chickenpattyfan
83 Reviews liked by chickenpattyfan
Pikmin 3 Deluxe
2020
Holy cow! Pikmin is as good as they say?!
It took me only a few minutes to fall in love with everything about this game. The level design is absolutely insane! Each stage is jam-packed with goodies, baddies, beautiful scenery, and most importantly, endlessly adorable Pikmin! Working your ass off (or more accurately, the Pikmin's asses off) to collect all of the various fruits might be the most fun I've ever had 100% completing a game, and I only wish there was a little bit more content. As it stands I completed everything in the base game in a little over eight hours, and while there's a lot of fun looking side stuff to do, the core gameplay is so perfect that I can't help but want more of it.
I suppose that means I should move on to the other games in the series, I've heard Pikmin 4 is pretty good!
It took me only a few minutes to fall in love with everything about this game. The level design is absolutely insane! Each stage is jam-packed with goodies, baddies, beautiful scenery, and most importantly, endlessly adorable Pikmin! Working your ass off (or more accurately, the Pikmin's asses off) to collect all of the various fruits might be the most fun I've ever had 100% completing a game, and I only wish there was a little bit more content. As it stands I completed everything in the base game in a little over eight hours, and while there's a lot of fun looking side stuff to do, the core gameplay is so perfect that I can't help but want more of it.
I suppose that means I should move on to the other games in the series, I've heard Pikmin 4 is pretty good!
Frog Climbers
2016
Those ribbit ribbit makers are speaking my language (facts). Another game for couples to test out before commiting to living in the same house because this is gonna be hella informative. What do you think our simian ancestors think watching us digitally act as the tree climbers we used to be? These thoughts are racing in my head but they better drift off cuz the race is on for real; Frog Climbers, as the name implies, sees us picking one of a handful of frog skins (pause) and us poor players will have to tweak our entire cerebral activity to learn the good patterns in order not to fumble the climb.
I mean look at them goooo I mean isn't that such a silly game?? I dont know how long it took to make, there's not a bucketful of content and it boils down to using two buttons and directional sticks smartly in order to reach new heights. You get squished sometimes but it's fine you're in one piece (it's reaaaaaaaal) There's no tutorial section but one of the most impressive part of the game is how you both need to fumble your way through a few rocks until the countdown starts and the race truly begins. They engineerd the shit outta this. Even a man at its lowest may learn the ropes of this healthy competition with no animal abuse and turn his life around.
You quickly grasp how to climb the hell outta the most complex of the three maps, also you can respawn in a better position in some situations, encouraging suicidal thoughts is ill-advised not to mention how this affects the gameplay. It's not even used for catch-up, and is only detrimental if two Le Froge experts were to battle it out for the umpteeth time. These sticky hands are going somewhere thanks to you. I just don't think I'll remember it in a few weeks.
I mean look at them goooo I mean isn't that such a silly game?? I dont know how long it took to make, there's not a bucketful of content and it boils down to using two buttons and directional sticks smartly in order to reach new heights. You get squished sometimes but it's fine you're in one piece (it's reaaaaaaaal) There's no tutorial section but one of the most impressive part of the game is how you both need to fumble your way through a few rocks until the countdown starts and the race truly begins. They engineerd the shit outta this. Even a man at its lowest may learn the ropes of this healthy competition with no animal abuse and turn his life around.
You quickly grasp how to climb the hell outta the most complex of the three maps, also you can respawn in a better position in some situations, encouraging suicidal thoughts is ill-advised not to mention how this affects the gameplay. It's not even used for catch-up, and is only detrimental if two Le Froge experts were to battle it out for the umpteeth time. These sticky hands are going somewhere thanks to you. I just don't think I'll remember it in a few weeks.
Jak 3
2004
This review contains spoilers
Jak 3 is a messy unfocused version of 2. The throw everything at the wall insanity of 2 somehow worked just about flawlessly in that game's favor. The same approach isn't so graceful here. Pacing is dramatically worse as mission variety took a huge hit. 2 had a perfect balance between platforming, vehicles, and minigames. 3's got a MUCH bigger focus on vehicle missions. Which would be fine in any other game in this series. The hovercars were fun in the first game, they slew in the second, and the racing game that they made after this is amazing. This time the cars are chunky and slow in comparison. Goodbye hovercars with a good sense of speed and perfect controls. Hello slow dirt buggies that flip and slide at the slightest tap of any minor bump in the road. They're not all terrible but they're just never as fun as the rest of the series. This game takes a lot longer to hit its stride than any other game in the series, and honestly I'm not sure it ever does.
Not only is the balance in styles worse, the styles themselves are done worse. I've already mentioned the vehicles. But platforming especially has taken a HUGE hit. It's rare it even shows up and when it does it feels like it's put together in something more primitive than the original Mario Maker. So blocky and uninteresting a lot of the time. I loved every minigame in the first 2 but here I can't really say I feel anything for any of 'em. Guns all get an obnoxious amount of upgrades and you're just obscenely overpowered really quick. Jak gets health upgrades throughout the story as well, and the enemies just can't keep up. You've also got new light powers that are cool during their tutorials, but there's so little platforming in the game you'll forget you have a majority of them. One of the light powers is actually just effectively a "heal to max hp" button. Bosses here are lesser in both quantity and quality compared to 2, or even 1 honestly. Instead of having an actual battle with someone they're the kind of boss that just has you fight a wave of copy paste enemies, then hit the glowing weak point, repeat 3-4 times. The final boss actually has a light eco vent in the arena, meaning you have infinite healing during the final boss. They really took the "it's too hard" complaint with 2 to heart and this game just lost all its teeth as a result. If the only problem was that the game was easy I could maybe forgive it but even the story just kinda sucks here. Which is a shame 'cuz Jak 2's story is one of my favorites in gaming.
-The rest of this review is entirely about the story just as a heads up.-
Again, just like the various gameplay elements, the story is more interested in bringing up new stuff, going nowhere with it, and then introducing something else. Just straight up making a mess of the lore and characters, throwing a plethora of questions it has no intention of answering. Major plot revelations are given quick 20 second interactions and dropped. Most characters aren't given room to do anything of note. Samos and Kiera for the first time are functionally nonexistent. Kiera's VA is changed and as a result was practically written out of the game. It's not just a messy story, SO much of it is explicitly filler. The game's already got 20 minutes less in the cutscene department compared to Jak2, and yet so much time goes by without any legitimate forward progression. Then when it does move it doesn't make ANY sense ever. At one point you meet Ashelin who tries to convince Jak to come back to the city, they need his help. Jak then says "They can ROT for all I care, I'm through saving the world!" The LITERAL NEXT THING YOU DO, is go to the city and start helping them out. I think they were trying to imply gaining light powers is balancing out his darkness, and you DO get a new light power, though that's on the way there. Not sure why he was even going there to begin with. In execution it feels really weak, and more like they wanted major scenes without any of the leadup or follow through. When you get back to the city Samos says the city needs his help and Jak responds as though this is the first he's hearing this even though he was just asked for help and harshly declined 2 minutes ago. "Huh they need me again? What else is new" -goes to help them-
It's not just telling a messy uneventful story, it's going off the rails beyond all reason while doing so. To the point where it's just like yeah ok guy we saw die in the second game is back as a cyborg and he's an entire villainous faction on the same threat level as the metal heads that we supposedly stamped out in the previous game but are here anyway. Last second just pose the idea that Jak is god of this world sure whatever man. I really think it just kinda sucks no matter how hard you try to give the benefit of the doubt.
There's a lot more I could go on about, but I don't like rambling about plotholes 'cuz I'm pretty good at filling stuff like that in on my own. I don't need every single step spelled out for me, I'm a Kingdom Hearts fan dude, I'm down for some stories that need you to meet halfway. I just find this incredibly weak and meandering. The fact it often doesn't make any sense is just icing on the cake. A whole lot of dry "Jak u need to do us a lil' favor" cutscenes that feel like they made the level and didn't know how to tie it into the story. Jak's constantly picking up plot maguffins in every other scene, very rarely is it explained why or how or whatever the point of them is but he sure do be having his own little collectathon adventure in the cutscenes that we don't truly get to engage with as the viewer in any way. Feels lost in translation even though this isn't a Japanese first game.
