions that will follow, since HW sets up even more questions and important details about FFXIV's world that demand exploration.
A smile better suits a hero :'(
It took a while to really win me over because I do think it starts a bit slow and i’m probably being a total fucking winger but I don’t like the flower’s voice, the little messages of encouragement and childlike wonder are lovely but its better when its just the odd bit of text. Awesome 2D platformer that is packed with novel ideas, unique level designs and wacky aesthetics that feel like they take a page or two from rayman origins / legends with its bouncy animation, extremely colourful vibe and sheer amount of imagination, though I do think the rayman games feel better to play and are good from start to end whereas I think wonder has amazing parts and weaker parts.
Notably i’m not as big of a fan when the game doesn’t play to its strengths as much, such as in the KO arenas and puzzle areas which slow things down and get repetitive. Wonder is an excellent game that feels like a speedway with speed bumps, there’s an occasional idea that they commit to that i’m not as keen on that breaks the pace for me, but then you get a string of amazingly designed and totally joyful levels combined with the absolutely awesome badge challenges - if the whole game was just badge challenges with wonder flowers sprinkled in i’d be 100% happy with that.
Otherwise, Mario wonder is just concentrated joy. Wonder is the perfect title for it really, there’s this (near) constant flow of ‘ooh what’s this’ and ‘what the fuck this is awesome’ combined with your staple of really solid platforming that I think everyone will enjoy. This is a great direction for 2D mario because in many ways its the same good stuff and could almost pass for a super mario world 2, but in other ways its totally wacky and inventive in the right ways. Oh but please, mate, let me play as yoshi without it being piss my nappy baby mode, ty
Notably i’m not as big of a fan when the game doesn’t play to its strengths as much, such as in the KO arenas and puzzle areas which slow things down and get repetitive. Wonder is an excellent game that feels like a speedway with speed bumps, there’s an occasional idea that they commit to that i’m not as keen on that breaks the pace for me, but then you get a string of amazingly designed and totally joyful levels combined with the absolutely awesome badge challenges - if the whole game was just badge challenges with wonder flowers sprinkled in i’d be 100% happy with that.
Otherwise, Mario wonder is just concentrated joy. Wonder is the perfect title for it really, there’s this (near) constant flow of ‘ooh what’s this’ and ‘what the fuck this is awesome’ combined with your staple of really solid platforming that I think everyone will enjoy. This is a great direction for 2D mario because in many ways its the same good stuff and could almost pass for a super mario world 2, but in other ways its totally wacky and inventive in the right ways. Oh but please, mate, let me play as yoshi without it being piss my nappy baby mode, ty
Final Fantasy XIII
2009
I have a lot of thoughts on this, final fantasy XIII is actually the one in the franchise that interested me the most because of its very mixed reception and reputation, particularly in the west. It also interests me because of nostalgia, having seen a lot of gameplay and ads for this back in the day before I became an rpg fan and because it appeared to be very unique as a final fantasy game, with its one of a kind approach to combat and a colourful & futuristic setting. Upon finally getting around to playing it, I can surmise my thoughts as 'fun, but bizarre'. For what is actually a very successful entry that also spawned two of its own sequels, this turned out to be one of the least accessible and most uncompromising jrpgs that i've ever played.
First of all, the setting, premise and lore of this game are rich and substiantial, but don't do the best job of explaining themselves. Like any story, there is an element of mystery and intrigue as you unfold more about the world and its inhabitants, but ff13 leaves a lot to the imagination and the stuff it doesn't is filled into a 'datalog' that is essential to read if you want to properly understand anything. It doesn't help that many of ff13's key elements sound very similar - fal'cie, l'cie, c'ieth, of which there can be different types too, with each "fal'cie" (effectively the 'gods' of this setting) looking entirely unique with no distinguishing features and, seemingly, the ability to transform their appearance at will. This reliance on its own in-world jargon and lack of its own set of rules is combined with a decent share of awkward character writing and confusing, muddled motivations that result in an overall narrative that feels too big for its boots, though I have to admit its charming and silly enough to not be insulting. At the best of times there are some nice threads of things like drama and romance as well as some interesting ethical dilemmas which I respect, but the actual execution is kind of lacking in soul and, well, sense.
Respect is a key thing here, while I do think this deserves 3 stars as its a game with a lot of problems, I absolutely respect the hell out of this game. For its heart this is 5 stars and I mean that! It is a big step forward despite its shortcomings, because risk-taking and confidence in your decisions is how progress is made and this game does a lot of things right. One thing I adore about it is its beautiful art direction and design, which seems to incorporate so many influences ranging from science-fiction to religion. FFXIII is filled with fantastic setpieces like the sprawling futuristic cityscapes of cocoon and the stunning landscapes of gran pulse where you have wide mountainous regions, grassy plains, canyons, snowy peaks and the ramshackled, dusty ghost town of oerba. There's also plenty of great looking inbetween areas like the dingy trash heap of the vile peaks and the mysterious, alien-like taejin tower, all crafted and textured beautifully. All this to say, for a game that came out in 2009, the visuals are among the best i've ever seen in the medium to date and it is clear how ff7 remake took a lot of notes from it. There's so much rich colour and so many intriguing tapestries etched into the environments, not to mention the character models and enemy designs are equally brilliant. The meticulous detail both in and out of its pre-rendered cutscenes is unbeaten for the time of its release, with super realistic hair animations, expressive facial features and excellent attack animations and particle effects in combat.
