2022
A middling brain empty button masher where you equip things with big numbers to do missions that are lower than your number. These missions consist of empty hallways that don't force you to engage with them at all and four to five forced combat encounters. Most of the missions are just completely recycled level design wise outside of like 4 levels with such unique mechanics like... basic platforming.
The gameplay loop is very simple. Go to boring mission with number suitable to yours, mash on light and spectral attacks for 5 minutes, replace your shit with shit of a higher number, repeat. Because it's designed as a GaaS you don't get options to a lot of mission types and loot mechanics until late in the launch campaign, the most egregious of which is the ability to keep gear of a certain rarity up to your gear level, which unlocks with four missions left before the final boss. Not that it takes too long, with cutscenes skipped (because who can really care) it took me seven hours to complete the launch story, after which there are a couple of other stories and a bunch of random modes to get your gear level up. Ultimately, it's all the same shit and evidently it wasn't enough to have people stick around.
And so lies Baby Fall, another weird Platinum project to add to the list of other weird, failed Platinum projects. At least unlike the TMNT game and that Korra game people won't be able to play their grand failure for long. I'm happy Bayonetta 3 got a warm reception because if that shit died a death like this thing I'd struggle to see how they'd recover.
The gameplay loop is very simple. Go to boring mission with number suitable to yours, mash on light and spectral attacks for 5 minutes, replace your shit with shit of a higher number, repeat. Because it's designed as a GaaS you don't get options to a lot of mission types and loot mechanics until late in the launch campaign, the most egregious of which is the ability to keep gear of a certain rarity up to your gear level, which unlocks with four missions left before the final boss. Not that it takes too long, with cutscenes skipped (because who can really care) it took me seven hours to complete the launch story, after which there are a couple of other stories and a bunch of random modes to get your gear level up. Ultimately, it's all the same shit and evidently it wasn't enough to have people stick around.
And so lies Baby Fall, another weird Platinum project to add to the list of other weird, failed Platinum projects. At least unlike the TMNT game and that Korra game people won't be able to play their grand failure for long. I'm happy Bayonetta 3 got a warm reception because if that shit died a death like this thing I'd struggle to see how they'd recover.
2023
Pizza Tower is a perfect videogame. A crowning achievement in videogaming. One of the finest videogames the world has ever known. Everything about the videogame is perfect. Presentation is aces, from the psycho 90s cartoon aesthetic to the little things like the game needing a button prompt to turn the lights on in the file select menu (lest something FUNNY happen). The music is nothing but fantastic, catchy tunes that set the tone for the levels and bosses to follow.
Level are designed to put your mastery of the games incredible movement to the test as you bash, throw and piledrive your way through all sorts of crazy bullshit the game throws at you. Every level also has some different shit to throw at you, like taking taxis to optional areas in a city level only for you to be sent to jail because the taxi turned out to be a cop car. Or the animatronic jumpscare level. Or the damn Mort the Chicken for the Playstation One console level.
Going for 101% really gave me an appreciation for how the game and the levels are structured. The highest honor you can get in a Pizza Tower level is the P rank. P rank means you reached a certain score threshold while obtaining all collectibles in the level while never dropping your combo, which is added upon by defeating enemies and kept going by collecting points. In practice, going for P ranks is like Crash Bandicoot 4's perfect relics, except Pizza Tower is significantly less punishing and repetitive which makes the process of perfecting a level actually fun. Except for Gnome Forest, no one has fun in Gnome Forest.
Last thing I want to rant about is that while the story is largely basic the game's ending which is just excellently put together. The game foreshadows what's going to go down and you get it but you don't care because it's so sick it doesn't even matter. You get your chance to fight the bastard that's been tormenting you the whole game, there's a little surprise in there, and then the final stretch of the boss and the subsequent mad dash out is pure catharsis in a way games rarely do.
All in all, perfect videogame. Purchase it now, and then purchase it later when it's ported probably. After that, purchase it again when it gets a physical release. And then play it, I heard the game's pretty good.
Level are designed to put your mastery of the games incredible movement to the test as you bash, throw and piledrive your way through all sorts of crazy bullshit the game throws at you. Every level also has some different shit to throw at you, like taking taxis to optional areas in a city level only for you to be sent to jail because the taxi turned out to be a cop car. Or the animatronic jumpscare level. Or the damn Mort the Chicken for the Playstation One console level.
Going for 101% really gave me an appreciation for how the game and the levels are structured. The highest honor you can get in a Pizza Tower level is the P rank. P rank means you reached a certain score threshold while obtaining all collectibles in the level while never dropping your combo, which is added upon by defeating enemies and kept going by collecting points. In practice, going for P ranks is like Crash Bandicoot 4's perfect relics, except Pizza Tower is significantly less punishing and repetitive which makes the process of perfecting a level actually fun. Except for Gnome Forest, no one has fun in Gnome Forest.
