stillTMS
2023
Legendary or Mythical is a flip of the fricking coin, high-rollers BAY BEE
2023
Cause every time I drive and rhyme a rhyme
I damage my right eye more than nine times ninety nine
I damage my right eye more than nine times ninety nine
A wonder-ful breath of fresh air for 2-D Mario, a series in which I have not played a main entry since....NSMB Wii? Something about re-used models, re-used worlds, charmless enemies, and lack of engaging mechanics really put me off the series for a while. Weird how that works.
Thankfully, they outdid themselves with presentation, charm, and level "gimmicks" in the Wonder-alt segments of every single level. I love how some are optional, some completely change the gameplay, and others are just kind of silly.
I also feared the talking flowers would ruin "immersion" or whatever the hell we're complaining about nowadays. "Soul?" But I flipped them to German and enjoyed a toll Abenteuer. However, I underestimated the true helicopter parent that is Prince Florian. I must destroy that worm. And never change badges out of spite.
Anyways: Out with the new and in with the new-er, please and thank you!!!
Thankfully, they outdid themselves with presentation, charm, and level "gimmicks" in the Wonder-alt segments of every single level. I love how some are optional, some completely change the gameplay, and others are just kind of silly.
I also feared the talking flowers would ruin "immersion" or whatever the hell we're complaining about nowadays. "Soul?" But I flipped them to German and enjoyed a toll Abenteuer. However, I underestimated the true helicopter parent that is Prince Florian. I must destroy that worm. And never change badges out of spite.
Anyways: Out with the new and in with the new-er, please and thank you!!!
I just love this entire cast of freaks.
I've been a known Fire Emblem hater, but was willing to give it a try once it hit NSO. Ended up having a great time with this wacky little game. The story is kind of whatever, there's just a generic bad guy who never really changes, but it is surprisingly dark and I liked the fantasy politics of it all.
Lyn's opening quest offered a sufficient tutorial, but for how blatant it was, still obscured certain mechanics like rescue ferrying, support convos in general, etc.
Glad I got an opportunity to enjoy the series before it went terminally anime. What a treat!
Lyn's opening quest offered a sufficient tutorial, but for how blatant it was, still obscured certain mechanics like rescue ferrying, support convos in general, etc.
Glad I got an opportunity to enjoy the series before it went terminally anime. What a treat!
This review contains spoilers
I hate that I love this game.
Right out the gate, I want to say this trumps BotW so hard that I could never go back to play the original. That's self-evidentally the mark of a good sequel; however, did it REALLY need six years in the oven?
Re-using the overworld from BotW is a very smart if budget-conscious decision. You already have a huge diorama, now all you need to do is re-arrange the LEGO pieces inside. Okay, cool, but what else IS there?
Towers? We had those. Shrines? Oh, this is embarrassing, but we...actually already had those too.
Caves? They're identical and net just another piece of in-game currency. Wells? They're caves. Chasms? Okay, that's new!! What do we have down here...?
Oh, it's nothing. A few pieces of armor spread amongst empty, same-textured background. An efficient sandbox for fucked-up vehicle creation, but not much else. Its only saving graces are the few scripted sequences that take place down there. Boring, tedious, ugly.
Well that's fine, there's a sky portion too. Did you hear that, Streamers React? THREE OVERWORLDS. I really disliked how in Skyward Sword you had a bunch of little floating islands to explore, but the most you could ever find was a "key" to a locked chest on the surface. So what did they...Oh, it's the same thing? A map to a chest in the depths? The depths that I hate? And I can just stumble upon these chests randomly?
So, there's dungeons, right?
Okay they nailed it this time. Borrowing a page out of GameFreak's repertoire by removing a beloved feature in one game only to fellate themselves by welcoming its return in the next. We have bosses. We have unique setpieces. Actual character assists. For once, I can't complain.
The overall story is still half-baked, and if you seek the memories out of order you need to be prepared for the most juvenile, disorganized, vacuum of a story ever. Truly Breath of the Wild 2.
Thankfully the final linear sequences are some of the best the series has to offer. It's almost like...hmm, wait, they can only make a good game when going back to the linear roots of 3-D Zelda.
Cut the world map, hire an editor to proofread your script, snip the story beats, and focus on these exciting linear dungeon lead-ups and you might actually get a perfect Zelda game out of this team in another decade.
My only hope is the time wasted perfecting the physics engine was used as software development for all future Nintendo games, a la Mario 64.