Combat is another huge plus that FFXIII has going for it, it might even be my favourite combat system in the series (of those i've played) next to FF7 remake. It is a massive step forward whilst still feeling like final fantasy and allows (though doesn't exactly encourage) extensive customisation and player expression through its paradigm system. I've never seen a combat system simultaneously take away control, but also be so involved at the same time, since it requires you to be reactive but also anticipate your next move. You only control one character but you also take a leadership role in determing which roles each character takes at any time, you also have control over when to use summons, items and other techniques. So while you're not controlling your full party at any one time, you also need to make sure each character is taking an active and necessary role at each moment. The challenge is also uncompromising at times, testing your initiative and encouraging you to be aggressive rather than hunker down - that being because of the 'chain guage', another unique mechanic that functions as a stun meter, only by building this can you really dish out damage, without building that meter you're effectively making the game 3x slower and 3x as difficult for yourself, so you need to be focusing on dealing damage as much as possible between heals and buffs/debuffs. Its all crafted so well and is an insane amount of fun to play around with, although it is held back somewhat by the difficulty since it can force you into particular playstyles. FFXIII is also frustratingly unbalanced, with certain party members outright outperforming others in the same role, limiting your freedom of expression massively, since there are certain difficulty spikes and particular bosses (looking at you barthandelus) that need to be approached in a particular way. You also cannot respec or reset crystarium (effectively this game's way of 'levelling up'), so if you have not built 'correctly' you can kind of just put yourself into a very tight corner. Even on easy mode this is still very much an issue, if the difficulty curve was better and each character could perform well enough in each role (some level of unbalance is fine to differentiate character strengths) it would just be a better time overall since it wouldn't limit your freedom and expression in your party - RIP sazh, I wish you were good but I still love you.
As for the games' shortcomings I won't go too deep into them since they've been said a lot but frankly, most of the cast are quite boring and one-dimensional (though I do love sazh and I like fang and lightning), the linearity is repetitive and frustrating, it takes about 15 hours for the game to really get going and become fun since only then do you get access to all roles and mechanics and the game does not genuinely open up until chapter 11 out of 13. Even then, its quite bizarre how it opens up and still retains a sense of linearity as you have the choice to basically either progress the story (linear), or complete a series of numbered 'missions' to grind and get rewards (also linear). The only non-linearity here is being able to explore in a direction that is not always just going forwards, but its a small part of a big game and its clearly not what the game is built for since the camera is awkward, there's not much to see or do and the stuff there is to see and do is the stuff you've already been doing this whole time. Frankly, FFXIII would really benefit from the kinds of pace-breakers we all know and love in jrpgs, like quirky npc interactions, fun little minigames and side objectives and party building moments where the characters bond by relaxing together or playing games or something - none of that is here in any form really, this is a game that wants you to keep going forwards all the time and that would be ok if it was paced a little better, otherwise I feel like im just doing cutscene - run forwards - battle on repeat.
Despite these shortcomings, this is still a gorgeous, enjoyable experience with some outstanding visuals and a soundtrack that shouldn't be overlooked, its got some really great tracks in there. Even though the story sometimes feels like complete nonsense, there is an endearing sentimentality to it and I can see why some people love it so much. I had to do a lot of googling to try and make sense of what was happening but in its core moments, there is something very sweet and humble about its message and its character interactions, it also often draws paralels to real life anxieties and corrupt politics which I enjoy. This is not a game I would highly recommend to anyone unless they knew what they were in for, but if you decide to give it the time of day, there's plenty to like and I do think it gets too much hate. For what it is, I do actually quite like this one and i'm glad I played it.
First of all, the setting, premise and lore of this game are rich and substiantial, but don't do the best job of explaining themselves. Like any story, there is an element of mystery and intrigue as you unfold more about the world and its inhabitants, but ff13 leaves a lot to the imagination and the stuff it doesn't is filled into a 'datalog' that is essential to read if you want to properly understand anything. It doesn't help that many of ff13's key elements sound very similar - fal'cie, l'cie, c'ieth, of which there can be different types too, with each "fal'cie" (effectively the 'gods' of this setting) looking entirely unique with no distinguishing features and, seemingly, the ability to transform their appearance at will. This reliance on its own in-world jargon and lack of its own set of rules is combined with a decent share of awkward character writing and confusing, muddled motivations that result in an overall narrative that feels too big for its boots, though I have to admit its charming and silly enough to not be insulting. At the best of times there are some nice threads of things like drama and romance as well as some interesting ethical dilemmas which I respect, but the actual execution is kind of lacking in soul and, well, sense.
Respect is a key thing here, while I do think this deserves 3 stars as its a game with a lot of problems, I absolutely respect the hell out of this game. For its heart this is 5 stars and I mean that! It is a big step forward despite its shortcomings, because risk-taking and confidence in your decisions is how progress is made and this game does a lot of things right. One thing I adore about it is its beautiful art direction and design, which seems to incorporate so many influences ranging from science-fiction to religion. FFXIII is filled with fantastic setpieces like the sprawling futuristic cityscapes of cocoon and the stunning landscapes of gran pulse where you have wide mountainous regions, grassy plains, canyons, snowy peaks and the ramshackled, dusty ghost town of oerba. There's also plenty of great looking inbetween areas like the dingy trash heap of the vile peaks and the mysterious, alien-like taejin tower, all crafted and textured beautifully. All this to say, for a game that came out in 2009, the visuals are among the best i've ever seen in the medium to date and it is clear how ff7 remake took a lot of notes from it. There's so much rich colour and so many intriguing tapestries etched into the environments, not to mention the character models and enemy designs are equally brilliant. The meticulous detail both in and out of its pre-rendered cutscenes is unbeaten for the time of its release, with super realistic hair animations, expressive facial features and excellent attack animations and particle effects in combat.
Combat is another huge plus that FFXIII has going for it, it might even be my favourite combat system in the series (of those i've played) next to FF7 remake. It is a massive step forward whilst still feeling like final fantasy and allows (though doesn't exactly encourage) extensive customisation and player expression through its paradigm system. I've never seen a combat system simultaneously take away control, but also be so involved at the same time, since it requires you to be reactive but also anticipate your next move. You only control one character but you also take a leadership role in determing which roles each character takes at any time, you also have control over when to use summons, items and other techniques. So while you're not controlling your full party at any one time, you also need to make sure each character is taking an active and necessary role at each moment. The challenge is also uncompromising at times, testing your initiative and encouraging you to be aggressive rather than hunker down - that being because of the 'chain guage', another unique mechanic that functions as a stun meter, only by building this can you really dish out damage, without building that meter you're effectively making the game 3x slower and 3x as difficult for yourself, so you need to be focusing on dealing damage as much as possible between heals and buffs/debuffs. Its all crafted so well and is an insane amount of fun to play around with, although it is held back somewhat by the difficulty since it can force you into particular playstyles. FFXIII is also frustratingly unbalanced, with certain party members outright outperforming others in the same role, limiting your freedom of expression massively, since there are certain difficulty spikes and particular bosses (looking at you barthandelus) that need to be approached in a particular way. You also cannot respec or reset crystarium (effectively this game's way of 'levelling up'), so if you have not built 'correctly' you can kind of just put yourself into a very tight corner. Even on easy mode this is still very much an issue, if the difficulty curve was better and each character could perform well enough in each role (some level of unbalance is fine to differentiate character strengths) it would just be a better time overall since it wouldn't limit your freedom and expression in your party - RIP sazh, I wish you were good but I still love you.