Like I said, I don't like babbling about plotholes, but this game makes that impossible. Truly some first draft trainwrecks here.
This new character Vegar that was supposedly always there, has enough power in the city council to get Jak banished to the desert despite saving the city and being celebrated in the previous game...And is supposedly "drunk on power" Ashelin says. And then in a random scene, Ashelin, who's been there THE ENTIRE TIME, straight up just says "I dissolve the city council and strip you of your power". Just fires the dude and that's that. She was the Baron's daughter she's literally in charge of what's a literal dictatorship right? At the start she apologizes and says there's nothing she could do, the council they made up for this game is SO powerful that their leader's protest was overruled, but she has the power to completely dissolve it??? Jak's able to come back to the city on his own and is welcome back by every single character. Why'd we have to go through all this song and dance proving ourselves as wastelanders when at any point you could have just come out and given Jak a ride back to town and dissolve the council? Then Vegar gets all mad and threatens them then does almost nothing for the rest of the game. I could try and muster up some fan theory but this game's just not fun to think about, it just gets worse the more you dig in, which is the opposite of how I felt about 2.
And some of the major elements feel so amateurish.
Damas says to Jak;
"Didn't your father tell you to pick your battles wisely?"
"I didn't know my father..." -Awkward silence-
18 minutes of scenes later Sig reveals he was spying in haven city 'cuz Damas wanted him to find something he lost. Almost the very next scene Damas be like
"I mustn't lose you...Like I lost....My son......."
They then want it to be a big emotional moment when it's revealed near the end of the game that Jak is his son. I get it's one of those things that you could say is about waiting for the characters to realize it, and the moment they find out has a tragic element to it. Like in-universe it's fine I guess, probably one of the less horribly stupid major elements. But it just sticks out in my head as really uninteresting writing. The missing family plot is written like a random kid's cartoon that ran out of storylines and needs to pick an overdone trope out of a hat. Trolls 3 suddenly has Poppy thinkin about how cool it would be if she had a sister, omg no way her long lost sister that was never remotely hinted at in the previous 2 movies shows up out of nowhere isn't that a crazy coincidence? It's that kind of awkward "THIS IS WHAT THE STORY OF THE WEEK IS KIDS" type telegraphing that just makes this feel so lame here. And it's like they weren't even confident this plot was good enough to carry the game so they also threw in the same scene that Jak's real name is Mar, which implies he's a god. Maybe he's just named after their god? But we physically see him take off with the gods of their world in the ending. Except in the same scene it acts like we DIDN'T just watch him get into a ship and fly off. It just boils my beans at every turn, denying any possible explanation. One of the last lines in the game is "Wait..Jak is Mar? THE mar?" Ashelin asks, getting nothing but a small nod from a monk standing near her. Only possible thing that makes sense is after we saw him leave, he went back in time to create the universe then used his god powers to come back to the exact point he left and just acted like it didn't happen?????????????
Funny I always hear of people not liking the reveal of what the precursors are. I never minded it. Doesn't really hurt any established lore and actually ties back to the first game in a cool way. Why are the gods of this world randomly met in some underground cave though? Why did they say Jak's proven himself worthy of becoming one of them, then Vegar says NO, EVOLVE ME INTO A GOD INSTEAD and then they just go "lol ok" and turn him into one of them instead of Jak. Then they say they're disappointed in Jak suddenly? (And of course Vegar only actually transforms like a full minute after getting blasted by their evolve light 'cuz they had to reveal what the precursors were first) Then they turn Daxter's GF into one 'cuz she wanted pants like Daxter was wearing? Full on "This series is over and we do NOT care anymore" energy. The bit that Ottsels are actually what the precursors are is kinda cool, genuinely the only aspect I kinda like in this game's plot.
I'm not usually one to make 80% of my review about the story but the gameplay's just a downgrade from 2 and otherwise this is such a mediocre final chapter through and through. TL;DR would just be -mid, toothless version of 2 with an actively self sabotaging story- Jak X was a better followup to Jak 2 than this, and actually gave the characters a lot more room to actually exist and do stuff. It's sacrilege to say but I genuinely like High Impact games' Jak and Daxter the lost frontier better than this.
Not only is the balance in styles worse, the styles themselves are done worse. I've already mentioned the vehicles. But platforming especially has taken a HUGE hit. It's rare it even shows up and when it does it feels like it's put together in something more primitive than the original Mario Maker. So blocky and uninteresting a lot of the time. I loved every minigame in the first 2 but here I can't really say I feel anything for any of 'em. Guns all get an obnoxious amount of upgrades and you're just obscenely overpowered really quick. Jak gets health upgrades throughout the story as well, and the enemies just can't keep up. You've also got new light powers that are cool during their tutorials, but there's so little platforming in the game you'll forget you have a majority of them. One of the light powers is actually just effectively a "heal to max hp" button. Bosses here are lesser in both quantity and quality compared to 2, or even 1 honestly. Instead of having an actual battle with someone they're the kind of boss that just has you fight a wave of copy paste enemies, then hit the glowing weak point, repeat 3-4 times. The final boss actually has a light eco vent in the arena, meaning you have infinite healing during the final boss. They really took the "it's too hard" complaint with 2 to heart and this game just lost all its teeth as a result. If the only problem was that the game was easy I could maybe forgive it but even the story just kinda sucks here. Which is a shame 'cuz Jak 2's story is one of my favorites in gaming.
-The rest of this review is entirely about the story just as a heads up.-
Again, just like the various gameplay elements, the story is more interested in bringing up new stuff, going nowhere with it, and then introducing something else. Just straight up making a mess of the lore and characters, throwing a plethora of questions it has no intention of answering. Major plot revelations are given quick 20 second interactions and dropped. Most characters aren't given room to do anything of note. Samos and Kiera for the first time are functionally nonexistent. Kiera's VA is changed and as a result was practically written out of the game. It's not just a messy story, SO much of it is explicitly filler. The game's already got 20 minutes less in the cutscene department compared to Jak2, and yet so much time goes by without any legitimate forward progression. Then when it does move it doesn't make ANY sense ever. At one point you meet Ashelin who tries to convince Jak to come back to the city, they need his help. Jak then says "They can ROT for all I care, I'm through saving the world!" The LITERAL NEXT THING YOU DO, is go to the city and start helping them out. I think they were trying to imply gaining light powers is balancing out his darkness, and you DO get a new light power, though that's on the way there. Not sure why he was even going there to begin with. In execution it feels really weak, and more like they wanted major scenes without any of the leadup or follow through. When you get back to the city Samos says the city needs his help and Jak responds as though this is the first he's hearing this even though he was just asked for help and harshly declined 2 minutes ago. "Huh they need me again? What else is new" -goes to help them-
It's not just telling a messy uneventful story, it's going off the rails beyond all reason while doing so. To the point where it's just like yeah ok guy we saw die in the second game is back as a cyborg and he's an entire villainous faction on the same threat level as the metal heads that we supposedly stamped out in the previous game but are here anyway. Last second just pose the idea that Jak is god of this world sure whatever man. I really think it just kinda sucks no matter how hard you try to give the benefit of the doubt.
There's a lot more I could go on about, but I don't like rambling about plotholes 'cuz I'm pretty good at filling stuff like that in on my own. I don't need every single step spelled out for me, I'm a Kingdom Hearts fan dude, I'm down for some stories that need you to meet halfway. I just find this incredibly weak and meandering. The fact it often doesn't make any sense is just icing on the cake. A whole lot of dry "Jak u need to do us a lil' favor" cutscenes that feel like they made the level and didn't know how to tie it into the story. Jak's constantly picking up plot maguffins in every other scene, very rarely is it explained why or how or whatever the point of them is but he sure do be having his own little collectathon adventure in the cutscenes that we don't truly get to engage with as the viewer in any way. Feels lost in translation even though this isn't a Japanese first game.
