After marathoning every single No More Heroes game over the course of two weeks it's finally time to finish with No More Heroes III. Some people love this game and call it one of Sudas best while just as many deride it and call it an absolute sham of an experience. I'm somewhere in the middle with it however, as while it certainly does shit the bed in a lot of places, its also a pretty decent action game oozing with style.

After how rough an experience Travis Strikes Again was I had no hope for III gameplay wise but I am pleasantly surprised to say that it might have the best gameplay of the entire series. While I do miss beam customization and the grind for abilities is the worst its ever been (seriously why get rid of training), the overall feel of it and revamped mechanics makes it so fun. The slot machine being much more useful and changing up how wrestling moves work creates the fastest paced combat in the series, and the returning skills/death chips make Travis feel very versatile in combat. Another great change is the designated fights that replace levels this time around. In addition to the ATM feature of 1 returning you are also forced to do some minor skirmishes in order to fight a boss. While the locales are a bit generic I generally like this in comparison to levels because of how short and sweet they all feel, never taking too long and being pretty easy to get too in the small hubs this game has. Also this game goes balls to the walls in so many ways and I fucking love it for that, easily being the most stylish Suda 51 game with tons of fun moments throughout (FU is also a phenomenal villain that manages to be consistently entertaining). Little things like the fake intros and VN sections returning from TSA just adds to the overall experience and makes going through the journey worth it.

All that being said No More Heroes IIIs biggest sin is....the fucking visuals. Powered by Unreal Engine 4 (an engine that actually LOOKS GOOD ON SWITCH) the game manages to consistently look like a budget Wii game with character models in particular looking like acid attack victims. Its a real shame because a lot of the alien designs do look great and in the animated cutscenes they really shine but in game its rough. The overworlds also suffer this being pretty empty areas with only sparse things to do (like side jobs or the aforementioned matches). I don't hate this feature as much as others do because the hubs are super tiny but it also could've been axed and nothing would be lost. Speaking of nothing, NMH3s overall narrative is another weak point that feels like a complete clusterfuck, with many things either feeling intentionally screwed over or things just being blatantly unfinished. The assassins are hit with this the most, as a good chunk of them YOU DON'T EVEN FIGHT, being replaced with either nothing burgers (the musical chairs beast) or some odd nostalgia dumps (Kimmy Love and Henry Cooldown). After TSAs pretty solid story this feels like a massive kick in the balls that permiates throughout the 17 hour runtime, with the only saving graces being the aforementioned FU and the pretty solid characterization of Travis, who gets some great moments (like the rap with Kimmy or the entire ending). Finally the soundtrack might be the weakest in the series, with the only tracks I liked being the ramen store theme and Kimmy Loves theme.

NMH3 is a true mixed bag of a title that feels less like the satisfying continuation of a series and more of a shitpost. It does make me curious as to where Grasshopper will go with the series probably never getting a sequel due to Marvelous owning the majority of the IP. Not the worst of the series but certainly not its best outing.

6/10

NOTE:EMULATED ON DOLPHIN. THE PC PORT IS A FUCKING DISASTER DO NOT RECOMMEND.

No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle is a strange sequel. In some ways I prefer this one due to the much stronger pacing and general improvements to the gameplay. But at the same time I'd rather go back to the first game because its story wasn't so fucking boring.

Starting off strong I'd say that NMH2 gameplay wise is a remarkable improvement across the board. No shitty overworld and a lack of money required for assassinations makes the overall pace feel so much faster and I'm all for that. Combat has seen some changes too with an overall more simplified (but still just as fun) control scheme, alongside some new mechanics like Katana switching mid combat and the tension gauge. While in the original you never had much reason to change back to a previous upgrade the weapons in 2 are distinctly different from one another and benefit in different situations. Peony for example is your general crowd control tool with its extended range while the Rose Nasty is the fastest in the game allowing for better DPS. The tension gauge on the other hand acts as this games super mode, allowing Travis to go haywire on enemies which helps with a lot of the bigger fights (and some bosses if you're good at not getting hit). Another change I absolutely adored was what they did with the side jobs, as instead of drab mini-games they are instead all video game inspired and much more fun this time around. This videogame inspiration also carries over to the training which has also seen some changes. While it is a bit sad to see the combo extenders gone and the attack training can be a nightmare in the end, I still rather liked them and would say they're slightly better this time around. Also holy FUCK is the soundtrack in this one an absolute blast, with tracks like Dose Of Innocence and Philistine being absolute bangers.

