The Gilbert Box [Bottom 25, Unranked]
An assortment of games I consider awful. Not merely bad, but bad enough to invite such scorn that I am incapable of discussing them without becoming a violent, foaming hater. I will likely never formally review them for my sanity's sake.
25 Games
'Anime Armored Core' in the sense that, like many promising Shonen manga, the creators give up towards the end and subject you to some of the worst writing you've ever seen. Also beyond regurgitating standard character tropes and bootleg AC fights, this game lacks any merit beyond its exceptional OST.
Perhaps the true source of modern open world gaming's woes. A truly empty, featureless hellscape with awful acting/writing/gameplay/level design/world design/aesthetic design/everything. This game had to have been written by literal children.
I know South Park already has games but this feels more tailored to their demographic, being a fantastically and pathetically unserious game which is deeply afraid of both itself and sincerity.
If you've ever wanted to see Rockstar beg, this is them begging forgiveness for making a good game in GTA4.
If you've ever wanted to see Rockstar beg, this is them begging forgiveness for making a good game in GTA4.
A decade-long egowank festival stuffed with dated (even at the time) pop culture references, wooden and unsatisfying gameplay that torpedoes all attempt at spectacle, music which is mostly derivative because Soken gave up around Stormblood, and a story which can be boiled down to "Please forgive Japan for its imperialist past :< No we won't apologize".
If Japanese ultranationalism, high-grade misogyny, uncomfortable metaphors for East Asian history and fascist glorification are your jam, buy this.
Yoshi-P, Ishikawa and Kojifox should be tried at the Hague.
If Japanese ultranationalism, high-grade misogyny, uncomfortable metaphors for East Asian history and fascist glorification are your jam, buy this.
Yoshi-P, Ishikawa and Kojifox should be tried at the Hague.
The nadir of DA's awful politics and terrible character writing.
DA: Inquisition is nothing more than a group of white centrist Canadians who only care about themselves getting together to make a game so violently Roman Catholic that it includes metaphors for degenerate art, high-grade antisemitism that'd make JK Rowling blush, and a grotesque fetishization of queer people.
Also, it plays like shit.
David Gaider should never be allowed to touch a work of fiction, or another human being.
DA: Inquisition is nothing more than a group of white centrist Canadians who only care about themselves getting together to make a game so violently Roman Catholic that it includes metaphors for degenerate art, high-grade antisemitism that'd make JK Rowling blush, and a grotesque fetishization of queer people.
Also, it plays like shit.
David Gaider should never be allowed to touch a work of fiction, or another human being.
Ken Levine rolls most racist game to ever exist, asked to leave the hangout.
Also, knowing that Ken Levine sees Elizabeth as his idealized daughter makes every minute of this game profoundly uncomfortable. Freud was right.
Also, knowing that Ken Levine sees Elizabeth as his idealized daughter makes every minute of this game profoundly uncomfortable. Freud was right.
More than any other, I think this epitomizes the ways in which live service design and player metrics can ruin a game.
There is nothing on this map except tripe, bad jokes, and copy-pasted 'content' to cut your teeth on. Greece is one of Europe's most beautiful places, Ancient Greece one of its richest time periods, and Ubi squandered it in favour of a bad Witcher clone.
There is nothing on this map except tripe, bad jokes, and copy-pasted 'content' to cut your teeth on. Greece is one of Europe's most beautiful places, Ancient Greece one of its richest time periods, and Ubi squandered it in favour of a bad Witcher clone.
Just an absolute mess.
The storytelling is not only awful, but completely RNG. Folder building is terrible with painfully few options, Soul Unisons would take two more games to ever be doable and the racial stereotypes on display in this game made even tiny Mira cringe.
The storytelling is not only awful, but completely RNG. Folder building is terrible with painfully few options, Soul Unisons would take two more games to ever be doable and the racial stereotypes on display in this game made even tiny Mira cringe.
No better than Tiktok, clicker games or Cocomelon as far as giving you an on-demand dopamine hit go. I hope this genre dies.
Wretched little game. The original UC was an ambitious but middling open world investigation game, while this is just a corridor shooter that glorifies cops. Considering how Rocksteady depicted the police in the Arkham trilogy, it's no wonder their first game was a kill-the-poor romp.
If RE4make is the gold standard for remakes then RE3make is the clingfilm standard. If you asked midjourney to generate an HD version of RE3 based on someone's 144p playthrough from 2006 it'd probably give you this fucking abomination.
An absolute embarassment as far as game design goes, I'm not even sure how it got approved.
Separating a story into two parts only to sell a third golden route is insane, yes, but what's even more insane is that every option you can take in this game is bad. It's rife with character bloat, dodgy writing (even with a relocalization/the original text), awful levels and charcter writing that would make Tommy Wiseau look like Dmitry Glukhovsky.
