"as a person who has lots of sex all the time, i can say that this game is 100% accurate to having sex with sexy women. like i do. everyday. this game did not make me horny however. i am not gay. i just have too much sex with real women to spend more than 15 minutes in this game at a time. on the other hand i would recommend this game to people who do not have sex (unlike me because i have lots of sex with women a lot) as there is a naked woman in it and she is naked. she kinda looks like one of my many girlfriends who i have sex with a lot. i have lots of sex. i also an very handsome and women ALWAYS want to have sex with me because i am very muscular and handsome and very good at video games. all my girlfriends say im very good at sex and playing video games and being handsome. one of my girlfriends asked me to have sex with her but i told her i was playing a sex game instead so she started crying and became a lesbian and killed herself because i did not have sex with her. i have sex with women. not men. i am not gay. i am very cool and handsome so girls always have sex with me because i am very cool and sexy. my penis is very big. all my girlfriends like my penis because it is very big and i am very good at sex with my women. every woman ive had sex with is very sexy and so am i. i have lots of sex. i am also very handsome and sexy and i have lots of sex."

this is like one of those flash games where you go underground, do some mining until you can't anymore, and then return to the surface and buy all the upgrades you can, but with the addition of some incredibly light "metroidvania" elements (generous definition). it's better than those, for sure, but it still feels kinda hollow and sorely lacking in intentionality for the majority of the game. there's unique areas with more level design built in with rewards of lots more money or a new power-up, but even those segments aren't all that great. story is nothing, characters are nothing, and most shop purchases are just numerical upgrades as opposed to having cool horizontal progression with optional abilities to bolster the ones along the main path. it's fine.

i absolutely adore rhythm games. i love Spin Rhythm XD (2019), which is one of my favorite “pure” rhythm games, thoroughly enjoy Crypt of the Necrodancer (2015), have dabbled in Osu! (2007) a little bit before, and enjoy me some classics like Guitar Hero and PaRappa the Rapper (1996). i also love me some action games. granted, i’ve never played any Devil May Cry-adjacent game, but i really enjoy reflex-based experiences. yet, this isn’t actually the first time i’ve played a game that marries together rhythm and action! i have played a whopping TWO hours of BPM: Bullets Per Minute (2020), which is an action-roguelite/fps/rhythm game. i absolutely adore the concept of linking together dynamic, fast-paced situations with the beat of a song, but BPM didn’t really do it for me. enter: Hi-Fi Rush (2023)

that’s right. it’s time to Hi-Fi Gush about Hi-Fi Rush. (mae ain’t pick the verbs.)

this game very quickly earned a spot in my top 10 favorite games of all time. it is pure sex from every angle. i love the vibes, the visuals, the characters, and the fun, albeit simple story. it truly checks all of my boxes. yes, you could argue that sometimes the humor is a little too “erm, that just happened”, but for the most part, i do be giggling like a little idiot at every facet of this game, and not just the jokes. so many things are just absolutely delightful. the environment pulsing to the beat, the mini-cutscenes of Chai and 808 in between waves, and who knew that all quick-time events needed to be fun was synchronization with the music??? like yeah, mae that’s uhh what a rhythm game is. you're just QTEing constantly, but here it's soooo damn satisfying and oozing with style that i felt child-like joy throughout the vast majority of the game.

