ThatOneJackal
1994
Hard to think of what to say except for this is the most enjoyment I’ve ever gotten from a Metroidvania. Right from the title screen and space station intro, the capabilities of the SNES are well shown off with actual cutscenes and detailed sprites flying towards the screen. The game still saves plenty of cool moments for the whole runtime, especially in the final area.
Music and sound effects were great. Exploration, movement and combat were consistently fun, and I finally abandoned my suspension point crutch because of how fair save points and the general difficulty were. I now see where Zero Mission got most of its ideas for bosses and items from. I also managed to avoid guides entirely, except for how to beat Draygon (a gimmick takes it from the worst boss to the easiest) and use the grappling hook, because I’m dumb and didn’t realise you can extend it.
I remember as a kid playing the 5 minute demo on Wii U Smash Bros over and over again, trying to figure out what was going on. You’ll definitely appreciate the story more if you’ve already played Metroid 1 and 2, so I’m glad I did. The game does a better job explaining the series’ plot than the games themselves did, so even if you’re new you’ll be pretty up to speed.
Yeah not much more to say except great game. The fact that I’m not a huge Metroidvania fan and I enjoyed every minute should be a decent sell. They also made Mother Brain good what the hell
Music and sound effects were great. Exploration, movement and combat were consistently fun, and I finally abandoned my suspension point crutch because of how fair save points and the general difficulty were. I now see where Zero Mission got most of its ideas for bosses and items from. I also managed to avoid guides entirely, except for how to beat Draygon (a gimmick takes it from the worst boss to the easiest) and use the grappling hook, because I’m dumb and didn’t realise you can extend it.
I remember as a kid playing the 5 minute demo on Wii U Smash Bros over and over again, trying to figure out what was going on. You’ll definitely appreciate the story more if you’ve already played Metroid 1 and 2, so I’m glad I did. The game does a better job explaining the series’ plot than the games themselves did, so even if you’re new you’ll be pretty up to speed.
Yeah not much more to say except great game. The fact that I’m not a huge Metroidvania fan and I enjoyed every minute should be a decent sell. They also made Mother Brain good what the hell
One can’t help but draw comparisons to Shadow Of The Colossus, as Metroid II: Return of Samus gives you a kill count with questionable morality. But while Colossus gets complaints about the controls, it is the far more accessible of the two. You have to look past the slow, methodical pacing and limited hardware in order to find what people like about Metroid 2.
Samus’ movement seems clunky and sluggish, but she is far more responsive than her NES counterpart, capable of crouch aiming and using more dynamic power-ups. Despite the tight camera, enemies are way better designed and you never feel blindsided. Plus they despawn off screen so you can’t get sniped, and it helps that health and damage is more fair. Refills are introduced so a bit of backtracking is a second option instead of enemy farming.
While it’s impressive how ambitious the game is for its simple hardware, there are a few limitations that I’m not a fan of. Most songs are simple beeps, and many areas don’t even have music. Plus, being low on health overrides music with a grating siren. I also wasn’t a huge fan of the songs themselves compared to the first games’ soundtrack. It can be quite repetitive (due in part to monochrome environments) although maybe this is partially to reinforce the systematic nature of your grim task.
World design is more segmented, as you unlock one area at a time (each one is found on a fairly linear path). There’s about one save per area, which is pretty few and far between, so I continued using suspension points, although they didn’t feel nearly as necessary for my enjoyment as with the first Metroid. For optional and integral objectives, you will frequently use Spider Ball and the Gravity Suit since most areas require scaling massive heights. Again, shout out to people 20 years ago who made detailed maps, especially because this game has impossible dimensions for a 2D plane, so I definitely would’ve gotten confused with a hand-made map. Not that it’s impossible without help, just not my preference. However it felt like there was a guide missing that explained power-ups.
It’s kind of wild how a barebones story is made memorable through two features:
Firstly, the kill count as your only guide and means of progression. With each Metroid you kill, they get easier and easier to deal with, and the map becomes more and more barren, which is a decent way to communicate the extermination of life. But this has the drawback of a long walk to refills in the endgame.
Secondly, and most interestingly, is what happens after you defeat the final boss. A newly hatched baby survives, but instead of hurting you, it helps you reach your ship (not even under a timer, as is usual for the series), all while the most cheerful song in the whole game plays. The final 2 minutes carry the weight of a hundred questions, and demand you to think back on what you’ve been doing for the whole game.
If you’ve ever seen an actual Gameboy machine before, it’s easier to recognise the achievements of this game for how limited its hardware was. It’s not the easiest game to get into, but it shouldn’t be forgotten either.
Samus’ movement seems clunky and sluggish, but she is far more responsive than her NES counterpart, capable of crouch aiming and using more dynamic power-ups. Despite the tight camera, enemies are way better designed and you never feel blindsided. Plus they despawn off screen so you can’t get sniped, and it helps that health and damage is more fair. Refills are introduced so a bit of backtracking is a second option instead of enemy farming.
While it’s impressive how ambitious the game is for its simple hardware, there are a few limitations that I’m not a fan of. Most songs are simple beeps, and many areas don’t even have music. Plus, being low on health overrides music with a grating siren. I also wasn’t a huge fan of the songs themselves compared to the first games’ soundtrack. It can be quite repetitive (due in part to monochrome environments) although maybe this is partially to reinforce the systematic nature of your grim task.
World design is more segmented, as you unlock one area at a time (each one is found on a fairly linear path). There’s about one save per area, which is pretty few and far between, so I continued using suspension points, although they didn’t feel nearly as necessary for my enjoyment as with the first Metroid. For optional and integral objectives, you will frequently use Spider Ball and the Gravity Suit since most areas require scaling massive heights. Again, shout out to people 20 years ago who made detailed maps, especially because this game has impossible dimensions for a 2D plane, so I definitely would’ve gotten confused with a hand-made map. Not that it’s impossible without help, just not my preference. However it felt like there was a guide missing that explained power-ups.