Like I said, I don't like babbling about plotholes, but this game makes that impossible. Truly some first draft trainwrecks here.
This new character Vegar that was supposedly always there, has enough power in the city council to get Jak banished to the desert despite saving the city and being celebrated in the previous game...And is supposedly "drunk on power" Ashelin says. And then in a random scene, Ashelin, who's been there THE ENTIRE TIME, straight up just says "I dissolve the city council and strip you of your power". Just fires the dude and that's that. She was the Baron's daughter she's literally in charge of what's a literal dictatorship right? At the start she apologizes and says there's nothing she could do, the council they made up for this game is SO powerful that their leader's protest was overruled, but she has the power to completely dissolve it??? Jak's able to come back to the city on his own and is welcome back by every single character. Why'd we have to go through all this song and dance proving ourselves as wastelanders when at any point you could have just come out and given Jak a ride back to town and dissolve the council? Then Vegar gets all mad and threatens them then does almost nothing for the rest of the game. I could try and muster up some fan theory but this game's just not fun to think about, it just gets worse the more you dig in, which is the opposite of how I felt about 2.
And some of the major elements feel so amateurish.
Damas says to Jak;
"Didn't your father tell you to pick your battles wisely?"
"I didn't know my father..." -Awkward silence-
18 minutes of scenes later Sig reveals he was spying in haven city 'cuz Damas wanted him to find something he lost. Almost the very next scene Damas be like
"I mustn't lose you...Like I lost....My son......."
They then want it to be a big emotional moment when it's revealed near the end of the game that Jak is his son. I get it's one of those things that you could say is about waiting for the characters to realize it, and the moment they find out has a tragic element to it. Like in-universe it's fine I guess, probably one of the less horribly stupid major elements. But it just sticks out in my head as really uninteresting writing. The missing family plot is written like a random kid's cartoon that ran out of storylines and needs to pick an overdone trope out of a hat. Trolls 3 suddenly has Poppy thinkin about how cool it would be if she had a sister, omg no way her long lost sister that was never remotely hinted at in the previous 2 movies shows up out of nowhere isn't that a crazy coincidence? It's that kind of awkward "THIS IS WHAT THE STORY OF THE WEEK IS KIDS" type telegraphing that just makes this feel so lame here. And it's like they weren't even confident this plot was good enough to carry the game so they also threw in the same scene that Jak's real name is Mar, which implies he's a god. Maybe he's just named after their god? But we physically see him take off with the gods of their world in the ending. Except in the same scene it acts like we DIDN'T just watch him get into a ship and fly off. It just boils my beans at every turn, denying any possible explanation. One of the last lines in the game is "Wait..Jak is Mar? THE mar?" Ashelin asks, getting nothing but a small nod from a monk standing near her. Only possible thing that makes sense is after we saw him leave, he went back in time to create the universe then used his god powers to come back to the exact point he left and just acted like it didn't happen?????????????
Funny I always hear of people not liking the reveal of what the precursors are. I never minded it. Doesn't really hurt any established lore and actually ties back to the first game in a cool way. Why are the gods of this world randomly met in some underground cave though? Why did they say Jak's proven himself worthy of becoming one of them, then Vegar says NO, EVOLVE ME INTO A GOD INSTEAD and then they just go "lol ok" and turn him into one of them instead of Jak. Then they say they're disappointed in Jak suddenly? (And of course Vegar only actually transforms like a full minute after getting blasted by their evolve light 'cuz they had to reveal what the precursors were first) Then they turn Daxter's GF into one 'cuz she wanted pants like Daxter was wearing? Full on "This series is over and we do NOT care anymore" energy. The bit that Ottsels are actually what the precursors are is kinda cool, genuinely the only aspect I kinda like in this game's plot.
I'm not usually one to make 80% of my review about the story but the gameplay's just a downgrade from 2 and otherwise this is such a mediocre final chapter through and through. TL;DR would just be -mid, toothless version of 2 with an actively self sabotaging story- Jak X was a better followup to Jak 2 than this, and actually gave the characters a lot more room to actually exist and do stuff. It's sacrilege to say but I genuinely like High Impact games' Jak and Daxter the lost frontier better than this.
Jak II
2003
This review contains spoilers
This game should not work as well as it does. They handle the shift to a T rated style shockingly well narratively, while at the same time outdoing Rockstar in their own style in every conceivable way. The controls are just as expressive and engaging to use as the first game, the guns are really well implemented, and these are the best controlling vehicles in the industry no question. You have such high speed capabilities as well as fine control, and it's so satisfying to weave between higher and upper lanes trying not to crash into anything. Chases are tense, missions are varied and feature a solid mix of all gameplay styles. Which is very impressive given the variety at show here.
Gunplay, platforming, one off minigames, hoverboarding, street races, ring missions, higher speed professional racing on tracks, light collectathon elements, with a dash of crazy taxi. Just like the original game, its inspirations are clear but pulled off with enough grace and unique elements to not feel hopelessly derivative. All wrapped up in a narrative that does a weirdly good job tying into the wholesome Banjo Kazooie styled first game, while at the same time delivering a complex and engaging storyline with iconic characters across the board. Adding so much to the lore and world it's insane. Easily one of the best stories in the industry, with somehow even better presentation in cutscenes than the original game. Love those bits that take place in areas that still resemble the first game's aesthetic. Just a few small areas untouched by the dystopian nightmare the rest of the world went through. Moments like that grow this series' universe in a way some long running franchises struggle to do in ten games let alone 2.
Perfect level of challenge for me. This game doesn't pull any punches, and it refuses to let you simply tank through any of its challenges due to its lack of checkpoints. But I never feel like it's asking too much of me. It's impressive they can make a bunch of enemies that die in 2 hits pose a genuine threat to you despite how powerful your guns are, really well balanced in that way imo. I'd be surprised if this game doesn't filter a lot of people. If this is too hard for you to enjoy maybe give Jak 3 a try, though that one dramatically overcorrected and just isn't as good all around but I'm getting ahead of myself.
This game throws EVERYTHING at the wall and it ALL sticks. Only criticism I could have is especially early on, pacing's pretty slow as you gotta drive between missions a lot. But it does open up and give you more options as to what to do at once later on. And the driving practice outside of missions is important early on before it starts becoming more demanding later. Besides, once you get good at the driving you can get to your destinations really fast anyway. Love the risk vs reward of small cars being faster with better handling except you'll probably blow up if you get into a bad crash. As opposed to the bigger chunkier cars that are a LOT more durable.
This game slays.
Gunplay, platforming, one off minigames, hoverboarding, street races, ring missions, higher speed professional racing on tracks, light collectathon elements, with a dash of crazy taxi. Just like the original game, its inspirations are clear but pulled off with enough grace and unique elements to not feel hopelessly derivative. All wrapped up in a narrative that does a weirdly good job tying into the wholesome Banjo Kazooie styled first game, while at the same time delivering a complex and engaging storyline with iconic characters across the board. Adding so much to the lore and world it's insane. Easily one of the best stories in the industry, with somehow even better presentation in cutscenes than the original game. Love those bits that take place in areas that still resemble the first game's aesthetic. Just a few small areas untouched by the dystopian nightmare the rest of the world went through. Moments like that grow this series' universe in a way some long running franchises struggle to do in ten games let alone 2.
Perfect level of challenge for me. This game doesn't pull any punches, and it refuses to let you simply tank through any of its challenges due to its lack of checkpoints. But I never feel like it's asking too much of me. It's impressive they can make a bunch of enemies that die in 2 hits pose a genuine threat to you despite how powerful your guns are, really well balanced in that way imo. I'd be surprised if this game doesn't filter a lot of people. If this is too hard for you to enjoy maybe give Jak 3 a try, though that one dramatically overcorrected and just isn't as good all around but I'm getting ahead of myself.
