Magical magical very special game wow. There’s some legit alchemy going on at Namco with how well every aspect of this game from the art direction to the stage design to the music to the story to the everything coalesces into this perfectly-realized experience. It’s not a particularly complex game or anything but it’s just sooo satisfying to simply exist in, the 2.5D gimmick really does wonders in making each level feel like a genuine space. It’s weird because the actual stage layouts are quite video game-y but they never feel like empty backdrops for platforming, those are all real, tangible places where my buddy Klonoa lives! I feel like most conversation around Klonoa (the game, not the sweet wahoo boy) tend to focus on the big late-game tonal shift—and I get why, it’s incredibly memorable and effective. But I worry that overshadows just how memorable and effective everything else here is too. This game just has a one-of-a-kind vibrancy to it that I find really captivating. But if you’re reading this you either already know what I’m talking about or you haven’t played Klonoa yet, in which case: go fix that right now!

Truth be told I’ve never been as big a fan of the Superstar formula as I wanted to be—the anthology structure is certainly unique, but I’ve always felt it left the experience as a whole feeling a tad disjointed. Each minigame is fun on its own, but most just don’t get the space or time to feel as fleshed out as I’d like them to be. That being said, I still enjoyed Superstar, and the same can more or less be said for this remake.

Superstar Ultra is a pretty straightforward translation of the SNES original: it’s got all the games you remember, and they play more or less how you remember them. Spring Breeze and Dyna Blade offer truncated (if basic) classic Kirby adventures. The Great Cave Offensive is a bit more inspired: a more robust, exploratory journey that’s always been a personal favorite for my collection-obsessed lizard brain. Return of Meta Knight is probably the best-realized game of the original roster, a fast, high-octane action movie parody full of frenetic combat and charming dialogue. Gourmet Race and the microgames all provide brief, almost Warioware-esque reprieves. And then to cap it all off you get Milky Way Wishes, which I think is actually kind of a confusing mess but the Marx fight is really cool so yeah sure whatever!

Any changes Ultra makes to that core lineup are minimal, mostly in the form of small but welcome optimizations. A more zoomed out screen, a better English translation, some more informative UI elements (a huge help in TGCO actually). The presentation has also been updated, although that’s something I’m more mixed on. I quite like the GBA/DS Kirby aesthetic, but it is a real shame to see one of the more distinct and vibrant Kirby games reimagined in this “house style”. The sprites looks great in their own right, but I do find myself missing the off-model charm of the original, particularly in the backgrounds and these crunchy 3D-rendered cutscenes.

Probably the change I’m most fond of is the fact that hey, we’re on the DS now! I always struggled with Superstar’s 8-in-one structure but it really does make so much more sense on a handheld, especially one as geared towards short, on-the-go play sessions as the original DS. It’s a great game to play in between other tasks when you got like 15-30 minutes to kill, something that was a lot harder to do when the game was straddled to a home console you had to hook up to a CRT (or in my case, a Wii to a monitor).

As far as the new modes go, they’re nice, harmless additions but ones I’m not terribly impressed by. I have no interest in boss rushes so I didn’t bother with any of the three arenas and I felt myself going through the motions with Metaknightmare. Revenge of the King was a genuine treat though, a great synthesis of everything that worked in the main games, all capped off by an instantly iconic boss fight. Probably my favorite experience on the cartridge. The new touchscreen microgames are nice as well, it’s something they basically had to do considering the game and the hardware but they got a lot more going on than I expected.

All in all, Superstar Ultra is a pretty appealing package. Is it better than Superstar? I dunno, probably? Not by a lot but I suppose it’s a bit more finely-tuned where it counts. It’s still not my favorite in the series, but I can’t ever have a truly bad time playing Kirby. A real nice one

I’ve long maintained that X and Y are my least favorite Pokémon games. This is different than thinking they’re the worst Pokémon games, which I don’t believe they are, at least not anymore. Unlike Sun and Moon which seemed terrified to ever let you experience the game without a new cutscene or tutorial every 5 steps, X and Y still more or less maintain an illusion of player-driven adventure. The ever-satisfying core gameplay loop that made these games such a sensation (exploring towns and routes, catching Pokémon, engaging in battles) still feels largely intact, especially when compared to projects like Sword and Shield or Legends: Arceus which ventured to break that formula apart without replacing it with anything interesting. X and Y still undeniably feel like Pokémon: not a glorified cutscene compilation, not a shitty MMO, not a half-baked BOTW clone, just Pokémon. As jaded as this series makes me, that’s always a feeling I’m willing to chase.

