This game gets a bump from its previous rating only cause upon revisiting I realise that we've gone backwards. An utter incredibly beautiful game. The art and tech is almost timeless. This definitely was gonna be a killer underground 3 but unfortunately it got hit with that live service stick and playing it nowadays requires fixes to get controller support working and such. But man the atmosphere alone gets the rating so high for me. The car selection although low blows my mind on how detailed they are for how old they are as well. Camera is beautifully cinematic and although physics are a bit wonky at times. I could vibe out to this game for a long time. If it didn't keep breaking on me. I wish we lived this more when it came out cause I really think NFS has regressed

Balan Wonderworld, if it was
• made competently
• for the girlies
• had unique levels

It is VERY short

Nothing on display here in terms of gameplay is exactly novel or impressive or even what the average gamer would consider "good video games", but it is a pretty polished and cute Wario World x Live A Live-style collection of miniature cinematic-ish gameplay experiences for young children who really like Princess Peach, or idk, just wanna play as a princess doing a bunch of cool shit in general. Don't really feel like there's a whole lot of learned skill expression to squeeze out of the experience; most levels kinda play themselves, and that's almost certainly by design. It's far from what *I* would want out of a Princess Peach game, but I'd say next to Super Princess Peach it's a step in the right direction, at least if you just want Peach's games to stand out from other Nintendo fare.

The swordfighter levels are like a baby version of Bayonetta, with its own little fucked up witch time and all -- super cute, loved 'em. The ninja level had really great music that caught me way the fuck off guard, did not expect a few of the tracks to be such bops in general, especially since a lot of the other music can feel generic to an almost grating extent. Mermaid levels were really cute and interesting for what they were; detective levels had me snoozing for real, but I guess you need to have babies not getting stuck, since as far as I can tell all the non-basement levels are required to beat the game.

Really wish the overworld dress up options weren't so lame!! Like the unlockable patterns are def cute, but feels like a big missed opportunity after all of Peach's lil outfits in Odyssey's post-game to just stick to her normal dress when she's not in one of the level-specific costumes (though I only made it like halfway through the game, so maybe it gets better later). Also my cat really hated all the loud ass buzzer noises between loading screens, if I still did scores I'd take off at least half a star for that...

As far as if this game deserves to be $60 or whatever they charge these days, honestly idfk. I don't buy Nintendo games, I simply "borrow" them from "friends", but for once I could honestly see adults who played this game as a kid being nostalgic for this game in 20 years in the same way a lot of current adults are overly sentimental about games like Luigi's Mansion or Yoshi's Story nowadays. There's def a bit of a focus-tested vibe to it, but I also wouldn't consider it devoid of artistic passion -- in a way Showtime feels more creatively ambitious than something like Super Mario Wonder, despite the former's far tighter scope and budget. Kinda shitty that Nintendo felt the need to bury the fact Good-Feel were the devs inside of the game's credits, it's not like they're Arzest or whatever. Good-Feel is basically just a lesser Treasure, if they were like, forced at gunpoint to only do Mario adjacent spin-offs.

Anyways, I had the day off, so decided to spend the afternoon playing this while my cat took a nap on my chest; also I kinda feel a general sense of duty to check out games where Nintendo is trying to market to the girlies. Probs not gonna bother finishing unless I get the sick urge to do so cuz it's def on the babier side of Nintendo stuff -- I could feel myself slipping away as early as the first world lol -- and I told myself I'd actually keep playing Pentiment this weekend (also the last Good-Feel developed title I actually bothered completing was Wario Land Shake It when I was like, 16). It's pretty cute!! I like playing as princesses in video games!! But I'm sure Backloggd users will come up with some nefarious spins on why this game is actually a moral and game design travesty, can't wait to see the takes. <3

I went on a hike once, but it was nothing like this. My Father and I were trekking through the Cairngorms in the heart of Scotland. If you haven't seen it, it's a beautiful place. Flowing rivers, glistening lochs, bustling forests, the works. Every way you look, you're encircled by these white-capped hills that lap over eachother like great waves on a distant ocean.