it is a universally known fact about letter-based scoring schemes that being able to spell out ASS on the score screen is the highest honor you can achieve. it doesn’t get better than that, folks. uh, sorry my “producer” (if you can even call him that) is trying to tell me that SSS is the best you can do. not really sure what that’s about. SERIOUS MODE. it is an extremely rare occurrence for me to actually enjoy going for high scores. the idea of combos is usually so frightening to me. they’re complex, and i often fall into the trap of just mashing, completely destroying the purpose of having a well-defined combo system in the first place. Hi-Fi Hi-Fixes that (admittedly skill) issue through the nature of syncing to the beat. you’ve pretty much just got a couple buttons when it comes to the basic attacks. light (L) and heavy (H). you start out with just some chill easy to remember combos at your disposal. wanna hit a dude quick? LLLL, my friend. have a bit more time to really bonk a bot? HHH. essentially all of the core combos in the game are just permutations of L’s and H’s. but, what’s that you say??? to do something like HHH, you don’t just do H on beat 1, then H on beat 2, then H on beat 3? nope! game design win inbound: light attacks take one beat, heavy attacks take two. whaaat???? “holy shit, you mean the heavy attacks are heavier and thus take longer, ms. maeam from backloggd.com???” yep. as a consequence of this, the timing of EVERYTHING is hardwired into your brain. “how many frames does the tremolo attack have to start-up? blah blah blah” you don’t need to know. you know that its HLL, so,, a total of 4,,, plus the three until the beat hit. whaaaat?? “a beat hit?? maeam from backloggd.com, you buried the lead, you sly dog!” don’t talk to me like that, i don’t know you. anyways, yes. at the end of basically every combo is a three-beat countdown with an Osu circle to the final big hit of the combo. except,,, you can instead shmix on em and substitute that final hit with a unique, context-sensitive move from your currently selected partner. i don’t want to go into partners too much for spoiler reasons, but i will say this. by the end of the game, you can use partners SOOO frequently that “optimal” gameplay involves a bajillion people saying voice lines and doing a quick little attack and then recharging in like 5 seconds. obviously, you can just not do that, but like,,, it’s kinda funny, if not a little overwhelming. to wrap all this fighting up, the game does a fantastic job of easing you into the game’s mechanics. you don’t learn the parry move until like stage 4, and you have to purchase the vast majority of the combos and counters and special partner moves. this is really good! you don’t even technically have to follow the beat early on, and you don’t feel like you have to memorize everything right out of the gate. there were a couple times where i technically had the currency to purchase a new combo, but i said “nope. i wanna get more comfortable with what i have first” and that is such a blessing. a rare combo system i love to interact with. for real, i be goin like LLHHH+LHLH (goated combo) and shittt. also. the multiple-parry sequences with bosses and more significant enemies are a fantastic bite-sized helping of Rhythm Heaven. i played through the whole game on hard mode without streamer mode turned on for a first playthrough, and it was a consistently challenging, yet rewarding experience.

the stages, er,, tracks, as the game calls them. they’re pretty fuckin neat. rather than enemies just being continuously spread out across every single possible part of the level, they’re in discrete mini-arenas (called Choruses), which helps isolate battles from platforming; you’re never worried about some robozo (robo bozo) waiting to clock you on a ledge. on the subject of platforming, i have some reservations. the exact same movement system functions for both fighting and platforming, which makes sense! you’re not stepping into an arena and then suddenly worried about Chai controlling in a completely different way. however, i feel as though the Chai’s movement physics are far more geared towards combat than they are navigating a 3D space with obstacles. that’s not to say that it’s complete dogshit, but while it may feel really nice and snappy to have Chai have a super high fall-speed when you’re fighting, it feels weirdly clunky when you’re trying to jump from platform to platform. there’s a bit of end lag when you land too, adding to why it doesn’t necessarily feel as fluid as i would like. the beat is constantly going even when you’re not in battle, and you can jump when not on beat, but that just kinda feels bad. at the same time, i think that cycle-based platforming is automatically elevated to a higher level when it’s aligned to rhythm, such as with the cassettes in Celeste (2018). as i mentioned before, there’s some actually fun QTEs to break up the levels, and of course, a bottomless well of charm and silly antics that bring a smile to my face every time. there’s also some secrets here and there, as well as numerous reasons to return to previous levels on replay that i have not yet explored myself.

the art direction (and the characters). hoo boy, the art direction (and the characters). i like em! there's a lot of visual flair with onomatopoeias, the environment, and the general aesthetic. the game frequently transitions completely fluidly between 3D cutscene, gameplay, and even 2D cutscenes at times. it’s drool worthy. the character designs are absolutely fantastic!! world’s first “Handsome Jack” type individual. jojo’s bizarre adventure. cinnamon without the toast crunch. HR? nah, that’s noir. there’s a satisfying range. Korsica and Peppermint, my beloved. there’s some FANTASTIC English voice acting in this game, especially for those two. 808 is probably one of the cutest fucking things in any game ever. on a slightly different note, i was not expecting this game to incite bisexual panic in me. as embarrassing as it feels to say: yes, i even have a tiny crush on Chai. silly people do me in. sue me or something. for real though, it’s a great cast of characters that doesn’t take itself too seriously. love the stuff. i’ve even got a Korisca pfp at my time of reviewing this. overwhelmingly gender. i wish she would hit me over the head.