And while yes the games certainly feel a bit undercooked, it’s not from a lack of love and care. Additions like the fairy type, super training, and the PSS all strike me as the handiwork of a studio that on some level still gave a shit. For fuck’s sake, they 3D modeled all 700+ Pokémon and let you pet every last one of them! In retrospect, a lot of the stranger design decisions here seem to be motivated less by apathy or incompetence and more by a desire to show off what “the first 3D Pokémon game” was capable of. Areas like Route 1 or Glittering Cave are functionally glorified hallways, but they show off an over-the-shoulder angle the DS could never do. Rideable Pokémon are a momentum-breaking slog, but they provide a golden opportunity for the camera to whip around as you bask in the glory of the beautifully-rendered Rhyhorn model. Santalune Forest has the same exact layout as Virdian Forest, likely to inspire some feeling of “wow, look how far we’ve come since the Gameboy”, potentially explaining the rest of the Gen 1 nostalgia on some level as well. Lumiose City may be hell to navigate, but if you’re focused on just how much bigger it is than the metropolises of old, you may not even notice. Hell, even the baffling Parfum Palace side-mission makes a lot more sense when you consider all the fancy new textures it flaunts along the way. Playing X and Y, you get the sense GameFreak was really proud of what they managed to accomplish graphically, and wanted to show it off at every turn. The theme of the game IS “beauty” after all.

But, over ten years after the fact, (God I feel old…) a graphical showcase for the Nintendo 3Ds isn’t especially enticing. And I mean, the console wasn’t exactly a visual powerhouse back in the day, either. There is an appealing artstyle in here—I generally like the Pokémon models for what they are, and I think retaining a chibi aesthetic in the overworld was a smart move—but the muted colors and blandness of the locales really hurt it. Sure these environments aren’t nearly as barren as what we’d see in the games to come, but they’re certainly not as lively as anything we got on the DS or even the GBA. And it’s not like we haven’t seen areas built for spectacle before—Black 2 and White 2 were full of ‘em, but they never let it compromise their level design in the same way X and Y does. I mentioned Lumiose City’s size earlier, but what I didn’t recall is just how much less there is to actually do there than in the much smaller Castelia of old. A lot of Kalos is like that—impressive for the time, but lacking in real substance. Just about the only place where I think this show-off mentality really does hold up is in the gyms. Each one of them has a unique puzzle that could only make sense in a 3D space. They’re fun, they’re creative, they have great art direction, it’s honestly my favorite aspect of the whole game. It’s a shame the rest of the region can’t compare.

And with that new hardware sheen having long worn off, it brings into greater focus just how much of X and Y feel unfinished. Areas like the Power Plant or the Haunted House that once struck me as odd, pointless excursions feel a lot more telling as an adult who knows what “cut content” is. The gap between the first and second badges is one of the longest in the series, a pacing choice I’d actually quite like if the remaining 6 badges didn’t arrive in such a mad dash one after the other. I don’t play these games for the story or the postgame, but both are noticeably more barebones than usual. I mean come on man, why does every Team Flare member, from leader to grunt, get a fully-rendered 3D model for their battle intro, while the elite four, gym leaders and champion are stuck with PNGs? Does that seem like an intentional choice, or as a shift in priorities to better accommodate a looming deadline?

The difficulty curve is the area that feels the most neglected in my eyes. The EXP Share—a quality of life feature I actually really appreciate—seems to have been implemented without regard for an already-existing level curve. Kalos has evidently outlawed carrying a full team of 6, as the only trainer you’ll be facing with as many is the champion. Plenty of trainers carry strong Pokémon with interesting movesets, but when you’re gifted so many free Pokémon along the way, finding a method to cheese them is really a matter of “when”, not “if”. I was playing X under a particularly restrictive set of nuzlocke rules, and even still I found the majority of gameplay save for the absolute finale to be pretty close to mindless. I don’t think a harder game is necessarily a better one of course—but the seeming disinterest in creating opportunities for a player to strategize in your JRPG feels like a pretty major oversight to me.