It’s kind of wild how a barebones story is made memorable through two features:
Firstly, the kill count as your only guide and means of progression. With each Metroid you kill, they get easier and easier to deal with, and the map becomes more and more barren, which is a decent way to communicate the extermination of life. But this has the drawback of a long walk to refills in the endgame.
Secondly, and most interestingly, is what happens after you defeat the final boss. A newly hatched baby survives, but instead of hurting you, it helps you reach your ship (not even under a timer, as is usual for the series), all while the most cheerful song in the whole game plays. The final 2 minutes carry the weight of a hundred questions, and demand you to think back on what you’ve been doing for the whole game.
If you’ve ever seen an actual Gameboy machine before, it’s easier to recognise the achievements of this game for how limited its hardware was. It’s not the easiest game to get into, but it shouldn’t be forgotten either.
Got this game on Wii U 3 years ago. Hardly played it then, but I’m still glad I got it before the virtual shop closed down. Since I recently beat the original Metroid, it was super interesting to see how this remake compared.
In some ways, it’s similar, in most ways unrecognisable. There are a couple of rooms that are pretty 1:1. The general shape of the map is the same, but there are new mechanics, entirely different rooms, more items, and a lot of the padding was cut. All bosses were heavily reworked and there are even new ones. Plus, an entirely additional final hour to the game. There are some good small tweaks like enemies not sniping you with their spawns or going through loading doors.
Most significantly I noticed how incredibly fluid movement and aiming is in this game. You can aim in so many more directions, and it no longer feels like your jumps are at the behest of moon gravity. Definitely one of my favourite ‘game-feels’ for a Metroidvania I’ve played. It makes the enemies actually fun to fight.
And thank god, they’ve added a map (and map rooms that fill out unexplored chunks). However, coupled with the objective markers, sometimes it felt less like exploring and more like going in the direction the game told me too. But there are plenty of (much better telegraphed) secret rooms you can find, and a slight amount of choosing your own route.
When you consider how much was changed or added, I find it kind of ridiculous that Tourian was made harder (even if you get a new save point). The Metroids and the platforming escape are made harder to deal with. And seriously, whose idea was it to make the fuckass Mother Brain bullet hell worse? Hands down the worst part of the game for me. Without suspension points I wouldn’t have the patience to beat it.
The added finale works pretty well, the stealth part almost feels scripted because of how well communicated the level design is. Although it did feel a bit dragged out and could benefit from being a bit shorter. Getting a powered up suit afterwards feels great though. And the actual final boss is pretty good.
Soundtrack is a nice recomposition, and the added story elements/cutscenes give interesting depth they couldn’t fit into the original.
Overall, it’s a good starter Metroid game because it’s a more linear stroll in the park with some pretty fun gameplay.
In some ways, it’s similar, in most ways unrecognisable. There are a couple of rooms that are pretty 1:1. The general shape of the map is the same, but there are new mechanics, entirely different rooms, more items, and a lot of the padding was cut. All bosses were heavily reworked and there are even new ones. Plus, an entirely additional final hour to the game. There are some good small tweaks like enemies not sniping you with their spawns or going through loading doors.
Most significantly I noticed how incredibly fluid movement and aiming is in this game. You can aim in so many more directions, and it no longer feels like your jumps are at the behest of moon gravity. Definitely one of my favourite ‘game-feels’ for a Metroidvania I’ve played. It makes the enemies actually fun to fight.
And thank god, they’ve added a map (and map rooms that fill out unexplored chunks). However, coupled with the objective markers, sometimes it felt less like exploring and more like going in the direction the game told me too. But there are plenty of (much better telegraphed) secret rooms you can find, and a slight amount of choosing your own route.
When you consider how much was changed or added, I find it kind of ridiculous that Tourian was made harder (even if you get a new save point). The Metroids and the platforming escape are made harder to deal with. And seriously, whose idea was it to make the fuckass Mother Brain bullet hell worse? Hands down the worst part of the game for me. Without suspension points I wouldn’t have the patience to beat it.
The added finale works pretty well, the stealth part almost feels scripted because of how well communicated the level design is. Although it did feel a bit dragged out and could benefit from being a bit shorter. Getting a powered up suit afterwards feels great though. And the actual final boss is pretty good.
Soundtrack is a nice recomposition, and the added story elements/cutscenes give interesting depth they couldn’t fit into the original.
Overall, it’s a good starter Metroid game because it’s a more linear stroll in the park with some pretty fun gameplay.
2023
Was planning to write a review where I mostly complained about Microsoft shutting the studio down. But honestly I’m so ecstatic from the experience as a whole that I would rather not dwell on something so negative. It’s an absolute tragedy that Tango has shutdown, but it’s just a symptom of whatever the fuck Xbox is doing (it seems they’re putting all their chips on Gamepass as a model rather than the companies they own).
Anyway, I kinda sucked at this game, since I’ve never really played rhythm games before, but damn this was so much fun. And every pixel was oozing with creativity. One of the best and most distinct art styles I’ve seen in a long time, a treat to look at. Feels super satisfying to play and there’s plenty of help with getting the rhythm down if you need it. Nice balance between combat sections and platforming. Music is really great too, although I wish they included more licensed music, cause there’s like a 5 hour gap with none of it. I mean I absolutely lost my shit at how hype the choice was for the first boss fight.
Hi-Fi Rush is such a worthwhile game to check out. It’s just plain awesome.
Anyway, I kinda sucked at this game, since I’ve never really played rhythm games before, but damn this was so much fun. And every pixel was oozing with creativity. One of the best and most distinct art styles I’ve seen in a long time, a treat to look at. Feels super satisfying to play and there’s plenty of help with getting the rhythm down if you need it. Nice balance between combat sections and platforming. Music is really great too, although I wish they included more licensed music, cause there’s like a 5 hour gap with none of it. I mean I absolutely lost my shit at how hype the choice was for the first boss fight.
Hi-Fi Rush is such a worthwhile game to check out. It’s just plain awesome.