Separating a story into two parts only to sell a third golden route is insane, yes, but what's even more insane is that every option you can take in this game is bad. It's rife with character bloat, dodgy writing (even with a relocalization/the original text), awful levels and charcter writing that would make Tommy Wiseau look like Dmitry Glukhovsky.
Fans begged Capcom for years to 'return to the old days'. What this meant was 'pwease make a game that makes me feel the way RE1 made me feel as a poopoo shitbaby uwu'.
The end result, Resident Poopoo Shitbaby 7, is a half-remembered fever dream of RE1 that was committed to software. It bares so little resemblance to older RE games and even the RE IP itself that it might as well be a new series.
Also, they took out all the cringe. The cringe makes RE, Capcom! It's why RE5 Wesker has endured but nobody talks about 7!
The end result, Resident Poopoo Shitbaby 7, is a half-remembered fever dream of RE1 that was committed to software. It bares so little resemblance to older RE games and even the RE IP itself that it might as well be a new series.
Also, they took out all the cringe. The cringe makes RE, Capcom! It's why RE5 Wesker has endured but nobody talks about 7!
Positively nauseating in how miserable it is. For many people including myself, TWD S2 was Telltale pulling back the curtain to state the obvious:
Nothing matters. We just want that licensing money. We ran out of ideas in Season 1. We think misery equals quality. You like Kenny, right? Here's Kenny.
I fucking hate this game.
Nothing matters. We just want that licensing money. We ran out of ideas in Season 1. We think misery equals quality. You like Kenny, right? Here's Kenny.
I fucking hate this game.
In a rare show of self-awareness, Neptunia received an entry that was aimed at people other than suspiciously wealthy shut-ins who unironically say "2D > 3D" and panic when making phonecalls.
Unfortunately, this game does not know who it's aimed at, which means the usual Neptunia faults are 10x as obvious and 10x as grating.
Unfortunately, this game does not know who it's aimed at, which means the usual Neptunia faults are 10x as obvious and 10x as grating.
Tetsuyu Nomura is a hack, and Yoko Shimomura was wasted on this filth.
Local redditor laughs at Destiny 2 and puts a hand on Warframe's shoulder, declaring it "one of the good ones".
Warframe, a game primarily centered on time-gated grinds, rep systems and the devs' continual refusal to listen to their fanbase, is not 'one of the good ones'.
Warframe, a game primarily centered on time-gated grinds, rep systems and the devs' continual refusal to listen to their fanbase, is not 'one of the good ones'.
You know, DR1 and 2 were the end result of Keiji Inafune's self-loathing and continually growing America fetish.
It is a surprise, then, that the series got worse when they put actual Americans in charge.
Lesson learned: Stop hiring people who fucking hate your IP.
It is a surprise, then, that the series got worse when they put actual Americans in charge.
Lesson learned: Stop hiring people who fucking hate your IP.
4 and Infinite are horrible too, yes, but this really is Halo's absolute nadir.
Uninspired OST, flavourless visuals that maintain none of what made Halo so appealing, wet and wimpy audio design, nonsense story, retcons galore, and awful trend-chasing CoD wannabe multiplayer.
A worse parasite than the Flood.
Uninspired OST, flavourless visuals that maintain none of what made Halo so appealing, wet and wimpy audio design, nonsense story, retcons galore, and awful trend-chasing CoD wannabe multiplayer.
A worse parasite than the Flood.
Is this game bad because of Kojima? Or Konami?
The answer is irrelevant; this game is bad, and it will always be bad. If games were people, this would be like buying the flensed carcass of a POW from a Belgian skin market.
The answer is irrelevant; this game is bad, and it will always be bad. If games were people, this would be like buying the flensed carcass of a POW from a Belgian skin market.
60% a cheap asset flip of Arkham City, 40% some of the worst voice acting you've ever heard, all bundled up in a game that's both incredibly ugly and incredibly buggy.
This game is about as good as it runs on PS3, and considering my framerate averaged the signle digits, I think that says a lot.
If any game was to be used as evidence that Omega Force should cease to make games, it's this one.
If any game was to be used as evidence that Omega Force should cease to make games, it's this one.
Sometimes games come out and are violently hated, and years go by before people begin to consider whether it was justified.
This absolutely was justified. It's Deus Ex in name only, and every system at play in this game is a non-starter.
Fuck universal ammo.
This absolutely was justified. It's Deus Ex in name only, and every system at play in this game is a non-starter.
Fuck universal ammo.
Flavourless centrist garbage that feels like Justin Roiland wrote a Bioshock fanfiction. Obsidian should've been canned for making this.
We gotta stop it with the irony-poisoned metatextual VNs dude. I'm sick of them.