It isn't all good sadly which takes us to the biggest issue with NMH2: the tone and story. While the original had some moments of humor and zaniness it was still a mostly bleak experience with a loser protagonist that challenged the player to think about all that has happened. In 2 a lot of this is thrown out the fucking window for a more light hearted and wacky experience. From fighting a giant robot controlled by a Jock and his groupies to a dream sequence with a literal anime girl, 2 is much more blatant this time around and loses a lot of charm for it. Another awful change is to Travis Touchdown, as this time around the game decides to make him the "Hero" of Santa Destroy and to be idolized by some of the assassins. To me this kinda goes against the entire point of the original and makes for an all around less memorable experience, which is not helped when the game blatantly copies things from NMH1 (the Alice fight narrative wise is just Holly Summers again). On the subject of bosses I didn't have nearly as much problems as I did previously but they're still not that good save for Kimmy,Ryuji, and Alice. Most of my issues is just how nothing a lot of them are, with most being pretty damn easy due to just how much damage you can do in the mid to late game. Not helping this is when the game decides to switch up from Travis to let you play as Shinobu WHO FUCKING SUCKS. Going from dope ass wrestling moves to a completely worthless jump kit and back to back AWFUL bosses make this section a chore to get through (atleast the Henry exclusive fight is good). People tend to rag on the final boss as well and while I do think his second phase is a fucking nightmare (mainly the walls) I didn't think it was the WORST OF ALL TIME. A much more minor flaw is the general lack of side content, with only the aforementioned side jobs and some cookie cutter revenge missions being all you get.

At the end of the day I can't really choose if I'd take NMH or Desperate Struggle. On some days I'd happily return to mowing the grass if that meant experiencing 1s more unique moments. But on some other days I just wanna watch heads roll and not care about things like grinding out money or exploring a bad open world. About on par I'd say.

7/10

NOTE:EMULATED ON DOLPHIN. THE PC PORT IS A FUCKING DISASTER DO NOT RECOMMEND.

While it is messy in a lot of places, No More Heroes 1 is an entertaining enough time thanks to its unique style and entertaining premise.

For a game that released on the Wii I was shocked as to just how well the game held up graphically. This is mainly because of how unique it looks for the console, featuring a lot of impressive shadow work and characters that really pop (though the open world can look a bit dull). Speaking of characters that's another spot where the game absolutely shines, with Travis Touchdown being a fun protagonist (who's also an absolute fucking dork) and each of the assassins being entertaining encounters (my favorite being Dr Peace). The engaging combat definitely helps in this regard, never getting repetitive due to just how satisfying it becomes, with the combination of the Katana stances and wrestling moves creating an experience that I can say is truly unique (also getting those multi kills is satisfying as all hell). Last thing to mention is the absolute banger of an OST, with special mention going to the phenomenal main theme N.M.H.

As fun as general combat can be, it's ironic to say that NMH1s biggest issue IS the bosses themselves. While they're all oozing charm and remain a highlight, actually fighting them is a mess. A combination of way too much health and some truly abysmal gimmicks (I fucking despise Holly Summers) makes getting to these bosses more a letdown than an actual reward. Out of the 10 bosses I only really enjoyed Shinobu (a satisfying duel with an amazing setting) and the true final boss Henry (an even better duel which really tests your knowledge of the game). Not helping manners is just how fucking GRINDY the game is, with a majority of the game being spent grinding money to even access these fights. In a shocking twist the actual shitty jobs weren't an issue, as most of them are really easy and don't waste much time (besides Bomb Collecting and Scorpion hunting). The bigger issue is the assassination jobs having dogshit payouts until super late in the game alongside an open world that feels absolutely terrible to navigate (get sprint ASAP). Combine that with all the upgrades and you will be forced to grind for a solid chunk of the 12 hour runtime (I would estimate about half my time was spent grinding). Last thing to note is the actual story, or moreso a lack thereof. Travis for sure grows as a character and his relationship with Sylvia does get pretty interesting near the end but besides that you are left with crumbs for a good majority. Not until the literal LAST TWO BOSSES does the game decide to dump a truckload of backstory that I honestly did not care for because of how late it occurred.

Despite those myriad of issues the first No More Heroes is still a decent time all around. Suda 51 isn't a creator I absolutely adore but I do understand why so many flock to him because of this game (and also Killer 7). A solid start to a cult franchise.