1986
Fun fact! If you beat this game in under an hour, you get to see Metroid in a biki-HER NAME IS ZERO SUIT
I’m not into retro games at all, but for some reason I got the itch to try out the Metroid series again 3 years after backlogging Zero Mission. The original Metroid is basic, sometimes enjoyable, designed like a Mario Maker level, but really impressive.
The Password system is a really genius way of getting around the limited hardware. However, dying takes you back to the start of the overall zone (denoted by elevator/song). This can suck if you’re deep into an area, but you can also use this for quick travel if you’re really in a bind. I used Switch Online’s 4 save slots to save the headache, but still. It’s also charming that too many entities on screen causes the game to lag (you can abuse this to unload enemies). Physics are really floaty which kind of blows in tricky platforming sections or ‘thread the needle’ enemy encounters.
The biggest issue with this game is that it’s extremely repetitive. I’m sure you’ve heard that before. There are two types of rooms that comprise most of the game:
1. Really tall vertical hallways where you will be climbing the same repeating pattern for so long that you get deja-vu.
2. Long corridors with so many flying enemies that the game starts to lag.
The idea of exploration is certainly more fun than the moment-to-moment gameplay. Mainly because the enemies suck to deal with, especially when there’s more than one. There was this one part of the game where even with heavy abuse of save-scumming, it still took me upwards of 15 minutes to get through one hallway. The final area of this game is capital b Brutal, I can't even imagine doing it in one go.
You really do need a map to remember where everything is because sections are only distinguishable by their colour. Also, some hallways are literally identical. There’s this one part in the grey area where they were actually trolling, it’s the exact same room stacked on top of itself 3 times, and there is absolutely no reason to visit that part of the map.
While I will always prefer an in-game map, I won’t lie in saying it was pretty fun using a basic hand-drawn map in the beginning to keep track of dead ends, locked passageways, and completed areas. Navigating the game itself does get a little stale. If this was the 80s, and the only game of its kind, I’d happily let this be a 16 hour game, getting lost and repeating long, tricky sections. Instead, I eventually caved in and used a full game image when I got stuck (and when my own map became unreliable). Someone on Reddit took this old map and highlighted every item in a suggested sequence order. This actually worked as a pretty great hint system, as I could see adjacent rooms that secretly connect to each other. This map also shows where the destructible blocks are, which shows how obtuse this game can be if you try to 100% it on your own.
Overall, The annoying combat, copy-paste rooms, and eventual need for a guide should probably land Metroid no more than 4/10. However, abusing quicksave maintained my sanity, and I appreciate what it was for its time, so I’m gonna be nice and give this a 5. Pretty good soundtrack too.
I’m not into retro games at all, but for some reason I got the itch to try out the Metroid series again 3 years after backlogging Zero Mission. The original Metroid is basic, sometimes enjoyable, designed like a Mario Maker level, but really impressive.
The Password system is a really genius way of getting around the limited hardware. However, dying takes you back to the start of the overall zone (denoted by elevator/song). This can suck if you’re deep into an area, but you can also use this for quick travel if you’re really in a bind. I used Switch Online’s 4 save slots to save the headache, but still. It’s also charming that too many entities on screen causes the game to lag (you can abuse this to unload enemies). Physics are really floaty which kind of blows in tricky platforming sections or ‘thread the needle’ enemy encounters.
The biggest issue with this game is that it’s extremely repetitive. I’m sure you’ve heard that before. There are two types of rooms that comprise most of the game:
1. Really tall vertical hallways where you will be climbing the same repeating pattern for so long that you get deja-vu.
2. Long corridors with so many flying enemies that the game starts to lag.
The idea of exploration is certainly more fun than the moment-to-moment gameplay. Mainly because the enemies suck to deal with, especially when there’s more than one. There was this one part of the game where even with heavy abuse of save-scumming, it still took me upwards of 15 minutes to get through one hallway. The final area of this game is capital b Brutal, I can't even imagine doing it in one go.
You really do need a map to remember where everything is because sections are only distinguishable by their colour. Also, some hallways are literally identical. There’s this one part in the grey area where they were actually trolling, it’s the exact same room stacked on top of itself 3 times, and there is absolutely no reason to visit that part of the map.
While I will always prefer an in-game map, I won’t lie in saying it was pretty fun using a basic hand-drawn map in the beginning to keep track of dead ends, locked passageways, and completed areas. Navigating the game itself does get a little stale. If this was the 80s, and the only game of its kind, I’d happily let this be a 16 hour game, getting lost and repeating long, tricky sections. Instead, I eventually caved in and used a full game image when I got stuck (and when my own map became unreliable). Someone on Reddit took this old map and highlighted every item in a suggested sequence order. This actually worked as a pretty great hint system, as I could see adjacent rooms that secretly connect to each other. This map also shows where the destructible blocks are, which shows how obtuse this game can be if you try to 100% it on your own.
Overall, The annoying combat, copy-paste rooms, and eventual need for a guide should probably land Metroid no more than 4/10. However, abusing quicksave maintained my sanity, and I appreciate what it was for its time, so I’m gonna be nice and give this a 5. Pretty good soundtrack too.
2023
When I'm one race away from ranking up and a 470 degree turn causes my controller to vibrate like a sex toy and my car to explode like a gmod ragdoll, relegating me to 11th place for the rest of match (this will lose 34% of my rank) (I am only playing this gamemode because it takes 900 hours to reach Level 72 in the Battlepass)
Three years of being the designated driver in squads has finally paid off
2011
I’ve been playing Minecraft for 11 years. I’ve had Pocket Edition, 4 different console versions, and Bedrock edition. I finally have a laptop that probably won’t die when trying to run this game. But trying to get Java is extremely stupid. You have to pay double the price by getting Java with Bedrock for Computers. If you already own Bedrock on console, you still have to pay for the PC version. Also Bedrock doesn’t even run on Apple computers so I would essentially be paying an extra £13 for a version I can’t play. Luckily everything is 50% off for the games’ anniversary so I can actually buy Java for the price it’s supposed to be. Just wanted to say fuck you Microsoft I’m playing Beta now. 10/10 must play
1999
Like the genius I am, I decided to wait until summer to start working on my backlog of at least 10 horror games. I’d rather not wait another 6 months for some extra atmosphere, so with sunlight penetrating my blinds I got started with the original Silent Hill. I tried to play this game last year, but I hadn’t bothered to empty my Dad’s old memory card, so I moved onto Silent Hill 2 (I was more excited to play that game anyway).
