Wonderful game in nearly every aspect. Brings Kirby 64 in particular to mind, which is always welcome if you ask me. Had a blast through and through, bar emulator issues that led to me switching cores halfway through the game.
But on the other hand, what was their problem? When writing out the ending, specifically. What was their problem
But on the other hand, what was their problem? When writing out the ending, specifically. What was their problem
Going to complain for a while. Had an urge to.
The trope of "children's media and playthings is actually scary" is so fucking tiresome. You could trace it back to the 1988 movie Child's Play at a bare minimum, probably even further, less popular examples, but there's been a really absurd resurgence in the past decade that seems to have found its roots in this series. Five Nights at Freddy's is completely inescapable to this day and so are its cheap imitations. Shit like Bendy and Poppy Playtime rose from the anals of utter filthy incompetence to get a quick buck. Some random made Baldi's Basics as a pisstake on the phenomenon, then it got equally popular somehow. It's spreading back around into unimpressive movies, shows and pitches. The Banana Splits movie is dogshit, that Barney movie will be dogshit, and I said Learning with Pibby will be dogshit but I also got violently assaulted by my friend circle for it. There's so many analog horror and fake lost media series on the internet that my friends are hooting and hollering for, yet when I try a couple I just squirm and die. I don't get it, it all blends into an amalgamation of the same basic, trite concept. I guess this is where the cynical asshole in me truly shines. I don't have a real preference in how I prefer my horror media, but I can tell you it's none of this.
I decided to rack my brain a little and see if i could recall whether Five Nights at Freddy's, the patient zero of this whole thing, was of any interest to me back when it was new. I think I only played these first two games, and didn't like either. I more vividly remember this one, though. The atmosphere it provides never really got to me, I just found myself frustrated with all the mechanics and how unforgiving it is as a whole, namely the narrow ass reaction time. The music box is the worst, most of your time spent is winding up the damn thing. It's tedious as hell, but at the same time you can't get too focused on it or one of the double digit amount of fuckikng animatronics will get the drop on you somehow. Don't you think there's a bit many?? It certainly succeeds in being stressful as all get out, but in my case it really isn't at all in an enjoyable way that makes me want to give it more shots. I ditched at I think night 4 or 5 and uninstalled after some weeks of not touching it.
Yet its impact remains completely bonkers. Did Scott Cawthon just get lucky? Who knows. Maybe he did, if you look at his prior works such as "Fart Hotel". Maybe it had to do with Markiplier's claims of them being the "scariest games in years", he's had a pretty massive influence since the cretaceous era. Did other game studios really just try to top it in scariness by doing...more of the same? And still earn success? Did they perhaps get lucky rather than Scott? Or was it both? Who knows.
No sir, I do not like this genre of stuff. When I think about it, and see all my friends infodumping to each other about it, I look at myself and feel like a hating little bastard. Hell, I kind of envy people who find so much interest in it! More power to you! That said, I don't have a strong urge to LIKE stuff like this, or Pibby, or whatever the hell, but it makes me wonder if something in my head isn't clicking like everyone else's. Missing the hype train is always an ass feeling for me. Sometimes as a kid I would refuse to step on, to be "different", and other times like this I really have tried and I don't understand.
I guess this isn't much of a review, is it? I kinda just felt like ranting for a while, uninterrupted, about a thing I don't understand so well. Yet I feel somewhat hollow after writing it all down. Maybe I should like grab a meal or something, go back to shitty old games on my shitty computer. That aligns with my interests a lot better.
The trope of "children's media and playthings is actually scary" is so fucking tiresome. You could trace it back to the 1988 movie Child's Play at a bare minimum, probably even further, less popular examples, but there's been a really absurd resurgence in the past decade that seems to have found its roots in this series. Five Nights at Freddy's is completely inescapable to this day and so are its cheap imitations. Shit like Bendy and Poppy Playtime rose from the anals of utter filthy incompetence to get a quick buck. Some random made Baldi's Basics as a pisstake on the phenomenon, then it got equally popular somehow. It's spreading back around into unimpressive movies, shows and pitches. The Banana Splits movie is dogshit, that Barney movie will be dogshit, and I said Learning with Pibby will be dogshit but I also got violently assaulted by my friend circle for it. There's so many analog horror and fake lost media series on the internet that my friends are hooting and hollering for, yet when I try a couple I just squirm and die. I don't get it, it all blends into an amalgamation of the same basic, trite concept. I guess this is where the cynical asshole in me truly shines. I don't have a real preference in how I prefer my horror media, but I can tell you it's none of this.
