lizardmwk
BACKER
1989
Extremely dope that there's an official version of Gameboy Tetris back on the Switch now. More unforgiving than modern Tetris in a bunch of subtle and unsubtle ways, but because of that a good run feels quicker and more satisfying.
These three music tracks are all SSS-tier too.
Personally, I think I'll always be a Tetris Worlds dirtbag, because it's more fun when one mis-tap doesn't immediately blow up a run like it does in o.g. Tetris. It's still nice to get a snort of the uncut primordial braincandy every once in awhile though.
These three music tracks are all SSS-tier too.
Personally, I think I'll always be a Tetris Worlds dirtbag, because it's more fun when one mis-tap doesn't immediately blow up a run like it does in o.g. Tetris. It's still nice to get a snort of the uncut primordial braincandy every once in awhile though.
1992
Decided I was going to try and beat Sonic 2 this winter, in observance of the 30th anniversary. Only made it to Wing Fortress Zone tho-- the final level-- before I hit terminal exhaustion with the level design b.s. peppered throughout the back half of this game.
The first half is some of the best easy-breezy platformer levels of the era. Casino Nights Zone is an all-timer. Everything after Mystic Cave is total garbage, however, and there's way more of it than you remember.
The first half is some of the best easy-breezy platformer levels of the era. Casino Nights Zone is an all-timer. Everything after Mystic Cave is total garbage, however, and there's way more of it than you remember.
2022
Looks great, plays great, but jesus jimminy christ it gets hard fast.
I know that there are assist options to dial down the difficulty, but honestly the one change I want isn't in there, and that would be to remove the Sniper enemy type from the game all together. The beam weapon guys that you meet on level 5 are a much more interesting riff on that same idea-- notably, you can outrun their attacks without being forced to dodge-roll, and the flames they leave behind become new obstacles in the arena. The Snipers, meanwhile, seem to exist in the game solely to break up your combos and give you one too many things to think about.
Masocore types will like that feeling, but it just wears me out.
I know that there are assist options to dial down the difficulty, but honestly the one change I want isn't in there, and that would be to remove the Sniper enemy type from the game all together. The beam weapon guys that you meet on level 5 are a much more interesting riff on that same idea-- notably, you can outrun their attacks without being forced to dodge-roll, and the flames they leave behind become new obstacles in the arena. The Snipers, meanwhile, seem to exist in the game solely to break up your combos and give you one too many things to think about.
Masocore types will like that feeling, but it just wears me out.
2020
I’m giving up roguelikes for 2023, but wanted one more hit of that sweet poison.
I’ve played a lot of deck-builders, and this one is quite clever! I like the three-floor setup on the train, I like the champion units, all that.
The trouble is that every roguelike has two phases: the “feels like I’m dying from suboptimal play” phase (fun!) and the “feels like I’m playing well but dying to random bullshit” phase (excruciating). Unfortunately, because my brain is broken from too much Slay the Spire, I tend to sail through the fun part of these in just a few hours now.
I played 3 runs of Monster Train total:
Run 1. Died on the first boss, having made obvious mistakes with my build.
Run 2. Won! Cruised through easily, in fact, on the back of a gleefully broken deck built around maximizing champion damage.
Run 3. Tried the daily challenge, died in ring 6 to some random bullshit. (Turns out giving a boss Stealth 5 + a 5x5 attack means your frontline takes 150 damage before they even get a chance to swing back? Huh, I… guess you got me, game. I wasn’t prepared for that.)
So, in short, I bought Monster Train for $8, played it for about the length of a Marvel movie, and feel like I got everything I wanted from it. The train keeps chugging along, but I think I’d rather step off here.
I’ve played a lot of deck-builders, and this one is quite clever! I like the three-floor setup on the train, I like the champion units, all that.
The trouble is that every roguelike has two phases: the “feels like I’m dying from suboptimal play” phase (fun!) and the “feels like I’m playing well but dying to random bullshit” phase (excruciating). Unfortunately, because my brain is broken from too much Slay the Spire, I tend to sail through the fun part of these in just a few hours now.
I played 3 runs of Monster Train total:
Run 1. Died on the first boss, having made obvious mistakes with my build.