This game throws EVERYTHING at the wall and it ALL sticks. Only criticism I could have is especially early on, pacing's pretty slow as you gotta drive between missions a lot. But it does open up and give you more options as to what to do at once later on. And the driving practice outside of missions is important early on before it starts becoming more demanding later. Besides, once you get good at the driving you can get to your destinations really fast anyway. Love the risk vs reward of small cars being faster with better handling except you'll probably blow up if you get into a bad crash. As opposed to the bigger chunkier cars that are a LOT more durable.
This game slays.
One of my favorite games of all time. To this day it's really the closest thing we've got to a proper Banjo-Kazooie styled game made after Rare stopped. What's great is they managed to not feel derivative despite the obvious influences. They put a lot of effort into making the game world feel like it had a lot of history, and was a land that was currently being lived in. Every level is perfectly sized. Feels big in scope but densely packed. And everything is truly physically connected. Huge mission variety unique to this game as well as genre staples done masterfully. Nailing variety without becoming sloppy and unfocused. The graphics and animation work are top notch and have held up extremely well. What they were able to pull off on the PS2 while also featuring NO loading screens is technical wizardry. Movement has an extremely high skill ceiling, as do level routes in speedrunning. A game that effortlessly grows with the player.
Never gets old, I've 100% this game on all 4 save files an obnoxious number of times. This game blew my mind as a kid and it's honestly no less impressive today. And the lore elements that got doubled down on in the sequel retroactively make this game's simple plot even cooler.
I wanna just babble on about how cool it all is but that's pretty much it, it's all amazing. 'Boutta drop a couple hundred on a PSVita just to play a version of this game with bad framerate and get all achievements in it for the 4th time.
Never gets old, I've 100% this game on all 4 save files an obnoxious number of times. This game blew my mind as a kid and it's honestly no less impressive today. And the lore elements that got doubled down on in the sequel retroactively make this game's simple plot even cooler.
I wanna just babble on about how cool it all is but that's pretty much it, it's all amazing. 'Boutta drop a couple hundred on a PSVita just to play a version of this game with bad framerate and get all achievements in it for the 4th time.
I hate to sound like a boomer, but I vastly prefer older 3D Zeldas. This one's decent I suppose.
Splatoon
2015
After hearing the news that the 3DS/Wii U's online services were shutting down, the first thing that popped in my head was replaying this game's online one last time.
Back in 2015, I remember seeing the trailer for this game and thinking it looked really cool. I never played an online shooter in my life, but this one actually interested me with its colorful art style and interesting concept. The day of release, I ask my dad if he could pick the game up on his way from work and when he came home, not only did he have the game..he had an Inkling Boy amiibo as well. That basically kickstarted my Amiibo addiction around that time but that's a story for another time. Anyways, I ended up enjoying Splatoon a ton. I remember the day after I got it, I had a relatives party to go to and I could only think about playing this game. This game consumed my whole summer, I loved it so much. Playing every Splatfest, seeing every update as they roll out, I was hooked for a couple months. Part of that is because I had no school of course, because once September arrived I didn't play this game nearly as much as before. Still, May-August 2015 was the summer of Splatoon and I'll never forget it.
Anyways, time to actually review the game lol. I think the most striking aspect is just how stylish this game is. From the different outfits you can wear, to the more experimental soundtrack, to the unique art styles that appear in the sunken scrolls. I've seen people compare this game to Jet Set Radio cuz of it's sort of counter culture type attitude and ofc its stylishness and appeal to the younger demographic and I can totally see it. It can be really influential playing this as a young lad, and it certainly worked for me.
Speaking of the music, I've seen some individuals on this site specifically call it bad and I just don't see it. Sure, it's not everyone's cup of tea but the OST is really well done honestly. Splattack! is of course a classic and Ink Me Up brings me right back to participating in Splatfests all day. Those are my two favorites but the whole OST is great. I think Splatoon 2 is great and all and probably the objectively better game, but if there's anything I prefer more in 1, its the soundtrack.
The meat and potatoes of this game however is it's online matches. This game doesn't have as much content or modes as 2 (and god it was pretty barebones at launch I'll admit that) but it's still a ton of fun to play a match or two. I was able to play a couple turf war and ranked matches and they were still fun. I remember raging so hard whenever I would lose on ranked matches, I had issues lol. Still, I wish Urchin Underpass and Saltspray Rig were in future games, I miss em lol. Sadly couldn't play them during this last play session but I remember they were some of my favorites.
I did also replay the campaign, and it's still fun as it was back then. Sure, it's no octo expansion and probably worse than 2's, but I always enjoyed it personally. I don't know if it's weird to say but I kinda get Mario Galaxy vibes from it. Just going from section to section using the launchpads and seeing the really cool backgrounds in each level. Always got that vibe. It does get a bit formulaic having every 5th and 6th level be the same level type, however overall, I really enjoyed the single player. At least you can still play that even with the online off.
This game may have been a bit obsolete in the eyes of a lot of people once 2 and eventually 3 came out. However, 2 I never got into nearly as much so my memories of 1 really outshine it. It's not perfect but this game will always hold a special place in my heart and is one of the first things I think of when the year 2015 is brought up. Rest In Piece Splatoon 1 online and the 3DS/Wii U online in general, I loved you dearly.
Back in 2015, I remember seeing the trailer for this game and thinking it looked really cool. I never played an online shooter in my life, but this one actually interested me with its colorful art style and interesting concept. The day of release, I ask my dad if he could pick the game up on his way from work and when he came home, not only did he have the game..he had an Inkling Boy amiibo as well. That basically kickstarted my Amiibo addiction around that time but that's a story for another time. Anyways, I ended up enjoying Splatoon a ton. I remember the day after I got it, I had a relatives party to go to and I could only think about playing this game. This game consumed my whole summer, I loved it so much. Playing every Splatfest, seeing every update as they roll out, I was hooked for a couple months. Part of that is because I had no school of course, because once September arrived I didn't play this game nearly as much as before. Still, May-August 2015 was the summer of Splatoon and I'll never forget it.
Anyways, time to actually review the game lol. I think the most striking aspect is just how stylish this game is. From the different outfits you can wear, to the more experimental soundtrack, to the unique art styles that appear in the sunken scrolls. I've seen people compare this game to Jet Set Radio cuz of it's sort of counter culture type attitude and ofc its stylishness and appeal to the younger demographic and I can totally see it. It can be really influential playing this as a young lad, and it certainly worked for me.
Speaking of the music, I've seen some individuals on this site specifically call it bad and I just don't see it. Sure, it's not everyone's cup of tea but the OST is really well done honestly. Splattack! is of course a classic and Ink Me Up brings me right back to participating in Splatfests all day. Those are my two favorites but the whole OST is great. I think Splatoon 2 is great and all and probably the objectively better game, but if there's anything I prefer more in 1, its the soundtrack.
The meat and potatoes of this game however is it's online matches. This game doesn't have as much content or modes as 2 (and god it was pretty barebones at launch I'll admit that) but it's still a ton of fun to play a match or two. I was able to play a couple turf war and ranked matches and they were still fun. I remember raging so hard whenever I would lose on ranked matches, I had issues lol. Still, I wish Urchin Underpass and Saltspray Rig were in future games, I miss em lol. Sadly couldn't play them during this last play session but I remember they were some of my favorites.
I did also replay the campaign, and it's still fun as it was back then. Sure, it's no octo expansion and probably worse than 2's, but I always enjoyed it personally. I don't know if it's weird to say but I kinda get Mario Galaxy vibes from it. Just going from section to section using the launchpads and seeing the really cool backgrounds in each level. Always got that vibe. It does get a bit formulaic having every 5th and 6th level be the same level type, however overall, I really enjoyed the single player. At least you can still play that even with the online off.
This game may have been a bit obsolete in the eyes of a lot of people once 2 and eventually 3 came out. However, 2 I never got into nearly as much so my memories of 1 really outshine it. It's not perfect but this game will always hold a special place in my heart and is one of the first things I think of when the year 2015 is brought up. Rest In Piece Splatoon 1 online and the 3DS/Wii U online in general, I loved you dearly.