And speaking of difficulty, I guess I have to talk about Mega Evolution. I’ve already stated in my ORAS review that I’m not a fan, but I haven’t articulated why. For one, they’re barely utilized in their debut game: 25 out of 30 mega stones are locked behind the postgame, with only two trainers in the campaign actually using them in battle. I’d be more mad they hardly see use in casual play, if it wasn’t so obvious why: they completely break the game. What could have been a way to revitalize some old Pokémon and address power creep along the way only exacerbated it. Megas completely overpower a normal playthrough, which makes the fact that so many of them were given to already-strong Pokémon even more frustrating. I think just about the only Mega that isn’t insanely broken, was given to a Pokémon that actually needed one, and doesn’t completely ruin their design (because oh yeah most Megas look really, really dumb) is Mega Beedrill. And he’s not even available until ORAS.

You also can’t discuss Mega Evolution without addressing the domino effect it’s had on the series. Z-Moves, Dynamax, Gigantamax, Battle Styles— Mega Evolution and it’s consequences have been a disaster for the Pokémon franchise. These are not interesting new additions, they’re glorified win buttons that never get the space to be fleshed out since they’re gone by the next installment. I haven’t even played Scarlet and Violet because the idea of learning an entirely new gimmick I know won’t last just seemed so exhausting. Remember when a new Pokémon game brought sizable structural changes: held items, abilities, the physical/special split, reusable TMs, real, substantial mechanical shake-ups that changed the way the game is played? I wish Gamefreak did.

That’s, in so many words, my issue with X and Y. It’s the last Pokémon game that got the fundamentals, but it’s really JUST fundamentals. Kalos is a flavorless region, the battles are a total afterthought, and it’s adherence to spectacle rings hollow a decade plus after release. The games that came after may be worse, but they’re worse in more interesting ways. And in the absence of genuine innovation, I can’t help but focus on all the things X and Y introduced to the series I wish would go away: stupid generational gimmicks, a suffocating yearly release schedule, and a precedent for cut corners selling games. It’s hard not to look at Black 2 and White 2, games bursting at the seams with content and polish and smart, fully-developed design that nonetheless underperformed, and compare them to X and Y, the unfinished, nostalgic tech demos that sold like hotcakes. I can’t be surprised at the direction Gamefreak chose to move in, but man if I’m not disappointed.

MERCURY STEAM HQ, 2015:

“Alright team, time to plan this Metroid II remake. And I want to say up front: there’s no bad ideas in brainstorming! So, what‘s on your mind?”

“Hmm…well first, how about we make the game look like dogshit? Just real gross. Muddy colors, weird blurry lighting and totally indistinct area themes. I want the player to feel totally lost in an endless maze of poop caves. And while we’re at it, since past Metroid games did such a good job immersing the player in their worlds, what if for this one we took the opposite approach. Shoot for a really unconvincing 2.5D aesthetic with incredibly blocky level design, that way the player is constantly reminded they’re playing a game. Like, the monochrome Gameboy original should feel more immersive than this.”

“That’s brilliant, Dave. Sarah, you had your hand up?”

“Yeah well I was just thinking, what if we made the level design like, way worse? Metroid II split its map into these open, easy-to-digest chunks that have aged pretty well all things considered. So why not throw all that bullshit in the trash and replace it for something really cramped and labyrinthine? Just really arduous to navigate, make exploring feel like a hassle. Maybe instead of interesting power-up gating we also could just fill the map with power bomb tiles, so exploration just becomes a dull game of spamming the scan pulse every few steps.”

“I like where your head is at, Sarah. Who else?”

“Well while we’re talking about the original, I’ve been looking at some reviews and it seems like a common complaint with that game was that the Metroid boss fights got kind of monotonous after a while. So I was thinking—and hear me out on this one—what if we made each Metroid encounter take like twice as long? And not because it’s any more engaging or anything, just way more tedious. Like, half of their new attacks make them invincible so most of the fight is just running around wasting missiles while you wait for an opening. And then make the player do that 50 times. Maybe instead of having them ambush you in interesting locations we could also just place each one in a big game-y boss arena and give the player a grating beeping notification every time they’re near one. You know, that way they never feel any sense of surprise or any illusion this is a believable fragile ecosystem and not a checklist of Goombas for them to stop. It’s not like that’s thematically important to Metroid II or anything.”