i’m hoping to finish this review before Monday 3, so i’ll wrap it up. Hi-Fi Rush is a fantastic game that had me gripped from the start of the opening cutscene to the end of the credits. i can not think of a more transformative gaming experience that i have had in the past several months. yet, there’s still SO much more that i have left to do in the game! there’s a wall of fame with a bunch of optional challenges that give you tangible rewards in terms of currency, but also adds new portions of the mural, which is a great way of incentivizing completion outside of simply ‘having done it’. beating the game unlocks a suite of new features and modes, and even a new difficulty. needless to say, I WILL BE RETURNING TO THESE HALLOWED HALLS OF BEATS AND BRAWLS. CAPSLOCK IS BROKEN! MAE WORKS HARD AND TYPES HARD!

fuck you, michaelsoft, if that’s even your real name.

Caraca, que jogo divertido! Portal é um jogo que marcou muita gente e trás muita nostalgia para alguns. Porém, eu nunca havia jogado, então resolvi dar uma chance a ele, por muita indicação e curiosidade. E realmente, o jogo é muito divertido, e possui mecânicas muito legais e criativas, assim como os puzzles que são incríveis e alguns extremamente desafiadores, mas com as possibilidades que temos com a Portal Gun, podemos concluir os níveis com maestria, além da história, que apesar de não ser o foco, também é muito legal. O jogo é bem curto e antigo, mas segue divertido e criativo até hoje. Se procura algo diferente e muito legal, eu super recomendo jogarem Portal.

I‘ve admittedly taken a break from gaming this past month. My mental health has been quite all over the place & I really lacked the energy to start something new as a result. And while I haven’t abandoned any of the games I’m currently playing through, I definitely have been demotivated as a result to continue them. Normally I’m not one to open up about this sort of thing but I do feel like it’s very important to give some context on where my mindset is at the moment when it comes to gaming.

Hi-Fi RUSH is exactly what I needed at this time. This game is absolutely fantastic & as someone who loves Devil May Cry & Bayonetta, it was pretty obvious this game would be up my alley. But I didn’t expect it to make this big of an impact on me. This is the most fun I’ve had in a very long time & it’s one of the most unique experiences I’ve had with a game in years.

I’m not usually someone who cares much for graphics in games but I have to start off with talking about just how gorgeous this artstyle is. It’s vibrant, it’s colourful, it’s just so varied in its design making every single level stand out & feel so alive. I also loved how this game transitions from its beautiful animated cutscenes into the gameplay itself, it really is so seamless. This feels like a title from 15-20 years ago & I mean that in the best way. If you told me this was a game from the early days of the PS3 I would believe you it just has that kind of vibe to it & I absolutely love that. It’s so different to everything else we see nowadays where so many developers are focused on making realistic cinematic experiences & I honestly miss seeing this amount of creativity from game developers.

Let’s talk about the combat. At first glance, sure this looks like a fun action game but a big part of the gameplay is the music. Now I will admit I’ve never really played a lot of rhythm games. I can see they certainly have their audience but for me, it’s never been something I’ve delved very deep into. That being said however, THE COMBAT IN THIS GAME IS SO DAMN SATISFYING. Managing to time your attacks to the beat of the song is one of the most satisfying feelings I’ve had playing a game in my life. You have a bunch of attacks in your arsenal such as light & heavy attacks, a dodge & a parry & the amount of combos you can unlock to pull off too as well as special attacks, partner beat attacks & parry counters, there is so much depth to the combat it’s unreal. But here’s the most interesting part. It’s not just your attacks that time to the music but the enemies & the world too. And that is truly one of the coolest aspects of this game to me. It’s definitely difficult to master but when you actually do, the feeling really can’t be described.

And how could I talk about this game without mentioning the soundtrack itself, OH THE SOUNDTRACK. This is no exaggeration one of the greatest OSTs I’ve ever heard, every single song fits so perfectly not just with the gameplay but the vibe of the entire game itself. There’s a number of licensed songs but a lot of original ones made too. So many moments throughout my time playing through Hi-Fi RUSH I just had a massive grin on my face. I can’t exactly put into words just how much serotonin I felt with one battle sequence late in the story but if you’ve played this game, you may already have an idea of what I’m referring to.