As for the games' shortcomings I won't go too deep into them since they've been said a lot but frankly, most of the cast are quite boring and one-dimensional (though I do love sazh and I like fang and lightning), the linearity is repetitive and frustrating, it takes about 15 hours for the game to really get going and become fun since only then do you get access to all roles and mechanics and the game does not genuinely open up until chapter 11 out of 13. Even then, its quite bizarre how it opens up and still retains a sense of linearity as you have the choice to basically either progress the story (linear), or complete a series of numbered 'missions' to grind and get rewards (also linear). The only non-linearity here is being able to explore in a direction that is not always just going forwards, but its a small part of a big game and its clearly not what the game is built for since the camera is awkward, there's not much to see or do and the stuff there is to see and do is the stuff you've already been doing this whole time. Frankly, FFXIII would really benefit from the kinds of pace-breakers we all know and love in jrpgs, like quirky npc interactions, fun little minigames and side objectives and party building moments where the characters bond by relaxing together or playing games or something - none of that is here in any form really, this is a game that wants you to keep going forwards all the time and that would be ok if it was paced a little better, otherwise I feel like im just doing cutscene - run forwards - battle on repeat.
Despite these shortcomings, this is still a gorgeous, enjoyable experience with some outstanding visuals and a soundtrack that shouldn't be overlooked, its got some really great tracks in there. Even though the story sometimes feels like complete nonsense, there is an endearing sentimentality to it and I can see why some people love it so much. I had to do a lot of googling to try and make sense of what was happening but in its core moments, there is something very sweet and humble about its message and its character interactions, it also often draws paralels to real life anxieties and corrupt politics which I enjoy. This is not a game I would highly recommend to anyone unless they knew what they were in for, but if you decide to give it the time of day, there's plenty to like and I do think it gets too much hate. For what it is, I do actually quite like this one and i'm glad I played it.
Despite my many issues with Metroidvanias as a genre, I've always been curious about Symphony of the Night in particular not just because it's often held up as the best of its series, but also because it came out the year I was born! Idk, there's something interesting about that! Where were video games when you were born?
And when I first booted it up, I thought to myself; "yup! this sure is a video game from 1997!", it didn't explain shit, dialogue may as well have been written by ChatGPT and to call inventory management "clunky" would be an understatement on the level of my tax returns. (I am committing fraud)
Soon I saw that the game had actually aged way better than I was giving it credit for. I often hold up Ocarina Of Time as the benchmark for how well a game has aged. If a game can be 20+ years old and still fun to play now? Then it's aged very well. And Symphony of the Night might not quite be on OOT's level, but it is still fun in all the ways that matter. It definitely does throw you into the deep end with little to no explanation on how a variety of mechanics and special moves work, and it unsurprisingly has all the same fundamental issues I take with pretty much every Metroidvania (see my Dawn of Sorrow review where I suggest that every Metroidvania should steal - ironically, Ocarina Of Time 3D's Sheikah Stone hint system) but I'm still able to put myself back into the non-existent shoes of a version of me that is still a fetus and say "that's a frickin' good game!!" (Though let me just say - "hearts" representing your magic meter and not your HEALTH is an absolutely fucking asinine design decision, even for 1997. Apparently this is the case in other Castlevania games too?? What were these dudes doing??)
Symphony of the Night's visuals for the time are astonishing. Not just in its pixel art but in the many times it implements 3D stuff too like the floating books in the Long Library and so many boss models and attacks. Its soundtrack also absolutely slaps (for 66% of the game) and its fundamental gameplay and exploration is just fun. Yes, I did frequently have to consult a walkthrough (which I think is basically a necessity for any Metroidvania to be fun - especially one from 1997) because how tf was I supposed to know what to do with the Merman Statue? How tf was I supposed to know that one of the statues opens up a pathway in the Marble Gallery clock room every other minute?? BUUUT just jumping around, slashing dudes, unfurling the map of the castle and getting stronger all the while just feels great. This game gave me more of a power fantasy than any other of the genre I've played, it allowed me to feel truly busted and absolutely fucking melt some bosses (sorry Karasuman) (sorry Akmodan II) (sorry Cerberos) in the most satisfying ways. Alucard felt truly overpowered at some points, and it was great fun. Also, a particular shout-out to the SFX. Just super memorable and fun, (with the exception of basically any skeleton enemy bc wtf was up with some of those sounds, lmao) I love the louds yells that the Green Knights make when they die, the fuckin' cacophony that comes out of a Blood Zombie, I love that Alucard spends this whole game fighting off some of the most disturbing, incomprehensible horrors imaginable and the one time he screams is when he goes down on an elevator
Of course, the game has a bit of a weird difficulty curve. Because after what you think is the game's ending, the castle goes full xD random and flips up on its frickin' head!! Whoaa!! She's so crazy!! Love herr x
And this is where Symphony of the Night goes from being clearly one of the best games of all time to a "good enough" Metroidvania with an actively shit soundtrack. Spend long enough in the Reverse Colosseum or Catacombs and those 10-second loops are enough to drive any man crazy. The inverted castle is fine! But it's not great, and is a clear step down in quality from the game's first 6-or-so-hours. Story stuff just stops happening until you barrel through to the end of the game, the music becomes actively grating to listen to and man - I wish Symphony of the Night would flash up the name of the area you're in every time you re-enter because it was hard enough to keep track of all the different areas when you were the fuckin' right side-up! Now that I'm all upside-down and shit the castle just feels pretty unintuitive to explore and it's hard to ever really orient yourself! It also represents some weirdness in the difficulty curve as I just mentioned because both portions of the game start out pretty hard, and then get significantly easier as you travel around and get super overpowered. But then the inverted section throws another spanner in the works with fucking Galamoth. Holy shit. I thought this was a joke. I used 2 Elixirs, tons of other healing items, Strength AND Defence potions with over 600 health on this cunt and he just wouldn't go down! Eventually I had to just cheese him with a Shield Rod + Alucard Shield strat I learned about from a walkthrough and when I saw how much health had to melt away before me for him to fuckin' die I couldn't believe my eyes. How is this mfer in the same game as crusty ass "walk in a straight line for 5 seconds and fuckin' die" Akmodan II, pahahaha
Anyway, good ass game that holds up well. It's just that the inverted castle is a gimmick that bogs it down. Super cool concept and very impressive technically! But not actually fun to play, at least comparatively. I think most would agree that if the game just flipped the castle for like, one big last run-up to the final boss without having to travel around and explore the whole thing and get 5 key items and whatnot, it'd be better, because those first 6 hours are just goated.