Silent Hill 2 may have one of the best intros in gaming, but there’s a lot to like about the beginning of Silent Hill 1. Running into deep fog, only for your surroundings to get more metallic, more bloody, more violent, until you get attacked by polygonal monsters…only to wake up in a cafe with funky music. A great sample of the beats of this franchise.
This game creates a rough formula that will be followed by its successors:
- Objective: Reach a marker on the map. This path is usually obstructed, leading to an exploration of the town where you must find alternate routes and hidden items to reach your destination.
- Objective: Explore a building. You’ll be given an interior map, some area-appropriate enemies to deal with, and word based riddles for solving inter-connected puzzles. Then you’ll go to the “Otherworld” version, which is more alien and hostile.
Comparisons to Resident Evil are inevitable, although these games are vastly different. One of the best features of Silent Hill is holding the L2 button to reorient the camera behind you, as it follows you most of the time instead of the entirely fixed camera angles of Resident Evil. Silent Hill needs no inventory management, and is more generous when it comes to health and ammo. I don’t really see the point of comparing these franchises any further, other than their differences helping me appreciate each of them more.
This is because Silent Hill is less about the challenging survival aspects of the genre, and more about creating fear through psychological horror. Atmosphere is the main thing that separates Silent Hill from its competitors. Most notable is the fog, which was introduced to hide terrain loading but was so effective that they kept it for every game. The CG cutscenes give the game a real uncanny valley feel. Dialogue delivery is pretty stilted but I think that actually helps things feel more weird. Of course a lot of what makes the scares effective is due to the beautiful work of Akira Yamaoka. You needn’t have me tell you how amazing his compositions are, but I want to specifically highlight how effective his sound design is for creating horror. The radio static for nearby enemies is perfect for tension, especially when you can’t see them yet. Instead of opting for jumpscaring you with a sudden enemy, the game lets you know they’re nearby far before you ever see them, and so you build up fear yourself from the anticipation. Furthermore the static compliments the more industrial and “noise” songs in the soundtrack, by making you completely uncertain at times whether you’re hearing “music” or an approaching enemy. There was a part of the game where I ran for my life because I couldn’t tell if it was music or enemy noises and I didn’t want to find out. It ended up being one of the scariest moments from a game in recent memory. Honestly just the whole sewers section is terrifying to me.
There are some cool references to be found in the game, too. Every street is named after a famous horror author, and the title song remixes the Twin Peaks theme. Certain songs do sound very inspired by that show’s soundtrack, too.
My only issue with this game is the combat. The enemies suck. They all have weird shapes and erratic movement. The combat is sluggish even for survival horror standards. By the time you’ve aimed the gun and pressed the trigger, the enemy has either moved out of the way or already done tons of damage to you. Bosses are also quite irritating. Now, this does help the fear, since you’re encouraged to dodge enemies, which can be very tense. However other horror games achieve fear through enemies without making it this annoying. I might go back on Easy mode next time so I can get the other endings without getting too annoyed.
Silent Hill 1 is a great game, but it’s missing a bit of that oomph that Silent Hill 2 has. It’s still worth checking out as one of the most effective horror games I’ve ever played.
Silent Hill 2 may have one of the best intros in gaming, but there’s a lot to like about the beginning of Silent Hill 1. Running into deep fog, only for your surroundings to get more metallic, more bloody, more violent, until you get attacked by polygonal monsters…only to wake up in a cafe with funky music. A great sample of the beats of this franchise.
This game creates a rough formula that will be followed by its successors:
- Objective: Reach a marker on the map. This path is usually obstructed, leading to an exploration of the town where you must find alternate routes and hidden items to reach your destination.
- Objective: Explore a building. You’ll be given an interior map, some area-appropriate enemies to deal with, and word based riddles for solving inter-connected puzzles. Then you’ll go to the “Otherworld” version, which is more alien and hostile.
Comparisons to Resident Evil are inevitable, although these games are vastly different. One of the best features of Silent Hill is holding the L2 button to reorient the camera behind you, as it follows you most of the time instead of the entirely fixed camera angles of Resident Evil. Silent Hill needs no inventory management, and is more generous when it comes to health and ammo. I don’t really see the point of comparing these franchises any further, other than their differences helping me appreciate each of them more.
This is because Silent Hill is less about the challenging survival aspects of the genre, and more about creating fear through psychological horror. Atmosphere is the main thing that separates Silent Hill from its competitors. Most notable is the fog, which was introduced to hide terrain loading but was so effective that they kept it for every game. The CG cutscenes give the game a real uncanny valley feel. Dialogue delivery is pretty stilted but I think that actually helps things feel more weird. Of course a lot of what makes the scares effective is due to the beautiful work of Akira Yamaoka. You needn’t have me tell you how amazing his compositions are, but I want to specifically highlight how effective his sound design is for creating horror. The radio static for nearby enemies is perfect for tension, especially when you can’t see them yet. Instead of opting for jumpscaring you with a sudden enemy, the game lets you know they’re nearby far before you ever see them, and so you build up fear yourself from the anticipation. Furthermore the static compliments the more industrial and “noise” songs in the soundtrack, by making you completely uncertain at times whether you’re hearing “music” or an approaching enemy. There was a part of the game where I ran for my life because I couldn’t tell if it was music or enemy noises and I didn’t want to find out. It ended up being one of the scariest moments from a game in recent memory. Honestly just the whole sewers section is terrifying to me.
There are some cool references to be found in the game, too. Every street is named after a famous horror author, and the title song remixes the Twin Peaks theme. Certain songs do sound very inspired by that show’s soundtrack, too.