I decided to rack my brain a little and see if i could recall whether Five Nights at Freddy's, the patient zero of this whole thing, was of any interest to me back when it was new. I think I only played these first two games, and didn't like either. I more vividly remember this one, though. The atmosphere it provides never really got to me, I just found myself frustrated with all the mechanics and how unforgiving it is as a whole, namely the narrow ass reaction time. The music box is the worst, most of your time spent is winding up the damn thing. It's tedious as hell, but at the same time you can't get too focused on it or one of the double digit amount of fuckikng animatronics will get the drop on you somehow. Don't you think there's a bit many?? It certainly succeeds in being stressful as all get out, but in my case it really isn't at all in an enjoyable way that makes me want to give it more shots. I ditched at I think night 4 or 5 and uninstalled after some weeks of not touching it.
Yet its impact remains completely bonkers. Did Scott Cawthon just get lucky? Who knows. Maybe he did, if you look at his prior works such as "Fart Hotel". Maybe it had to do with Markiplier's claims of them being the "scariest games in years", he's had a pretty massive influence since the cretaceous era. Did other game studios really just try to top it in scariness by doing...more of the same? And still earn success? Did they perhaps get lucky rather than Scott? Or was it both? Who knows.
No sir, I do not like this genre of stuff. When I think about it, and see all my friends infodumping to each other about it, I look at myself and feel like a hating little bastard. Hell, I kind of envy people who find so much interest in it! More power to you! That said, I don't have a strong urge to LIKE stuff like this, or Pibby, or whatever the hell, but it makes me wonder if something in my head isn't clicking like everyone else's. Missing the hype train is always an ass feeling for me. Sometimes as a kid I would refuse to step on, to be "different", and other times like this I really have tried and I don't understand.
I guess this isn't much of a review, is it? I kinda just felt like ranting for a while, uninterrupted, about a thing I don't understand so well. Yet I feel somewhat hollow after writing it all down. Maybe I should like grab a meal or something, go back to shitty old games on my shitty computer. That aligns with my interests a lot better.
1995
Kind of bullshit throughout the whole runtime but has lots of very interesting technical feats under its belt. The Pizza Planet level is especially interesting, and the first person level is much smoother than anything else of its ilk on the console. Could definitely stand to be more playable in the grand scheme of things, but it's at least endearing.
2001
What a fucking failure. It feels like aliens designed this game by just dragging and copy pasting random bullshit around aimlessly. I've played worse in my life for sure, but this game is so particularly infuriating because it doesn't make sense. How the fuck did this happen? Surely one man leaving shouldn't cause an entire team's understanding of game and level design to come crashing down, right? I don't even know, man. This game is horrible and shouldn't exist.
Until I have PS2 emulation set up on my dinky laptop my journey through the X series ends here. What a stupid fucking place to have to stop. I seriously can't get over how much of a step down it is, even from X5.
Until I have PS2 emulation set up on my dinky laptop my journey through the X series ends here. What a stupid fucking place to have to stop. I seriously can't get over how much of a step down it is, even from X5.
1993
Could really use less confusing level design, particularly in episode 3, but it's insane how well this aged for one of the earliest FPS games released. Definitely as good as people say. It makes you wonder if the team working on this knew at the time that it would be essentially medium-defining for decades to come.
This has a lot of really fucking funny ports out there. Maybe I'll give a few a shot some day or another, purely for kicks. I think I've joked with friends about the 32x version's insanely ass soundtrack for years now.
This has a lot of really fucking funny ports out there. Maybe I'll give a few a shot some day or another, purely for kicks. I think I've joked with friends about the 32x version's insanely ass soundtrack for years now.