And when I first booted it up, I thought to myself; "yup! this sure is a video game from 1997!", it didn't explain shit, dialogue may as well have been written by ChatGPT and to call inventory management "clunky" would be an understatement on the level of my tax returns. (I am committing fraud)
Soon I saw that the game had actually aged way better than I was giving it credit for. I often hold up Ocarina Of Time as the benchmark for how well a game has aged. If a game can be 20+ years old and still fun to play now? Then it's aged very well. And Symphony of the Night might not quite be on OOT's level, but it is still fun in all the ways that matter. It definitely does throw you into the deep end with little to no explanation on how a variety of mechanics and special moves work, and it unsurprisingly has all the same fundamental issues I take with pretty much every Metroidvania (see my Dawn of Sorrow review where I suggest that every Metroidvania should steal - ironically, Ocarina Of Time 3D's Sheikah Stone hint system) but I'm still able to put myself back into the non-existent shoes of a version of me that is still a fetus and say "that's a frickin' good game!!" (Though let me just say - "hearts" representing your magic meter and not your HEALTH is an absolutely fucking asinine design decision, even for 1997. Apparently this is the case in other Castlevania games too?? What were these dudes doing??)
Symphony of the Night's visuals for the time are astonishing. Not just in its pixel art but in the many times it implements 3D stuff too like the floating books in the Long Library and so many boss models and attacks. Its soundtrack also absolutely slaps (for 66% of the game) and its fundamental gameplay and exploration is just fun. Yes, I did frequently have to consult a walkthrough (which I think is basically a necessity for any Metroidvania to be fun - especially one from 1997) because how tf was I supposed to know what to do with the Merman Statue? How tf was I supposed to know that one of the statues opens up a pathway in the Marble Gallery clock room every other minute?? BUUUT just jumping around, slashing dudes, unfurling the map of the castle and getting stronger all the while just feels great. This game gave me more of a power fantasy than any other of the genre I've played, it allowed me to feel truly busted and absolutely fucking melt some bosses (sorry Karasuman) (sorry Akmodan II) (sorry Cerberos) in the most satisfying ways. Alucard felt truly overpowered at some points, and it was great fun. Also, a particular shout-out to the SFX. Just super memorable and fun, (with the exception of basically any skeleton enemy bc wtf was up with some of those sounds, lmao) I love the louds yells that the Green Knights make when they die, the fuckin' cacophony that comes out of a Blood Zombie, I love that Alucard spends this whole game fighting off some of the most disturbing, incomprehensible horrors imaginable and the one time he screams is when he goes down on an elevator
Of course, the game has a bit of a weird difficulty curve. Because after what you think is the game's ending, the castle goes full xD random and flips up on its frickin' head!! Whoaa!! She's so crazy!! Love herr x
And this is where Symphony of the Night goes from being clearly one of the best games of all time to a "good enough" Metroidvania with an actively shit soundtrack. Spend long enough in the Reverse Colosseum or Catacombs and those 10-second loops are enough to drive any man crazy. The inverted castle is fine! But it's not great, and is a clear step down in quality from the game's first 6-or-so-hours. Story stuff just stops happening until you barrel through to the end of the game, the music becomes actively grating to listen to and man - I wish Symphony of the Night would flash up the name of the area you're in every time you re-enter because it was hard enough to keep track of all the different areas when you were the fuckin' right side-up! Now that I'm all upside-down and shit the castle just feels pretty unintuitive to explore and it's hard to ever really orient yourself! It also represents some weirdness in the difficulty curve as I just mentioned because both portions of the game start out pretty hard, and then get significantly easier as you travel around and get super overpowered. But then the inverted section throws another spanner in the works with fucking Galamoth. Holy shit. I thought this was a joke. I used 2 Elixirs, tons of other healing items, Strength AND Defence potions with over 600 health on this cunt and he just wouldn't go down! Eventually I had to just cheese him with a Shield Rod + Alucard Shield strat I learned about from a walkthrough and when I saw how much health had to melt away before me for him to fuckin' die I couldn't believe my eyes. How is this mfer in the same game as crusty ass "walk in a straight line for 5 seconds and fuckin' die" Akmodan II, pahahaha
Anyway, good ass game that holds up well. It's just that the inverted castle is a gimmick that bogs it down. Super cool concept and very impressive technically! But not actually fun to play, at least comparatively. I think most would agree that if the game just flipped the castle for like, one big last run-up to the final boss without having to travel around and explore the whole thing and get 5 key items and whatnot, it'd be better, because those first 6 hours are just goated.
Bit late to the party with this one but my friends have gotten me into Final Fantasy XIV; i'm having a good time being in this world and interacting with people but man is this initial campaign a slog. There's apparently never been a better time to get into FFXIV due to sheer amount of content available now and if you pay, you can skip past this initial story altogether, but for free trial players and those that want to experience the full story, a realm reborn is your only in.
For those that don't know, this massive and now hugely popular MMORPG started as a disastrous 2010 release that cost square enix a fortune and nearly sunk them - a realm reborn is the 2013 release that completely replaced and remodelled the original, establishing a foundation that would go on to be one of the biggest comeback stories in the gaming industry's history and a quintessential MMO adored by millions. Unfortunately, however, a realm reborn presumably still carries a lot of the original release's problems and it is very clear that this is a game salvaged from another. Even after years of small improvements and quality of life features that I have been able to take advantage of today, getting through this is still a lot of work and a lot of commitment.