My only issue with this game is the combat. The enemies suck. They all have weird shapes and erratic movement. The combat is sluggish even for survival horror standards. By the time you’ve aimed the gun and pressed the trigger, the enemy has either moved out of the way or already done tons of damage to you. Bosses are also quite irritating. Now, this does help the fear, since you’re encouraged to dodge enemies, which can be very tense. However other horror games achieve fear through enemies without making it this annoying. I might go back on Easy mode next time so I can get the other endings without getting too annoyed.
Silent Hill 1 is a great game, but it’s missing a bit of that oomph that Silent Hill 2 has. It’s still worth checking out as one of the most effective horror games I’ve ever played.
2012
By complete coincidence I started playing this game on its exact anniversary. I tried really hard to appreciate Max Payne 3, at times I could see what the game was going for. The apartment scenes with the series theme playing. The super detailed TV shows. The scripted infinite ammo bullet-time sequences. TEARS by HEALTH blasting in the airport. These are flashes of a game I really like, but overall, the experience is meh.
Max Payne 3 is The Godfather 3 of videogames. Made a significant amount of time after an acclaimed, self-contained duology, about an old man trying to cling on for dear life. But unlike the Godfather which kept its main cast and the director, the only real similarity with the previous Max Payne games is James McCaffrey. It’s been Rockstar-ified, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’m not criticising the game on the principle that it’s vastly different from its predecessors, but I do kinda miss the unique style and writing of the Remedy ones. At times it’s hard to even compare the games as part of the same franchise.
Firstly, the cutscenes. Unfortunately unskippable. There are a lot of them (probably to hide loading zones) and I found the effects very obnoxious. Instead of a graphic novel, we have TV glitch effects and double vision every 5 seconds (hardly exaggerating), freeze frames and comic-panel transitions. By the fifth mission I was predicting every time BIG WORDS appeared on the screen when somebody said SOMETHING WEIGHTY. You can like or dislike them, but I’ve already seen Natural Born Killers so it drove me kinda nuts. The dialogue is mixed. At its best it’s a mix between Remedy and Rockstar humour. At its worse its “poor bastard had no one to reboot his system” and “I really needed to get moving” when you're trying to find golden gun parts. In a single cutscene you are treated to more swear words and slurs than the entirety of the first two games.
The story itself is a lot of Payne running around without much of a strong reason other than “I had to find someone because…well because earlier I had to find someone else who died and so now I need to find their brother's wife’s sister”. It did lose me at times when it was bouncing back and forth between flashbacks of minimal relevance (although their inclusion was nice) and the “find person E” structure of the Brazil narrative.
In terms of gameplay, this is surprisingly brutal. I don’t know the last time that a ‘Normal’ difficulty kicked my ass this much. Every single bullet that hits you does like half of your health. Enemies will be shooting at you from 5 miles away with insane accuracy, basically anytime you’re out of cover you’re 3 hits away from death. Not even bullet time can protect you that much. Enemies themselves will take dozens of bullets to the body and only reliably die from headshots, which can be really hard to pull off when there are 6 enemies on the other side of the room and 5 seconds of exposure is vitally dangerous. I never actively consumed painkillers, instead I auto-used them through “Last Man Standing” over 100 times.
Max Payne 3 gives much less painkillers and ammo, and every time anything happens you always lose your heavy weapon (this is just a personal annoyance). Scripted slo-mo sequences are cool, although the original games felt more like you were crafting your own cinematic moments rather than letting the game pick for you. Finding clues, collectibles and the “grinds” are something I will never bother to complete, definitely the most generic feature of this game. Generally, I much preferred 1 and 2’s combat - quicksaving and all - to the cover-dependent, low-health fest of 3.
Overall, Max Payne 3 is a game where I can acknowledge its strengths while knowing I probably won’t pick it up again.
Max Payne 3 is The Godfather 3 of videogames. Made a significant amount of time after an acclaimed, self-contained duology, about an old man trying to cling on for dear life. But unlike the Godfather which kept its main cast and the director, the only real similarity with the previous Max Payne games is James McCaffrey. It’s been Rockstar-ified, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’m not criticising the game on the principle that it’s vastly different from its predecessors, but I do kinda miss the unique style and writing of the Remedy ones. At times it’s hard to even compare the games as part of the same franchise.
Firstly, the cutscenes. Unfortunately unskippable. There are a lot of them (probably to hide loading zones) and I found the effects very obnoxious. Instead of a graphic novel, we have TV glitch effects and double vision every 5 seconds (hardly exaggerating), freeze frames and comic-panel transitions. By the fifth mission I was predicting every time BIG WORDS appeared on the screen when somebody said SOMETHING WEIGHTY. You can like or dislike them, but I’ve already seen Natural Born Killers so it drove me kinda nuts. The dialogue is mixed. At its best it’s a mix between Remedy and Rockstar humour. At its worse its “poor bastard had no one to reboot his system” and “I really needed to get moving” when you're trying to find golden gun parts. In a single cutscene you are treated to more swear words and slurs than the entirety of the first two games.
The story itself is a lot of Payne running around without much of a strong reason other than “I had to find someone because…well because earlier I had to find someone else who died and so now I need to find their brother's wife’s sister”. It did lose me at times when it was bouncing back and forth between flashbacks of minimal relevance (although their inclusion was nice) and the “find person E” structure of the Brazil narrative.
In terms of gameplay, this is surprisingly brutal. I don’t know the last time that a ‘Normal’ difficulty kicked my ass this much. Every single bullet that hits you does like half of your health. Enemies will be shooting at you from 5 miles away with insane accuracy, basically anytime you’re out of cover you’re 3 hits away from death. Not even bullet time can protect you that much. Enemies themselves will take dozens of bullets to the body and only reliably die from headshots, which can be really hard to pull off when there are 6 enemies on the other side of the room and 5 seconds of exposure is vitally dangerous. I never actively consumed painkillers, instead I auto-used them through “Last Man Standing” over 100 times.
