poisoneddart
2024
"Our bold new vision for Mario Kart is to give every player two free blue shells at the start of every lap, plus a third one if they fall behind... Wait, why does nobody enjoy the races anymore?"
2022
The best written and performed GameFAQs walkthrough I've ever played.
2022
If there was ever a series that "got it right the first time", it's Bayonetta.
The core is still as solid as ever, and the new additions initially seemed to be a net positive. The "oh wait, having this means I can do that" potential of the summons, the creativity of the new weapons, the cute little dancing animations. I was ready to fall in love with it...
But after a while it becomes apparent how much that core is being diluted by weaker ideas: Encounters skew so heavily towards summoning vs larger enemies that Bayo's regular moveset barely gets a chance to shine; Set pieces tank the performance so hard that the accompanying minigames feel like wading through sludge; Viola's kit is so unfit for purpose that she regularly struggles to meet the requirements of her own trials... It's great that Platinum want to try new things, but my good will only goes so far.
I hate to make the DMC5 comparison, but for all the issues that game may have had, it's really hitting home how much I preferred its leaner, more focused approach when compared to all this unpolished excess.
The core is still as solid as ever, and the new additions initially seemed to be a net positive. The "oh wait, having this means I can do that" potential of the summons, the creativity of the new weapons, the cute little dancing animations. I was ready to fall in love with it...
But after a while it becomes apparent how much that core is being diluted by weaker ideas: Encounters skew so heavily towards summoning vs larger enemies that Bayo's regular moveset barely gets a chance to shine; Set pieces tank the performance so hard that the accompanying minigames feel like wading through sludge; Viola's kit is so unfit for purpose that she regularly struggles to meet the requirements of her own trials... It's great that Platinum want to try new things, but my good will only goes so far.
I hate to make the DMC5 comparison, but for all the issues that game may have had, it's really hitting home how much I preferred its leaner, more focused approach when compared to all this unpolished excess.
As someone who's always liked Kirby, but never really enjoyed Kirby games, this is the one that finally grabbed me. Super charming, surprisingly dark, and the 3D World-esque gameplay is a perfect fit.
It takes a while to ramp up the difficulty to where I'd like it, but it does get there eventually.
It takes a while to ramp up the difficulty to where I'd like it, but it does get there eventually.
For a DLC, this just goes above and beyond. Nintendo really went to town designing fun challenges around the mechanics, leaving nothing unexplored. The insanely stylish presentation and subtle world-building throughout is just the icing on the cake, really.
It can feel a little fragmented, and quite often crosses a line into unfairness, but personally I'd rather have it this way than see the series playing it safe forever - there's so much potential here.
It can feel a little fragmented, and quite often crosses a line into unfairness, but personally I'd rather have it this way than see the series playing it safe forever - there's so much potential here.
For the most part, Xenoblade Chronicles 1 and 2 felt like polar opposites to me. While I did love them both, the list of things I enjoyed about each of them could double as a list of aspects I find totally lacking in the other. If I didn't know better, I might assume they weren't even from the same series.
In that sense, XBC3 feels less like your typical sequel, and more like a "Capcom vs SNK" style mash up of two former competitors. While it never quite outshines either of its predecessors at their best, it somehow manages to preserve the better qualities of each while neutralizing many of their respective shortcomings in the process. Tone, art style, cohesiveness, mechanics, rhythm, world scale, character depth, voice acting/direction - It just hits all the right notes for me, in areas where the others sometimes dropped the ball.
It's perhaps a little sluggish in finding it's own identity, with so much attention being drawn to hollow callbacks that ultimately amount to very little. Aionios makes an uncharacteristically lacklustre first impression, seemingly content to exist as a backdrop rather than a "character" in its own right - never really selling itself as the war ravaged hellscape that the characters describe, nor truly evoking the essence of the familiar landmarks strewn across it. Over time, however, its merits eventually start to reveal themselves: An endearing party, who comfortably share the spotlight as equals - Heart to heart moments that are so naturally woven into every little errand that you'd swear they were vital parts of the main story - Side characters who exist outside the vacuum of their own questlines and form a living community that grows all around you... Like Xenoblade X before it, I can now look back on time spent in a beautifully crafted world that feels incredibly lived in. It's hard not to wonder what might've been if such top-tier world building had been paired with a slightly more imaginative setting, there's just something so bland about seeing the concept of "worlds colliding" take the form of "a Xenoblade Fan's Animal Crossing Island".