And WHY can't I pet the DOGS STILL?!
Right out the gate, I want to say this trumps BotW so hard that I could never go back to play the original. That's self-evidentally the mark of a good sequel; however, did it REALLY need six years in the oven?
Re-using the overworld from BotW is a very smart if budget-conscious decision. You already have a huge diorama, now all you need to do is re-arrange the LEGO pieces inside. Okay, cool, but what else IS there?
Towers? We had those. Shrines? Oh, this is embarrassing, but we...actually already had those too.
Caves? They're identical and net just another piece of in-game currency. Wells? They're caves. Chasms? Okay, that's new!! What do we have down here...?
Oh, it's nothing. A few pieces of armor spread amongst empty, same-textured background. An efficient sandbox for fucked-up vehicle creation, but not much else. Its only saving graces are the few scripted sequences that take place down there. Boring, tedious, ugly.
Well that's fine, there's a sky portion too. Did you hear that, Streamers React? THREE OVERWORLDS. I really disliked how in Skyward Sword you had a bunch of little floating islands to explore, but the most you could ever find was a "key" to a locked chest on the surface. So what did they...Oh, it's the same thing? A map to a chest in the depths? The depths that I hate? And I can just stumble upon these chests randomly?
So, there's dungeons, right?
Okay they nailed it this time. Borrowing a page out of GameFreak's repertoire by removing a beloved feature in one game only to fellate themselves by welcoming its return in the next. We have bosses. We have unique setpieces. Actual character assists. For once, I can't complain.
The overall story is still half-baked, and if you seek the memories out of order you need to be prepared for the most juvenile, disorganized, vacuum of a story ever. Truly Breath of the Wild 2.
Thankfully the final linear sequences are some of the best the series has to offer. It's almost like...hmm, wait, they can only make a good game when going back to the linear roots of 3-D Zelda.
Cut the world map, hire an editor to proofread your script, snip the story beats, and focus on these exciting linear dungeon lead-ups and you might actually get a perfect Zelda game out of this team in another decade.
My only hope is the time wasted perfecting the physics engine was used as software development for all future Nintendo games, a la Mario 64.
And WHY can't I pet the DOGS STILL?!
2002
So glad I finally sat down to finish it after all these years. Gorgeous spritework, great atmosphere, and a critical entry for the lore of the series.
A lot has been criticized about its linearity, but I think the moments it puts you through outweigh the trimmed-down exploration. Aside from a few baffling un-telegraphed invisible walls, the maps are expertly-crafted.
P.S. If they made an edible X jelly candy I would be all over it, Samus makes them look so delectable.
A lot has been criticized about its linearity, but I think the moments it puts you through outweigh the trimmed-down exploration. Aside from a few baffling un-telegraphed invisible walls, the maps are expertly-crafted.
P.S. If they made an edible X jelly candy I would be all over it, Samus makes them look so delectable.
2023
Incredible game, indie or not, going to be my ultimate meme platformer of 2023.
The unhinged art style is fun and frantic in motion. Like controlling a weird 90s cartoon that my parents 100% would have not allowed me to watch. Every single level is a tightly-designed maze going in and out. There's no wasted chunks of space and every single escape scene makes me go "hee hee hee, clever." The music is catchy, frantic, simultaneously high and low quality, and each level has its own perfectly-tailored track. The ending sequence is the most amped-up platformer experience I've had since Metroid Dread.
My only criticism is the bosses don't fit the game's main loop. Being unable to die in a level (barring Pizzaface or gimmicks) is such a breath of fresh air that I wish it could extend to the fights.
I'm so excited for any future DLC (playable Noise apparently??) and projects by this team. I can't stop thinking about this game and want to replay it immediately.
The unhinged art style is fun and frantic in motion. Like controlling a weird 90s cartoon that my parents 100% would have not allowed me to watch. Every single level is a tightly-designed maze going in and out. There's no wasted chunks of space and every single escape scene makes me go "hee hee hee, clever." The music is catchy, frantic, simultaneously high and low quality, and each level has its own perfectly-tailored track. The ending sequence is the most amped-up platformer experience I've had since Metroid Dread.
My only criticism is the bosses don't fit the game's main loop. Being unable to die in a level (barring Pizzaface or gimmicks) is such a breath of fresh air that I wish it could extend to the fights.