Max Payne 3 gives much less painkillers and ammo, and every time anything happens you always lose your heavy weapon (this is just a personal annoyance). Scripted slo-mo sequences are cool, although the original games felt more like you were crafting your own cinematic moments rather than letting the game pick for you. Finding clues, collectibles and the “grinds” are something I will never bother to complete, definitely the most generic feature of this game. Generally, I much preferred 1 and 2’s combat - quicksaving and all - to the cover-dependent, low-health fest of 3.
Overall, Max Payne 3 is a game where I can acknowledge its strengths while knowing I probably won’t pick it up again.
2017
Possum Springs is one of the most bittersweet locations I’ve seen in gaming. The industrial small town look and autumn sunset makes for a strangely cozy place. But it’s falling apart, you get the impression that it’s hardly holding itself together. Corporate America is really the only thing that seems to be doing fine.
On paper, Night In The Woods is like a 2/10. You walk and you talk to people. Sometimes there is incredibly basic platforming. And yet the vibe is incredibly immaculate. Visual design, music, and most importantly the interactions with characters. In the vain of games like Firewatch, it's more about 'experiencing' the atmosphere and narrative rather than exciting gameplay. Even with a sort of mystery thriller to create the illusion of a central narrative, I found myself craving the comfort of the daily routine, with every development in the mystery threatening to upheave the nostalgic wandering around town.
While the artstyle is unique and well done, and the music is great, the characters are what far and over make this game. Gregg is perhaps the best hypeman in written history, although I spent most of my time hanging out with Bea because I really wanted to repair the relationship. All the other characters are well done with some pretty realistic conversations, especially with your parents.
As Mae, you are presented with a few dialogue choices that sometimes change what information you get in a conversation, or more impactfully, decide what activity you will be doing. Despite the choices, Mae is really more of a character you control rather than a blank slate for the player. The ending is the same no matter what, however you can find optional side stories with characters around town, and who you hang out with the most gets extra dialogue in the final leg of the game. Threads of her past are teased but you never feel a need to know everything. The most significant thematically is the “shapes” monologue near the end of the game. Less so because of what it tells us about Mae but how it begs us to reflect on the experience of Night In The Woods as a whole. Trying not to spoil it but if you get to the part of the game you’ll probably understand what I mean.
The sad thing about Night In The Woods, is change. As I mentioned earlier, Possum Springs feels on the brink, which ties directly into the narrative in some places, but also serves as thematic backing. Your parents are struggling to pay mortgage. Gregg and Angus are planning to move one day. You don’t have enough time to hang out with everyone equally in a single playthrough. You can almost feel the time slipping away with every day that passes, as you can’t load previous saves. After a while I ended up really taking my time because I knew that the game would just end eventually. Sure I could start another playthrough, but that doesn't really feel like what the game wants me to do. Night In The Woods is really, literally, a slice-of-life, someone else’s life. I interpret the games themes as the fear of change, trying to hold on the what you have, and learning what you need to let go of.
Oh yeah, and there's a Guitar Hero minigame that I suck at
On paper, Night In The Woods is like a 2/10. You walk and you talk to people. Sometimes there is incredibly basic platforming. And yet the vibe is incredibly immaculate. Visual design, music, and most importantly the interactions with characters. In the vain of games like Firewatch, it's more about 'experiencing' the atmosphere and narrative rather than exciting gameplay. Even with a sort of mystery thriller to create the illusion of a central narrative, I found myself craving the comfort of the daily routine, with every development in the mystery threatening to upheave the nostalgic wandering around town.
While the artstyle is unique and well done, and the music is great, the characters are what far and over make this game. Gregg is perhaps the best hypeman in written history, although I spent most of my time hanging out with Bea because I really wanted to repair the relationship. All the other characters are well done with some pretty realistic conversations, especially with your parents.
As Mae, you are presented with a few dialogue choices that sometimes change what information you get in a conversation, or more impactfully, decide what activity you will be doing. Despite the choices, Mae is really more of a character you control rather than a blank slate for the player. The ending is the same no matter what, however you can find optional side stories with characters around town, and who you hang out with the most gets extra dialogue in the final leg of the game. Threads of her past are teased but you never feel a need to know everything. The most significant thematically is the “shapes” monologue near the end of the game. Less so because of what it tells us about Mae but how it begs us to reflect on the experience of Night In The Woods as a whole. Trying not to spoil it but if you get to the part of the game you’ll probably understand what I mean.
The sad thing about Night In The Woods, is change. As I mentioned earlier, Possum Springs feels on the brink, which ties directly into the narrative in some places, but also serves as thematic backing. Your parents are struggling to pay mortgage. Gregg and Angus are planning to move one day. You don’t have enough time to hang out with everyone equally in a single playthrough. You can almost feel the time slipping away with every day that passes, as you can’t load previous saves. After a while I ended up really taking my time because I knew that the game would just end eventually. Sure I could start another playthrough, but that doesn't really feel like what the game wants me to do. Night In The Woods is really, literally, a slice-of-life, someone else’s life. I interpret the games themes as the fear of change, trying to hold on the what you have, and learning what you need to let go of.
Oh yeah, and there's a Guitar Hero minigame that I suck at
2011
“Hey Sonic, enjoy your future, it’s gonna be great!”
Ok objectively this is at least an 8/10. I’ve been stuck between giving it a 6 or 7 depending on how annoyed I feel, but it's been more than 24 hours since I touched Planet Wisp so I think I’ll be generous.
My last playthrough was 7 whole years ago. All I remember is struggling a lot until I got stuck on the Shadow race and put the game down.