Xenoblade 1 and 2 definitely have far brighter highlights to cherry pick from; more iconic worlds, better endings, stronger villains, standout character performances and hard hitting moments - I really couldn't blame anyone who strongly gravitates towards 1 or 2 for finding this one a little underwhelming. But as someone who loved both games equally (albeit for very different reasons), Xenoblade 3 just feels like the most consistently on-point of them. If the DLC is even half as strong as Torna was, it may well push this one to the top spot for me.
In that sense, XBC3 feels less like your typical sequel, and more like a "Capcom vs SNK" style mash up of two former competitors. While it never quite outshines either of its predecessors at their best, it somehow manages to preserve the better qualities of each while neutralizing many of their respective shortcomings in the process. Tone, art style, cohesiveness, mechanics, rhythm, world scale, character depth, voice acting/direction - It just hits all the right notes for me, in areas where the others sometimes dropped the ball.
It's perhaps a little sluggish in finding it's own identity, with so much attention being drawn to hollow callbacks that ultimately amount to very little. Aionios makes an uncharacteristically lacklustre first impression, seemingly content to exist as a backdrop rather than a "character" in its own right - never really selling itself as the war ravaged hellscape that the characters describe, nor truly evoking the essence of the familiar landmarks strewn across it. Over time, however, its merits eventually start to reveal themselves: An endearing party, who comfortably share the spotlight as equals - Heart to heart moments that are so naturally woven into every little errand that you'd swear they were vital parts of the main story - Side characters who exist outside the vacuum of their own questlines and form a living community that grows all around you... Like Xenoblade X before it, I can now look back on time spent in a beautifully crafted world that feels incredibly lived in. It's hard not to wonder what might've been if such top-tier world building had been paired with a slightly more imaginative setting, there's just something so bland about seeing the concept of "worlds colliding" take the form of "a Xenoblade Fan's Animal Crossing Island".
Xenoblade 1 and 2 definitely have far brighter highlights to cherry pick from; more iconic worlds, better endings, stronger villains, standout character performances and hard hitting moments - I really couldn't blame anyone who strongly gravitates towards 1 or 2 for finding this one a little underwhelming. But as someone who loved both games equally (albeit for very different reasons), Xenoblade 3 just feels like the most consistently on-point of them. If the DLC is even half as strong as Torna was, it may well push this one to the top spot for me.
What a let down... A promising new cast who struggle to make an impression amongst a torrent of irrelevant cameos and dumb jokes lifted straight from the first game - despite the sequel's refusal to commit to anything of substance that happened in it.
A linear, open and shut case that pretends to be something more by sending the player on a wild goose chase that the characters don't even know about. The first "Uchikoshi twist" that's left me with a detached feeling of "Ok cool... But why...?"
A linear, open and shut case that pretends to be something more by sending the player on a wild goose chase that the characters don't even know about. The first "Uchikoshi twist" that's left me with a detached feeling of "Ok cool... But why...?"
2018
There's a zen like rhythm to FAR: Lone Sails, the simple satisfaction of keeping those plates spinning while keeping one eye on the road ahead - ready to slam on the brakes at a moments notice.
Every so often you're afforded a chance to sit back and contemplate the state of this world. Sailing past its long abandoned achievements, wondering if there is even anyone else out there... then you get right back to work, moving forward is all you know.
Every so often you're afforded a chance to sit back and contemplate the state of this world. Sailing past its long abandoned achievements, wondering if there is even anyone else out there... then you get right back to work, moving forward is all you know.
2022
A really charming, short but sweet experience that totally sells its world through top notch art design and music.
I did feel it was a little better when it was showing rather than telling, with a few of the item trading sections straying™ dangerously close to feeling outdated - but everything else feels solid and it's exactly as varied as its runtime needed it to be.
I did feel it was a little better when it was showing rather than telling, with a few of the item trading sections straying™ dangerously close to feeling outdated - but everything else feels solid and it's exactly as varied as its runtime needed it to be.
2017
The gaming equivalent of travelling to a beautiful foreign country and listening to a pretty decent Sci-Fi audiobook while you stare at the directions on your phone and power walk to a McDonalds.