I'm so excited for any future DLC (playable Noise apparently??) and projects by this team. I can't stop thinking about this game and want to replay it immediately.
2022
basically perfect and hopefully the next game simulates an experience of following a shady gamefaqs walkthrough
I watched Danny Sexbang play it, so I feel for a game like this that counts well enough.
2021
This review contains spoilers
It's been so long! I'm filled with utter dread!!
Metroid Dread rules. It's everything I wanted in a new 2D "explore action" from the Metroid series. A few hours in I kept waiting for that "WOW" moment, but it never came, because slowly the game had been making the whole experience a wow moment.
It's just fun to play. They nailed the perfect mix of explore -> tough boss -> power-up -> backtrack
Boss fights in Dread are a rare challenge for Nintendo's modern line-up. Some seemed impossible even after several tries only to suddenly see myself win the next attempt without taking an energy tank's worth of damage. There are no bullshit attacks in boss fights, everything is learnable and dodgeable. It culminates in a fantastic showdown and end segment against Samus' newly-revealed Bad Dad (TM): Raven Beak.
Dreaded shortcomings? Well, the music isn't particularly memorable. And I'm going to be honest: the E.M.M.I.s really don't add anything to the experience, all are disposed of in the exact same manner and they stick out as chunks of the game that don't really mesh with the rest. But the sheer adrenaline pump does well to cover up the shallow concept.
Also the spin boost sucks!
Metroid Dread rules. It's everything I wanted in a new 2D "explore action" from the Metroid series. A few hours in I kept waiting for that "WOW" moment, but it never came, because slowly the game had been making the whole experience a wow moment.
It's just fun to play. They nailed the perfect mix of explore -> tough boss -> power-up -> backtrack
Boss fights in Dread are a rare challenge for Nintendo's modern line-up. Some seemed impossible even after several tries only to suddenly see myself win the next attempt without taking an energy tank's worth of damage. There are no bullshit attacks in boss fights, everything is learnable and dodgeable. It culminates in a fantastic showdown and end segment against Samus' newly-revealed Bad Dad (TM): Raven Beak.
Dreaded shortcomings? Well, the music isn't particularly memorable. And I'm going to be honest: the E.M.M.I.s really don't add anything to the experience, all are disposed of in the exact same manner and they stick out as chunks of the game that don't really mesh with the rest. But the sheer adrenaline pump does well to cover up the shallow concept.
Also the spin boost sucks!
2019
The Purr-fect bite-sized Metroidvania.
I'm in love with the minimalist monochrome look. The game also boasts a surprising amount of challenge during a few boss encounters and in some enemy rooms. The trade-off between a nimble cat with no HP and a bulky mech suit for traditional Metroiding is a really great idea. It sold me on concept alone in the first 5 minutes.
The downsides are the game is a bit short, it's a little too linear, and the final area plus boss is kind of a joke. Especially considering the water area is early on and easily the toughest part of the game.
Really recommend if you've got a few hours to spare and you've played Metroid Zero Mission to death.
I'm in love with the minimalist monochrome look. The game also boasts a surprising amount of challenge during a few boss encounters and in some enemy rooms. The trade-off between a nimble cat with no HP and a bulky mech suit for traditional Metroiding is a really great idea. It sold me on concept alone in the first 5 minutes.
The downsides are the game is a bit short, it's a little too linear, and the final area plus boss is kind of a joke. Especially considering the water area is early on and easily the toughest part of the game.
Really recommend if you've got a few hours to spare and you've played Metroid Zero Mission to death.
This review contains spoilers
Skyward Sword is a good game that I never want to play again.
It's a testament to ego and a dedication to gimmicks. I can't imagine people playtesting this game during its 5+ years of development and having no qualms with the motion controls, the story pacing, and the underwhelming boss battles. Surely they reported less than satisfactory experience, yet those in charge of the game did not listen.
Speaking from experience, I never had substantial issue with the motion controls. They seem to work more than well during combat portions of the game. However, I simply can't abide mandatory motion controls for full 3-D traversal, such as flying on your Loftwing and swimming. The Loftwing in particular not only has you aiming the bird, but contantly flapping your wiimote up and down to adjust your altitude. You also need to dip your wrist down for extended periods of time, which the human musculature is simply not built for. I'm very curious to see how a standard control scheme fairs in the HD rerelease. As it stands now, the full breadth of motion control ranges from "fine" to "unplayable" depending on the player.