Fire Emblem Heroes
2017
I fucking hate this game but when they got a hot bitch on a banner my brain rewires itself and I go back into loving this game until the hate comes back and another hot bitch sets me back on course.
I Love Fire Emblem.
I Love Fire Emblem.
Jak II
2003
Ayo FUCK this game in particular
THE OPEN WORLD'S ASS DUDE. THE STREETS ARE DESIGNED TO ACCOMMODATE ONE AND A HALF PEOPLE, IF YOU SLIGHTLY INHALE YOU'RE SQUASHED UP AGAINST A BUILDING.
AND TRAFFIC. EVERYWHERE. HERE WE GO I'M GETTING SOME SPEED OPE SMASHED INTO A CAR. LEMME ACCELERATE AGAI- OPE THREE MORE CARS. AN OPEN SPACE HERE WE G- NEVERMIND A CAR MATERIALISED FROM JUST OFF SCREEN AND FUCKING DEMOLISHED MY SIDE WINDOW.
Ahhh you can drop down to go under the cars, well that's much bet- SPLOOPS 500 CIVILIANS EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME UNAVOIDABLE YOU HIT THEM HERE'S THE ENTIRE UNITED MILITIA TO FUCK YOU
Ten years later, you make it to the mission marker... I SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN THE OPEN WORLD. ESCORT MISSIONS. THE SLOWEST WALKER IN DOCUMENTED HISTORY WITH THE PAIN THRESHOLD OF PAPER, YOU'RE PART OF THE REBEL MILITANT WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED PROTECTION DO THIS SHIT YOURSELF YOU CUCK. MAKE IT 95% OF THE WAY THERE AGAINST ALL ODDS? OH NOES HE GOT SKIMMED ON THE ARM THREE TIMES HE'S SLEEPY WEEPY DEAD, REDO THE ENTIRE MISSION.
TURRET SECTIONS ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Even the core gunplay is BALLS ASS. The first game was focused on the movement, so it made the movement as amazing as possible. Snappy, responsive mechanics. Little nuances that reward control mastery like how the punch uppercut ground pound spin flow seamlessly together. Satisfying as FUCK.
WHAT'S THE GUNPLAY FAM. You kinda just awkwardly shuffle your way into the general direction of the enemies, press fire a few times oh the bullets have started missing gotta re-awkwardly-shuffle back UH OH hit from behind WHY DIDN'T YOU ATTACK HIM SOONER? So you've got this weird dynamic where you've got the most fire movement mechanics in gaming history carried over from the first game, but with most of the game focusing on the dog ass gunplay.
ALL HAIL THE JETBOARD THOUGH THAT'S HOW YOU FUCKING DO IT. An awesome extension to Jak's core movement system that leads to some great platforming sequences and more sprawling level designs, sometimes focused on exploration, other times high wire/high pressure precision platforming grinding pipes over giant death pits. SO ANYWAY HERE'S A THREE MINUTE TURRET SECTION LMAO FUUUUUCK
The time travel story is neato
THE OPEN WORLD'S ASS DUDE. THE STREETS ARE DESIGNED TO ACCOMMODATE ONE AND A HALF PEOPLE, IF YOU SLIGHTLY INHALE YOU'RE SQUASHED UP AGAINST A BUILDING.
AND TRAFFIC. EVERYWHERE. HERE WE GO I'M GETTING SOME SPEED OPE SMASHED INTO A CAR. LEMME ACCELERATE AGAI- OPE THREE MORE CARS. AN OPEN SPACE HERE WE G- NEVERMIND A CAR MATERIALISED FROM JUST OFF SCREEN AND FUCKING DEMOLISHED MY SIDE WINDOW.
Ahhh you can drop down to go under the cars, well that's much bet- SPLOOPS 500 CIVILIANS EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME UNAVOIDABLE YOU HIT THEM HERE'S THE ENTIRE UNITED MILITIA TO FUCK YOU
Ten years later, you make it to the mission marker... I SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN THE OPEN WORLD. ESCORT MISSIONS. THE SLOWEST WALKER IN DOCUMENTED HISTORY WITH THE PAIN THRESHOLD OF PAPER, YOU'RE PART OF THE REBEL MILITANT WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED PROTECTION DO THIS SHIT YOURSELF YOU CUCK. MAKE IT 95% OF THE WAY THERE AGAINST ALL ODDS? OH NOES HE GOT SKIMMED ON THE ARM THREE TIMES HE'S SLEEPY WEEPY DEAD, REDO THE ENTIRE MISSION.
TURRET SECTIONS ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Even the core gunplay is BALLS ASS. The first game was focused on the movement, so it made the movement as amazing as possible. Snappy, responsive mechanics. Little nuances that reward control mastery like how the punch uppercut ground pound spin flow seamlessly together. Satisfying as FUCK.
WHAT'S THE GUNPLAY FAM. You kinda just awkwardly shuffle your way into the general direction of the enemies, press fire a few times oh the bullets have started missing gotta re-awkwardly-shuffle back UH OH hit from behind WHY DIDN'T YOU ATTACK HIM SOONER? So you've got this weird dynamic where you've got the most fire movement mechanics in gaming history carried over from the first game, but with most of the game focusing on the dog ass gunplay.
ALL HAIL THE JETBOARD THOUGH THAT'S HOW YOU FUCKING DO IT. An awesome extension to Jak's core movement system that leads to some great platforming sequences and more sprawling level designs, sometimes focused on exploration, other times high wire/high pressure precision platforming grinding pipes over giant death pits. SO ANYWAY HERE'S A THREE MINUTE TURRET SECTION LMAO FUUUUUCK
The time travel story is neato
No complaints from me. Truly a perfect sequel that didn’t change much from the first and it didn’t really need too. The new wing suit mechanic was a really fun add and overall I would say the game lived up to the hype. Should it have won Goty, probably not, but I could care less
(9-year-old's review, typed by his dad)
Did you know that if you type up "Katamari" in Google and click on the Katamari ball, you can play Katamari and roll up the Google search results! Do you want me to show you?
Did you know that if you type up "Katamari" in Google and click on the Katamari ball, you can play Katamari and roll up the Google search results! Do you want me to show you?
(6-year-old's review, typed by her dad)
I met a goat guy 3 times. He had a long beard and I just felt weird.
[Dad's note: She had her tonsils out the same day TotK came out, so she was in a semi-delirious state when she insisted on reviewing the game. I was very impressed that she still managed to get through a couple shrines on her own!]
I met a goat guy 3 times. He had a long beard and I just felt weird.
[Dad's note: She had her tonsils out the same day TotK came out, so she was in a semi-delirious state when she insisted on reviewing the game. I was very impressed that she still managed to get through a couple shrines on her own!]
(7-year-old's review, typed by her dad)
[Dad: What score are you thinking]
[CatTheCutest: A five!]
[Dad: A five?? Are you sure?]
[CatTheCutest: Well, a four. A four-point-five!!]
Okay. So first up, you start off as Gollum, and if you look at him, he's kind of creepy and horrifying. Then you see some... beautiful image. But then Gollum shows up! GRRR! And also it's very dark, so it's kinda hard to find things, especially those VINES. It was just so dark. There was only like teensy bits of fire and that was your only light. And be careful, or else you'll accidentally fall off a cliff! Cuz I did.
[Dad: What score are you thinking]
[CatTheCutest: A five!]
[Dad: A five?? Are you sure?]
[CatTheCutest: Well, a four. A four-point-five!!]
Okay. So first up, you start off as Gollum, and if you look at him, he's kind of creepy and horrifying. Then you see some... beautiful image. But then Gollum shows up! GRRR! And also it's very dark, so it's kinda hard to find things, especially those VINES. It was just so dark. There was only like teensy bits of fire and that was your only light. And be careful, or else you'll accidentally fall off a cliff! Cuz I did.