2020
Quietly jots Paimon down under the list of "Minions for Racist Weebs" along side Neco-Arc and Konata Izumi before uninstalling and freeing my computer of 47 gigabytes
1994
I, for one, don't really think there's much room for a video game to be better than Super Metroid. It might be the most ahead of its time a game has ever been. The lonely, somber, yet ominous atmosphere, masterfully crafted in the environments and soundtrack. The slow, gradual increase of power, the growing satisfaction of blazing through areas you had previously struggled with. All those secrets, hidden items and little details, gently beckoning but not begging you to come back some day and discover an assortment of things you hadn't before. It all fills me with childlike wonder.
It boggles my mind how intricate this is for a SNES release, even for the mid 90s when seemingly all the big names stopped pulling their punches and came out with pure gold. Even today, it stands out. There are tons of games nowadays trying to be Super Metroid, or perhaps Symphony of the Night, but it always seems to be missing that spark that makes these two, especially Metroid, so special. It's genre-defining. It's genre-codifying. And, if you ask me, it's a defining piece of the entire medium.
I don't like to suck off Nintendo - nor any other first or second party game companies, really - but this game is utterly magical. Just about everybody's played it, but for everyone else I just can't recommend it enough.
It boggles my mind how intricate this is for a SNES release, even for the mid 90s when seemingly all the big names stopped pulling their punches and came out with pure gold. Even today, it stands out. There are tons of games nowadays trying to be Super Metroid, or perhaps Symphony of the Night, but it always seems to be missing that spark that makes these two, especially Metroid, so special. It's genre-defining. It's genre-codifying. And, if you ask me, it's a defining piece of the entire medium.
I don't like to suck off Nintendo - nor any other first or second party game companies, really - but this game is utterly magical. Just about everybody's played it, but for everyone else I just can't recommend it enough.
1992
Super Mario Kart's strongest soldier tragically dies after using leaf and their car jumped off the fuckinge road
1988
Why he cannot stop running it is like he is late for "Pizza" 😂😂😂 SUBSCRIBE for more
1993
Software Creations supposedly began work on Equinox in March 1990, being the first Western developer to gain access to a SNES devkit. The game wasn't completed for another three years, reportedly at least partially due to visual bugs, and even in the final product you can still see glimpses of flickering and incorrect overlapping. Not only that, but there are weird glitches that can happen for unknown reasons that may lead to soft resets. The damn thing is barely holding itself together, and it nearly collapses under its ambitions alone even without the technical issues in mind.
Yet, in spite of all that, I mostly enjoyed myself. It definitely got a bit exhausting towards the end of its eight hour runtime as the dungeons became more and more massive, but it starts off surprisingly strong and still manages to keep things going acceptably throughout. My favorite aspect is probably the ambient soundtrack by the Follins, which I never found myself getting tired of throughout the entire game. Wasn't always a fan of the way the game looked, especially not that grimace Glendaal makes every time he dies, but there are some very pretty areas such as Quagmire and Atlena during the midgame. It reminds me a lot of Landstalker in that aspect - not just that they're both isometric action RPGs, but they're both kind of ugly for the most part yet still endearing. I'm not sure which I prefer.
The puzzles aren't so great either once you reach a certain point, mostly consisting of weird optical illusions and other sorts of perspective fuckery. An interview from 1994 mentions that 3D shadowing to allow for better depth perception wasn't really possible at the time, possibly indicating that a lot of these types of rooms were meant to be clearer than they really are. Hitboxes can also be pretty frustrating, especially with spikes, and I found that none of the bosses were very engaging. Combined with how long the game is, it seems like the negatives should outweigh the positives, but such is thankfully not the case for me this time.
Equinox is definitely more of a 'vibes game' than something I'd really entertain the thought of revisiting, but I had a pretty decent time regardless. Not very descriptive, of course, but surely it makes sense. The soothing soundtrack and smaller emphasis on combat really do wonders to the feel of the whole thing, despite the aggravating difficulty later on. I would definitely recommend this if you're super into Landstalker or Light Crusader. I don't know if it's necessarily better than those, and it's certainly a little janky, but it's worth a look if you're in that crowd.
Yet, in spite of all that, I mostly enjoyed myself. It definitely got a bit exhausting towards the end of its eight hour runtime as the dungeons became more and more massive, but it starts off surprisingly strong and still manages to keep things going acceptably throughout. My favorite aspect is probably the ambient soundtrack by the Follins, which I never found myself getting tired of throughout the entire game. Wasn't always a fan of the way the game looked, especially not that grimace Glendaal makes every time he dies, but there are some very pretty areas such as Quagmire and Atlena during the midgame. It reminds me a lot of Landstalker in that aspect - not just that they're both isometric action RPGs, but they're both kind of ugly for the most part yet still endearing. I'm not sure which I prefer.