Horizon is such a frustrating series. It has all the ingredients to be something far better - beautiful graphics, cool designs, fun combat, a genuinely well crafted sci-fi backstory - but it just can't stop tripping over itself and getting in the player's way at every turn.
To give it some credit, the writing of the side quests is of much higher quality this time, but... so what? The juiciest parts of Horizon's story have already been told in full by the first game, all that remains are the far less interesting modern-day characters. It's pretty hard to care when the solution to everyone's problems is to indiscriminately blow something up, but at least the characters have more natural sounding conversations about it... I guess?
Aloy continues to be incredibly unlikable, a grumpy tech-savvy teenager who's been asked to help Grandma log into her iPad a few too many times. And she simply. Will. Not. Shut. Up... An endless stream of unsolicited advice, pointing out landmarks/ladders/hidden rooms/jumps/strategies/puzzle solutions before you even have a chance to point the camera in their direction. Is this what it's like to be a Twitch streamer? The non-stop backseat gaming while trying to enjoy something is exhausting.
We're two games in and "Sony's Breath of the Wild" has proven to be absolutely terrified of taking off the training wheels and giving the player any real agency. The sad part is that the optional puzzles and platforming challenges occasionally prove that it can be quite fun when it dares to stop holding your hand for a few minutes - but it's never long before you're back to having your jump button literally disabled, while Aloy patronizingly monologues about how difficult holding forward through the next auto-platforming section is going to be. She's a delight.
To give it some credit, the writing of the side quests is of much higher quality this time, but... so what? The juiciest parts of Horizon's story have already been told in full by the first game, all that remains are the far less interesting modern-day characters. It's pretty hard to care when the solution to everyone's problems is to indiscriminately blow something up, but at least the characters have more natural sounding conversations about it... I guess?
Aloy continues to be incredibly unlikable, a grumpy tech-savvy teenager who's been asked to help Grandma log into her iPad a few too many times. And she simply. Will. Not. Shut. Up... An endless stream of unsolicited advice, pointing out landmarks/ladders/hidden rooms/jumps/strategies/puzzle solutions before you even have a chance to point the camera in their direction. Is this what it's like to be a Twitch streamer? The non-stop backseat gaming while trying to enjoy something is exhausting.
We're two games in and "Sony's Breath of the Wild" has proven to be absolutely terrified of taking off the training wheels and giving the player any real agency. The sad part is that the optional puzzles and platforming challenges occasionally prove that it can be quite fun when it dares to stop holding your hand for a few minutes - but it's never long before you're back to having your jump button literally disabled, while Aloy patronizingly monologues about how difficult holding forward through the next auto-platforming section is going to be. She's a delight.
2021
Whenever I revisit the original Halo, my main takeaway is that it still feels larger than it ever really was. Those moments where you briefly venture out from the endless corridors into a wide open combat sandbox and see the ring curving up into the sky - Even if it was all an illusion, inhabiting and exploring Halo as a singular location is just as evocative as it ever was. For all their world building and planet hopping, the sequels never really captured that.
So here we are 20 years later... At its best, Infinite presents a fully realized version of the feeling that playing the original Halo gave us back in 2001. A giant playground to be tackled from any angle, constantly forcing you to think on your feet and make use of every tool at your disposal. Chaining grapple swings and slides together to fly about at top speed never gets old and I sincerely hope other open-world devs are taking notes as far as traversal is concerned. In many ways, Halo has never played better.
But Infinite also exhibits all the shortcomings of revisiting that original Halo blueprint. Lengthy treks through indistinguishable corridors; poorly paced exposition dumps; a lack of variety in the environments; a "Force Awakens" style enemy faction whose sole motivation is to populate the world with familiar enemy types; an insultingly simplistic "return to the basics" story which hand waves away the established narrative... It's a toy box, desperately in need of fleshing out with purpose, just as Halo: CE desperately needed Halo 2 and 3.
The 'Halo illusion' has flipped on its head entirely, a gigantic world where the journey you're undertaking feels incredibly small. It may well be the Halo game I envisioned in 2001, but 20 years later I was hoping for something that could strike that balance a little better
So here we are 20 years later... At its best, Infinite presents a fully realized version of the feeling that playing the original Halo gave us back in 2001. A giant playground to be tackled from any angle, constantly forcing you to think on your feet and make use of every tool at your disposal. Chaining grapple swings and slides together to fly about at top speed never gets old and I sincerely hope other open-world devs are taking notes as far as traversal is concerned. In many ways, Halo has never played better.