Needless to say, when the time finally came for us to begin our hike -- I was excited. Heart pumping, legs twitching, balls tingling, (they do that when I'm excited) I couldn't wait to challenge these mountains, to duel with them with my own hands and feet. So voracious was my climbing appetite, that by the time I topped my first tableland, I realised I'd left my Dad behind. At first, I was struck with concern -- he had a history of heart complications and a poor sense of direction, it wasn't out of the question he'd get lost, or worse -- perish. Then I remembered all the times he'd forgotten my birthday and cheated on his wives and realised I didn't care. I pressed on, determined to reach the highest point of these mountaintops. My feet became warriors, my Limited Edition Ahegao Yeezys their Spartan helms. My balls were still tingling. I crested over every crevice, I powered through every plateau, I marched across every arch. Needless to say, my progress without my deadbeat Father was incredible. "Soon," I thought, "that summit will submit."

And then the snow fell.

And it kept falling.

And it kept falling until all of the Cairngorms were a sheet of paper. I, a small mark only impressed upon it by the dirt of a fingernail. Beginning to panic, I scoured the area for shelter, and found a small cave overlooking a gentle slope. I nestled my way in and sparked a small fire with some twigs and my trusty M1A1 U.S. Military Flamethrower, which I never leave the house without. I checked the time on my phone -- 14:51. "I really hope it stops snowing soon," I thought.

But it didn't.

It snowed and it snowed and it snowed for what felt like eons. I swore I saw entire families of deer cross the mountains from my left, and come back days later from the right, smaller in number. Or maybe I was just hallucinating. I began to ponder my life and all the things I'd seen, suspecting I was coming to the end of it. I reminisced on the times I'd burnt the midnight oil at my desk as though some kind of infernal engine built for the sole purpose of generating laughs from strangers online. I wondered, was it worth it? I began to ruminate on what had caused this endless blizzard. Some kind of freak weather incident no one could have predicted? Or some kind of cosmic karma, cast down from the heavens as if to show me how futile and trivial my pursuits had been all along? As if even my own mind was turning against me, the one thing I could think of before long, the sole remaining thought I had to distract me from my impending freezing demise...Was that of the look a woman gives you when you kiss her. When you hold her close, press your face up against hers, and then look down at her after you're done, foreheads meeting in a holy union, like what swans do. The look she gives you in return, when she looks back up and her eyes meet yours? There is nothing more beautiful in this life. Nothing more tender. It is the most innocent smile, the purest expression of affection. Nothing in the world can emulate that. I should know, I've tried. I've spent countless hours trying to do it in the mirror. I'm doing it right now.

I look at my phone again. 14:56. "I'm finished", I tell myself. "This is it". I close my eyes, ready to drift off into the chilling embrace of death. And then? Precious memories begin flickering through my mind, like pictures in a film reel. Moments of joy from my childhood, moments of sadness from my adolescence, moments of frustration from my adulthood. All of them roll through my mind at a speed I'm surprised I can even comprehend, but I can...And then...Suddenly...I can feel my fingers again...I can feel my nose running again..."Am I dead?" I wonder. "Is this a near-death experience? Do you get the feeling back just before you die or something?"

But no, soon I realise what's really going on.

Finally, the heroin has kicked in.

The 8 mg's of heroin I'd snorted shortly before the snow began falling and shortly after I'd twisted my ankle a little bit trying to do a Michael-Jackson-Smooth-Criminal lean over the edge of a steep mesa had finally taken effect. I'm fucking back baby. Enough "remembering" and all that pussy shit. I pick up my flamethrower, blast this Nightcore version of "Word Up" by Cameo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1N5CyOl5dJY) and decide it's time to re-enter society and make this mountain my bitch. Stepping outside, frothing at the mouth like a rabid badger, with a gait not entirely unlike Theresa May's "Dancing Queen" entrance to the 2018 Conservative Party Conference played in 3x speed, I dart around every orifice of the mountain range, the snow that nearly doomed me now a mere triviality. It's as if I don't even know how fast I'm going, nor can I control myself. I have no thoughts of pain or fatigue or cold, all I'm seeing are dazzling lights, rapturous kaleidoscopes firing off before my eyes. At one point, I'm pretty sure I see the entirety of the movie "Get Out" by Jordan Peele, which is a great movie and all -- but as a white guy I feel a bit weird about that, almost like I'm being insensitive somehow. I don't know. I just don't feel like that's the one movie that should be playing in my mind of all people, y'know?