“Goddamnit Brian, you’re a loose cannon, but maybe that’s just exactly we need for this project. What next?”

“Well, grinding for health and ammo was always really annoying in previous games. So let’s exhaust that by really spreading out the recharge stations. That way if you need a refill after a boss you have to run around the entire area. Oh, and then let’s make enemies not always respawn when you leave a room, so when you inevitably do have to farm it’s super inconvenient. Fuck it, let’s even add a third type of meter while we’re at it to triple the grinding!”

“I’m gonna be honest Larry I didn’t 100% make out what you said because I was doing coke off Brian’s desk, but fuckin sure dude put it in the game!”

“Hey boss, I was just replaying the GBA games and noticed how fluid their combat felt. So I was thinking for our game we could add this melee counter move to really fuck up the pacing. That way instead of being able to quickly move and shoot your way through enemies, every single goddamn one requires you to stop in your tracks and wait for their attack animation to start so you can do your stupid fucking parry move. Y’know, that way the movement and exploration never get too exciting. Wouldn’t want that in a Metroid game! Then let’s make every enemy have a ton of health when you try to kill them without the parry so players are locked into having to play this way. And—what the hell—let’s not improve enemy variety at all, so you’re stuck seeing the same 20 or so guys without any change in strategy the whole time.”

“Leslie, you son of a bitch. I think you’ve just cracked this thing wide open. In fact, I’m giving you a raise and some of this desk cocaine.”

Did not complete

The most striking thing about AM2R is certainly the story behind it. There’s something uniquely compelling about a passion project 10 years in the making, tragically cut down before it’s prime that’s clearly resonated with a lot of people, including myself. The most striking thing about actually playing AM2R is just how damn polished it all feels. The pixel art is stunning, it runs like a dream, and the smoothness of the controls rivals even Zero Mission. The quality of the world design in particular really grabbed me, each area has such a distinct and well-conceived theme with some of the more creatives puzzles I’ve seen from this series. It’s borrowing the gated funnel structure of Metroid II, but the addition of a map (and notably, no map stations) makes exploration feel incredibly fulfilling and the most player-driven it’s been since… I dunno, Super? It’s clear the team working on this were incredibly devoted to making the best possible version of this game they could and I think they succeeded. I don’t play a ton of fan games myself, but the ones I have played have never been even close to this level. This is on par with any official Metroid release, and in some areas even surpasses them.

Where I’m less sold on Another Metroid 2 Remake is, funny enough, as a remake of Metroid II. Which is to be expected, honestly. I don’t think you actually can remake Metroid II without fundamentally ruining most of the things that make it interesting. The obscure graphics, the awkward music, the monotonous structure, the claustrophobic screen crunch, all that Gameboy jank was such an integral part of Metroid II’s deliberately uncomfortable atmosphere. Any additional layer of polish you add on top of it only serves to strip it of its identity. This isn’t to say AM2R doesn’t have an identity if it’s own—it has loads!—but it’s not the same identity, it’s not even in the same ballpark. Most of the time, I forgot I was even playing a remake of Metroid II at all.

Which sounds really negative but honestly I… don’t really care. Much like Zero Mission, what we have here is such a thrilling, enjoyable experience on its own that I’m more than willing to put asides any shortcomings it has as a recreation of a game that I’ve already played and still have full access to. Judged on its own merits, what we have here is a Metroid that feels great to control, offers a brilliantly thought-out and realized world, and adds in a wealth of new ideas I haven’t seen before. I can’t really ask for more than that. AM2R is a blast, and absolutely deserves a spot on the shelf with all the other Metroids—and not too far from the top of the pile either. This is the real deal.