The puzzles aren't so great either once you reach a certain point, mostly consisting of weird optical illusions and other sorts of perspective fuckery. An interview from 1994 mentions that 3D shadowing to allow for better depth perception wasn't really possible at the time, possibly indicating that a lot of these types of rooms were meant to be clearer than they really are. Hitboxes can also be pretty frustrating, especially with spikes, and I found that none of the bosses were very engaging. Combined with how long the game is, it seems like the negatives should outweigh the positives, but such is thankfully not the case for me this time.
Equinox is definitely more of a 'vibes game' than something I'd really entertain the thought of revisiting, but I had a pretty decent time regardless. Not very descriptive, of course, but surely it makes sense. The soothing soundtrack and smaller emphasis on combat really do wonders to the feel of the whole thing, despite the aggravating difficulty later on. I would definitely recommend this if you're super into Landstalker or Light Crusader. I don't know if it's necessarily better than those, and it's certainly a little janky, but it's worth a look if you're in that crowd.
2022
watched detchibe play it bc cold comfort said if detch did it in one sitting they would gift them pickle rick in fortnite
Cannot believe we allowed justin roiland to take 8 hours from us all. Was thoroughly insufferable and apparently plays like shit too. I hope he goes two hell
Cannot believe we allowed justin roiland to take 8 hours from us all. Was thoroughly insufferable and apparently plays like shit too. I hope he goes two hell
1993
During a time where the general consensus was that the Mega Man series desperately needed to be souped up a bit, Capcom answered those prayers with Mega Man X, far exceeding many's expectations in the process. I've been a classic Mega Man person since I was a kid, but X1 kicks major ass. It stands where it does today for damn good reasons, and is possibly the magnum opus of the sidescroller brand of the franchise.
Recently I had complained about Mega Man 7's urging to revisit levels to dig up hidden items and upgrades just to make your life easier, a trait typically found and fondly remembered in the X series. What's the difference here? Well, it's less tedious, there's more incentive to do it, more room to explore, and generally it feels much more rewarding. The movement (which is absolutely wonderful, just as good as everyone says) really helps with this. You can use your wall jumps, speed boosts, and various tricks combining the two of them to discover areas you wouldn't see normally, often containing health and armor upgrades that are much worth the effort. It's not quite like going out of bounds, but for me it's a similar feeling that brings childlike glee and wonder.
You can also exit previously entered stages much more conveniently, not having to get a special item for that or anything. This is great because some stages are altered a bit depending on the order you do them in, for example if you do Chill Penguin first then Flame Mammoth's stage will be frozen over, allowing you to reach the latter's health upgrade. You can also come back to Chill Penguin's stage with Flame Mammoth's weapon to destroy a structure containing the health upgrade in the former's stage as well. There's a lot of stuff like this, and for my money it's far more enjoyable here than their attempt to integrate this into 7 with Rush Search or whatever it was.
Sometimes, however, I feel like the enemy placement is a bit poor and some stages go on surprisingly longer than others, both of these most notable in the first stage of Sigma's hideout. There's a big scene where both a major protagonist and antagonist meet their demise, but then the level continues for about just as long as it took to reach that section and caps off with an annoying spider boss battle. It makes that whole moment feel a lot more anticlimactic than what was probably intended. As far as the enemy placement goes, there's not much to really elaborate on there. Go to the vertical corridor in the aforementioned Sigma stage and you should see what I mean, but there are many more minor cases throughout the game. This could just be a skill issue on my part, however.
Anyway, yeah! It's really good! X1 is essentially singlehandedly responsible for saving the franchise, and many people remember it fondly to this day both due to this and due to just being really goddamn fun. Sadly, it seemed like they didn't really know where to go with the sequels to this game, and at the end of the day most people know the X series for being notoriously inconsistent in quality overall. I'll be replaying X2 and X3 soon to refresh my thoughts on them, but I remember them being really damn underwhelming compared to this one.
