99 Reviews liked by Lightningboalt


I will never understand why so many people think of this as a masterpiece. The relationship between Booker and Elizabeth is good, but everything else is so bad... The story makes no sense, the generic shooter gameplay actively works against the narrative, all the RPG elements typical of the series were removed...

Although this game tries pretty hard to be a tight RPG with an interesting skill based system it fails at establishing a punishment for those who abuse certain mechanics, which probably everyone had fun with. And while there's nothing wrong with a broken game it kinda defines Dark Messiah in the "kicking" game that it kind of is, there's more to it but kicking is just way too strong. The story is also somewhat unbearable at times, the two women who fall for you are completely obsessed in many non subtle ways and it kind of builds up something that doesn't exist. Overall though it's pretty tongue in cheek and cheesy so I guess it gets a pass. It's still very fun so I'd recommend it but don't expect anything too deep

This game's theme song is absurdly catchy. I can feel it jostling in my brain right now!

This review contains spoilers

none of us in our lifetimes will ever understand why a large bird boi was the final boss of the game

Mind-addlingly boring, with atrociously written characters, abysmal "gameplay" and a twist that anyone could see coming 5 minutes into the game. There is no reason whatsoever to play this.

Oh this is how you do multiple reviews. Oops I edited my original one but TL;DR I ran out of patience with this game's controls and feel far quicker than the first time because I played Metroid games that actually felt good. If there was ever a game in need and deserving of an actual faithful remake it's this one.

I played my video game ost playlist during this here 'experience' because I stopped giving a shit during the first funny drive and also I am the antivibe maggle. It ended up working really well because when the screen cut to black at the 'Pivotal' Moment/Climax/whatever it synced up well with the end of Mambo de Verano which was very fun.

i appreciate the smaller and more diverse cast but literally 3/5 of them are insufferable beginning to end and the human antagonists are racist caricatures

This game is everything I ever wanted from this series. Movement is sublime here, the complete opposite of Super, and considering you do a lot of running around from place to place you'll really appreciate how smooth it is.

Combat is greatly approved from its predecessors with the parry returning from Samus Returns and little QoL things like making missiles upgrade to super missiles rather than their own weapon type. The real reason why combat is improved is in level/enemy/boss design. This game is happy to deal shitloads of damage to Samus and facetanking is not a good option unlike previous games. Using your fantastic movement to avoid damage while looking for parry opportunities to regain tons of health/ammo is how you'll succeed and it feels so dang good.

The E.M.M.I stuff is cool too. I really do like how the encounters are designed to make you sprint through areas so then you can explore further after you take them out. The high risk/high reward stuff with parrying an E.M.M.I is cool too where it's satisfying to do so due to its difficulty but the difficulty is also a deterrent from getting caught in the first place.

So yeah game's cool. I'm happy with it. Remake Super with this engine and these controls and I'll be a happy camper.

yep it's warioware

It gets a star purely from the form baton stance descriptors. You don't really have to adhere to most of them, but they're all very good and funny. Also the final boss stage is probably one of the best boss stages in the franchise.

Had a lot better time with this then Super, mainly because the controls and game feel are far better here. Bosses are better here as well, although Mother Brain is a real dumb DPS/facetank check boss. I think my favourite part of this game ended up being the Zero Mission stuff before you get the super suit, the stealth platforming stuff is different from the rest of the game but that's what makes it cool to me.

I should like this game a lot more than I did, but unfortunately with no real special mechanics it all feels like well trodded ground. I like the aesthetics a lot but it's not enough to carry the experience and I found myself more annoyed than anything at the various challenges. That fat piece of shit with the mace can piss off into a volcano for a thousand years.