Part Time UFO
2017
(7-year-old's review, typed by her dad)
Well at first it was easy, and then that like ninja thing where they say "try to dodge this and you'll get some more things", like there's ninja stars and it's so hard, and the ninja stars stick to the building, and it's hard to build it, cuz you can't like extend, like make it bigger, like your attachment. So you can pick it up so easily. 2 stars for the easy bit and 1 and a half for the ninja bit. And I haven't gotten past it!
Well at first it was easy, and then that like ninja thing where they say "try to dodge this and you'll get some more things", like there's ninja stars and it's so hard, and the ninja stars stick to the building, and it's hard to build it, cuz you can't like extend, like make it bigger, like your attachment. So you can pick it up so easily. 2 stars for the easy bit and 1 and a half for the ninja bit. And I haven't gotten past it!
A mixed bag of a sequel that improves on some things yet falters on others. A game that tries to force variety but makes it a chore instead. (I'm going to be adding more to this in the coming days as I remember more talking points.)
Let me start out by saying, I played 150hrs of this game. I still liked it. I just am not going to let it get away with all the terrible design just because I liked it. This game is no where near perfect. Still a fun game though.
I will be doing a rare thing and speaking about story in detail, but not until the very end and I will tell you before I spoil anything. I will give a brief spoiler free story opinion too.
First off, the combat has been drastically improved. Dodging actually does something. Although not well explained, the new synergy abilities and attacks are neat. The pressure system is a great addition as it help you stugger things quicker.
The story is mostly good. Although it drags on. It's pacing is constantly interrupted. It forces story into areas that never used to have story. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it does not. It's not as streamlined as remake. A lot of side quest do end up tying into something relevant with either the world, a specific character's story, or the story as a whole. This is neat. Although some are completely there for filler and have no relation to anything. It's more faithful to a fault I feel. Feels like you do things because 7 OG did it, not because it was necessary. Like you visit every time almost but they force story in those towns that lacked any story before. I won't say anything about the end here, but I have thoughts. All I'll say is that it is confusing, in a bad way. It will be in the spoiler section.
Now let's get down to the meat of this review, what is wrong with the game? There is going to be a lot here. But bare with me. No one else seems to be saying it and someone needs to.
The open world is simply tedious, not needed, and serves no real purpose but padding out an already padded game. It destroys the pacing of the story. And yes, although optional, you need the exp, the resources, and the relationship points. So it doesn't feel optional. Not only that but Chadley is literally interrupting you at all times making what is already a slow process, even worse.
Running around the world is jank. The animations get very tedious.
You can swim across anything most of the game, until all the sudden, you can't swim across a 5ft body of water in the open world because they don't want you to. It's really dumb and simply an excuse to give a purpose to something existing in the game. And no, I'm not talking about a swamp.
Upgrading is now delegated to specific machine/vendors which is a complete downgrade from Remake where you can do it anywhere anytime.
Let's talk about mini games. NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE A FUCKING MINI GAME FINAL FANTASY VII REBIRTH! Let me repeat that, not everything needs to be be a fucking mini game. Like OMFG, I try my best not to cuss in reviews, but holy shit. I cannot express how infuriating it is to have shitty mini game every five steps. And no, I'm not talking about the amazing Queen's Blood. I'm talking about every quest turning into an annoying, terrible controlling, bad designed mini game. Sometimes they are optional. Other times they are not. Like they saw other mini games in other games and said, "Let's make that!, But Worse!" It kills the pacing of the game. It makes certain quests a chore. It makes one specific chapter unbearably slow. And no, I'm not talking about the Gold Saucer. Which surprisingly, had mostly good mini games.
Let's talk about the lighting in the game. It's shit. I'm sorry, but the game starts at 0 or 1 brightness by defeat and it's still too damn bright. Every time you exit into a bright area, you can't see. Everytime you enter a dark area, you can't see. THAT ISN'T HOW LIGHT ACTUALLY WORKS SQUARE! Yes on occasion, if you are out in the bright sun, it might be hard to see in a dark doorway. On occasion if you are in a dark area, it might be hard to see outside for a second. But not every time! But what makes this worse is that in cutscenes, characters look bleached in the sun. It looks terrible. I tried to adjust setting on my TV nothing helped.
Another complaint is the map. It's terrible. Not useful. It doesn't help guide you. It actively confuses you at times. Misleads you. There is a moment early in the game, where it tells you to climb up. You do that, then the Quest Icon on my map moves into the void and is no longer helpful. You don't realize there is another place to climb up because the map doesn't tell you. It's very easily missed due to the lighting. And due to the fact that you just shot a bunch of debris that never goes away.
Let's about about debris and item physics. So they decided your characters can collided with boxes, rocks, metal boxes, etc on the ground. The metal boxes make this loud noise when moved as if you threw them off a fucking cliff. Let's ignore the noises for a second. It just looks terrible. It feels amateurish. The moment I spoke about in the previous paragraphy. Not only is it hard to see because of the lighting, but it hard to see because there soo much debris. Like you blow up 4-5 boulders and at least 4 crystals. So you are walking around in this small area, wading through an ocean of crap that no longer needs to be there because you broke it. Any other game would have despawned the debris. But not this game. It looks terrible. It's amateurish and Square should know better. I expect better from them.
One last thing. Why is the music drastically louder than the voices. I had to lower it and it still honestly was not enough. Like at times, it feelts like you cannot hear the dialogue due to the music. Like yes, easy to fix, but yet again, I expect better from Square. It just adds to the amateurish feel of the game.
Oh and, they should be ashamed of themselves for the complete and utter lack of accessibility features in the game. Get with the times Square. Makes your games accessible. It's not hard.
Here's the thing. I know I'm talking badly about this game. All these things isolated, not that big of an issue. But after awhile it all adds up. Especially in a game that took me 150hrs! The game is just plagued with terrible annoying design.
Here are some more good things. Characters are well fleshed out. Relationships between them are great. Besides the lighting, it looks great. Music is fantastic, as long as it is not blasting over dialogue. The chocobos are cute. The moogles are cursed.
Queen's Blood, the card game, is the best. It's so satisfying. It's really fun. It has a lot going on that I cannot go into due to spoilers. Seriously one of the best card games out there. I want a game based on Queen's Blood alone. Give it to us Square.
This is where I will end my no spoiler review. All in all I still loved this game. I just refuse to let it get away with all this terrible stuff without saying anything. Most other people are not saying these things. And they need to be said. Below this will be spoilers. You have been warned.
YET AGAIN
SPOILERS STARTING
BELOW THIS POINT!
Okay, let's talk about the new playable characters. Red is a lot of fun. Although his Vegence mode is hard to grasp. I let the CPU build up his bar for me. Then used it. I couldn't seem to get a hang of the blocking needed for his gimmick. But the CPU is good at doing it for you. And also, Stardust Ray is OP.
I'm not gonna talk about Yuffie much. She is mainly the say from intergrade. I don't like her as a character nor playing as her tbh.
Cait Sith is super fun. It took me some time to understand him though. He plays very well. And his moogle is also very fun.
The Queen's Blood Story is very cool.
Now, story spoilers. AGAIN, I'M SPOILING STORY. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS.
The Zack story is confusing and mostly amounts to nothing until the end. Like you get minutes with him. Then you go 20hrs with nothing. I don't feel like it paid off most of the time. Except for the end, but yet again, I have words about the end. I'll leave it for last though.
So this game follows 7 OG to a fault. It forces story into areas that lacked them before in a bad way. The most notable is Costal de Sol. They present it as a break for the party. Look at this beach town. Go have fun. The problem with this is, go have fun means. You must play all these mini games that suck and you must get the lowest rank on each. It's terrible. Not fun. There are some cute moments and a fun mini game or two, but mostly it's not great. Especially when you realize the next huge location is leading towards the Gold Saucer. There is 1 chapter in between Costa de Sol vacation and Gold Saucer break. Not only that but before you reach Costa de Sol, you have a break playing in a card tourney on a boat. So yet again, it's just poorly paced. We go from high action in Upper Junon to boat vacay to some action on the boat, back to beach vacay, followed by beach boss, 1 chapter of Barret's story, to Gold Saucer vacay.