In terms of its strengths, it is absolutely worth commending that this is a game that does actually work on a lot of fundamental levels, the world is very cool and full of great design and visuals for its time. The level of customisation around your character, your controls, your preferred playstyle and UI is near endless, you really can make the game work for you - though granted I believe much of this was added later and it used to be more basic. The popularity of the game now also means that you can streamline the experience to a great extent and blast through it with the help of exp bonuses and the support extended by more experienced players. I myself am a pirate roegadyn and im having a good time roleplaying this hardened former pirate captain on a quest of redemption - it fits the maelstrom and their goals nicely and allowed me to get more invested, even if the story itself is asinine.
So on that note, this is where the game massively falls back - the story and characters are incredibly shallow and weak, the stakes and motivations feel contrived and lacking in impact, the pacing between quests is atrocious, the sheer amount of busywork and chores involved take tedium to new heights (and it was worse before ARR!) and unfortunately, the performances, writing and combat do leave a lot to be desired. If you're looking for a competent jrpg story to invest yourself in, look elsewhere or just get through this as fast as humanly possible, because with only the rarest of exceptions, it is not worth it at all. The tropes of classic final fantasy games are there in full effect but feel watered down or shoehorned in, many of its most important characters have 0 development or actual purpose to serve to the world and at many points the plot simply doesn't make sense - such as when it throws in a completely unnecessary twist villain late into the story or when your friends just kind of...materialise and help you take down lahabrea in the lifestream? You really have to forgo logic or any sense of tangible plot to try and follow along. All of this combined with some very basic character animations and drawn out sections of dialogue and cutscenes that very much insist upon themselves despite having little to say make this experience feel akin to playing a d&d campaign run by an ai.
At its best, ARR can have its share of fun boss fights (many of which, particularly in the late game, did receive major changes in fairness) some passable moments of drama, tension or stakes such as when the waking sands is attacked as well as some great music and emergent gameplay by nature of it being an MMO. Importantly, it also serves as the introduction to the games' major expansions, now the highlights of the experience which I very much look forward to delving into! Being done with ARR does feel like being released from shackles but I have a feeling it will be very worth it by the end!
For those that don't know, this massive and now hugely popular MMORPG started as a disastrous 2010 release that cost square enix a fortune and nearly sunk them - a realm reborn is the 2013 release that completely replaced and remodelled the original, establishing a foundation that would go on to be one of the biggest comeback stories in the gaming industry's history and a quintessential MMO adored by millions. Unfortunately, however, a realm reborn presumably still carries a lot of the original release's problems and it is very clear that this is a game salvaged from another. Even after years of small improvements and quality of life features that I have been able to take advantage of today, getting through this is still a lot of work and a lot of commitment.
In terms of its strengths, it is absolutely worth commending that this is a game that does actually work on a lot of fundamental levels, the world is very cool and full of great design and visuals for its time. The level of customisation around your character, your controls, your preferred playstyle and UI is near endless, you really can make the game work for you - though granted I believe much of this was added later and it used to be more basic. The popularity of the game now also means that you can streamline the experience to a great extent and blast through it with the help of exp bonuses and the support extended by more experienced players. I myself am a pirate roegadyn and im having a good time roleplaying this hardened former pirate captain on a quest of redemption - it fits the maelstrom and their goals nicely and allowed me to get more invested, even if the story itself is asinine.
So on that note, this is where the game massively falls back - the story and characters are incredibly shallow and weak, the stakes and motivations feel contrived and lacking in impact, the pacing between quests is atrocious, the sheer amount of busywork and chores involved take tedium to new heights (and it was worse before ARR!) and unfortunately, the performances, writing and combat do leave a lot to be desired. If you're looking for a competent jrpg story to invest yourself in, look elsewhere or just get through this as fast as humanly possible, because with only the rarest of exceptions, it is not worth it at all. The tropes of classic final fantasy games are there in full effect but feel watered down or shoehorned in, many of its most important characters have 0 development or actual purpose to serve to the world and at many points the plot simply doesn't make sense - such as when it throws in a completely unnecessary twist villain late into the story or when your friends just kind of...materialise and help you take down lahabrea in the lifestream? You really have to forgo logic or any sense of tangible plot to try and follow along. All of this combined with some very basic character animations and drawn out sections of dialogue and cutscenes that very much insist upon themselves despite having little to say make this experience feel akin to playing a d&d campaign run by an ai.
At its best, ARR can have its share of fun boss fights (many of which, particularly in the late game, did receive major changes in fairness) some passable moments of drama, tension or stakes such as when the waking sands is attacked as well as some great music and emergent gameplay by nature of it being an MMO. Importantly, it also serves as the introduction to the games' major expansions, now the highlights of the experience which I very much look forward to delving into! Being done with ARR does feel like being released from shackles but I have a feeling it will be very worth it by the end!
Actual sludge. From beginning to end, playing Circle of the Moon felt like trodding neck deep through a swamp.
Where to start? The abysmal walking speed that's somehow less bearable than Adventure/Belmont's Revenge, which is then remedied by the most dumbfounding addition to any game with an interconnected map: Running by means of double tapping a direction. Double tap, then double jump to reach a ledge. Whoops, there's another ledge to your back. Time to double tap on the opposite direction, then double jump again. Whoops, there's another ledge to your back. Over and over again.
The most soul draining, depressing rewards ever placed behind breakable walls. Do you like getting an HP up for your troubles? How about an MP up? How does a Heart Max up sound? And how do you feel about an HP up now? MP up tonight, baby? Over and over again.
It's not like there's any kind of different rewards they could've placed on those hidden rooms-- Hold up...
Pretty interesting card system right? You can mix and match different cards to get unique skills. What's that? You want to add more cards to your collection? Hope you like grinding the same enemies to get a card to drop, only to find that the effects you get from it aren't even that impressive. Or, you know, you could just use the card swap glitch to use whichever combination you want, whenever. In either case, get ready to bring up that main menu, over and over again.