And before I know it, when my senses finally return to me. I'm there. I'm at the summit. My heartbeat seems to have slowed somewhat, my breathing somewhat normal again, save for a heavy pant. The entirety of the majestic Scottish highlands stretches out before. I shake my head in disbelief, "what a rich tapestry...Not everyone gets to appreciate a view like this." And after taking it all in, I know of only one way to celebrate.

Without even touching my own penis, I ejaculate. I ejaculate with the force of 5000 men in what can only be described as a kind of semen spirit bomb. I struggle to find other ways to describe the amount of fluid I dispersed here, so let's just say that if they made cannons that fired PVA glue, it'd be a bit like that. If the local park rangers and hikers thought the snow was thick, "wait until they get a load of this," I smirk. Of course, my logic is flawed. Because I'm far too busy appreciating the view to notice that the sub-zero temperature has frozen my semen solid midway through its descent, and so it's likely to be believed to be typical ice by most casual onlookers, with no one to ever conceive of the incredible cum shower I produced here. Worse still, my penis has frozen solid, and when I reach for it to warm it up, it falls off my body entirely, which I assume is a symptom of hypothermia. I passed out promptly after, and woke up several days later in this chair, writing this review.

All of this is to say, A Short Hike is not a particularly realistic hiking experience. And hey, it doesn't need to be! What it is is a lovely, cosy little game with great visuals, some fun traversal and a very charming personality. A Long Hike next, please!

Wow. I thought it'd be a safe little game to play and surely enough it was but also it was a little bit more than that. It's got a lot of charm and a huge amount of variety. The levels are extremely bite sized. Like 1-2 minutes each which is incredibly perfect for handheld and also for binge. Like I played most of this game in the car and trips and it flew by. The whole I'll play a few turned in to a lot more. It was great using the 3d effect, both for the cute novelty and immersive experience of it but also the depth perception for Jumps really helped any enemy placements as well. The 3d took a little adjustment but I never wanted to turn it off. This games bosses are a little lame but challenging still and I'd say the final Bowser stretch was a great finale one of the best. There's special worlds as post game to beat to save Luigi that I may revisit for but this really was a good light fun trip to the 3ds. My first 3ds game I've beaten

Penny's Big Breakaway is a pretty cool game. It seems to take a bit from 3D Mario, while also having a focus on momentum that was probably inspired by 2D Sonic. It's still definitely its own thing though overall. You'll be using Penny's yo-yo to fly through the air, hang from poles, grab unique power-ups and ride it like a vehicle down slopes along with many other uses. It can seem a bit clunky at first, but once you get the hang of the movement, it's great soaring through levels at high speeds while racking up as high a score as possible by keeping up your combo.

The level design was decent, never to the point of frustrating, but also not like too easy. There are bonus levels you can unlock with the in-stage collectibles that offer a bit more of a challenge.

The music and aesthetic were consistently great, no complaints there. I really like the style of this game.

I will say however, that it can also feel a bit janky at times. You'll encounter collision detection issues sometimes, falling through an object or sliding across it unable to move until you fall off. It isn't too bad, but it is there. A part of me also wishes there was something a bit more to this game, but it's an indie game and I'd definitely be up for them to iterate and improve upon this formula.