Run 2. Won! Cruised through easily, in fact, on the back of a gleefully broken deck built around maximizing champion damage.
Run 3. Tried the daily challenge, died in ring 6 to some random bullshit. (Turns out giving a boss Stealth 5 + a 5x5 attack means your frontline takes 150 damage before they even get a chance to swing back? Huh, I… guess you got me, game. I wasn’t prepared for that.)
So, in short, I bought Monster Train for $8, played it for about the length of a Marvel movie, and feel like I got everything I wanted from it. The train keeps chugging along, but I think I’d rather step off here.
2017
UPDATE: 3-Dec-2022, at the very end of Chapter 3, Season 4.
Think I've, uh... probably played about 100 hours of Fortnite in the last couple months. Today, at the end of this season, I'm like BP Level 182? And I don't even regret it? Wild.
It's remarkable to me how much the Zero Build mode in Chapter 3 feels like it's a couple full sequels better than my Chapter 1 experience. It still says Fortnite on the loading screen, but this game is essentially Fortnite III by now. The basic movement-- after they've brought in Apex-style sliding and mantling a couple seasons back-- feels worlds better, and the focus on completing an ever-shifting slate of breezy quests instead of just grinding for wins makes the game feel less like a shooter and more like a chill MMO with occasional gunfights.
If you lose those fights, who cares? 90 seconds later you're dropping back in like it never happened, and you're leveling up either way. It's by far the least-sweaty battle royale out there. I've spent entire evenings just cruising around in cars and listening to the radio, then engaging in some kind of ludicrous clown-show final battle before getting melted in a puddle of exploding goo or yeeted off the top of a mountain a la Wile E Coyote. Lol, requeue, repeat.
It's still a mindless timesink for sure, but the vibes are immaculate, and I'm honestly, genuinely looking forward to Chapter 4.
Think I've, uh... probably played about 100 hours of Fortnite in the last couple months. Today, at the end of this season, I'm like BP Level 182? And I don't even regret it? Wild.
It's remarkable to me how much the Zero Build mode in Chapter 3 feels like it's a couple full sequels better than my Chapter 1 experience. It still says Fortnite on the loading screen, but this game is essentially Fortnite III by now. The basic movement-- after they've brought in Apex-style sliding and mantling a couple seasons back-- feels worlds better, and the focus on completing an ever-shifting slate of breezy quests instead of just grinding for wins makes the game feel less like a shooter and more like a chill MMO with occasional gunfights.
If you lose those fights, who cares? 90 seconds later you're dropping back in like it never happened, and you're leveling up either way. It's by far the least-sweaty battle royale out there. I've spent entire evenings just cruising around in cars and listening to the radio, then engaging in some kind of ludicrous clown-show final battle before getting melted in a puddle of exploding goo or yeeted off the top of a mountain a la Wile E Coyote. Lol, requeue, repeat.
It's still a mindless timesink for sure, but the vibes are immaculate, and I'm honestly, genuinely looking forward to Chapter 4.
2021
This came out on consoles recently, but after hearing a year of hype from people who played the PC version I was slightly underwhelmed by it tbh. Still, it’s a heckuva ride.
Particularly, I think the devs overestimated how interested I’d be in the actual cardy-card-card portion of this, and wildly underestimated my interest in the spooky escape room metagame part.
Based on all the early hints of a meta-narrative, guess I’d assumed that at some point the cards would just get abstracted away all together, but then there I was a dozen hours in still having to care about whether my deck had enough on-curve threats or whatever.
The ending still hits h a r d, but could maybe’ve hit harder if it’d come about 4 hours sooner.
p.s. hot damn the music’s great
Particularly, I think the devs overestimated how interested I’d be in the actual cardy-card-card portion of this, and wildly underestimated my interest in the spooky escape room metagame part.
Based on all the early hints of a meta-narrative, guess I’d assumed that at some point the cards would just get abstracted away all together, but then there I was a dozen hours in still having to care about whether my deck had enough on-curve threats or whatever.
The ending still hits h a r d, but could maybe’ve hit harder if it’d come about 4 hours sooner.
p.s. hot damn the music’s great
1991
Ahh yeah, now we're getting somewhere.
