2597 Reviews liked by MagneticBurn


Taito once again going down in history, as the first ever game company to release a game that needed an epilepsy warning because what the fuck is that final boss.

Gorf

1981

GORF is fucked up.
GORF is space travel if you were suffocating inside of a trash bag.
GORF is a dance of lasers smashing through ear-splitting TV static.
GORF doesn't give a shit that you can tell it has completely stolen half of its design from other games of the time.
GORF is fucked up.
GORF is fucking rad.

Only superficially similar to Shinobi, but I guess Capcom aren't the only ones who forget about Strider

Given to its reputation I expected it to be harder but it is still a fun challenge with almost no slowdown surprisingly

this game just showing me a dead bird in the middle of a field made me feel more than the entirety of undertale tbh

there's a moment in moon where the "HERO" is drunk at a restaurant, doesn't knowing how to advance. after killing all those "Bad Monsters", "helping" all those people, entering without invite in all those houses and taking possession of all those objects, he's lost. he is at the maximum level that he can obtain, but what then?
the "HERO" lacks of love.
in fact, everyone in moon's world is searching for love: consciously or not; for know what it is, what is for and who can possess it. love is a mystery and everyone wants to know how to discover it. you, the protagonist, is the one who help those thirsty for love by... living your life. you see, There Is Someone(s) that indeed knows what love is and want you to collect it - but i won't tell who! you do it by helping people in different ways: fishing, listening, catching their souls, telling that they actually are a robot (do technopolis habitants dreams about MOON: REMIX RPG ADVENTURE?) and all sort of different things.
they say you find love in small things, and perhaps someone would say that moon is a game about finding love in the minor aspects of our day. i wouldn't say they are incorrect, but a letter of love is A Big Deal to the one who sent it, as well to the one who received it. the size of what we love is measure by our heart perspective.
moon: remix rpg adventure is a small, old, indie game, but in my heart, is a gigantic thing that i love.

Another Natsume platformer without much to it at all but it's still pretty fun, similarly to their Power Rangers games. Reminds me a lot of Kendo Rage but better, though probably just because of cutesy anime stuff going on in both. Maybe I should watch a bit of the series this is based on, but I'm awfully lazy with watching anime people suggest to me. I meant to watch Lucky Star like five years ago and then did two episodes and left lol

Here's a rail shooter utilizing the SNES' Super Scope. I play my games on a laptop and had to map firing buttons to ctrl and alt bc trackpad wasn't inputting correctly. This definitely shouldn't be played in this manner and it is immensely frustrating, though I wonder if it would be even more frustrating on real hardware with a real Super Scope. The game also doesn't give you a real ending unless you play on Expert, which I will not be doing.