So the main thing is that I really, really suck at 2D Sonic. I’m really impressed with some of the videogames I’ve beaten, but if you hand me a Sonic game I’ll look like a 4 year old that’s never held a controller before. After several years and 3 good attempts I still couldn’t enjoy Sonic Mania and had to put it down. The best parts of Sonic Generations are definitely the 3D segments. They have the biggest thrills and pretty decent gameplay. Although falling out of bounds never looks like your fault because of the rollercoaster-like stage design. Unfortunately for me like 70% of this game is 2D, because as well as Classic Sonic being fully 2D, plenty of Modern Sonic includes long 2D segments. At least you get the homing attack to make things feel a little more exciting. 2D isn’t really my thing since it’s mostly waiting for moving platforms or making really weird jumps that I can never seem to get right.
This is really a love letter to the franchise since every stage is a locale from a previous game. To a non-fan like me this is just “holographic green hill zone again?” but I’m sure long-time fans really appreciate it. It's more impressive when you consider that a 20th anniversary game works this well on its own. Modern Sonic music is surprisingly a banger. Story is bare-bones but that’s pretty standard for platformers. Dialogue is corny but Eggman is still the GOAT.
Ok objectively this is at least an 8/10. I’ve been stuck between giving it a 6 or 7 depending on how annoyed I feel, but it's been more than 24 hours since I touched Planet Wisp so I think I’ll be generous.
My last playthrough was 7 whole years ago. All I remember is struggling a lot until I got stuck on the Shadow race and put the game down.
So the main thing is that I really, really suck at 2D Sonic. I’m really impressed with some of the videogames I’ve beaten, but if you hand me a Sonic game I’ll look like a 4 year old that’s never held a controller before. After several years and 3 good attempts I still couldn’t enjoy Sonic Mania and had to put it down. The best parts of Sonic Generations are definitely the 3D segments. They have the biggest thrills and pretty decent gameplay. Although falling out of bounds never looks like your fault because of the rollercoaster-like stage design. Unfortunately for me like 70% of this game is 2D, because as well as Classic Sonic being fully 2D, plenty of Modern Sonic includes long 2D segments. At least you get the homing attack to make things feel a little more exciting. 2D isn’t really my thing since it’s mostly waiting for moving platforms or making really weird jumps that I can never seem to get right.
This is really a love letter to the franchise since every stage is a locale from a previous game. To a non-fan like me this is just “holographic green hill zone again?” but I’m sure long-time fans really appreciate it. It's more impressive when you consider that a 20th anniversary game works this well on its own. Modern Sonic music is surprisingly a banger. Story is bare-bones but that’s pretty standard for platformers. Dialogue is corny but Eggman is still the GOAT.
For the most concise review of all time: If you liked Max Payne, you’ll like Max Payne 2.
That might seem like a redundant thing to say for a sequel, I mean that it almost feels like DLC for the original game. You will probably feel exactly the same about both of them. I read a review that called this game just as much an epilogue as it is a sequel. I agree with this is a few ways:
One, the first game was already short, but this one is even shorter, to the point you can beat it in one sitting if you’re motivated enough. It feels more like more like wrapping up loose ends rather than branching out into new territory.
Secondly, it looks and feels almost identical to the first game, but more polished. It is similar enough that you might as well read my Max Payne review to get my opinion on gameplay and presentation.
The main gameplay difference is that instead of shitty platforming sections in the nightmare sequences, we get a couple escort missions. Said nightmare sections stand out a bit less (it’s hard to top the “funny as hell” part of the first game) but I’m still glad they kept them. They feel just as much of the series’ identity as the graphic novel cutscenes. Sadly, Sam Lake’s beautiful face has been replaced in the gameplay and graphic novel sections, but it makes sense since they were able to get animated face models. Locales are a bit more varied than the first game. I could actually understand what Payne was saying during gameplay because they added subtitles. Story was less distinctive than the first but still pretty solid. The TV shows you can catch are a nice bonus and are actually pretty detailed.
That might seem like a redundant thing to say for a sequel, I mean that it almost feels like DLC for the original game. You will probably feel exactly the same about both of them. I read a review that called this game just as much an epilogue as it is a sequel. I agree with this is a few ways:
One, the first game was already short, but this one is even shorter, to the point you can beat it in one sitting if you’re motivated enough. It feels more like more like wrapping up loose ends rather than branching out into new territory.
Secondly, it looks and feels almost identical to the first game, but more polished. It is similar enough that you might as well read my Max Payne review to get my opinion on gameplay and presentation.
The main gameplay difference is that instead of shitty platforming sections in the nightmare sequences, we get a couple escort missions. Said nightmare sections stand out a bit less (it’s hard to top the “funny as hell” part of the first game) but I’m still glad they kept them. They feel just as much of the series’ identity as the graphic novel cutscenes. Sadly, Sam Lake’s beautiful face has been replaced in the gameplay and graphic novel sections, but it makes sense since they were able to get animated face models. Locales are a bit more varied than the first game. I could actually understand what Payne was saying during gameplay because they added subtitles. Story was less distinctive than the first but still pretty solid. The TV shows you can catch are a nice bonus and are actually pretty detailed.
2006
For at least 3 years at school, the in-joke “Pimp My Ride for the PlayStation 2” cropped up once and again in my friendship group. One of my friends loves collecting old games, and games he already owns for some reason (multiple copies for steam, emulation, and consoles). This includes the videogame tie-in to the titular show hosted by “Xzibit”, the subject of this review. My friend owned this game and for years we joked about how ridiculous the phrase “Pimp My Ride for the PS2” is, occasionally studying the box art like we were giddy 10 year olds in Gamestop. One miraculous birthday of his (this was genuinely life changing) we actually played the game for the very first time by taking it in turns. What a treat it was. Then for my birthday (he’s one day younger than me so it must have been the next year) he gifted me this game to play on my Wii U. Owning this game myself felt akin to what lost media fanatics must experience after searching for years. This was my Roman Empire, my 130 minute cut of The Magnificent Ambersons. Today was my first time touching my copy while I downloaded some games on my Xbox (because really, how else do I spend the wait?)
I put the disc in, got to the startup menu, which Wii fans will know is usually home to nice music and graphics. Instead, nothing but the logo appears, with the words a second time in Arial font right above. The background is white. Xzhibit says “we’re gonna pimp your ride”. Complete silence. No music.