7/10

Best VR game of all time? Yeah pretty much.

Alyx still proves that Valve can make an engrossing experience from beginning to end while also moving the franchise forward in interesting ways. I thought the VR experience wouldn't add much but I can firmly say that isn't the case, as Alyx really does make use of EVERYTHING Virtual Reality has to offer and then some. It's not all perfect as some of the puzzles can be a bit tedious and a bit too tech demo but the good heavily outweighs the bad in this case. What shocked me with Alyx was just how great its level design and pacing were, with each chapter feeling excellent to go through and no wasted time (special highlights go to Jeff and the finale). Combat remains consistent but I do wish you had a bit more to work with, mainly a long ranged weapon would've been nice because some of these encounters can be a bit long. Story is of course the star of the show, with Alyx proving to be a fantastic lead (much better than she was in all of HL2 and its episodes) alongside a phenomenal side character in Russel. The ending in particular might just be my favorite of the franchise, with the entire Gman sequence leaving me speechless.

Can't say I'd recommend a VR device JUST for Alyx but if you have one I'd easily say give it a go. The second best Half Life game with the original (or Black Mesa) reining supreme.

9/10

"Will is power. "Tis the means to shape the world as one desires."

The original Dragon's Dogma was a great game buried under just how blatantly unfinished it was. A dull open world, bad enemy variety and a lackluster story made for an experience that was carried by superb gameplay helmed by DMC veteran Hideaki Itsuno. Now nearly twelve years later and a sequel has finally come out, with many of those issues being fixed while simultaneously feeling like a game that feels like a relic of the past that needed more time in the oven.

If I had to say what II's biggest improvement would be I'd have to go with its open world. In comparison to the first games very flat and boring sandbox, II feels much more alive and rewarding to explore. This mainly has to do with just how much stuff is packed into the world, with various caves/dungeons that make exploration feel super rewarding. The excellent Vocation system from before has also seen some reworks and I'd absolutely say for the better. I went with Thief/Spearhand for this play through and both felt like an absolute joy to play with, offering tools that make them feel truly unique and balanced in fair ways (Thief having much better mobility while Spearhand is a solid all rounder). It also feels like Vocations level up far quicker than they ever did in the original, with most reaching max rank in the middle game in comparison to the first, which demanded you stick to a vocation and to never deviate. Pawns have also seen lots of subtle changes that make them feel much more useful this time around. While they'll occasionally still stumble around and the banter they repeat is annoying, they're also generally more useful and turn the tide of battle (and learn from the player much more frequently). Rounding out these improvements would be Oxcarts, which are a cheaper alternative to getting around the world. While it is possible to be interrupted mid ride, I never had much issue with this as reloading a save was pretty simple and the encounters rarely destroyed the ride.

All that being said DDII's biggest issue is just how similar it is to the original (from 2012). Besides the much improved open world, every issue from the original is here and some far WORSE. Enemy variety is shockingly abysmal with the same few groups being repeated ad nauseam (this alongside the encounter rates being jacked up does not help). New enemy types do exist like the Medusa and Dullahan do exist but feel needlessly rare (I only encountered both of them ONCE). Quest design is also a pretty major issue, with so many quests either bugging out or just being needlessly vague. As for new issues two of them stick out like a sore thumb: Dragonsplague and the Loss Gauge. Exclusive to pawns, Dragonsplague is both a blessing and a curse that allows a pawn to reach new heights in terms of power at the cost of commanding them and eventually turning into a dragon and murdering an entire town. While this sounds bad on paper in practice its a mechanic you will barely notice. This is mainly because getting rid of it is as simple as chucking your pawn off a cliff and waiting for them to die while also dismissing other pawns just to be safe. Even if it does happen most important NPCs will just respawn which makes the feature more a cool gimmick instead of anything really dangerous (the game also throws wakestones at you so its never an issue when a npc dies). Loss Gauge on the other hand is an absolutely woeful mechanic that attempts to fix the issue of the original which is just how spammable healing items are. This mechanic essentially forces the player to rest as doing so will restore any lost portions of health (and to the games credit campfires are plentiful and camping kits nigh invulnerable). I don't think this mechanic is bad on paper but in execution its awful. Basic fights aren't too affected by this mechanic (besides the occasional moment where enemies gang up on you and take out half your bar) but in boss fights it means that you will be wittled down throughout the course of the fight with your only real solution being wakestones which give a full bar back. The obvious issue is this DOESN'T FUCKING FIX SPAMMING, as health items can be used while knocked down and can even be used to completely cheese some attacks (mainly moves that have aoe or are continuous). Last thing I'll say before delving into spoiler territory is that the difficulty is overall a lot easier than in the original, with the economy being more lopsided towards the player and rare resources like ferrystones much easier to gain (which makes the microtransactions all the more idiotic). Mystic Spearhand in particular has a busted defense ability that makes the mid to endgame an absolute breeze, being able to make the entire party borderline invincible (though you sadly aren't immune to gravity).