at least it's shorter than the original

So, Spongebob is back with a new game, and despite having not watched the show in a long while, I still kept some tabs on it here and there and even preordered it. I mean, it's THE Millennial and Gen Z icon after all, how could I not! But wait, something's off here. A strictly linear structure, forgoing the open-ended ethos? Prominent utilizations of gimmicks and minigame segments? A downscaled focus on optional knick-knacks, usually centering the maguffins on one item? Why, this isn't quite the (spiritual) successor to BfBB as I was led to believe, instead this is taking cues from the far, far inferior descendants Movie Game and Creature From The Krusty Krab! Oh, the hu-manatee! I kid, it's not that bad, but it could stand to be a little better.
Spongebob's doing a solo venture this time around, and he controls pretty adequately thankfully. Jumping and attacking is just as good as ever, turning's a little heavier than before but I got used to it, and ground pounding has never felt more satisfying and cartoony, and he has a new dodge ability that's quick to pull off and covers decent distance. That said, however, some of his returning and new moves are a little odd. The karate kick is pretty slick, having a nice flow and feel to it... when activated properly. When you press its button a little too early or a little too close to something, he sorta slowly glides across the way to it, which while not awful can be pretty annoying. The swing though, sucks shit, it's automated and super exaggerated about it, and turning is sluggish as hell. I've never come to regret seeing when a section uses it, but I sigh anyway since it could've been much better. You can use the Reef Blower to suck things up and fire it back at objects and enemies, and it's certainly a thing that exists considering you unlock it right at the final level. Tangentially, there's an unusual centering of combat here, with enemies having health bars capping out at about four, even the Duplicatotron/Spawner equivalent having them, and it's just as tedious as you'd expect with a limited attacking pool at your disposal even compared to BfBB and Movie Game due to only having the pounds, circling attack, a bubble move that'll trap enemies and can stun them once it pops, and a karate kick for the smaller foes. Even with ways to mitigate the waiting periods, I groaned each time I got placed onto a combat room spontaneously appearing with jolted pacing between it and the platforming. What helps to alleviate some of these woes is that the core of it is indeed surprisingly pretty well done. I dunno, while these levels have some spotty pacing and attributes attached from all I've said, I can't deny I had some fun just going through them when all the pieces clicked in, due to the feel again being adequate all around and how they're established just being fun to explore and complete. I mean, this game's Kelp Forest level is actually the best one unlike in BfBB, that's insane!
I mentioned the gimmicks and minigames, and speaking seriously here I gotta give props for how they wanted to implement them. How it works is that each world showcases them as its own little slice, that then gets transferred over onto the Bikini Bottom hub for one reason or another, and perhaps even for a quick segment in a later world. In Western Jellyfish Fields you can use a seahorse once obtaining the license to do so, in Prehistoric Kelp Forest you roll around on a rock to traverse past the lava below, Pirate-riddled Goo Lagoon has you hoisting up flags and utilizing the swings in order to go around and attain rep, etc. etc. I guess I'm a bit of a weirdo and don't entirely bemoan these sorts of things in 3D Platformers - you can blame Sonic and Sly Cooper for that - but I'll still call them out if they're not handled properly, which is unfortunately a bit of a case here. Controlling the seahorse doesn't have the best sense of weight and momentum, some of these minigames amount to simple button mashing like the flag hoists mentioned earlier, and listen, I know this is a kid-centric game and all, but when puzzles can have the solution written either scarcely tucked away (I destroyed the tikis in front of this for instance) or in plain sight, I gotta question the level of trust and forethought put on display. To its credit, I don't think these slumps are that frequent, and there were legit some shakeups I found pretty interesting and cool, like in Downtown Bikini Bottom playing around with movie stardom and filmmaking or the more whimsical approaches found in Medieval Sulfur Fields.
There's also criticisms I can't quite articulate well here, cause they can easily be lobbied onto BfBB and Movie Game. The abundant uses of voice lines? I mean, that's bad, but I also grew up with Spongebob exclaiming how sometimes pushing a simple button is the most satisfying (push, push, push push) in BfBB or Patrick talking about pain trains in Movie Game, so yea. References? I mean, this whole game is supposed to be a throwback, so it makes sense, plus it isn't the first Spongebob game to do such a thing. Lackluster boss fights? Yea, cause Robo-Sandy, Robo-Patrick, Dennis, and Flying Dutchman were such exhilarating foes. I suppose one frame I can pitch, excluding bosses, is that the frequency of them can be a bit much. Simply doing a glide has a high chance of Spongebob doing the Krusty Krab Pizza line, falling off a ledge has him talking about what a great friend Patrick is ad nauseum, I got sick of this and I'd like to think my patience for these things is pretty high. BfBB had just under three seasons worth of material to work off of when it released on Oct. 29th 2003, something its Rehydrated remake mostly stuck with outside a couple of meme stuff in illustrations and idle animations, and more specific instances had manually triggered Easter Eggs like the Rock Bottom bus, which CS also does. Alongside this, it has triple the amount to work under, yet not only does it pull from that same set, it outright showcases them more like with Fred "My Leg" Fish, Tom The CHOCOLATE Enthusiast, or even one minigame instance where the whole point is doing The Popular Meme Animations numerous times in a button mashing minigame, five separate times. It's jarring cause they can indeed do more lowkey inferences to the source or even put them under a new spin, like reusing Prawn as a boss Flying Dutchman has to face to get his groove back, or plastering the set of DBB with Handsome Squidward and Master Udon on the walls. A better balancing of this sort of thing was in order for sure, but hey, I got some laughs.
The biggest issue though, is the visual oddities and quirks. BfBB Rehydrated got some flack for this as well, and much like that game, I haven't gotten anything too nasty but I still faced hiccups regardless. Spongebob's body and wand disappearing, cutscenes jarringly stopping all of a sudden without my input, tikis sometimes floating when they should be falling down, weird boundary detection causing me to get hit, cutscenes not having any sort of sound or music cue making them feel weirdly empty, frankly rather befuddled over what's happening here considering they had nowhere near the same predicament as Rehydrated, a game that suffered from being shoved out the door despite its planned movie tie-in deal not coming through from Sponge On The Run's delayed premiere. It's understandable this is a budgeted release, which is why the standard cutscene animation reuse and more compact feel doesn't bother me so much, but that line of reasoning can only underline a game's woes for so long. The DLC practice is also a legitimate scam, from preordering or now paying 10 additional bucks, you get seven additional costumes to wear despite the fact they have no real difference in utility, the world-specific one takes up all the showcasing, and one of them is just outright the same thing as something already available. Considering how easy it is to stack up on jellies and doubloons, I sincerely have no real clue as to why these are separated from the pack, especially since if I recall, these were shown in trailers!
Honestly, the only reason I'm not too bitter is because at the end of the day, I'm way past the age demographic this is appealing to, even in their attempts to try and do so considering BfBB's popularity, but more importantly its a case that can rarely be replicated in the modern age. That game's quality and sheen was, if I may be so bold, a bit of a lightning in a bottle; it's not at all the first good licensed game, hell it could be argued it wasn't the first good one in the 6th Gen line, but it was one of the more faithful outings due to its usage of the source material concocting for a great experience fan or otherwise, as well as its shockingly intact polish and physicality, which landed itself as a mainstay for speedrunning enthusiasts. While you can expect that sort of thing for more high-maintenance studios such as Insomniac, that's not quite the case for AA-tier calibers like Purple Lamp. Don't get me wrong, I am not excusing these technical issues and my confusing state over them still remain, I'm just saying that I wasn't expecting the same level that came before irregardless of the fact. If kids are gonna grow up with this game, I'm genuinely thankful its at least a commendable effort, and not the shlock I had to face following up such as Movie Game and CfKK to reiterate, Truth Or Square, and especially Atlantis Squarepantis. Funny how people got mad over an IGN employee giving it a 5/10 though, like come on lol there's other type of people to get mad over if you wanna do so.