played this while recovering from a major surgery in a hospital. there's probably like entire underground societies and institutions dedicated to this shit, dudes out there formulating the perfect monkey situations and learning optimal placements on each map. there's gotta be like one guy out there with a balloons tower defense tattoo. to me, it's that game i played while bleeding and dying and watching red letter media videos. i don't wanna know it any more intimately than that. it was like a cast for a broken arm on my brain, bracing the suffocating agony of my white ass away from insufferable boredom and loneliness. for that week, i understood the life of the ipad baby.

how did Elliot Page and Willem fucking Dafoe get casted in this? did someone have dirt on them? they're both extremely talented, it just doesn't seem right to have them in a game like this. feel very bad for Elliot in particular, David 'crying in the courtroom' Cage went above his usual level of creepy to a more disturbing extreme with him. he infamously got a collection of Elliot's childhood photos and made secret fully-detailed nude models of Elliot against his consent, which is an incredibly fucked up perverted nasty thing to do even for david cage standards - and he's a GAME DIRECTOR who is FRENCH. all for a redbox original DVD movie for PS3.

it has come to my attention that Astarion is basically a tumblr sexyman who women think is very hot but i'd like to clarify: i am NOT like the other girls. Astarion should NOT be dominant, dangerous, or powerfully sexy. Astarion, to me, isn't a character whose appeal is having a really cut physique and an overwhelmingly domineering presence - he SHOULD be reading Garfield comics in the dentist's waiting room because he forgot to charge his phone the night before, he should be doing sketch comedy that never takes off, he should be saving memes of Spongebob being 'cunty' onto his phone, he should be begging to eat pussy politely, and he should be singing along to broadway musicals in the shower.

Toby Fox took down his tweets talking about his involvement (one song) after it came out and everyone found out what it really was. possibly the worst protag of all time, voiced by a creep. this game tries so unbelievably hard but fails in most aspects. not much about this game works and it hurts because you can tell there was passion behind it, i can partially see why it has a (mostly) ironic cult following now because it's something you do want to see be good. it's ambitious, its heart and influences are so obviously visible but it just falls flat on its face. high school talent show pants-shitting on stage energy.