ciruelman
279 Reviews liked by ciruelman
Final Fantasy IX
2000
Replayed this for the sake of nostalgia and its themes of accepting your own death resonate with me even more now because this account is dying on May 27th, 2024
Revisited this again after a few years, and I eventually succumbed to doing the same thing I was doing last time by having two Ballista units 1v1 each other on the Pirate map with the Muppets Treasure Island ripoff music.
Say what you will, but watching those two lads slowly pull back on their siege weapons and shoot each other with an oversized bolt on the same frame with the game freezing at the win screen as the two of them fly off the opposite sides of the screen is peak visual comedy.
Say what you will, but watching those two lads slowly pull back on their siege weapons and shoot each other with an oversized bolt on the same frame with the game freezing at the win screen as the two of them fly off the opposite sides of the screen is peak visual comedy.
tModLoader
2020
terraria but its better (somehow)
Lethal Company
2023
very funny clip farm but it gets old quick
"Hey! Go to point A!"
Loading screen
"Thanks for coming to point A! You can go to point B now!"
Loading screen
"Hey you're right about to go to a cool fight but can you take these materials first!"
Loading screen
So much filler that really tests your willpower to keep playing the game
Loading screen
"Thanks for coming to point A! You can go to point B now!"
Loading screen
"Hey you're right about to go to a cool fight but can you take these materials first!"
Loading screen
So much filler that really tests your willpower to keep playing the game
Super Meat Boy
2010
fuck celeste
Resident Evil 4
2023
I opened up trending and gave a half star to one of the first games I saw
You may now laugh
You may now laugh
Can the people shitting on this solely for its plot just accept that Zelda games never had good stories to begin with?
Celeste
2018
super meat boy for vegans
Celeste
2018
Couldn't care less for the story/writing on this but the music is pretty good and the gameplay is tight and fun.
Celeste
2018
The self-care Instagram stories of some girl you talked to once at a party a year before the pandemic and never saw again: the official game.
I really feel like, instead of climbing a demon mountain that’s trying to kill her, she could just, I dunno, get a hobby. I had depression and anxiety too, and that helped me a lot, so
I really feel like, instead of climbing a demon mountain that’s trying to kill her, she could just, I dunno, get a hobby. I had depression and anxiety too, and that helped me a lot, so
RPG Maker 2003
2002
Not quite sure what would count as "beating" any RPG Maker, but I sure did make dozens of awful games with it!
RIP "Grand Theft Animal Crossing", the game I had put a hundred or so hours into making before a kid in my neighborhood formatted my hard drive.
RIP "Grand Theft Animal Crossing", the game I had put a hundred or so hours into making before a kid in my neighborhood formatted my hard drive.
Magic: The Gathering
1997
been playing hella yugioh and moved back 2 my parents place which might indicate illness & questionable judgment 2 some (🧍♂️) but confident in saying this is juiced. played this with a 2016 mod or smthn similar that added in cards up until then & just went absolutely 2 town with some green/white creature spam. just gets that i like being teased a lil with some perfunctory side quests and random encounters until i can go in the shop & get that one absolutely busted card that'll take my deck from celtics shaq at the free throw line brick machine to the most consistent bomb after bomb pile u've seen since the obama administration. late 90s British pc gaming influence all over this tooooooo every piece of armor is grainy as fuck all the sorceresses & enchantress sprites are just recolored elviras every creature from beyond the grave has glowing red eyes. shit just closes itself automatically when u beat the game too no credits no nayfin this is just gaming at its finest man.
Baldur's Gate
1998
This is like playing a DnD adventure with your best friends except the Dungeon Master is a some random crack addict you found off the street and he's a fucking asshole who doesn't know how to design enemy encounters for shit.
The Game of Life
1998
You will never experience Life until you play this game of Life.
This game is metatextual. "The Game of Life". I get it, we are emulating Life. I understand - from age 20 or so to retirement age - we move across the board. We go to college. Maybe not. We move at speeds seemingly within and beyond our control. We get married. We buy the house. We reproduce. Twins? No problem for me. We endure hardships. The game of Life, no-
Our Game of Life.
This is your Life. This is our Life. This game is Life. The game of Life. We're just living in it.
"Why would we download a windows 98 virtual box to emulate this when we can just launch tabletop simulator?"
I respond to this with not only a warning, but a threat.
Don't speak to me ever again - or I will take your life. If you die, this review can be used in court to corroborate this claim. (I am the judge)
This game exudes soul. So much so, that playing Life on tabletop simulator is not only soulless, but is singlehandedly the determining factor for the millennia of torment you will endure in the afterlife.
Let's get one thing straight:
>I'm a doctor
>I break my leg - that'll cost $5,000
>I frown. I needed that money. My family needed that. I'll have to work overtime on Christmas because of this. I grimace. "The absolute state of healthcare in America.."
>I pause....I realize something.
>I am the doctor.
>I write a $5,000 check to myself with a smile so bright, it could melt the icecaps.
Experience Life.
This game is metatextual. "The Game of Life". I get it, we are emulating Life. I understand - from age 20 or so to retirement age - we move across the board. We go to college. Maybe not. We move at speeds seemingly within and beyond our control. We get married. We buy the house. We reproduce. Twins? No problem for me. We endure hardships. The game of Life, no-
Our Game of Life.
This is your Life. This is our Life. This game is Life. The game of Life. We're just living in it.
"Why would we download a windows 98 virtual box to emulate this when we can just launch tabletop simulator?"
I respond to this with not only a warning, but a threat.
Don't speak to me ever again - or I will take your life. If you die, this review can be used in court to corroborate this claim. (I am the judge)
This game exudes soul. So much so, that playing Life on tabletop simulator is not only soulless, but is singlehandedly the determining factor for the millennia of torment you will endure in the afterlife.
Let's get one thing straight:
>I'm a doctor
>I break my leg - that'll cost $5,000
>I frown. I needed that money. My family needed that. I'll have to work overtime on Christmas because of this. I grimace. "The absolute state of healthcare in America.."
>I pause....I realize something.
>I am the doctor.
>I write a $5,000 check to myself with a smile so bright, it could melt the icecaps.
Experience Life.