STORY SPOILERS FOR DRAGONS DOGMA DA/II

I won't defend the original Dragon's Dogma for having an amazing story but it also isn't paced as badly as IIs. This is mainly towards the second half in the new region, where lots of things are just rushed through, such as everything involving the second nation. While Vernworth has lots to do both in the main story and out, Batal feels sorely lacking in both, with only one or two major questlines alongside the crumbs of story (mainly involving the godsbane). The third area is even worse in this regard, with the only noteworthy moments being the statue fight (a weak setpiece) and the final encounter with the dragon (which is pretty cool but also much tamer compared to the original). Where things DO pickup is what happens post dragon. The original was pretty infamous for absolutely dropping the ball with this moment, as all you got was some changes in the shit open world and a pretty mediocre final dungeon. Meanwhile in DD2 the ENTIRE FUCKING OCEAN IS GONE. This makes for a world that feels so much more dangerous and teeming with lots of new encounters that feel so much more interesting (alongside a pretty cool reveal that plays with the themes of the original in a much more satisfying way). I genuinely loved the endgame of DDII with my only complaint being I wished more was done because it's surprisingly very simple (mainly because the game just showers you with ferrystones which makes traversal an utter joke).

STORY SPOILERS DONE


Dragon's Dogma II should satisfy those who felt the original was a great game but missed that certain oomf to it. Its current state is something that I wouldn't bother with (some tinkering does make it run smoother but never smooth enough) but once those kinks get ironed out I wholly recommend picking it up. A solid sequel that makes me excited for Itsuno's next game.

8.5/10

Remedy's most ambitious game but sadly their worst.

If I can give anything unanimously postive for QB it'd easily be its visuals, with the time effects remaining pretty impressive almost a decade later (this is the first game on Remedy's Northlight engine and it really shows). Performances are also pretty solid around the board, with Shawn Ashmore and Lance Reddick being the standouts. Gameplay is also pretty fun throughout, with the time powers making for combat that remains good (though I do wish the powers were spread out better).

If i had to say the biggest issue with QB it's one of the standout features: the TV show. After the end of every act (besides the finale) you will play as the villain and decide what choices they will make. This concept is really interesting because it allows you to actively control just how smart/incompetent the villians are and these choices translate well into the game portion. The main issue is all the episodes are extremely terrible and feel written from a different team. Cheap looking throughout with incredibly stilted performances (besides Lance Reddick who is wonderful) make sitting through them all an absolute chore. The game pass version also suffers because you have to STREAM the episodes in game which is completely borked (also some graphics make things seizure inducing so avoid at all costs). I would say the in game story makes up for the shows shortcomings but it's not much better, with the entire time gimmick being a cool backdrop but not utilized to the extent it needed to be. This is mainly because besides Jack and Beth the rest of the cast is really fucking boring, with Paul Serene being an absolutely dogshit villian that doesn't do much. It also feels way too short, with the ending feeling extremely abrupt with so much unresolved (an obvious sequel bait but with how its looking for Remedy I don't see that happening). I praised the combat earlier and while I still stick to that the puzzles/exploration needed some serious work, mainly because the platforming feels like absolute shit and some time powers feel clunky to use leading to repeated deaths (checkpoint system is terrible). This culminates in one of the absolute worst final bosses I've had the displeasure of fighting, with a bullshit instant kill that makes you have to reset from the very beginning. Its such an odd difficulty spike because the rest of the game is piss easy and possibly the easiest Remedy game.

I had somewhat middling expectations going into Quantum Break but at the same time I still felt let down. To end this review on a more positive note it was neat to see things like the implementation of live action be used much better in Control and Alan Wake II (alongside the Northlight engine looking insane). Would only reccomend this for super cheap or if you're a Remedy superfan and want to see how things improved.

4/10