Recently I had complained about Mega Man 7's urging to revisit levels to dig up hidden items and upgrades just to make your life easier, a trait typically found and fondly remembered in the X series. What's the difference here? Well, it's less tedious, there's more incentive to do it, more room to explore, and generally it feels much more rewarding. The movement (which is absolutely wonderful, just as good as everyone says) really helps with this. You can use your wall jumps, speed boosts, and various tricks combining the two of them to discover areas you wouldn't see normally, often containing health and armor upgrades that are much worth the effort. It's not quite like going out of bounds, but for me it's a similar feeling that brings childlike glee and wonder.
You can also exit previously entered stages much more conveniently, not having to get a special item for that or anything. This is great because some stages are altered a bit depending on the order you do them in, for example if you do Chill Penguin first then Flame Mammoth's stage will be frozen over, allowing you to reach the latter's health upgrade. You can also come back to Chill Penguin's stage with Flame Mammoth's weapon to destroy a structure containing the health upgrade in the former's stage as well. There's a lot of stuff like this, and for my money it's far more enjoyable here than their attempt to integrate this into 7 with Rush Search or whatever it was.
Sometimes, however, I feel like the enemy placement is a bit poor and some stages go on surprisingly longer than others, both of these most notable in the first stage of Sigma's hideout. There's a big scene where both a major protagonist and antagonist meet their demise, but then the level continues for about just as long as it took to reach that section and caps off with an annoying spider boss battle. It makes that whole moment feel a lot more anticlimactic than what was probably intended. As far as the enemy placement goes, there's not much to really elaborate on there. Go to the vertical corridor in the aforementioned Sigma stage and you should see what I mean, but there are many more minor cases throughout the game. This could just be a skill issue on my part, however.
Anyway, yeah! It's really good! X1 is essentially singlehandedly responsible for saving the franchise, and many people remember it fondly to this day both due to this and due to just being really goddamn fun. Sadly, it seemed like they didn't really know where to go with the sequels to this game, and at the end of the day most people know the X series for being notoriously inconsistent in quality overall. I'll be replaying X2 and X3 soon to refresh my thoughts on them, but I remember them being really damn underwhelming compared to this one.
1994
When I was a kid, I didn't really have a lot of knowledge on games outside of Mario, Sonic, Rock Band, and some GTA through word of mouth at school. We went to GameStop one day in maybe 2011 or 2012 or so and Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection for the PS3 caught me eye, so I took it home with me. My mind was absolutely blown when I started playing it. 40 doesn't seem like too many now, but all those strange little games from before I was born were awe-inspiring to me. However, for the longest time I couldn't really make any dents outside of the Sonic and Alex Kidd games, so I didn't really form real thoughts on many of them until the past two or three years.
Dynamite Headdy, on the other hand, stuck out to me almost immediately. Might be the very first one-off title to really resonate with me. I knew very early on that I wanted to finish this one, that it was a winner. Similar story with Ristar, but between the two this won me over.
To this day, this is my favorite game in the Genesis library. Upon replaying Gunstar Heroes it came into a VERY close second, but the memories and nostalgia for this one are near unparalleled for me. It helps that I also love just about everything that it does. It's so goddamn stupid in the best way possible, just all over the place, completely off the rails. You can poke around at random shit and maybe you'll find some secret bonuses, which after I learned about it basically completely enthralled me all over again. It also has maybe my favorite game soundtrack out there. I really don't think there's anything not to like here. It's a stone cold classic.
It's another victim of changes in localization, though. I've always been used to the international release since I've played it so many times, but for today's replay I did the Japanese version and I think I have more issues with the palette changes than the difficulty changes. A lot of stuff just looks much, much better in the Japanese version, and in the process of turning Maruyama into Trouble Bruin overseas it made a lot of boss and enemy palettes comparatively really awkward. Most of the dialogue is taken out as well, which unfortunately removes a good chunk of the humor. I fucking love how these wacky ass adversaries all speak so professionally, like the big colorful goofy ass dog who is played completely straight as a bounty hunter. That kind of shit is so funny to me.
I think charm prevails over all in a grand majority of my favorite things, but aside from a few brutally difficult sections such as scene 8-5 (again mitigated in the original Japanese version) this is pretty much flawless in all other regards too if you ask me. It was probably my favorite game of all time before joining the site, and it still comfortably sits in my top 5.