The humour in this game is honestly on point. There’s so many tongue in cheek moments & I can tell that the writers had a lot of fun with crafting the narrative. The amount of references too don’t feel forced either & they really serve the narrative quite well. As for the story itself? Yeah it’s really good. It’s not going to win any awards for being complex or deep but it’s executed in a way that’s really hard for me to complain about & the actual story beats really worked for me & kept me intrigued & wanting to keep going forward. The characters were incredibly likeable especially main protagonist Chai who is given so much life from the performance of the always excellent Robbie Daymond. It was very hard not to root for him against the bad guys & the other characters are pretty great too like Peppermint, Macaron, CNMN & one other that I’ll let you discover for yourself if you haven’t played the game yet, though if you’re this far through my review & haven’t picked it up, what are you doing?

Honestly the fact this game exists just amazes me. In an industry with so many narrative driven experiences that AAA devs insist on churning out every year for frankly ludicrous amounts of money, Hi-Fi RUSH stands as something completely unique & fresh. It’s a reminder that above all else that at the end of the day, video games are meant to be fun & if there’s anything that I could wish for? It’s that by the time the credits started rolling, I just wanted more. Yes 10 hours is a more than fine length for a game such as this but I think it would’ve been cool if we got some kind of story expansion or even a sequel which unfortunately will never see the light of day because Tango Gameworks were shut down (thanks for that Microsoft.)

Despite all that though, Hi-Fi RUSH is an excellent game & more than worth your time & money. And I really really hope that with the more people that support it, we can somehow show that when a dev team is allowed to just do something completely different & pour so much love & passion into a project, it can create something not only truly magical for them but for gamers itself. If you love video games, you absolutely owe it to yourself to play Hi Fi-Rush. I’m not asking, I’m demanding. It’s one of the best games I’ve ever played & I adore it with every fibre of my being.

Final rating: 9/10

One day my team is like prime Barca 08/09 and the other day they’re arsenal against Southampton i cant fucking take it bruh every single stupid goal conceded feels like a gunshot to the chest and dont get me started on gabriel jesus that nigga misses every single chance he gets when hes two meter in front of an open goal that stupid bushy browed dickhead fuck this game and fuck pep you stinky bald headed bastard fuck you for stealing camavinga from me YOU DONT LIKE BLACK PEOPLE EVERBODY KNOWS IT weird spanish cunt and fuck psg stop twerking for odegaard you weirdos

Omne... save me...

BAYONETTA 2! Oh, where do I begin? Well, lets start AFTER the release of Bayonetta 1. After Devil May Cry 4 disappointed several folks (although I think its a solid game so far), Bayonetta rose from the ashes to create a legitimately great alternative for the character action game fans out there. Almost everyone loved Bayonetta when it dropped, critics, fans, dogs and cats, everybody. So it’d be a no-brainer to make a sequel with an even grander scope. This is also the first of the followi ng two titles in the franchise that were funded in part by Nintendo, and thus, are Nintendo-exclusive. No PC, PS4 or Xbox One version in sight. It's not an unexpected move, as Nintendo did fund the project after all, and hey, like I said, emulation is free. So, while the exclusivity did sting a little, it made sense. And, thank the lord, Bayonetta 2 looks and runs phenomenally on Wii U and the 2018 Switch port. It's a big step up from the Xbox 360 and- ugh, the PS3 version. You know, the one with a 30FPS cap (sometimes not even reaching that) and sub 720p graphics? That was a fucking mess. But with Bayonetta 2’s release on Wii U and Switch, they went out of their way to port Bayonetta 1 as well, and if you bought Bayonetta 2 physically, you got Bayonetta 1 for FREE! A great move by Platinum, and hey, the Wii U version is pretty good! Overshadowed by the subsequent versions, but there's some all new Nintendo-fied costumes. Bayonetta made the most graceful transition to the Wii U possible, but that’s to speak of the quality of Bayonetta 2 itself. Because, truth be told, Bayonetta 2... is AMAZING! Bayonetta 2 kicks off even greater than Bayonetta 1. After festive lesbianism occurs, the first level kicks off with Bayonetta and Jeanne riding on fighter jets. Show this to anyone who doesn't know what the hell Bayonetta is and watch their faces change and shift, as random shit just happens. But it’s a joy to watch. The cool shots, Bayonetta jumping up to the sky naked, uhhhhh yeah it’s GOATED. And when Moon River starts blasting, you KNOW your girl is back and better than ever.