They focus a lot on Tifa's and Aerith's friendship. It works so well. It pays off. It's super cute. They do this so well with all the characters. In OG Tifa and Aerith feel like rivals for Cloud's attention. This is much better.
Cait Sith is so cute! I love him. His Moogle is so fluffy. They even do a better job at explaining why he betrays them. They also don't make his sacrifice feel like he is dying. It's dramatic but explained well enough that you know he will return in a minute or two. He also doesn't ruin a serious moment when he return by making a joke.
Added the Gi storyline about the black materia is really neat. I feel like it fleshes out Red's story a bit more. It also is just more world building. It's nice. The one other thing about Red. His voice changes when go to Cosmo Canyon. You find out he is young and he stops trying to act old. I kinda hate the youthful voice. I got used to it, but I like grumpy Red better.
Cid is likeable in this. Dare I say charming. In OG he is not. That is all I gotta say on that. Vincent is cool as always. You fight him. It's a hard but fun fight. Good stuff all around.
Finally learning Wedge's fate was heartbreaking. It does suck. But not surprising. They do a great job of sending the 7th Heaven crew off.
The theme song is very good. And the Gold Saucer date was very good. The whole hour long CH12 Loveless sequence is just amazing. Like one of the best things I've seen Final Fantasy do.
The final boss is really cool except for having no control over your party. That is infuriating. Especially during a moment where my only range character is Yuffie. I needed Barret. The party is randomized. I've watched another streamer and they had a completely different party.
Finally, let's talk about the end. It's super confusing. It starts showing many timelines and you don't realize that the mascot dog is you clue that it's a different timeline. It does this thing where fate still manages to catch up to everyone. Biggs still dies?, Zack gets tracked down by a group of solders in 2 universes and dies? One Zack manages to jump between universes and meet up with our Cloud for the final boss to then give you a fake out death and be placed back in his unverse again. It's a mess.
But even worse is the pivotal moment of Aerith's death. Does she die or not? It's so confusing and fakes you out many times. And you have no time to process it. You enter a 20 minute multi boss multi phase fight not understanding what is going on.
Your Aerith ends up dying. It's not clear though forever. One, it looks like Cloud deflects the blow. He doesn't? It takes like 23 seconds before she reacts to being stabbed. You never see her get stabbed though. It makes no sense that Cloud deflects the blow yet she still gets stabbed mortally. Then she collapses with no blood or any sign of injury. The rest of the characters gasp and then they all rage at a boss for 20 minutes. Followed by the final part of the boss where Aerith fights with Cloud. Your Aerith. Not another universe Aerith. Then she fades into the life stream after the fight. Confirmed dead? BUT WAIT! Then they show a scene with where Cloud tells her to wake up, and she does! So either that is the spirit of Aerith he tells to wake up or it is a new universe where he actually saves her? Anyways, your aerith is a force ghost only Cloud can see. Now add all the Zack stuff in that sequence too. It's so confusing.
It ruins a pivotal moment. It fails Aerith and her journey. You shouldn't have to deep dive into Youtube to understand the end. Like I understood, our Aerith died and is a force ghost only Cloud can see. But why fake us out so many times? There was no reason to make it such a mystery. You took one of the most powerful moments in gaming and made it super confusing. Added with the Zack stuff, it's even more confusing.
Tifa being sad about Aerith pays off this time. They were good friends. The whole party is sad. But they don't get to grieve like they do in OG. They don't bury her in the lake like in OG. They barely talk about. They focus so much on Cloud being about to see her force ghost and talking to her.
Great game. Needlessly confusing ending. There is a bit more to it than that. Like all the multiverse Aerith's seem to be making a plan. But still it leaves you so confused unlike Remake. Also one last thing. Remake's ending made it feel like major changes to the story were to come. To be honest, it didn't turn out that way. There are some big changes but a lot of adding more details but not changing much. The multiverse stuff is the biggest change.
Like I just feel as Remake promised major story changes but what we got was more detail but not much actually changes. Biggs dead. Wedge dead. Aerith dead. Like idk. The biggest thing being the multiverse Zach stuff. Which is cool. But it was not a huge part of the game until the end.
Also the whole mascot dog being your indicator of a different universe is not a good enough clue.
Yet again, I should not have to deep dive into Youtube to understand the end of you story. It's bad storytelling if I have to do that. I should not be left confused.
Let me start out by saying, I played 150hrs of this game. I still liked it. I just am not going to let it get away with all the terrible design just because I liked it. This game is no where near perfect. Still a fun game though.
I will be doing a rare thing and speaking about story in detail, but not until the very end and I will tell you before I spoil anything. I will give a brief spoiler free story opinion too.
First off, the combat has been drastically improved. Dodging actually does something. Although not well explained, the new synergy abilities and attacks are neat. The pressure system is a great addition as it help you stugger things quicker.
The story is mostly good. Although it drags on. It's pacing is constantly interrupted. It forces story into areas that never used to have story. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it does not. It's not as streamlined as remake. A lot of side quest do end up tying into something relevant with either the world, a specific character's story, or the story as a whole. This is neat. Although some are completely there for filler and have no relation to anything. It's more faithful to a fault I feel. Feels like you do things because 7 OG did it, not because it was necessary. Like you visit every time almost but they force story in those towns that lacked any story before. I won't say anything about the end here, but I have thoughts. All I'll say is that it is confusing, in a bad way. It will be in the spoiler section.
Now let's get down to the meat of this review, what is wrong with the game? There is going to be a lot here. But bare with me. No one else seems to be saying it and someone needs to.
The open world is simply tedious, not needed, and serves no real purpose but padding out an already padded game. It destroys the pacing of the story. And yes, although optional, you need the exp, the resources, and the relationship points. So it doesn't feel optional. Not only that but Chadley is literally interrupting you at all times making what is already a slow process, even worse.
Running around the world is jank. The animations get very tedious.
You can swim across anything most of the game, until all the sudden, you can't swim across a 5ft body of water in the open world because they don't want you to. It's really dumb and simply an excuse to give a purpose to something existing in the game. And no, I'm not talking about a swamp.
Upgrading is now delegated to specific machine/vendors which is a complete downgrade from Remake where you can do it anywhere anytime.
Let's talk about mini games. NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE A FUCKING MINI GAME FINAL FANTASY VII REBIRTH! Let me repeat that, not everything needs to be be a fucking mini game. Like OMFG, I try my best not to cuss in reviews, but holy shit. I cannot express how infuriating it is to have shitty mini game every five steps. And no, I'm not talking about the amazing Queen's Blood. I'm talking about every quest turning into an annoying, terrible controlling, bad designed mini game. Sometimes they are optional. Other times they are not. Like they saw other mini games in other games and said, "Let's make that!, But Worse!" It kills the pacing of the game. It makes certain quests a chore. It makes one specific chapter unbearably slow. And no, I'm not talking about the Gold Saucer. Which surprisingly, had mostly good mini games.
Let's talk about the lighting in the game. It's shit. I'm sorry, but the game starts at 0 or 1 brightness by defeat and it's still too damn bright. Every time you exit into a bright area, you can't see. Everytime you enter a dark area, you can't see. THAT ISN'T HOW LIGHT ACTUALLY WORKS SQUARE! Yes on occasion, if you are out in the bright sun, it might be hard to see in a dark doorway. On occasion if you are in a dark area, it might be hard to see outside for a second. But not every time! But what makes this worse is that in cutscenes, characters look bleached in the sun. It looks terrible. I tried to adjust setting on my TV nothing helped.
Another complaint is the map. It's terrible. Not useful. It doesn't help guide you. It actively confuses you at times. Misleads you. There is a moment early in the game, where it tells you to climb up. You do that, then the Quest Icon on my map moves into the void and is no longer helpful. You don't realize there is another place to climb up because the map doesn't tell you. It's very easily missed due to the lighting. And due to the fact that you just shot a bunch of debris that never goes away.