Oh yeah and fuck Nintendo lmao

Recently bought a 2Ds and was struck with the sudden, insatiable urge to play some Pokémon, so this is what I’ve been up to for the past 2 weeks. I have A Lot of grievances with how this franchise has handled itself in the jump to 3D (I know, shocker) but for my money this is probably the best of the post-B2W2 outings. At least, I’m assuming it is, I still haven’t played Scarlet and Violet because I refuse to learn what “terrastilizing” is. ORAS isn’t without its problems of course—the cutscenes and general handholding are as overbearing as ever, and there’s some pretty egregious difficulty pacing issues. But the structure and general aesthetics of Hoenn are just so many leaps and bounds ahead of anything else this series has put out since XY first drunkenly stumbled onto shelves that it still manages to squeak by as a pretty likable Pokémon game. It’s kind of a testament to how fundamentally decent a lot of Gen 6’s features actually were—movement feels great, super training and the new EXP share provide nice if messy quality of life features, and I always forget just how much I adore fairy types. When you put that engine in a game with actual level design, it’s a surprisingly good time. Go figure! Megas are still stupid as fuck but ehh whatever, I can’t die on every hill. Pretty chill game to nuzlocke too, for what it’s worth. Just try not to lose half your team to Wally like I did. Shoutout to Clucky Balboa the Blaziken—he’s a real one.

Castlevania: Bloodlines is a weird game I have weird feelings about. Sega certainly does what Nintendon’t, for better or for worse. I feel like this is going to be one of my more contentious reviews, so let’s just dive into it.

I’ll start off with what I liked: This game is fucking bonkers! It’s the twentieth century, and Dracula’s previously-unmentioned niece, Elizabeth Bartley, is trying to resurrect the big man himself. Her plan to do this? By starting World War I and generating enough dead souls to bring Drac back early, of course! That’s right folks, the assassination of Franz Ferdinand wasn’t motivated by complex geopolitical machinations, but a secret plot by fucking vampires! As the player, you take control of either John Morris or Eric Lecarde, the former of which is stated to be both a distant descendant of the Belmont clan as well as the son of Quincy Morris from the Bram Stoker novel. According to the manual, John and Eric were even present for that book’s final showdown, just slightly to the left off-screen, Lion King 1 ½ style. Insane move on Konami’s part to canonize the Dracula novel this late into the series, only to turn around and claim one of its major characters as part of their lineage of video game OCs. Definitely not as insane as asserting vampires orchestrated World War I, but insane nonetheless! After some cursory googling it seems Elizabeth Bartley is also based on Hungarian noblewoman Erzsébet Báthory, a real-life alleged serial killer rumored to have murdered over 600 women. Very cool detail to add to your game that probably sat on the shelf next to Ristar and Sonic 2. You can go to Atlantis in this one! Shit’s crazy!

Bugnuts lore aside, the actual selling point of Bloodlines, in my mind, is that it looks and sounds amazing. Castlevania games tend to be a cut above the rest in that regard as a given, but even still Bloodlines sticks out as something special. That distinct Genesis color palette and sound chip are pushed to their fullest, lending the game a very unique flavor among its franchise peers. The globetrotting conceit is really what sells this adventure, each stage jam-packed with unique iconography to remember it by. Romania has those huge windows and that sicknasty hellhound. “Atlantis, Greece” has those beautiful rising purple tides and the giant statue heads you can THWACK. Italy lets you climb up the Tower of Pisa, here reimagined as a constantly-teetering mode 7 dutch angle nightmare. The munitions factory in Germany is like a typical clocktower level cranked to 11, full of whirring cogs and gears and treads and skeletons in little army helmets. Versailles has that cool-as-hell blood fountain and fucking MOTHRA like holy shit dude it’s MOTHRA as the end-of-stage boss. And then you get to the final level and there’s exploding bridges and more stairs and boss fights than you can shake a whip at. There’s just so much to marvel at here–I’ve talked a lot about how these games emphasize spectacle, but Bloodlines really has no equals in that department. Seriously impressive showcase for the system.

Unfortunately, beyond that is where Bloodlines… kind of loses me. This game has a reputation for being difficult, and it definitely is, but not in the ways I was anticipating. The first thing I noticed is that unlike every other game in this series, you do not have infinite continues. Game over 3 times, and it’s back to the beginning. This is just really dumb in my eyes, it totally disincentivizes the kind of trial-and-error mastery Castlevania thrives on by attaching such a harsh penalty to failure. But whatever, with some passwords and save states it’s an easy enough problem to circumvent. It’s not ideal, but it’s not a dealbreaker. But then you get past that and…hm.