Proto-Wolf3D (so, proto-proto-Doom) but an obvious jump forward from Hovertank 3D. Every level is still just a big ol' square maze, the monsters are super samey, the music is a 10 second midi loop, but whatevs, check me out im wizard pew pew. Consumable items! Colored keys! Secret doors! 3D textures! (Is there any texture more nineties than a wall oozing neon green slime?)
Still more interesting as a historical object than a fun game, but above all it's a testament to the power of persistent iteration. Take another couple swings at it, guys. Pretty soon you're gonna nail it.
Proto-Wolf3D (so, proto-proto-Doom) but an obvious jump forward from Hovertank 3D. Every level is still just a big ol' square maze, the monsters are super samey, the music is a 10 second midi loop, but whatevs, check me out im wizard pew pew. Consumable items! Colored keys! Secret doors! 3D textures! (Is there any texture more nineties than a wall oozing neon green slime?)
Still more interesting as a historical object than a fun game, but above all it's a testament to the power of persistent iteration. Take another couple swings at it, guys. Pretty soon you're gonna nail it.
1991
Wooof. That viewbob tho.
I'm on a nostalgia trip today, and notably this is the first FPS that Id Software ever released, a year before Wolfenstein 3D and two years before Doom. It's actually... not terrible, design-wise? As I zoom around these mazes as the timer to nuclear annihilation ticks down, I can see the bare bones of an all-time great idea even here. Plus, their very DIY sound design gives me a nice hit of early-nineties shareware nostalgia.
Unfortunately.... In order to add a bit of flare and sell the notion that you're piloting not just yr garden variety tank but a HOVER tank, Carmack & co decided to make it so that your first-person pov has a constant, vertical sway to it. Not like in Doom, where it's a slight up-and-down when you're running. In Hovertank 3D, it's every second of the game.
It's one of those obvious first-crack-at-a-thing choices that just feels godawful in retrospect. Turns out, there's a reason why most first-person games in the future would let you turn off viewbob. I'm prone to seasickness, y'all. By the time I cleared the first level of this game I already wanted to hurl.
The upshot is you can play it in a browser for free on DOSBox, like most games from this era. So, maybe keep this bookmarked for the next time you ingest something you shouldn't have and need to induce vomiting in a hurry?
https://playold.games/play-game/hovertank-3d/play/
Hovertank 3D: It might save you from poisoning some day. That's worth a star, I guess. I'm drawing the line at more than one, though.
I'm on a nostalgia trip today, and notably this is the first FPS that Id Software ever released, a year before Wolfenstein 3D and two years before Doom. It's actually... not terrible, design-wise? As I zoom around these mazes as the timer to nuclear annihilation ticks down, I can see the bare bones of an all-time great idea even here. Plus, their very DIY sound design gives me a nice hit of early-nineties shareware nostalgia.
Unfortunately.... In order to add a bit of flare and sell the notion that you're piloting not just yr garden variety tank but a HOVER tank, Carmack & co decided to make it so that your first-person pov has a constant, vertical sway to it. Not like in Doom, where it's a slight up-and-down when you're running. In Hovertank 3D, it's every second of the game.
It's one of those obvious first-crack-at-a-thing choices that just feels godawful in retrospect. Turns out, there's a reason why most first-person games in the future would let you turn off viewbob. I'm prone to seasickness, y'all. By the time I cleared the first level of this game I already wanted to hurl.
The upshot is you can play it in a browser for free on DOSBox, like most games from this era. So, maybe keep this bookmarked for the next time you ingest something you shouldn't have and need to induce vomiting in a hurry?
https://playold.games/play-game/hovertank-3d/play/
Hovertank 3D: It might save you from poisoning some day. That's worth a star, I guess. I'm drawing the line at more than one, though.
2003
Smoke a bowl, click some things, and drift back to 2003
Gorgeous
2019
Synthy
TBD
placeholder for Spades+ by Mobilityware (the one that’s a part of Apple Arcade)
y’all Spades is a better card game than Hearts. That’s not even controversial, right? The bid-based scoring system and the silent teamwork in Spades makes for more real strategic decisions per hand, and makes each of those decisions a bit more interesting.
