You know when you’re in the queue at, like, Disneyland, or Universal Studios, or whatever, and they have those videos where Christopher Lloyd is pretending to be Doc Brown from Back to the Future or something like that, telling you about the ride you’re about to go on and doing all the little catchphrases from the movie, but it’s sorta hollow - they sound so tired, and it doesn’t last long enough to fill your time in the queue, so you keep hearing it over and over again, this same shit, for what feels like years? Maybe even decades? Yeah. Super annoying! I hate that kind of stuff.

Anyway, remember when the Nintendo Switch came out? Those were great times. Feels like forever ago since I first did a Zelda dungeon while taking a shit. That feeling when you first slid the joycons onto their rails and heard that satisfying click... Oh yeah! The little minigame in 1-2 Switch where you could feel the balls moving around in the pad? So awesome. When was that again... 2016? 2017? Five years ago?! Wow! I remember that first weekend it launched, my friend brought his with him to the pub in the pocket of his cargo pants! Crazy, right? We all played Bomberman round a table, just like in those adverts Nintendo made to promote the console, laughing and smiling and shit. So much fun. What a system. Good times, man, good times.

Probably the biggest disappointment of the year for me.

This game was not worth the hype, it's false marketing of "including cut content" only adds salt to the wound that is a boring run of the mill platformer that feels like the shovel ware of last decade instead of a big budget remake of a "beloved classic" as I was led to believe it would be.

Do yourself a favor and avoid this game.

Greatest innovations in gaming history:
1. The D-Pad
2. 3D Rendering
3. Handheld Game Systems
4. Online Multiplayer
5. The Revert in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3