Look, I got nothing against hard games. Obviously not, I’m doing a Castlevania marathon. And with all the other games in this series, I’ve risen to the challenge and had a great time doing it! But I think with Bloodlines we may have reached my personal threshold for how much ball-busting I can tolerate. Maybe it’s franchise burnout, but it just felt like this one had a much higher degree of bullshit than usual, particularly in it’s second half. There’s only six stages, but they’re six looong stages, each one absolutely swarming you with enemies and obstacles. That wouldn’t be so bad on its own, but it feels like they all take a million hits with uncharacteristically erratic attack patterns. I usually scoff when people dismiss the difficulty of this series by saying “you have to read the game’s mind to beat this” but like… it felt kinda true with Bloodlines! Stage 4 is pretty bad, but stage 5 is where I really reached my limit, with its control-reversing spores and superfast swinging plants and low-visibility chandelier hallway and that stupid wheel knight that takes like a full minute to kill and that dumbass statue head boss that you can only damage when he’s NOT on screen???? By the time I got to the final stage I was so annoyed by the experiecne that I was savescumming like crazy just to get it over with, something I normally avoid doing with these. The final bosses aren’t even that bad really, Belmont’s Revenge was way worse, but I was just so tired and frustrated by then I needed an easy out.

I feel bad because Bloodlines really does do so much that I love. The music and visuals are spectacular, the levels are incredibly memorable, and it takes the series into some refreshingly weird directions. From what I understand this is a fan-favorite, and I totally get why! I mean hell, it's got MOTHRA in it! But if I'm being entirely honest with myself, this was really a slog to get through. Can’t say I’m a hater, but I can’t say I’m a fan.

You ever play a game that just fucking rocks? A game where every little thing about it feels precisely designed to make you (yes, you!) go “oh, HELL yeah!” at the screen? The type of game where each component doesn’t just work well, but works with such bravado that it feels like you’re discovering just how cool games can be for the first time? Castlevania: Rondo of Blood is one such game, a true 90s action kickassterpiece if ever there was one.

Where to even begin, man. As soon as you press start, Rondo bowls you over with just how stylish it all is. The pixel art is so vibrant and crisp, the cutscenes have this rad 80s OVA aesthetic, there’s so many little details and flashy effects. Backgrounds are more layered than ever, enemies move with such clarity and fluidity, and Richter has just the gnarliest fucking death animation I ever done saw. And the music, my god, THE MUSIC! This has gotta be my favorite Castlevania soundtrack yet, that extra CD space gets put to work. Everything about this game’s presentation just tickles my brain in exactly the way I want it to. It reminded me a lot of how completely Megaman X4 overwhelmed me with its aesthetics, a comparison I do NOT make lightly. Coming off of how vague and unspecific Super Castlevania IV’s art direction was, this just felt like a huge shot in the arm.

And hey, not to be a hater or nothing, but the gameplay is also a marked improvement over Super IV. I could appreciate that game’s attempts at shaking things up in theory, but Rondo feels like a much truer expansion of the Castlevania formula. You have a little more mid-air control, but your jump arc is still very stiff. Richter can get more height using a new backflip move, but that requires a quick button combo and plenty of screen clearance to use effectively. Your whip has more range and no longer needs to be upgraded, but still has a slight delay and can only hit directly in front of you. This necessitates the use of subweapons, which now let you choose between the weapon you already had and the one you just got. Subweapons now each allow access to a unique screen nuke move at the cost of more hearts, adding a layer of spectacle and strategy to an old mechanic. You can jump onto staircases like in Super IV, but you can jump out of them as well, making stairs actually responsive for the first time in series history. These are thoughtful, intelligent changes that streamline the way the game plays without disrupting that strict, purposeful Castlevania feel. It feels intuitive without losing any intentionality.

