Yes, I know that this game is all about how war is bad and all that, and I know that the story is its most prominent feature, and I know that it's all about the fact that you had a choice to play the game or not, and only bad people play it, and so on...

But I'm here judging the game as a game, and yeah, it's actually pretty annoying. Enemies drain your health if you pop your head out behind cover just so you can try and find them, they keep blending into the background making them hard to find even with the reticle, and it's just still another FPS game that's only unique gameplay feature is the sand that only occasionally pops in to kill enemies. Captain Walker keeps bouncing off walls I try to hide behind like a bouncy pinball on Mars. It's just not a fun game, meaning it solely relies on its story. Sure this worked for some people, but not for me.

If you really want a game that tells you that you don't have to follow the game's traditional genre structure, Undertale is a much better example. It actually gives you a choice to actually fight or not, making the fact that you DO go down the path of killing everyone more impactful. If you want examples of how war is hell, Saving Private Ryan told that story and it's been told over and over again. For video games, the Far Cry series has that as an overarching theme. Halo from 3 onward focuses on this aspect; hell, fucking Conker took itself seriously enough in the It's War chapter to give a much more deep and impactful conversation about war in half a minute than this game did in 4 hours.

The point being is that if this is your first foray into the war is hell genre then I could see you being impressed...or if you're Yahtzee and are tired of COD games and were impressed by a game doing something different with the story even if the gameplay is still the same. However, there are much better shooters to play, much better stories about the horrors of war, and much better games that combined the both, that I see no merit to this game existing, save for an entertaining DJ letting it have a full star instead of half of one. The fact that the game seems to think that just because I'm playing a game about war means that I'm just as responsible as the main character and that I'm a bad person for not putting the controller down is stupid. Sure, games do break the fourth wall before, but the fact that the game tries to say that it's both a game but I'm still a bad person for playing it despite the fact that it forces me to do these terrible choices and then shame me for doing so is the final nail in the coffin for me taking this game seriously.

Feel like a game designer yet?

The last of fucks have been given.

Yes I know that this game is supposed to be focused on the narrative and characters. I also know that it’s the trendsetter for these kinds of games with a grown male taking care of someone else, and I know of all the awards that it won, but honestly? Aside from a great opening and some nice visuals, it was just a boring drag. The characters weren’t likable and the gameplay was boring. I honestly can’t see myself sticking through with it till the end. I got like 5 hours into the experience before uninstalling it. Surely the sequel makes it so that the game is more engaging and interesting, right?

Right?

Think of Cuphead but more cryptic and you have to do a 3-mile jog before each boss. I know that this game is seen as a cult classic and I only got up to boss 4 of 16, but I'm honestly not that engaged with this. Add in the terrible controls for horse riding and camera operating and the only reason I'm not giving this game an "abandoned status" is due to its short length meaning I may be willing to rough it out in the future. It's a fine-looking game, but I was bored while slaying giants. That shouldn't even be a possible sentence.

I had fun memories of the game, but playing it again really unravels the game and shows it’s problems. While the theming is fun of a tropical vacation, it makes some of the levels feel like retreads and not that memorable. The controls are fine, but the missions are more annoying than fun. It’s a mixture of some good moments and some of the most painful moments in the Mario series. I liked it, but I don’t see myself playing through it for now.

Update: Holy hell this game and its physics did NOT age well. I was way angrier playing this game than I thought. This just wasn't a good game.