Bayonetta 2 retains a majority of its predecessor’s systems. Like Bayonetta, the delay based combos return. For a quick rundown, punching, waiting, and then punching again results in a different, stronger combo compared to 3 punches in a row, with this philosophy applying to a majority of the combos. Spam is discouraged, therefore creating the perfect skill curve with combat. That was great about Bayonetta, and I'm glad to see that it returns in 2, however, Bayonetta 2 adds a new mechanic to make these awesome combos easier. The Umbran Climax is a rather controversial mechanic within the community, to be honest. But damn, if I can't help but absolutely love it. At the cost of a full magic meter, all of your attacks become souped up Wicked weaves, and tearing down a crowd of enemies never gets old to me. But I can't help but feel it's pretty unbalanced. Yeah, that's kind of the point, but I can't help but feel that it's a bit too braindead for my tastes. While the delay based combos are still present with Umbran Climax, they’re much less useful given the clear benefits of a strong AOE presence, so you’re incentivized to keep spamming attacks, because Umbran Climax only lasts so long. One last nitpick, taking damage while in Umbran Climax needs to have a better indicator. You don't take knockback during Umbran Climax, so it's usually hard to tell when you take damage. This only gets somewhat annoying for scoring purposes, but it's whatever if you're playing casually. I’m not saying to make her invincible, but some kind of score mitigation would be pretty nice. I'd also like to note that Bayonetta herself is also slightly weaker than the prior game to compensate for Umbran Climax, as well. To be honest, it’s not really noticeable in the game to game action, but Bayonetta does slightly less damage overall, including her Wicked Weaves. Adding onto this nerf is the ability for enemies to block attacks, which is something that I was surprised wasn’t in the original game. This keeps the player on their toes, and I really like how Bayonetta 2 still attempts to throw the player off at certain points. One of the better additions in Bayonetta 2 is the weapons.

Sure, weapons were in the original Bayonetta, but Bayonetta 2 greatly expands on this mechanic, as most of the weapons are cheaper and easier to get than ever before. I'm sad to say that I was never able to use the awesome chainsaws in Bayonetta 2, but the rest of the weapons are pretty great, at the very least. I really loved the Dual Swords at first, because you can charge it up and do an oh-so powerful slash straight through your enemies. But once I got the 3 Pronged Scythe, that’s all I used. At least on my Hands, because with my feet, I still wielded the Swords. The Scythe is awesome, if you hold it out for a bit, you shoot out 3 projectiles out of the Scythe a devastating attack for most foes, and it’s also fast as fuck, one of the best weapons in the game, here. I never took a liking to the Bow, as ranged combat in Bayonetta is pretty lame in my opinion, but the Flamethrowers were neat, and the whip is incredibly strong, too. Because of this, the combat feels a lot more dynamic and diverse, adding to the already high variety of Bayonetta 1. Also, can we talk about the improvements from Bayonetta 1? The bosses feel much improved here. No longer are they just massive moving hurtboxes, they actually feel a lot more fun to fight here. With Umbran Climax, it’s a lot easier to turn the tides in your favor, and the bosses feel so much more dynamic here. From flying in the sky, to surfing on a piece of board, Bayonetta 2 never stays in one area of gameplay for long, although there is a slight problem with Bayonetta 2’s combat. It’s highly reliant on Witch Time. Now, I love Witch Time as much as the next guy, but having it be almost mandatory to survive took a lot of the fun out of it. Nailing that perfect dodge was never necessary, but it was fun because it felt like a massive “up yours” to the enemy for being aggressive. Bayonetta 2 exhibits a similar feeling, but to a slightly lesser degree, as Witch Time is required to dodge certain attacks. It’s not too apparent, but it did feel a little lame when I noticed. But overall, Bayonetta 2’s combat is just as strong as beforehand, just like the fantastic enemy design of Bayonetta. It definitely has it’s issues, but yeah, this is great! But if there’s one issue I can point to with Bayonetta 2, it’s undoubtedly it’s difficulty.