It also helps that these levels just rip so much ass, dude. Most of them are new spins on familiar locales—castle interiors, ghost ships, clock towers, even the village from Simon’s Quest makes an appearance—but with the production values increased and a greater emphasis on memorable setpieces. That’s the stage with the giant candles, that’s the stage where the whole town is on fire, that’s the stage with the giant bull that chases you! The whole thing feels very cinematic, in the same way that Castlevania I and III strived for but with the hardware to take it even further. The level design itself is also pitch-perfect. Enemies are a lot more aggressive than past games with more varied attack patterns, but they all have very clear telegraphs and are always placed where you can see them. It’s tough, especially considering how brief your invincibility frames are, but it never feels brutal. Haste and hesitation are the real killers here, and you’re given plenty of room to learn how to get through each level without relying on them. It’s a game that wants you to succeed and gives you all the tools to do so. It captures that oh-so-satisfying Castlevania game loop where every stage seems insurmountable at first, but with each attempt you get better and better until it becomes second nature. It took me forever to beat Dracula the first time, but when I realized I had forgotten to save Annette and had to redo the final battle to get the good ending, I took him down in only 2 or 3 attempts. Everything just feels so well-balanced, and the sense of skill progression is so, so rewarding.

And hey, speaking of replayability, that’s another huge thing Rondo of Blood has going for it! Most levels have branching pathways, secret exits to alternate stages, hidden maidens to rescue, and all kinds of little goodies buried in the nooks and crannies. I absolutely LOVE this kind of shit, scouring stages for unlockables is like my not-so-secret kink. I really like the addition of alternate stages in particular, it allows you a lot of flexibility with how you make your way to the final areas, but only as a reward for engaging with the level design first. Dracula's Curse experimented with something similar, but I much prefer its integration here since you can backtrack and see everything all in one playthrough.

Of course you can’t talk about replayability without discussing our two playable characters. Our Belmont for this adventure is Richter, and he’s handily my favorite of his clan yet. Simon has a special place in my heart, but Richter just has so much more personality. He’s as much a hero of destiny as any of his ancestors but with a more lighthearted, even dorky demeanor I find really endearing. Also that design with the headband and the torn sleeves absolutely rocks. But if you're tired of macho Belmont action, you could also play as Maria Renard, a twelve-year old girl who fights the hordes of evil using her magical animal friends. Maria is the best, aesthetically she feels like she belongs to an entirely different game (to the point she looks superimposed in her own cutscenes and her game over screen looks like Panel de Pon) which is a gag made all the more funny by just how much stronger than the Belmonts she is. She takes more damage than Richter but moves much faster, has a bird-boomerang attack that shreds through enemies, gets a double jump that makes platforming a breeze, and her animal buddy item crashes are totally busted. Her inclusion is likely intended as an “easy mode” of sorts, but it’s so fleshed out it hardly feels demeaning. You can see the entire game with Maria and she plays so differently that even if you prefer Richter’s challenge, it’s worth retrying stages to see how she fares. I tended to go through stages as Richter first, switching to Maria when I was backtracking for secret exits or to get through particularly tough platforming gauntlets. I really like how she’s implemented here, you have to find her hidden away in stage 2 to unlock her first. It’s a nice way to incentivize exploration, and happens early enough that you gain a feel for how Richter controls first while still having the option to use Maria for the much harder levels to come. Rondo of Blood is really dedicated to letting you play how you want to, and that’s something I really appreciate.

If I try to write anymore it’ll just devolve into unintelligible gushing but yeah, Rondo of Blood is a sweet ass game. Cool as fuck, super fun, and with a great amount of player freedom. It’s the Castlevania I’ve come to know and love but with so much more style and depth to really keep me coming back. Without a doubt my favorite Castlevania so far–this is the new gold standard.

Castlevania makes its big leap to 16-bits with Super Castlevania IV and the results are… I mean, yeah sure man it’s ok! From what I understand this was an early release for that newfangled Super Nintendo Machine, and it’s within that context that this game makes the most sense to me. This is a hardware showcase, which explains the emphasis on technical spectacle and the fact that it’s a sorta-retelling of Castlevania 1 but with a shiny new coat of paint and all-new all-different playstyle. And in that respect, it’s very impressive! If I played this in 1991 it would have undoubtedly rocked my socks off. This ragtag bunch of programmers did a lovely job and their mothers should all be very proud, etc. etc. etc. It’s just a shame then that playing it now, after seeing what else the series has to offer, the most I can really muster for Super Castlevania IV is tepid indifference.