As for the story, I really did enjoy the core band of characters. While I don't like Link's look in this game, with pants as pillowy as his lips, I dig the overall art style and expressiveness of the characters. Groose is a standout example of a 3-D zelda character with a measurable arc. Ghirahim is a hilarious and intimidating antagonist. From a design standpoint, Fi is solid, but she's a complete anvil drop on gameplay momentum and holds my hand so hard I wanted to gnaw my arm off.
The quest itself has a ton of pacing problems--Silent Realms are old by the third version, and in my opinion have too steep of a difficulty curve. The Eldin Silent Realm is easily the most difficult portion of the entire game, and it's what, the halfway point? The "puzzle overworld" touted by developers simply does not lend itself to Silent Realms in 2/4 iterations.
The "Song of the Hero" portion of the game is even worse and I'd wager it's where most people abandon Skyward Sword. Tadtones are easily the worst experience I've had in any Zelda game, and I've played through Zelda II. It's also just a complete drag--these quests should have been combined with the Sacred Flame portion of the game (or left out completely in the case of the tadtones).
This game's bosses and dungeons are some of the best experiences in 3D Zelda...the first time you play through them. I had another moment of self-flagellation when the game made me re-complete the Skyview Temple as a precursor to a completely separate dungeon. The repeat Ghirahim and Imprisoned fights also get extremely played-out, annoying, and uninteresting. The Imprisoned should have been a longer single battle, where each round of the battle has him do an abridged version of his three different forms. Ghirahim would have been good dungeon mid-boss experiences, because as it stands he just takes away interesting opportunities to use the Beetle and Digging Claws in large-scale combat. Demise is also a complete joke if you've been paying attention to the game's combat instructions during the last 30 hours.
Well...that's all there really is to say on it. I think this is only your favorite Zelda game if it was your first Zelda game. If not, then you have to write me a 5k word rebuttal or else you aren't a true zelda fan.
It's a testament to ego and a dedication to gimmicks. I can't imagine people playtesting this game during its 5+ years of development and having no qualms with the motion controls, the story pacing, and the underwhelming boss battles. Surely they reported less than satisfactory experience, yet those in charge of the game did not listen.
Speaking from experience, I never had substantial issue with the motion controls. They seem to work more than well during combat portions of the game. However, I simply can't abide mandatory motion controls for full 3-D traversal, such as flying on your Loftwing and swimming. The Loftwing in particular not only has you aiming the bird, but contantly flapping your wiimote up and down to adjust your altitude. You also need to dip your wrist down for extended periods of time, which the human musculature is simply not built for. I'm very curious to see how a standard control scheme fairs in the HD rerelease. As it stands now, the full breadth of motion control ranges from "fine" to "unplayable" depending on the player.
As for the story, I really did enjoy the core band of characters. While I don't like Link's look in this game, with pants as pillowy as his lips, I dig the overall art style and expressiveness of the characters. Groose is a standout example of a 3-D zelda character with a measurable arc. Ghirahim is a hilarious and intimidating antagonist. From a design standpoint, Fi is solid, but she's a complete anvil drop on gameplay momentum and holds my hand so hard I wanted to gnaw my arm off.
The quest itself has a ton of pacing problems--Silent Realms are old by the third version, and in my opinion have too steep of a difficulty curve. The Eldin Silent Realm is easily the most difficult portion of the entire game, and it's what, the halfway point? The "puzzle overworld" touted by developers simply does not lend itself to Silent Realms in 2/4 iterations.
The "Song of the Hero" portion of the game is even worse and I'd wager it's where most people abandon Skyward Sword. Tadtones are easily the worst experience I've had in any Zelda game, and I've played through Zelda II. It's also just a complete drag--these quests should have been combined with the Sacred Flame portion of the game (or left out completely in the case of the tadtones).
This game's bosses and dungeons are some of the best experiences in 3D Zelda...the first time you play through them. I had another moment of self-flagellation when the game made me re-complete the Skyview Temple as a precursor to a completely separate dungeon. The repeat Ghirahim and Imprisoned fights also get extremely played-out, annoying, and uninteresting. The Imprisoned should have been a longer single battle, where each round of the battle has him do an abridged version of his three different forms. Ghirahim would have been good dungeon mid-boss experiences, because as it stands he just takes away interesting opportunities to use the Beetle and Digging Claws in large-scale combat. Demise is also a complete joke if you've been paying attention to the game's combat instructions during the last 30 hours.