Unfortunately, the biggest thing that makes the physical card game fun is trying to read your real human partner across a real table, and this is a strictly single-player-with-AI-partner afair.
So uhhhh rank it above all the other trad card games but still 2 outta 5
\ [Apple Arcade ranked \]
y’all Spades is a better card game than Hearts. That’s not even controversial, right? The bid-based scoring system and the silent teamwork in Spades makes for more real strategic decisions per hand, and makes each of those decisions a bit more interesting.
Unfortunately, the biggest thing that makes the physical card game fun is trying to read your real human partner across a real table, and this is a strictly single-player-with-AI-partner afair.
So uhhhh rank it above all the other trad card games but still 2 outta 5
\ [Apple Arcade ranked \]
2019
Here’s a fun idea: Why not make a light fantasy RPG in the style of Fire Emblem, but replace the often tedious turn-based battles with an autobattler system that resolves all the fights in seconds?
King’s League II’s story mode takes this idea and renders it utterly miserable by way of an out-of-wack difficulty curve that makes the first 80% of the game too easy, then the final 20%— the titular King’s League— brutally difficult.
Up until that knife-twist I was kinda vibin’ with the game, but not so much that I’d want to start all over and min-max my way through its 10ish hours of pleasant but shallow storytelling again, or endlessly grind in the last chapter until my damage numbers get big enough to clear some arbitrary value.
If this was a scummy F2P game, I’d assume that bump was there as a pay-to-win scheme. In an Apple Arcade title, though, it’s just a befuddling waste of time. Oh well.
\ [Apple Arcade ranked \]
King’s League II’s story mode takes this idea and renders it utterly miserable by way of an out-of-wack difficulty curve that makes the first 80% of the game too easy, then the final 20%— the titular King’s League— brutally difficult.
Up until that knife-twist I was kinda vibin’ with the game, but not so much that I’d want to start all over and min-max my way through its 10ish hours of pleasant but shallow storytelling again, or endlessly grind in the last chapter until my damage numbers get big enough to clear some arbitrary value.
If this was a scummy F2P game, I’d assume that bump was there as a pay-to-win scheme. In an Apple Arcade title, though, it’s just a befuddling waste of time. Oh well.
\ [Apple Arcade ranked \]
2009
a gamified lava lamp for your iPad
noteworthy as an early iOS hit and the progenitor to Agar.io, but the core mechanic— ejecting just enough mass to put your blob on a slow drifting path to suck up more mass ahead— pushes the whole thing toward a very sedate, ambient playstyle that never quite grabbed my interest.
\ [Apple Arcade ranked \]
noteworthy as an early iOS hit and the progenitor to Agar.io, but the core mechanic— ejecting just enough mass to put your blob on a slow drifting path to suck up more mass ahead— pushes the whole thing toward a very sedate, ambient playstyle that never quite grabbed my interest.
\ [Apple Arcade ranked \]
2019
One of those #satisfying Objects Well Organized instagram posts but in game form, intercut with a travelogue told through great VO that sneaks in a surprisingly personal and emotive through-line.
Just like in Ustwo’s original classic Monument Valley, all the moving parts here have a toylike tactility that make them a joy to fidget & spin. Each clicky-clacky whatsit has got just the right level of detail to make fixing them feel breezy instead of intimidating. I was especially impressed, for example, that you can often run an internal mechanism to test it out before screwing the outer case back together, just like you logically would do irl.
Just wonderful. It’s not my absolute favorite thing on Apple Arcade— that’d still be Grindstone, I think— but it’s my very easy recommend as the short, unique thing for new subscribers to download and play first off the stack.
\ [Apple Arcade ranked \]
Just like in Ustwo’s original classic Monument Valley, all the moving parts here have a toylike tactility that make them a joy to fidget & spin. Each clicky-clacky whatsit has got just the right level of detail to make fixing them feel breezy instead of intimidating. I was especially impressed, for example, that you can often run an internal mechanism to test it out before screwing the outer case back together, just like you logically would do irl.
Just wonderful. It’s not my absolute favorite thing on Apple Arcade— that’d still be Grindstone, I think— but it’s my very easy recommend as the short, unique thing for new subscribers to download and play first off the stack.
\ [Apple Arcade ranked \]