Apple Arcade ranked

Back in the ‘90s, when I was first getting into PC games, you could buy these $20 discs from the bargain software rack in places like Office Depot, with names like “100-in-1 Games!” They were generally collections of shareware games (demos, basically), as many as the publisher could jam onto one 600MB CD-ROM. I used to loooove these. Some of the games would barely work, some would be forgettable clones of better games, but then some would be interesting never-to-be-seen-again experiments, and the occasional few would be absolute bangers like Jazz Jackrabbit, Operation: Innerspace, or Doom. A lot of the fun was just in digging through the pile and pressing play.

Apple Arcade has that same vibe for me. The main difference is that they’re all complete games and Apple’s curation is way way better than some random, bootsy CD-ROM maker. (Being able to play them all in bed on my iPad is a plus, too.)

Would I buy or even seek out any one of these games as individual purchases? Probably not. Would I spend $60 once in awhile for a curated 100-in-1 package of Great New iOS Games? Absolutely.

And I can, and so I do. That’s kinda the whole deal.

Anyway, I thought it’d be fun to make a ranked list of these, just to keep track of what I’ve played and maybe shine a tiny spotlight on the ones I liked the most.

(The one-word description thing was just a bit that I started on the first few entries and decided to keep going.)

Atrocious
Low-Effort
Headache
Substandard
Disappointment
Ungamelike
Basic
Unappealing
Empty

63

Uninteresting
Newgroundsian (in a bad way)
Dime-a-dozen
Nah
Imprecise

56

Underdeveloped

55

Antiquated
Bog-Standard
Meow
Hamfisted
Exhausting
Frustrating
Shiftless

45

Interesting
Tasteful

42

Traditional
Goofy
Breezy
Spyhunterlike
Numerical
Hygge
Fantastic

(
Deceptive)
Hmmmm
Pop!
Vibes
Stylish
Pitterpatter
Waldo
Newgroundsian (in a good way)
Old-School
Nostalgic

18

Neat

17

Rips
Plinko

15

Calming
Soulslike
Bangin’

10

Trippy
Mind-melting
Engrossing
Stressfree

6

Chill
Timeless
Godlike

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