Well...that's all there really is to say on it. I think this is only your favorite Zelda game if it was your first Zelda game. If not, then you have to write me a 5k word rebuttal or else you aren't a true zelda fan.
"lol Sticker Star sux" is not a joke. It's not the lowest hanging fruit. Well, it IS, but the lowest hanging fruit is what sustained our ancestors in fair Lascaux. We are compelled to reach for this fruit to ensure survival and propagation of our wretched species who will, in turn, use the same hand which sought fruit to craft this absolute fucking abomination.
Experiencing Paper Mario: Sticker Star made me a worse person. Let me explain:
This is not a game. It is a flashing screen in which you may or may not have any influence on what happens. Decisions you make have no outcome on battle. Everything is preordained. I am thoroughly convinced you can select stickers at random in each battle and still come out on top. I'm convinced of this because I utilized this exact strategy in a second attempt during my 2020 playthrough. Because yes, I wanted to graft physical and mental pain in place of the looming existential caused by a pandemic.
I was only walled when it came to boss fights. You can skate by Large Goomba without using its kismet Thing sticker. However, in any other boss battle, you MUST use the invisibly assigned Thing card. There is no way to get around this. You will lose. And if you happen to not have the fated Thing card, which the game may or may not hint at, you must exit the battle, go buy the thing from the shop (or god fucking forbid, you never encountered the Thing, so now you must go track it down in the wild), and attempt the battle again. And you must use this EXACTLY ONE (1) Thing during the battle at the exact poorly-telegraphed moment to win with ease.
There is no strategy. There is no fun. Simply put, this was a $40 soundtrack released in 2012 with a completely unhinged (and un-playtested) visual experience included as a bonus. This visual experience slots into a Nintendo system, but again, it is by no means a game.
I will never forgive this alleged game for ruining an amazing series for no other reason than "Miyamoto likes Toad." If this is your favorite Paper Mario game, it is either the only one you have ever played, and thus playing it put you off the series entirely, or you are LYING. Or seeing the sexy Birdo/goat scene emulsified your brain using the 3D slider as a vector.
If it is your favorite game, or even if you think it's "good," then please by all means articulate a response. But your response cannot simply be "idk because I just liked it." Why did you like it?? What is there to like?? I don't understand!! I'm chained to this flesh prison until a zoomer can explain to me why this is an objectively good game!!
Help!!!!
Experiencing Paper Mario: Sticker Star made me a worse person. Let me explain:
This is not a game. It is a flashing screen in which you may or may not have any influence on what happens. Decisions you make have no outcome on battle. Everything is preordained. I am thoroughly convinced you can select stickers at random in each battle and still come out on top. I'm convinced of this because I utilized this exact strategy in a second attempt during my 2020 playthrough. Because yes, I wanted to graft physical and mental pain in place of the looming existential caused by a pandemic.
I was only walled when it came to boss fights. You can skate by Large Goomba without using its kismet Thing sticker. However, in any other boss battle, you MUST use the invisibly assigned Thing card. There is no way to get around this. You will lose. And if you happen to not have the fated Thing card, which the game may or may not hint at, you must exit the battle, go buy the thing from the shop (or god fucking forbid, you never encountered the Thing, so now you must go track it down in the wild), and attempt the battle again. And you must use this EXACTLY ONE (1) Thing during the battle at the exact poorly-telegraphed moment to win with ease.
There is no strategy. There is no fun. Simply put, this was a $40 soundtrack released in 2012 with a completely unhinged (and un-playtested) visual experience included as a bonus. This visual experience slots into a Nintendo system, but again, it is by no means a game.
I will never forgive this alleged game for ruining an amazing series for no other reason than "Miyamoto likes Toad." If this is your favorite Paper Mario game, it is either the only one you have ever played, and thus playing it put you off the series entirely, or you are LYING. Or seeing the sexy Birdo/goat scene emulsified your brain using the 3D slider as a vector.
If it is your favorite game, or even if you think it's "good," then please by all means articulate a response. But your response cannot simply be "idk because I just liked it." Why did you like it?? What is there to like?? I don't understand!! I'm chained to this flesh prison until a zoomer can explain to me why this is an objectively good game!!
Help!!!!
Subspace Emissary is the best 1P mode we've ever had, but everything else sucks ass. You're a worse person for having waited through daily Smash Dojo updates from 2007-2008. Have nice TRIP