Let's about about debris and item physics. So they decided your characters can collided with boxes, rocks, metal boxes, etc on the ground. The metal boxes make this loud noise when moved as if you threw them off a fucking cliff. Let's ignore the noises for a second. It just looks terrible. It feels amateurish. The moment I spoke about in the previous paragraphy. Not only is it hard to see because of the lighting, but it hard to see because there soo much debris. Like you blow up 4-5 boulders and at least 4 crystals. So you are walking around in this small area, wading through an ocean of crap that no longer needs to be there because you broke it. Any other game would have despawned the debris. But not this game. It looks terrible. It's amateurish and Square should know better. I expect better from them.
One last thing. Why is the music drastically louder than the voices. I had to lower it and it still honestly was not enough. Like at times, it feelts like you cannot hear the dialogue due to the music. Like yes, easy to fix, but yet again, I expect better from Square. It just adds to the amateurish feel of the game.
Oh and, they should be ashamed of themselves for the complete and utter lack of accessibility features in the game. Get with the times Square. Makes your games accessible. It's not hard.
Here's the thing. I know I'm talking badly about this game. All these things isolated, not that big of an issue. But after awhile it all adds up. Especially in a game that took me 150hrs! The game is just plagued with terrible annoying design.
Here are some more good things. Characters are well fleshed out. Relationships between them are great. Besides the lighting, it looks great. Music is fantastic, as long as it is not blasting over dialogue. The chocobos are cute. The moogles are cursed.
Queen's Blood, the card game, is the best. It's so satisfying. It's really fun. It has a lot going on that I cannot go into due to spoilers. Seriously one of the best card games out there. I want a game based on Queen's Blood alone. Give it to us Square.
This is where I will end my no spoiler review. All in all I still loved this game. I just refuse to let it get away with all this terrible stuff without saying anything. Most other people are not saying these things. And they need to be said. Below this will be spoilers. You have been warned.
YET AGAIN
SPOILERS STARTING
BELOW THIS POINT!
Okay, let's talk about the new playable characters. Red is a lot of fun. Although his Vegence mode is hard to grasp. I let the CPU build up his bar for me. Then used it. I couldn't seem to get a hang of the blocking needed for his gimmick. But the CPU is good at doing it for you. And also, Stardust Ray is OP.
I'm not gonna talk about Yuffie much. She is mainly the say from intergrade. I don't like her as a character nor playing as her tbh.
Cait Sith is super fun. It took me some time to understand him though. He plays very well. And his moogle is also very fun.
The Queen's Blood Story is very cool.
Now, story spoilers. AGAIN, I'M SPOILING STORY. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS.
The Zack story is confusing and mostly amounts to nothing until the end. Like you get minutes with him. Then you go 20hrs with nothing. I don't feel like it paid off most of the time. Except for the end, but yet again, I have words about the end. I'll leave it for last though.
So this game follows 7 OG to a fault. It forces story into areas that lacked them before in a bad way. The most notable is Costal de Sol. They present it as a break for the party. Look at this beach town. Go have fun. The problem with this is, go have fun means. You must play all these mini games that suck and you must get the lowest rank on each. It's terrible. Not fun. There are some cute moments and a fun mini game or two, but mostly it's not great. Especially when you realize the next huge location is leading towards the Gold Saucer. There is 1 chapter in between Costa de Sol vacation and Gold Saucer break. Not only that but before you reach Costa de Sol, you have a break playing in a card tourney on a boat. So yet again, it's just poorly paced. We go from high action in Upper Junon to boat vacay to some action on the boat, back to beach vacay, followed by beach boss, 1 chapter of Barret's story, to Gold Saucer vacay.
They focus a lot on Tifa's and Aerith's friendship. It works so well. It pays off. It's super cute. They do this so well with all the characters. In OG Tifa and Aerith feel like rivals for Cloud's attention. This is much better.
Cait Sith is so cute! I love him. His Moogle is so fluffy. They even do a better job at explaining why he betrays them. They also don't make his sacrifice feel like he is dying. It's dramatic but explained well enough that you know he will return in a minute or two. He also doesn't ruin a serious moment when he return by making a joke.
Added the Gi storyline about the black materia is really neat. I feel like it fleshes out Red's story a bit more. It also is just more world building. It's nice. The one other thing about Red. His voice changes when go to Cosmo Canyon. You find out he is young and he stops trying to act old. I kinda hate the youthful voice. I got used to it, but I like grumpy Red better.
Cid is likeable in this. Dare I say charming. In OG he is not. That is all I gotta say on that. Vincent is cool as always. You fight him. It's a hard but fun fight. Good stuff all around.
Finally learning Wedge's fate was heartbreaking. It does suck. But not surprising. They do a great job of sending the 7th Heaven crew off.
The theme song is very good. And the Gold Saucer date was very good. The whole hour long CH12 Loveless sequence is just amazing. Like one of the best things I've seen Final Fantasy do.
The final boss is really cool except for having no control over your party. That is infuriating. Especially during a moment where my only range character is Yuffie. I needed Barret. The party is randomized. I've watched another streamer and they had a completely different party.
Finally, let's talk about the end. It's super confusing. It starts showing many timelines and you don't realize that the mascot dog is you clue that it's a different timeline. It does this thing where fate still manages to catch up to everyone. Biggs still dies?, Zack gets tracked down by a group of solders in 2 universes and dies? One Zack manages to jump between universes and meet up with our Cloud for the final boss to then give you a fake out death and be placed back in his unverse again. It's a mess.
But even worse is the pivotal moment of Aerith's death. Does she die or not? It's so confusing and fakes you out many times. And you have no time to process it. You enter a 20 minute multi boss multi phase fight not understanding what is going on.
Your Aerith ends up dying. It's not clear though forever. One, it looks like Cloud deflects the blow. He doesn't? It takes like 23 seconds before she reacts to being stabbed. You never see her get stabbed though. It makes no sense that Cloud deflects the blow yet she still gets stabbed mortally. Then she collapses with no blood or any sign of injury. The rest of the characters gasp and then they all rage at a boss for 20 minutes. Followed by the final part of the boss where Aerith fights with Cloud. Your Aerith. Not another universe Aerith. Then she fades into the life stream after the fight. Confirmed dead? BUT WAIT! Then they show a scene with where Cloud tells her to wake up, and she does! So either that is the spirit of Aerith he tells to wake up or it is a new universe where he actually saves her? Anyways, your aerith is a force ghost only Cloud can see. Now add all the Zack stuff in that sequence too. It's so confusing.
It ruins a pivotal moment. It fails Aerith and her journey. You shouldn't have to deep dive into Youtube to understand the end. Like I understood, our Aerith died and is a force ghost only Cloud can see. But why fake us out so many times? There was no reason to make it such a mystery. You took one of the most powerful moments in gaming and made it super confusing. Added with the Zack stuff, it's even more confusing.
Tifa being sad about Aerith pays off this time. They were good friends. The whole party is sad. But they don't get to grieve like they do in OG. They don't bury her in the lake like in OG. They barely talk about. They focus so much on Cloud being about to see her force ghost and talking to her.
Great game. Needlessly confusing ending. There is a bit more to it than that. Like all the multiverse Aerith's seem to be making a plan. But still it leaves you so confused unlike Remake. Also one last thing. Remake's ending made it feel like major changes to the story were to come. To be honest, it didn't turn out that way. There are some big changes but a lot of adding more details but not changing much. The multiverse stuff is the biggest change.
Like I just feel as Remake promised major story changes but what we got was more detail but not much actually changes. Biggs dead. Wedge dead. Aerith dead. Like idk. The biggest thing being the multiverse Zach stuff. Which is cool. But it was not a huge part of the game until the end.
Also the whole mascot dog being your indicator of a different universe is not a good enough clue.
Yet again, I should not have to deep dive into Youtube to understand the end of you story. It's bad storytelling if I have to do that. I should not be left confused.