And hey! They even brought back some classic tracks like Sinking Old Sanctuary! It's a little shitty that it plays during a portion of the game where you have little to no movement skills, meaning it'll feel as if it's looping infinitely. It's even weirder that it plays on the literal final room in the game, too. And in some area transitions. Over and over again.
Over and over and over and over and over. Everything in this game circles back around itself making for an ouroboros of bullshit.
Attacks don't cancel when you land, exploring feels like a slog even after unlocking movement relics, the story-- which is something I don't really care about in most Castlevania games-- actually had me rolling my eyes with the one(01) twist it had, character design feels flat across the board except for Camilla, animations look stiff, good GOD this is awful.
This fucking game ACTUALLY had me looking up how to do TWO frame perfect glitches so I could instantly nuke everything on my second playthrough to get all achievements before dropping it and never touching it again.
This is inexcusable. It's so painfully obvious that a B team worked on this. No wonder it was taken off the official timeline; the fact they plastered Nathan's dumbass face all over the Advance Collection is baffling, simply inconceivable. GBA Castlevania is known for Aria of Sorrow, and for a DAMN good reason.
Maybe if I played this when I was little I could see past its flaws thanks to nostalgia, but as it stands, Circle of the Moon is not only the worst Castlevania game in my personal totem pole, it's one of my least favorite games period, and the first 0,5 rating in my profile. Never would have guessed that a CV title would get that honor, but here we are. Fuck this game.
Where to start? The abysmal walking speed that's somehow less bearable than Adventure/Belmont's Revenge, which is then remedied by the most dumbfounding addition to any game with an interconnected map: Running by means of double tapping a direction. Double tap, then double jump to reach a ledge. Whoops, there's another ledge to your back. Time to double tap on the opposite direction, then double jump again. Whoops, there's another ledge to your back. Over and over again.
The most soul draining, depressing rewards ever placed behind breakable walls. Do you like getting an HP up for your troubles? How about an MP up? How does a Heart Max up sound? And how do you feel about an HP up now? MP up tonight, baby? Over and over again.
It's not like there's any kind of different rewards they could've placed on those hidden rooms-- Hold up...
Pretty interesting card system right? You can mix and match different cards to get unique skills. What's that? You want to add more cards to your collection? Hope you like grinding the same enemies to get a card to drop, only to find that the effects you get from it aren't even that impressive. Or, you know, you could just use the card swap glitch to use whichever combination you want, whenever. In either case, get ready to bring up that main menu, over and over again.
And hey! They even brought back some classic tracks like Sinking Old Sanctuary! It's a little shitty that it plays during a portion of the game where you have little to no movement skills, meaning it'll feel as if it's looping infinitely. It's even weirder that it plays on the literal final room in the game, too. And in some area transitions. Over and over again.
Over and over and over and over and over. Everything in this game circles back around itself making for an ouroboros of bullshit.
Attacks don't cancel when you land, exploring feels like a slog even after unlocking movement relics, the story-- which is something I don't really care about in most Castlevania games-- actually had me rolling my eyes with the one(01) twist it had, character design feels flat across the board except for Camilla, animations look stiff, good GOD this is awful.
This fucking game ACTUALLY had me looking up how to do TWO frame perfect glitches so I could instantly nuke everything on my second playthrough to get all achievements before dropping it and never touching it again.
This is inexcusable. It's so painfully obvious that a B team worked on this. No wonder it was taken off the official timeline; the fact they plastered Nathan's dumbass face all over the Advance Collection is baffling, simply inconceivable. GBA Castlevania is known for Aria of Sorrow, and for a DAMN good reason.
Maybe if I played this when I was little I could see past its flaws thanks to nostalgia, but as it stands, Circle of the Moon is not only the worst Castlevania game in my personal totem pole, it's one of my least favorite games period, and the first 0,5 rating in my profile. Never would have guessed that a CV title would get that honor, but here we are. Fuck this game.
Moonstone Island
2023
I'd seen some buzz about this game on Twitter a couple weeks before I decided to buy it. I'd recently gotten a Steam Deck and having taken on a lot of work lately, wanted something easy on the hands to just chill out with and decided to pick this up. I don't regret it at all, there's a lot to like! But man this shit draaaaged and as much as I wanted to finish it initially, I didn't wanna fall victim to the ol' sunk cost fallacy, lmao.
Moonstone Island is a bit of everything. It's part farming sim, part card game, part vaguely Pokemon/Digimon-style virtual pet game. It's pretty surprising how, despite having so much going on mechanically - all of these different gameplay loops actually work pretty well together and never become as overencumbering as they might sound! My other big piece of praise - this game is gorgeous, absolutely beautiful pixel art all over; very evocative of classic top-down Zelda games like Minish Cap. As far as indie game visuals go, it's up there with the GOATs like Stardew Valley and Owlboy.
But SPEAKING of Stardew Valley, man this game wants to be Stardew Valley so hard. Taking inspiration from a source is one thing, and I don't wanna accuse the devs of anything as serious as plagiarism here but, like...the stuff this game takes from Stardew Valley is really hard to ignore. I'm not just talking mechanics; having romanceable NPCs who you give gifts to and go on dates with is one thing, but I'm saying this game has the exact same relationship mechanics as Stardew Valley down to a T. NPCs have rooms you can't enter until you're close enough with them, you get to talk with them a limited amount of times a day and give them gifts a limited amount of times a week - it works exactly the same to the point where this game even uses the same fuckin' UI elements. Like, the same "8 hearts in a row" thing, the same menus, it literally just works and operates the exact same way as Stardew Valley by every conceivable metric. Great artists steal, yes, but usually they innovate in some small way, they include some kind of small variation on the thing they're "taking inspiration" from and just don't lift them wholesale from said thing. It's really egregious and particularly frustrating because these are clearly competent devs with some original ideas. They're better than this and I hate how much we excuse artists just copying eachother so flagrantly by saying stuff like "all great artists steal" and "everything is inspired" etc. because that doesn't excuse such blatant imitation imo.