The biggest disappointment is Bayonetta 2’s very low difficulty. Bayonetta was a very difficult game for newcomers, but very satisfying to master. Bayonetta 2 feels pretty tame in this regard. The difficulty has seen a severe drop from Bayonetta. I’d say Hard Mode Bayonetta 2 is more comparable to Bayonetta’s Normal difficulty. But there also lies an issue with Bayonetta 2’s score system. ITEMS. In Bayonetta, using items was a travesty upon your rank. It counted as a Death, but Bayonetta 2 entirely removes this aspect of scoring, a dumb as hell move in my eyes. Healing is fine to not count, as there’s a damage rank anyways, but being invincible, or super powered, or UMBRAN CLIMAX for free should absolutely be punished by the game. Sure, it definitely sucked to get Stone Ranks all of the time in Bayonetta 1, but it felt equally as great to do everything perfectly and get the Gold Rank. With Bayonetta 2, very rarely did I get anything below a Silver Rank. Does improving as a player have anything to do with that? Yeah, maybe. But even then, I made frequent use of items and still made it out with the game congratulating my for my efforts. In my opinion, for this to work, there either needed to be a significant item nerf, or items need to be made waaaaaay worse. But thankfully, the final boss is still just as difficult as ever, and now that’s my cue to to talk about the endgame

God, Bayonetta 2’s finale is almost perfect. No dawdling over some stupid, unfun Space Harrier clone, no boss rush, just constant, non-stop action throughout, and I love it. Rather than your typical boss rush, in Chapter 14, they go to the past, with you controlling a mech, and it's not just a fun distraction either. It still retains all of the same, delay based combos that Bayonetta has. Rather than changing up the gameplay style non-stop, they instead add to it, making Bayonetta 2 an incredibly focused game. The level design is so much more wider and expansive, encouraging exploration, but never slow down one bit. And this applies to the final boss, too. Like Bayonetta, the one on one fights with the Lumen Sage lead up to the final chapter, where another one on one fight commences before the second phase. And when the true phase kicks in, the fight against Aesir, it’s awesome. It’s another one on one fight, and for once in it’s runtime, Bayonetta 2 actually gets pretty damn difficult. I actually died a few times here, and I like that higher difficulty. But of course, like Bayonetta 1, a giant hair god, OMNE!!!!!, with womanly proportions (god, I love this game) is summoned, giving Aesir the good old Wizard’s Foot. Okay, last Smash Bros joke, I swe- SUDDENLY, JEANNE! Riding on a goddamn plane, too. She finishes the deal. summoning another hair demon, and fast forward a few months later, MORE Festive lesbianis- SUDDENLY, PLANE! AND ANGELS! Well, you know how this ends. LET’S DANCE, GENTLEMEN!


Despite my qualms with Bayonetta 2, especially when it comes to higher level play, Bayonetta 2 is a more than worthy sequel to the original. Each time I turned off the game, I wanted to hop back in as soon as possible, because the game is THAT good. The greater depth, the incredible visuals and music, and the awesome as hell combat left me satisfied and clamoring for more. It's hard to look at Bayonetta 2 without comparing it to it's elder sister, but I think it's a toss up as to which one I prefer. As a casual player, I found Bayonetta 2 to be a lot more inviting, but Bayonetta's high difficulty made me incredibly satisfied when I completed it. It's a very tough choice, especially as someone who's seen hardcore Bayonetta players compare it to the first game (completely understandable ftr), but I have to give the very, VERY slight edge to Bayonetta 2. Sure, it may be easier, but it's far from braindead, and the difficulty is more than made up for with better gameplay. Hell, that's my opinion, though. At the end of the day, I still love both of them equally, and I recommend giving each a playthrough for sure. Once again, a must play.

Well... the Bayonetta series has been going pretty well, but that positivity ends with Bayonetta 3. Spoiler alert, but if you've been stalking my log, you know I gave it a 5/10, and I have a LOT to say about it. Nothing good, though. So, yeah. Welp, I'mma get back to writing it. But I hope you enjoyed this review, it was a little delayed, but most of that time went into Bayonetta 3. So I hope you look forward to that, so in the meantime, I'll see myself out. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you later.