Everyone knows Mario is cool as fuck. But who knows what he's thinking? Who knows why he touches flowers? And why do we think about him as fondly as we think of the mystical (nonexistent?) Dr Pepper? Perchance.

I believe it was Kant who said "Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play." Mario exhibits experience by tushing flowes all day, but he exhibits theory by stating "Lets-a go!" Keep it up, baby!

When Mario leaves his place of safety to grab a flowey, he knows that he may Die. And yet, for a man who can purchase lives with money, a life becomes a mere store of value. A tax that can be paid for, much as a rich man feels any law with a fine is a price. We think of Mario as a hero, but he is simply a one percenter of a more privileged variety. The lifekind. Perchance.

The story's honestly pretty inconsistent- certain quests are hallmarks of great worldbuilding and genuinely tough moral dilemmas, while others are forgettable, thinly contextualized busy work. However, what they all have in common is a set of mechanics that end up causing a pretty huge disconnect between the player and the main character. Geralt has to pay attention to environmental storytelling to figure out what exactly he's dealing with during each mission while I don't- I just have to hold "L," tap "A" when I'm next to something that's glowing red, and then listen to what Geralt tells me. Geralt has to evaluate whether or not he's currently strong enough to take on a particular contract while I can just look at what level the game says I should be at before I do it. Geralt has to strategize about the best way to prepare for each monster encounter while I just have to follow the instructions that pop up on my screen. In short, I'm not actually the witcher, I'm just watching him work, and this is a flaw that the game's top-notch presentation doesn't make up for. It's a game that doesn't have much room for player input in general, with the exception of its dialogue choices, which, to be fair, it excels at. The harshest insult that I can throw at The Witcher 3 is that it's basically a Telltale game where your choices actually matter, and there's far, far worse things for a triple-A title this monstrously large to be.