I guess we’re just diving in then. Let me address the elephant in the room and tackle this game’s most controversial element first: the play control. Our main man Simon is back, and he brought some swanky new moves with him for his 16-bit debut. Belmont can now whip in 8 directions, his chain extending much farther than ever before, with the added benefit of being able to control his jumps in mid-air. This is a HUGE shakeup for a series originally built around a stiff, limiting control scheme, but it’s a shakeup I don’t necessarily mind. While I adored the classic controls precisely because of their inflexibility and strongly disagree with the idea it was anything that needed to be “fixed”, I also don’t think there’s anything inherently sacrilegious about wanting to make an entry in this series that’s focused on being more empowering and comfortable to use. Lots of characters had their movesets expanded and streamlined in the transition to the SNES, often to great success. Hell, Megaman X is basically an entire sub-franchise based on this principle and I adore those games, so fuck it, we ball. I’m fine with the Belmont clan trying something new, and excited to see what fresh opportunities that may open up for the overall game design.

But that’s kinda where my beef with Super Castlevania IV lies: its disinterest in really examining those opportunities. Aside from a few (admittedly cool) grappling sections, this is by and large the same shit, different whip, without any real thought put into how that difference dramatically changes the way Castlevania feels. Enemies and stage layouts do little to account for the incredible amount of range and maneuverability your new octo-directional god-flail provides, resulting in a game that’s less concerned with deliberate positioning or thoughtful movement as it is pressing B to steamroll and Belmont-struttin’ to the finish. I still died plenty, sure, but when I revived I was never asked to change up my strategy, since plowing forward head-first was almost always the most viable option. I wasn’t even looking at my heart counter for most of the game, because your whip is just so absurdly useful it makes bothering with subweapons entirely pointless. The call for precision does start to pick up eventually, but only in the last third or so, and mostly by means of really fiddly platforming and a lot of instant-death spikes with weird hitboxes. It’s just…sloppy, and that’s the last word I thought I’d associate with Castlevania.

Let me be clear, because I’m worried this might be misconstrued: I’m not bothered by the fact Super Castlevania IV isn’t as rigid or challenging as what came before, as much as I’m bothered that it’s simply so much less engaging to play. I got hooked on Castlevania because it was the kind of game you couldn’t just mindlessly brute-force your way through, you had to take your time and think through your actions if you wanted to improve. It was tough but always fair, always intentional, and if you were willing to meet it on its level it was an immensely satisfying experience to learn and master each stage. Super Castlevania IV is not disappointing because it’s different or easy, it’s disappointing because I’m doing the same thing I’ve been doing for 4 games straight but more brainless than ever. It’s not exactly a bad time, it feels good enough to play in the moment, but it isn’t really rewarding or memorable long-term, and the fact that it’s three times the length these usually go for really highlights its shallowness.

All this might be excusable if the presentation was better but honestly I’m not feeling that either, man. There’s a few good backgrounds here and there and the exuberance that it explores the SNES hardware with is hard not to be somewhat charmed by (Mode 7 hallways, cool as fuck dude) but most of this looks really muddy and bland to me. It lacks the goofy cartoon monster mash aesthetics of its predecessors but hasn’t quite arrived at the gothic anime look of what’s to come, so you get this weird middle child without much visual personality of its own. Music is also a real letdown, you’d think a console as well-suited to absolutely fucking shredding as the SNES would be packed full of new rockin’ Castlevania bangers but it’s mostly a very ambient, atmospheric affair. Which I could maybe get behind if it was done better but a lot of this just sounds kinda dinky and lame, returning favorites like Vampire Killer and Bloody Tears notwithstanding. Honestly this rendition of Bloody Tears is SO good on its own I’m almost willing to let everything else in this paragraph slide. Almost. Simon’s Quest truthers stay forever 🔛🔝!

I dunno. This review is a mess. I don’t like being this mean towards a game I’m this lukewarm on, but I also can’t lie and act like this was a real showstopper in any regard either. It’s far from bad, but nothing about it really compels me, which is a shame. It’s the biggest, grandest Castlevania yet, and I’ve already forgotten most of it. I can respect it, I can appreciate it, but I think this one is just a swing and a miss for me personally.