Much of Metroid is fascinating, but it is AGONIZING to play. I lamented Metroid: Zero Mission for the simple fact that it didn’t capture the essence of the original Metroid nor did it lean into its unique action-oriented tone enough. I’ve played the original on and off, and this time, I used a guide and minimal rewinding to get to the end. There are several things in Metroid that made me unable to breathe properly. Now that I’ve played it all the way through, I feel sheer relief.

It gets a lot right despite its most sung flaws. The controls are tight, weaving through the weird enemy movements is fun, getting stronger and being able to access more of the map is fun, and you know what? Charting out your own maps on paper is cool, I tried it this time around! It’s a first attempt at a game that this very series would knock out of the park less than a decade later. If this were a random run-N-gun game with a linear map, and a sequential list of upgrades to gain, I wouldn’t be talking about it, because no one would have cared about it. It was innovative, it helped spawn an entire genre, and I respect it, but PHEW.

Be it with or without a guide; with or without save states; in a weekend or over the course of a year, I’m done, I’m not going to see this through again. And while I had some fun with it, nah, I’ll just stick with Zero Mission, faults and all. Godspeed Metroid, and I hate you too.