jiggyswag
8 reviews liked by jiggyswag
PaRappa the Rapper
1996
the ultimate testament to how universally infectious this game's charms are is that the entire video game criticism profession has silently agreed without exception to forgive the fact that it's basically unplayable.
Wario Land 4
2001
A good Wario game got a bitch laid up at night talking bout "Greed is Good" and saying shit like "EGG SALAD!!!"
F-Zero 99
2023
People treating this game like hitler 2 have never had a serious moment in their lives.
If you play Wizard FUCK YOU
If you play Ninja FUCK YOU
If you play Cowboy FUCK YOU
If you play Robot FUCK YOU
This game SUCKS and I HATE IT
If you play Ninja FUCK YOU
If you play Cowboy FUCK YOU
If you play Robot FUCK YOU
This game SUCKS and I HATE IT
Overwatch 2
2022
Had a tiny sliver of hope that this might recapture the glory days (at least in spirit) but nah.
I miss when Overwatch was basically just TF2 2, when everything was goofy and no one was really taking it seriously and it was okay to have gameplay mechanics that were kind of broken, because it was fun! Now every single edge has been sanded off for the sake of "Competitive viability", and what's left behind is just kind of hollow. Great for the guys who inhale more G-Fuel than actual food and have their mouse DPI set to 10,000, not so great for everyone else...
Not to mention they managed to ruin pretty much everything else with the transition to free to play, so, yeah, maybe could have done with a little bit more time in the oven...
I miss when Overwatch was basically just TF2 2, when everything was goofy and no one was really taking it seriously and it was okay to have gameplay mechanics that were kind of broken, because it was fun! Now every single edge has been sanded off for the sake of "Competitive viability", and what's left behind is just kind of hollow. Great for the guys who inhale more G-Fuel than actual food and have their mouse DPI set to 10,000, not so great for everyone else...
Not to mention they managed to ruin pretty much everything else with the transition to free to play, so, yeah, maybe could have done with a little bit more time in the oven...
Project Zomboid
2013
This zombie survival game stands out from the rest in terms of how it makes it clear that this isn't a typical survival game. There's no "survive so that you can thrive" like other survival games do. The world of Project Zomboid is harsh and unforgiving and it's not a question of will you die but when. After all, this is the story of how you died.
League of Legends
2009
League of Legends reminds me a lot of what I think an ex-girlfriend is like. It's interesting at first and sometimes you do well and it's fun but those times become very rare.
The main problem I have with League is the learning curve. Learning cliff is probably a more accurate phrase. At the time of this review there are more than 140 champions and almost as many items, all of which you're going to need to figure out (or at least familiarize yourself with) in order to do well in matchups. This is important because sometimes you can lose a game at champion select which then leaves you cowering or being abused by the opposite lanner.
Speaking of abuse, LoL is also like an ex-girlfriend in that she keeps pulling me back in. I've reinstalled this malware 3 times now, my rose-tinted-glasses-wearing ass believing that this time, THIS TIME, would be different. But it never is and at this point I doubt it ever will be. I'm pretty sure this game gives me depression, seeing as ever time I play I don't feel like doing anything afterwards except go to sleep.
The main problem I have with League is the learning curve. Learning cliff is probably a more accurate phrase. At the time of this review there are more than 140 champions and almost as many items, all of which you're going to need to figure out (or at least familiarize yourself with) in order to do well in matchups. This is important because sometimes you can lose a game at champion select which then leaves you cowering or being abused by the opposite lanner.
Speaking of abuse, LoL is also like an ex-girlfriend in that she keeps pulling me back in. I've reinstalled this malware 3 times now, my rose-tinted-glasses-wearing ass believing that this time, THIS TIME, would be different. But it never is and at this point I doubt it ever will be. I'm pretty sure this game gives me depression, seeing as ever time I play I don't feel like doing anything afterwards except go to sleep.
Watch Dogs 2
2016
I liked the tone of this game compared to the original Watch_Dogs. It felt like it fit with the hacking gameplay and mechanics rather than being a third-person shooter with hacking elements. This also comes into play with the expansion of hacking in-game. You can drive vehicles remotely, use drones and an RC car... thing. The expanded hacking library gives you a lot of freedom in how you approach the mission locations. Overall, this is one of the few open-world games I've done a lot of side quests in after completing the main story.
