most mindless experience imaginable, no personality, no color, no energy, no challenge, just spray and pray this doesn't take too much off your lifespan

an abundance of archaic design choices, tedious, pointless puzzle sections and a story without any real sense of direction made even the good parts of this game really hard to enjoy (and even then, those parts were okay at best)
you really have to play this game in the modern age without any nostalgia attached to it to truly understand how badly it aged

2016

final boss makes me wanna die and not in a good way
other than that it's a great experience

rebiew of Magenta Horizon (act 1)

I should preface this with saying that even though I have finished this game on its intended difficulty you should keep in mind that at the time of writing this, I have not yet played the two of the biggest listed inspirations for it, (Devil May Cry games and Hollow Knight) so take some of what I say with a pinch of salt

Magenta Horizon is like if banging your head against a wall repeatedly was somehow made satisfying, it's a tough game even on its standard difficulty which becomes apparent pretty quickly but I like that the game sets those expectations right off the bat, instead of having crazy difficulty spikes show up out of nowhere (which may be the experience for some but in my opinion it mostly wasn't)

the actual combat system offers a good amount of freedom, with flexible combos, many approaches to different enemy types that each offer unique challenges of their own, for example even the first enemy type you meet can prove to be disruptive in the later stages

MH is confident in its enemy design not only gameplay-wise but visually too, with every little creature looking weirder and more hellish than the last, which surely serves to create a memorable experience when coupled with the general aesthetic of the game (which I believe was inspired by the works of Tim Burton) that succeeds in creating a somewhat bleak, purgatory-like place filled with character, and if the later levels are anything to come by it looks like the atmosphere of the game will only get more interesting from here

the soundtrack to this afterlife is quite good with many solid tracks to its name, and all in all the sound design of it does its job pretty well I'd say

I haven't found a good way to mention the story and the world building but it is definitely intriguing in places, and even though there aren't many answers given to us just yet the main characters are charming enough for the time being and I'm interested to learn more about them

Magenta Horizon is a passion project made by one person and it shows that in the best possible ways, it's frankly impressive how good this game is already all things considered, I can't think of any major issues I have with it at the moment, pretty much all I have is praise so I apologise if this review is a bit boring to read because of that, but I do legitimately really like this game and want to see more of it, and I hope it becomes successful cause it damn sure deserves it

definitely keeping my eye on this

2018

this game is fun but I hate my parents

no you don't understand I NEED to marry Typhon I don't give a FUCK if he's secretely evil or whatever and no, I don't CARE how gay it is either I NEED him in my LIFE

"ooh boohoo these Crash games are so different and bad" SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CAN POSSESS A GORILLA

can't believe I've spent money on a multiplayer game that had only one fun meta

review of Valhalla the Bart ender simulator
with a steam description that mentions waifus as a part of the game's appeal, you might expect, justifiably or not, less than stellar writing, but you would be pleasantly surprised
this game's writing is so incredibly mature, to the point where it makes the writing of most of the other games I have played seem shallow by comparison
it thrusts you into a believable dystopia without making it all feel too pointless and hopeless, gives you some stunningly real-feeling characters, each with their own struggles and memorable qualities, and there's some good use of second-hand worldbuilding to boot, all of that combined with the small-stakes story makes it all so easy to empathise with
the extremely unique choice system that presents itself in the form of drink-mixing does not at all overstay its welcome or even feel tacky in the slightest, I would argue it's actually much better than most choice systems in gaming because it never really tells you how important or meaningless your actions are, nor does it tell you if they are of short-term or long-term effect, there's no "character X will remember this" crap, the only way to know is to know the characters and how they would react in the first place, which can be hard but getting to know them so well is a pleasure in its own right if I dare say such a thing
the protagonist, Jill Stingray deserves a special mention, her character being an absolute delight to play as as her personality and character development throughout the game never ceased to be entertaining, a blank slate main character would have probably been a bad choice for this kind of game anyway, so I'm glad that they went above and beyond in making Jill brim with history and personality
the visuals in the game are fantastic, adding to the grim but not overly despair-filled atmosphere of Glitch city and (mostly) graceful and subtle characterisation of its denizens
and lastly, there's something to be said about a game that is so goddamn confident in its own soundtrack, that it literally lets you pick the assortment of songs from the jukebox, unafraid that it will break the atmosphere at any point in the game (and frankly it never did, which is kind of amazing for a game with so many tracks)
VA-11 Hall-A is a game that is brimming with confidence in just about every aspect of itself, and it is not for nought, for it is an amazing game more than worth being confident in
9.5/10 drinks mixed, lives changed, Barts ended

lego badman 2 dc superheroes review:
this was a major step forward for titty games for this was their first ever videogame that adhered to the lego game formula to feature both voice acting AND an open world hub
it is with a heavy heart that I must say that both of those things were pretty underwhelming in my opinion, for the voice acting wasn't utilised to its full potential and the open world styled city of gotham, although brimming with unlockables, is pretty rough and not quite yet realised
this is not my biggest hurdle with the game however
my biggest complaint would absolutely have to be the story/character choices and the level design, which were, to my surprise, a fairly big step backwards from the original
for starters, the title of the game is kind of a lie
the vast majority of the game is spent with Batty and Roberto, with Soupman joining our duo halfway through the game
that's it, hardly enough characters to fill up the famous justice league, right?
well, they actually do show up in the story and ARE playable there, but it's literally just the last two levels, and the Splash along with Blunder Woman serve no mechanical purpose in the level they show up in, so half of those who DO show up at the end do pretty much nothing lol
speaking of dc supered heroes, remember Soupman, and how he joins the classic duo halfway through the game? well guess what, this guy is so fucking powerful, that he literally kills all tension by being playable in the story mode, I mean, he's literally invincible and has like half the powers that are available in the game, they realise how fucking broken he is towards the end by "weakening him with kryptonite" so he won't be able to fly but like, he's still unkillable lmao
(btw flying in the open world feels clunky af)
actually this game has a character problem in general, where, save for the first couple of levels, the only villains present in the story are the Joka and Lex Luthor, which, as fun as they are, become kinda tiring after a while (the first game had a good portion of Badman's rogues gallery being an active threat in the story mind you)
and finally there's the level design, which feels lackluster when compared to the expansive levels of the original, and where in the og game I would say that nearly every level is good, in this one it would be only a third at most, with a lot of them ending up feeling like an afterthought
lego dragman 2 was really ambitious and as many would argue a necessary step towards the right direction, however, it takes that one step while taking a couple back, and that is what makes it disappointing for me