To a lesser extent, this game then also does the exact same thing with Slay the Spire, its card-battling mechanics are heavily inspired by it, taking mechanics and keywords from StS entirely and operating with the same "3 energy" system. There's at least a bit more innovation on the formula here, but it's still pretty blatant. Again, these are competent devs, they pull it off reasonably well and it's surprising how well they manage to make these styles gel together - but you gotta dock points for originality, man.
And even then, these styles only gel well together for so long! Moonstone's Island main objective is simply to make it through an in-game year. Well I'm mid-Fall (the 3rd of 4 seasons, 20+ hours in) and I feel like I have well and truly run out of things to do and it has all just become boring for me. The fishing is grindy and tedious, the farming is simplistic and super unnecessary, the dialogue, writing and characters are nothing to write home about. This isn't a bad game, but it feels a lot worse than it is because of what a time sink it is, how much it asks you to commit to a game that is ultimately a bit barebones in content, and doesn't have enough in it to make a year-long in-game playthrough feel worth it.
These devs could make some really good stuff, but I'd implore them to learn from this game. Just lifting mechanics and UI elements from other games isn't good enough. It isn't "taking inspiration", when it's done this blatantly, it just speaks to a lack of imagination. This game was fun and charming for a bit, and then playing it just became a chore.
Moonstone Island is a bit of everything. It's part farming sim, part card game, part vaguely Pokemon/Digimon-style virtual pet game. It's pretty surprising how, despite having so much going on mechanically - all of these different gameplay loops actually work pretty well together and never become as overencumbering as they might sound! My other big piece of praise - this game is gorgeous, absolutely beautiful pixel art all over; very evocative of classic top-down Zelda games like Minish Cap. As far as indie game visuals go, it's up there with the GOATs like Stardew Valley and Owlboy.
But SPEAKING of Stardew Valley, man this game wants to be Stardew Valley so hard. Taking inspiration from a source is one thing, and I don't wanna accuse the devs of anything as serious as plagiarism here but, like...the stuff this game takes from Stardew Valley is really hard to ignore. I'm not just talking mechanics; having romanceable NPCs who you give gifts to and go on dates with is one thing, but I'm saying this game has the exact same relationship mechanics as Stardew Valley down to a T. NPCs have rooms you can't enter until you're close enough with them, you get to talk with them a limited amount of times a day and give them gifts a limited amount of times a week - it works exactly the same to the point where this game even uses the same fuckin' UI elements. Like, the same "8 hearts in a row" thing, the same menus, it literally just works and operates the exact same way as Stardew Valley by every conceivable metric. Great artists steal, yes, but usually they innovate in some small way, they include some kind of small variation on the thing they're "taking inspiration" from and just don't lift them wholesale from said thing. It's really egregious and particularly frustrating because these are clearly competent devs with some original ideas. They're better than this and I hate how much we excuse artists just copying eachother so flagrantly by saying stuff like "all great artists steal" and "everything is inspired" etc. because that doesn't excuse such blatant imitation imo.
To a lesser extent, this game then also does the exact same thing with Slay the Spire, its card-battling mechanics are heavily inspired by it, taking mechanics and keywords from StS entirely and operating with the same "3 energy" system. There's at least a bit more innovation on the formula here, but it's still pretty blatant. Again, these are competent devs, they pull it off reasonably well and it's surprising how well they manage to make these styles gel together - but you gotta dock points for originality, man.
And even then, these styles only gel well together for so long! Moonstone's Island main objective is simply to make it through an in-game year. Well I'm mid-Fall (the 3rd of 4 seasons, 20+ hours in) and I feel like I have well and truly run out of things to do and it has all just become boring for me. The fishing is grindy and tedious, the farming is simplistic and super unnecessary, the dialogue, writing and characters are nothing to write home about. This isn't a bad game, but it feels a lot worse than it is because of what a time sink it is, how much it asks you to commit to a game that is ultimately a bit barebones in content, and doesn't have enough in it to make a year-long in-game playthrough feel worth it.
These devs could make some really good stuff, but I'd implore them to learn from this game. Just lifting mechanics and UI elements from other games isn't good enough. It isn't "taking inspiration", when it's done this blatantly, it just speaks to a lack of imagination. This game was fun and charming for a bit, and then playing it just became a chore.
Valley
2016
I LIKED RUNNING FAST AND JUMPING. DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION TO THE STORY
Because of a certain Vtubers malign influence (making a special punch card for people who beat Castlevanias during this month) I have returned to this lovely series. I have a pretty good grasp on CV1, a fantastic all-timer of a game, so I figured I'd take a crack at my long-held ambition of getting Castlevania 3 down. I'll try for a 1CC, I said. That will be fun. I studied up on the route, committed some strategies to memory,
And then ate shit on the second level. Well, level 3, but it's the second level. I skipped 2 because who wants Grant Nasty when we have Sypha.
Honestly, it was a great time, just incredibly hard. Stupidly hard game. Very mean. Very upsetting. I love it. I always found the Japanese version too easy and the US version too hard, so I figured that learning how to play it would make the US version more workable and I'd hit the sweet spot. I'd say that basically worked out, but the thing about Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse (not Castlevania II, the one that actually deals with a curse laid by Dracula) is that oh my god it's so difficult and it's so long. There's so much game here even when I stay committed to the Sypha route only and miss, I dunno, 8 of the game's 17 levels.
The thing that studying up on the strats helps with, though, is that you have some busted options in this sucker. All of Sypha's spells are just ridiculously good. It would be out-of-line to even give them to you if the game wasn't firing back with equally out-of-line obstacles to destroy you with. If there was no password system here I think that would be a mistake, but there is, and that makes it feel okay to me.
I don't think I can like, DESCRIBE Castlevania: The Third One in a way that will add anything new, this game has been analyzed pretty thoroughly. All I can say is that I probably like the first game a smidge more but that could change if I get more in tune with this one. There's certainly a lot more of it, and it's wildly ambitious, and Alucard is in it. All points in its favor.
And then ate shit on the second level. Well, level 3, but it's the second level. I skipped 2 because who wants Grant Nasty when we have Sypha.