Out of all the 3D platformers I've played, I'd rate this pretty highly, but it's not beating the highs of Super Mario Galaxy or A Hat in Time for me. SMG is just a lot more well-constructed and consistently great game (probably not fair to compare an indie with a AAA, but still), while I feel AHIT has a movement system I enjoy a lot more. Penny isn't trying to do the same thing obviously, and I will say, this is an outstanding effort by a talented team of devs and I'm waiting in baited breath for whatever they do next. Definitely check this out if you're a fan of 3D platformers and want a fun time.

Finally. A competent quick and hype af story mode. Finally roll back. Oh damn another metre??? Replays that allow you to learn what you could've done better and the game will allow you to relive moment you could've done better and captialise on??? Also thank god finally quick load times again. Like ps2 era. This game finally gets that generational leap I think we've been waiting for since t6 really and it's astonishing how eye catching it is. The ground tears up and explodes on impact and dragging. The hit effects are delightfully over the top and exceptionally crunchy(with the option to turn down the saturation if u so wish) 32 character base roster which is rather generous like Tekken use to be. Customisation is back and while still not as many options as previous entrys. Like those last games no doubt will get more assets in the form of both free and paid DLC. Training mode is better than any Tekken has ever had although I'd say sf6 has the better teaching tools with character quire's and combo challenges being more plentiful. The replay system Tekken has is legendary. The game makes each fight feel like a cinematic last fight with how hit effects work with zooms on crush counter. Small little pauses on moment like attacks colliding or a low parry. The slowmo at the critical last hit for either opponent always is a showpiece. And holy shit unique intros and some outros as well with dialogue for a lot of characters. This game has a wealth of content offline with its 32 character endings and the tutorial campaign arcade quest. Also Tekken ball is back baby. It's really good like basically any issue Tekken has had as been addressed. Online use to be Tekkens funny bone now has actual roll back. While no sf6 it feels like you can actually play and not be tilted off as much. Replays tell you where you went wrong. Loads used to kill so much motivation to rematch now it's super fast. Don't like a characters design? Make your own. It's just astonishing how much is here and isn't extra DLC or something. This game is very generous with its content and features and is worth full price honestly

Fuck you hurt. Padding lame ass design choices forced walkies and some really lame levels. Clouded by the most emotional highs I've felt in some time and hype I've been exposed to. The characters sell this hard (except Jessie) and I just fall to my knees when I hear any music from this. The remake does some exceptionally triumphant things and moments I'll never forget and thank fuck is it highly replayable. Materia is so much fun to mess around with and the combat with its flaws is highly rewarding and challenging. I've replayed it 3 times now and I still very do love this 7/10 so much I can't help but be a little kind to give it a 8. There's some modern design elements I really loathe in this and it's in it really common. And sometimes I feel like a certain part or two can really kick the motivation to keep playing. But I eventually always push through cause I love avalanche. I love this world. I do love final fantasy vii remake.

Let's get the good out of the way - the art is very nice, both the environments and the cutscenes. The core diving-restaurant servicegame loop is also pretty well done, although not for long.

Not content with being competent, Dave the Diver decides to try and stand out by shoving ever more management systems for the player to keep track of, cluttering your options interface and pestering you with notifications. It sprinkles the storyline every mechanic it can think of from other genres for a guest spot. Expect rhythm sections, stealth sections, rail shooter bits, temple-run style obstacle avoiders and more. This wouldn't feel half as egregious if it didn't explicitly describe almost all of these as "new content", making it feel like a conscious checklist to keep the dopamine flowing.

The pacing is atrocious. It loves to pull you out of the water before allowing you to progress, possibly as a way of dealing with the fact that the core diving is frictionless. I suspect this might be why it has otherwise inexplicable mild procedural generation as well.

This is the kind of game that could have just been content with looking pretty and saying nothing, but along with everything else it shoves in it decided it needed a completely pointless "environmental activists are hypocrites" subplot. The Sea Shepherd parody could have been cut entirely, with no consequences on the story. Mewling about how small fishing operations aren't the problem seems like an ill fit for a game about mass hunting vulnerable shark species to turn into sushi that gets thrown in the bin because a diner didn't like the speed of their service.