But Infinite also exhibits all the shortcomings of revisiting that original Halo blueprint. Lengthy treks through indistinguishable corridors; poorly paced exposition dumps; a lack of variety in the environments; a "Force Awakens" style enemy faction whose sole motivation is to populate the world with familiar enemy types; an insultingly simplistic "return to the basics" story which hand waves away the established narrative... It's a toy box, desperately in need of fleshing out with purpose, just as Halo: CE desperately needed Halo 2 and 3.
The 'Halo illusion' has flipped on its head entirely, a gigantic world where the journey you're undertaking feels incredibly small. It may well be the Halo game I envisioned in 2001, but 20 years later I was hoping for something that could strike that balance a little better
As a Metroid guy, I finally 'get' Castlevania. It's less about atmospheric exploration, more of a gauntlet - Room after room of quirky enemies with unique behaviors to be aware of, constantly feeding you fun new abilities.
The map is fantastic, important rooms are so subtly memorable that it feels like your idea every time you venture back somewhere to test a new ability. There's always a little risk/reward to consider, safety is just far away enough to keep you on your toes. I get it now!
The map is fantastic, important rooms are so subtly memorable that it feels like your idea every time you venture back somewhere to test a new ability. There's always a little risk/reward to consider, safety is just far away enough to keep you on your toes. I get it now!
Torna is a microcosm of everything *I* want out of Xenoblade. Rhythmic, combo driven battles with a solid endgame; perfectly sized, otherworldly environments; great music; and an appropriately weighty story with a likeable cast - who can share lighthearted moments without the tonal whiplash of XC2.
It suffers the series usual shortcomings - namely the arbitrary road blocks that punish you for skipping side content - but by comparison it's a lot more manageable here than in the larger games.
It suffers the series usual shortcomings - namely the arbitrary road blocks that punish you for skipping side content - but by comparison it's a lot more manageable here than in the larger games.
FFXII is a weird one - It's still one of the most fully realized FF worlds, with its brilliant artstyle, character designs, music, history, dialogue and wonderfully grounded tone. Yet for all these apparent strengths, it was also the point where a younger me had to begrudgingly accept that FF wasn't my go-to for great character stories anymore - because there simply isn't one. Nada. Nothing!
Where it really shines, especially in the Zodiac Age, is its mechanics - the heart of the game lies in the planning phase, the refining of a strategy until it's damn near perfect. It scratched a programming itch I didn't even know I had; hitting fast forward like a proud parent knowing that my team wouldn't need my help - their battles having already taken place in my mind's eye, the path to victory laid out before them by my own design.
"It plays itself" you might say - but hey, maybe once you've developed a good enough strategy to defeat a Sewer Rat you don't actually need to fight every single one manually to feel like you've achieved something, yeah? That puzzle is solved, you move onto a bigger one.
So yes, within this majestic and beautifully fleshed out world is a very dry, technical game that forgets to tell its own story - which makes it difficult to recommend to most people - but it's still one of my favourites. I can only dream of another attempt at the gambit system, fully unchained from the limitations of being a PS2 game... maybe an Ivalice game with some actual characters and a fully developed plot, while I'm still dreaming.
Where it really shines, especially in the Zodiac Age, is its mechanics - the heart of the game lies in the planning phase, the refining of a strategy until it's damn near perfect. It scratched a programming itch I didn't even know I had; hitting fast forward like a proud parent knowing that my team wouldn't need my help - their battles having already taken place in my mind's eye, the path to victory laid out before them by my own design.
"It plays itself" you might say - but hey, maybe once you've developed a good enough strategy to defeat a Sewer Rat you don't actually need to fight every single one manually to feel like you've achieved something, yeah? That puzzle is solved, you move onto a bigger one.
So yes, within this majestic and beautifully fleshed out world is a very dry, technical game that forgets to tell its own story - which makes it difficult to recommend to most people - but it's still one of my favourites. I can only dream of another attempt at the gambit system, fully unchained from the limitations of being a PS2 game... maybe an Ivalice game with some actual characters and a fully developed plot, while I'm still dreaming.