The in-game menu music is a 20 second song that stops playing for 10 seconds instead of looping.
Pimp My Ride for the Nintendo Wii is the most raucously funny game I’ve ever experienced. I wish Backloggd let you ‘like’ things separately to the rating (as Letterboxd does), because there really is no better way to express this game than a one star with a heart. Pimp My Ride for the Nintendo Wii is the most comically, absurdly awful game I’ve ever seen. “So bad it’s good” movies a la The Room are funny because of how hard they’re trying and how far they’re missing. “So bad it’s good” videogames are funny because the amount of stupid design decisions that snowball over several hours until you’re overwhelmed, wondering how this could ever have been made. The Infested Chopper in Devil May Cry 2 is funny because every time you think it’s over, it just keeps going. Pimp My Ride for the Nintendo Wii is funny because everything is the exact same shitty rhythm minigame. Calling it a “rhythm minigame” is an insult to even the most broken Friday Night Funkin mod. You complete the same button press over and over, with a century between each input. This causes your character to dance which raises money, I guess. That’s the whole minigame. And that’s the best minigame. Cruise Control is just holding down a button. “Ghost Ride The Whip” is an iconic phrase, at least.
In Pimp My Ride, there are no cars. There are whips. You don’t “fix ‘er up”, you pimp your ride. Pimp My Ride has somewhat funky music (when it randomly plays something good), which makes the most entertaining part of this game cruising around the map, even if there’s nothing to do.
The game is split into two distinct stages:
The first half of gameplay is choosing a whip, driving to waypoints to do shitty minigames until you raise enough money to Pimp Your Ride (for the Nintendo Wii). It’s easy, boring, but funny in an absurd way. You can’t even run people over because they’ll teleport out of the way. Giant XXXX’s block your way to the rest of the map.
Then, once you’ve raised enough money by repeating the 3 boring ass minigames, you can actually Pimp Your Ride (for the Playstation Portable). You get to see the glorious character models which have no mouth movement. Then, you have to go back around the map and pick up parts with an actually strict timer. Seriously, the game goes from dead easy to insanely demanding as you have to race against your rival. The contrast between Autopilot playing the first half and something that resembles a videogame is hilarious. It’s still awful though.
Overall, this was a complete waste of my time because my games had finished downloading by the time I had started playing. It wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining without my weird friendship lore building it up over several years.
I put the disc in, got to the startup menu, which Wii fans will know is usually home to nice music and graphics. Instead, nothing but the logo appears, with the words a second time in Arial font right above. The background is white. Xzhibit says “we’re gonna pimp your ride”. Complete silence. No music.
The in-game menu music is a 20 second song that stops playing for 10 seconds instead of looping.
Pimp My Ride for the Nintendo Wii is the most raucously funny game I’ve ever experienced. I wish Backloggd let you ‘like’ things separately to the rating (as Letterboxd does), because there really is no better way to express this game than a one star with a heart. Pimp My Ride for the Nintendo Wii is the most comically, absurdly awful game I’ve ever seen. “So bad it’s good” movies a la The Room are funny because of how hard they’re trying and how far they’re missing. “So bad it’s good” videogames are funny because the amount of stupid design decisions that snowball over several hours until you’re overwhelmed, wondering how this could ever have been made. The Infested Chopper in Devil May Cry 2 is funny because every time you think it’s over, it just keeps going. Pimp My Ride for the Nintendo Wii is funny because everything is the exact same shitty rhythm minigame. Calling it a “rhythm minigame” is an insult to even the most broken Friday Night Funkin mod. You complete the same button press over and over, with a century between each input. This causes your character to dance which raises money, I guess. That’s the whole minigame. And that’s the best minigame. Cruise Control is just holding down a button. “Ghost Ride The Whip” is an iconic phrase, at least.
In Pimp My Ride, there are no cars. There are whips. You don’t “fix ‘er up”, you pimp your ride. Pimp My Ride has somewhat funky music (when it randomly plays something good), which makes the most entertaining part of this game cruising around the map, even if there’s nothing to do.
The game is split into two distinct stages:
The first half of gameplay is choosing a whip, driving to waypoints to do shitty minigames until you raise enough money to Pimp Your Ride (for the Nintendo Wii). It’s easy, boring, but funny in an absurd way. You can’t even run people over because they’ll teleport out of the way. Giant XXXX’s block your way to the rest of the map.
Then, once you’ve raised enough money by repeating the 3 boring ass minigames, you can actually Pimp Your Ride (for the Playstation Portable). You get to see the glorious character models which have no mouth movement. Then, you have to go back around the map and pick up parts with an actually strict timer. Seriously, the game goes from dead easy to insanely demanding as you have to race against your rival. The contrast between Autopilot playing the first half and something that resembles a videogame is hilarious. It’s still awful though.
Overall, this was a complete waste of my time because my games had finished downloading by the time I had started playing. It wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining without my weird friendship lore building it up over several years.
It's really interesting reflecting on this season nearly 2 years later. This was Donald Mustard's final season as the 'loremaster' of the game, and you can tell because everything made afterwards seems to have nothing to do with what was being built up to. I know Fortnite and narrative might not cross a lot of people's minds, but I really appreciated the purpose it gave to each map change and new gameplay element. My friend filled me in on what I missed from Chapter 1 Season 5 - Chapter 2 Season 6, and Chapter 3 Season 2 felt really story focused with the war between the factions and all the tanks and blimps and stuff. During the end event where Slone was seemingly killed, and Jonesy+Dwayne Johnson went off to fight the true villain from the EU, it really felt like a huge milestone in the story had been met and that we were nearing a conclusion or 2nd arc. Immediately after that, this season felt like a filler episode of sorts, as nothing happened for months. Turns out that those story threads would never get resolved in any meaningful way. Furthermore, this season teased the future in terms of collabs and reception: Darth Vader, Dragonball items, and the beginning of people not hating on the game anymore. Looking back this really was the turning point where the story was ditched for insane collabs.