One more thing, I think it's genuinely one of very few things that couldn't be recreated today. There's a ton of overly absurd and "quirky" indie platformers nowadays, but they just don't hit the same. There's something lost these days in the art of presenting the goofiest shit possible with a straight face, instead typically being overtaken by layers of irony and pandering to internet culture. And then a bunch of kids who probably advocated for Banjo in Smash Bros will shove it down your throat. Maybe it's something I'm just a killjoy about, but it really just isn't the same. Post real Soulâ„¢.
Dynamite Headdy, on the other hand, stuck out to me almost immediately. Might be the very first one-off title to really resonate with me. I knew very early on that I wanted to finish this one, that it was a winner. Similar story with Ristar, but between the two this won me over.
To this day, this is my favorite game in the Genesis library. Upon replaying Gunstar Heroes it came into a VERY close second, but the memories and nostalgia for this one are near unparalleled for me. It helps that I also love just about everything that it does. It's so goddamn stupid in the best way possible, just all over the place, completely off the rails. You can poke around at random shit and maybe you'll find some secret bonuses, which after I learned about it basically completely enthralled me all over again. It also has maybe my favorite game soundtrack out there. I really don't think there's anything not to like here. It's a stone cold classic.
It's another victim of changes in localization, though. I've always been used to the international release since I've played it so many times, but for today's replay I did the Japanese version and I think I have more issues with the palette changes than the difficulty changes. A lot of stuff just looks much, much better in the Japanese version, and in the process of turning Maruyama into Trouble Bruin overseas it made a lot of boss and enemy palettes comparatively really awkward. Most of the dialogue is taken out as well, which unfortunately removes a good chunk of the humor. I fucking love how these wacky ass adversaries all speak so professionally, like the big colorful goofy ass dog who is played completely straight as a bounty hunter. That kind of shit is so funny to me.
I think charm prevails over all in a grand majority of my favorite things, but aside from a few brutally difficult sections such as scene 8-5 (again mitigated in the original Japanese version) this is pretty much flawless in all other regards too if you ask me. It was probably my favorite game of all time before joining the site, and it still comfortably sits in my top 5.
One more thing, I think it's genuinely one of very few things that couldn't be recreated today. There's a ton of overly absurd and "quirky" indie platformers nowadays, but they just don't hit the same. There's something lost these days in the art of presenting the goofiest shit possible with a straight face, instead typically being overtaken by layers of irony and pandering to internet culture. And then a bunch of kids who probably advocated for Banjo in Smash Bros will shove it down your throat. Maybe it's something I'm just a killjoy about, but it really just isn't the same. Post real Soulâ„¢.
.Like this post if you love Draculer
2002
Pulled all the way through this time after initially running out of steam around world 6 about a year ago. The fundamental gameplay alone is certainly a home run, but the playful music and atmosphere further enhance things and give the game an oddly comforting and familiar feel for me. It might be that it's very reminiscent of games I'd download free trials for off Nick Arcade as a little kid (such as SpongeBob SquarePants Obstacle Odyssey). Either way, really good stuff all around. I can see myself coming back to this several times in the future.
It's not without its hiccups, though. Launchers and Arthropod, for example, are insanely egregious and difficult for the first half of the game's standards, creating a really weird bump in the otherwise smooth, steady difficulty curve. Similarly, in the last world in Story Mode the design philosophy completely changes and noticeably becomes totally obtuse. They're not even necessarily harder than the levels in the previous two worlds, but it's a very jarring shift that doesn't really result in any enjoyable levels out of those last ten.
Would very strongly recommend this game, but definitely don't let your guard down. It gets a lot harder than it initially lets on.
It's not without its hiccups, though. Launchers and Arthropod, for example, are insanely egregious and difficult for the first half of the game's standards, creating a really weird bump in the otherwise smooth, steady difficulty curve. Similarly, in the last world in Story Mode the design philosophy completely changes and noticeably becomes totally obtuse. They're not even necessarily harder than the levels in the previous two worlds, but it's a very jarring shift that doesn't really result in any enjoyable levels out of those last ten.
Would very strongly recommend this game, but definitely don't let your guard down. It gets a lot harder than it initially lets on.