Honestly, it was a great time, just incredibly hard. Stupidly hard game. Very mean. Very upsetting. I love it. I always found the Japanese version too easy and the US version too hard, so I figured that learning how to play it would make the US version more workable and I'd hit the sweet spot. I'd say that basically worked out, but the thing about Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse (not Castlevania II, the one that actually deals with a curse laid by Dracula) is that oh my god it's so difficult and it's so long. There's so much game here even when I stay committed to the Sypha route only and miss, I dunno, 8 of the game's 17 levels.
The thing that studying up on the strats helps with, though, is that you have some busted options in this sucker. All of Sypha's spells are just ridiculously good. It would be out-of-line to even give them to you if the game wasn't firing back with equally out-of-line obstacles to destroy you with. If there was no password system here I think that would be a mistake, but there is, and that makes it feel okay to me.
I don't think I can like, DESCRIBE Castlevania: The Third One in a way that will add anything new, this game has been analyzed pretty thoroughly. All I can say is that I probably like the first game a smidge more but that could change if I get more in tune with this one. There's certainly a lot more of it, and it's wildly ambitious, and Alucard is in it. All points in its favor.
Snore-i and the spill of the piss
Pizza Tower
2023
They don't make 'em like this anymore. By which I mean, they don't make games where even the most inconspicuous block has a face somewhere between Peter Griffin and a creepypasta, they don't just put random-ass golf levels and FNAF parodies on the critical path and they don't spontaneously sprinkle in power-ups that constitute you rolling around in a barrel on Tony Hawk-style half pipes or getting squished into a pizza box and flying by flapping the lid up and down like a pair of wings.
Maybe the world's most boring, stick-up-the-ass critic could argue that they shouldn't make 'em like this anymore, because damn - this game sure does get confusing sometimes! I'll admit, sometimes Pizza Tower verges on sensory overload; it has the same problem I have with 2D Sonic (ironic, considering how many cues it takes from those games) in that it throws too much shit at you too fast. So many mechanics, objects, enemy types that it kinda hurts the flow of the level. But even this was less egregious than most 2D Sonics I've played in that regard, it all still flows together well enough and more importantly - so much of the stuff that these levels throw at you is so inherently wacky and fuckin' funny that you just kinda gotta throw the sneering critic aside for a moment and appreciate how much fun this game is having with you.
I think mechanically Pizza Tower does have a bit of an identity crisis. It supposedly went through quite a lot of versions and drafts during development (apparently originally being a horror game, which you can definitely see with some of the late game stuff, lmao) and the bones of indecision are still there a bit I think. I'm not sure if this game wants to be Wario Land or Sonic Mania. When you get to go fast and blaze through the level, it feels amazing! Because the game is super mechanically sound with a lot of movement options and the level design mostly accommodates for that really well - yet it also wants you to explore somewhat and pick up all the collectibles and secrets, which sometimes requires you stopping and looking, or even turning around and going back on yourself and breaking the pace. Personally, if a sequel were ever made (and god I hope it is) I think they should lean in on the Sonic stuff! The game is absolutely at its best when you're going fast and feeling the rhythm of the level design, the existence of P Ranks seems to acknowledge that, and the levels are brilliantly crafted in a way that makes them feel good to go fast through and to escape through equally fast on your way out. It's really miraculous how different almost every level feels on your way out - and how many interesting things Pizza Tower does with its level design in regards to going backwards.
As a certified goober, I love this game thematically, artistically and creatively, it has all the colour and personality and fun that only indie games and occasionally Nintendo really deliver on nowadays. In terms of pure gameplay it has moments of brilliance, but some pace-breaking and frustration that holds it back from being the very best it can be in my opinion. I know indie games don't do sequels very often, but that's why I want one to Pizza Tower so bad - because this thing is already really good, and just a touch of polish away from being in GOAT territory. Crust Cove and Deep Dish 9 are already some of the best video game levels I've played in years and that finale in general just fuckin' rules. More of that please! And less unintuitive boss hitboxes and water that behaves one way in one level and then totally differently in another!!
Maybe the world's most boring, stick-up-the-ass critic could argue that they shouldn't make 'em like this anymore, because damn - this game sure does get confusing sometimes! I'll admit, sometimes Pizza Tower verges on sensory overload; it has the same problem I have with 2D Sonic (ironic, considering how many cues it takes from those games) in that it throws too much shit at you too fast. So many mechanics, objects, enemy types that it kinda hurts the flow of the level. But even this was less egregious than most 2D Sonics I've played in that regard, it all still flows together well enough and more importantly - so much of the stuff that these levels throw at you is so inherently wacky and fuckin' funny that you just kinda gotta throw the sneering critic aside for a moment and appreciate how much fun this game is having with you.
I think mechanically Pizza Tower does have a bit of an identity crisis. It supposedly went through quite a lot of versions and drafts during development (apparently originally being a horror game, which you can definitely see with some of the late game stuff, lmao) and the bones of indecision are still there a bit I think. I'm not sure if this game wants to be Wario Land or Sonic Mania. When you get to go fast and blaze through the level, it feels amazing! Because the game is super mechanically sound with a lot of movement options and the level design mostly accommodates for that really well - yet it also wants you to explore somewhat and pick up all the collectibles and secrets, which sometimes requires you stopping and looking, or even turning around and going back on yourself and breaking the pace. Personally, if a sequel were ever made (and god I hope it is) I think they should lean in on the Sonic stuff! The game is absolutely at its best when you're going fast and feeling the rhythm of the level design, the existence of P Ranks seems to acknowledge that, and the levels are brilliantly crafted in a way that makes them feel good to go fast through and to escape through equally fast on your way out. It's really miraculous how different almost every level feels on your way out - and how many interesting things Pizza Tower does with its level design in regards to going backwards.
As a certified goober, I love this game thematically, artistically and creatively, it has all the colour and personality and fun that only indie games and occasionally Nintendo really deliver on nowadays. In terms of pure gameplay it has moments of brilliance, but some pace-breaking and frustration that holds it back from being the very best it can be in my opinion. I know indie games don't do sequels very often, but that's why I want one to Pizza Tower so bad - because this thing is already really good, and just a touch of polish away from being in GOAT territory. Crust Cove and Deep Dish 9 are already some of the best video game levels I've played in years and that finale in general just fuckin' rules. More of that please! And less unintuitive boss hitboxes and water that behaves one way in one level and then totally differently in another!!