Endlessly charming. Slight, but still pretty fun.

An unmitigated disaster marred by tedious gameplay, limited match types, reams of jank, and some of the ugliest Eldritch horror faces this side of Monster Factory. It’s a good thing my AEW fandom has waned into virtual nonexistence at this point because otherwise playing this would have been a total heartbreaker.

But I dunno, ragdolling CM Punk into exploding barb wire was kinda fun for a little while.

I'm still capable of playing through Golden Axe I and II with my nostalgia goggles firmly in place, but I can't really say the same about III. I kinda liked the cat dude and the idea of branching paths, I guess, but if we're being honest... I'd much rather play Dungeons and Dragons: Shadow over Mystara instead.

Something, something, "more like deCRAP attack," etc. etc. etc.

I guess this is just my life now.

It took three decades and a lot of false starts, but I finally made it all the way through FFV… and it was worth the wait. Not as narratively rich as FF4 or FF6, but the unfathomable mechanical depth offered by its job system more than makes up for this fact. Also: evil trees and wizard turtles are both hilarious and awesome. Great game.

2022

LOL. I really suck at parrying.

My girlfriend and I have been playing this together a lot lately, spending most of our time going into goblin mode and causing absolute mayhem in increasingly convoluted ways. For that alone, picking this old game up again might be my favorite gaming experience of the year.

Like an old, ratty, moth-eaten security blanket from your childhood: cozy, comforting, and capable of mustering up a lot warm nostalgic fuzzies, but ultimately a little threadbare, leaving you feeling cold and a little bummed out. There’s a lot to like about this game—the pixel art, level design, and basic mechanics are all superlative—but the whole thing is hampered by the inert pacing, needless repetitions, dogshit writing, and some of the clumsiest storytelling I've ever seen in a video game (especially as it careens into a multi-car pileup of narrative convolution and interconnected "shared universe" building near the end). It doesn't help that the game's entire roster of characters are a bunch of bland ciphers, lacking the depth and dimensionality of even the thinnest planks of cardboard. I just... didn't care... about anything that happened... to them or to the world they inhabit.

Not terrible, sure... but hardly worth all the hoopla. In the grand scheme of things, I'd much rather just replay Lufia II.

And I am most certainly NOT going back for that True Ending.

Oh, sweet. I just made an awesome custom character. Too bad she’s stuck in this terrible, janky-ass game with sludgy combat and atrocious level design.

2023