Last thing I want to rant about is that while the story is largely basic the game's ending which is just excellently put together. The game foreshadows what's going to go down and you get it but you don't care because it's so sick it doesn't even matter. You get your chance to fight the bastard that's been tormenting you the whole game, there's a little surprise in there, and then the final stretch of the boss and the subsequent mad dash out is pure catharsis in a way games rarely do.
All in all, perfect videogame. Purchase it now, and then purchase it later when it's ported probably. After that, purchase it again when it gets a physical release. And then play it, I heard the game's pretty good.
2023
mmmmmmmmmm... BELLISSIMO......
Spenge game is largely what you'd expect from a sequel to a remaster of a game from 2003. Main design difference is that levels are now designed to tell their specific stories, with the incentive to explore for collectibles being something you do after completing the level, as the game rewards you with some new power after every level that you'll need to do certain things within the level.
Besides that it's pretty and colourful, levels are unique in design and have lots of detail, combat is improved and has been given a greater emphasis, music and sound is a mix of pretty good original stuff and stuff instantly recognizable from the show, and hey they got Clancy this time!
Main thing holding it back is a lack of polish. Shit like the divekick whiffing and the bubble not being thrown properly at its designated target unless its moving are just weird dumb things that happen all too often. Also the Switch version is prone to hanging and stuttering while not running as well as the other ports. Seriously, avoid this version if you can.
Besides that it's pretty and colourful, levels are unique in design and have lots of detail, combat is improved and has been given a greater emphasis, music and sound is a mix of pretty good original stuff and stuff instantly recognizable from the show, and hey they got Clancy this time!
Main thing holding it back is a lack of polish. Shit like the divekick whiffing and the bubble not being thrown properly at its designated target unless its moving are just weird dumb things that happen all too often. Also the Switch version is prone to hanging and stuttering while not running as well as the other ports. Seriously, avoid this version if you can.
2020
Skully is almost a decent game but there's enough that's off here that unfortunately sets the experience back a lot. Skully is a puzzle platformer where the platforming is marred by dumb design decisions and the puzzle stuff can be more annoying than it's worth.
The main gimmick of the game is that you are a small skull thing and you transform into one of three large creatures when submerging yourself in checkpoint ooze. Little skull boy controls well enough but when you're a big boy the cracks in the platforming begin to show. Just weird shit like momentum being halted when you land from a jump to a different altitude (not just jumping down to a platform, but jumping up too) and shitty air control just makes shit annoying, and not in an engaging way. My favourite thing early on were these water spouts that if you got hit by them in big form you just froze for a solid like 2 seconds. It's fucked up, I tell you!
The big boy forms also serve the puzzle aspect of the game. You'll use their various abilities to move platforms and throw skulls around and whatever. The problem here is when it should all be coming together in the third act using all of them for stuff, it just becomes painful because if you fuck up it usually means death which means going through the same summoning processes over and over again.
The worst puzzle in the game requires you to summon three dudes, you'll be switching between their bodies numerous times, you'll be moving a platform to a perfect position outside of your line of sight and you'll only know if you fucked up by the end of your attempt of this puzzle, and then you'll have to throw your skull body to the perfect position four times. if you fail to avoid the stalactites above or simply over/undershoot your target (which is easy as you aren't given any indication that your throw will or won't be blocked by something) you will instantly die and have to spend like five minutes setting up another chance at the thing. Also when you leave a body it spits you up, sometimes at a random angle that can kill you for no reason if you did it over death water. This puzzle maneuver drove me to madness and there's still like 4 chapters after this!
So yeah that's Skully. It's almost fine but there's too much pain and it makes me sad.
The main gimmick of the game is that you are a small skull thing and you transform into one of three large creatures when submerging yourself in checkpoint ooze. Little skull boy controls well enough but when you're a big boy the cracks in the platforming begin to show. Just weird shit like momentum being halted when you land from a jump to a different altitude (not just jumping down to a platform, but jumping up too) and shitty air control just makes shit annoying, and not in an engaging way. My favourite thing early on were these water spouts that if you got hit by them in big form you just froze for a solid like 2 seconds. It's fucked up, I tell you!
The big boy forms also serve the puzzle aspect of the game. You'll use their various abilities to move platforms and throw skulls around and whatever. The problem here is when it should all be coming together in the third act using all of them for stuff, it just becomes painful because if you fuck up it usually means death which means going through the same summoning processes over and over again.
The worst puzzle in the game requires you to summon three dudes, you'll be switching between their bodies numerous times, you'll be moving a platform to a perfect position outside of your line of sight and you'll only know if you fucked up by the end of your attempt of this puzzle, and then you'll have to throw your skull body to the perfect position four times. if you fail to avoid the stalactites above or simply over/undershoot your target (which is easy as you aren't given any indication that your throw will or won't be blocked by something) you will instantly die and have to spend like five minutes setting up another chance at the thing. Also when you leave a body it spits you up, sometimes at a random angle that can kill you for no reason if you did it over death water. This puzzle maneuver drove me to madness and there's still like 4 chapters after this!
So yeah that's Skully. It's almost fine but there's too much pain and it makes me sad.
It's largely an iterative sequel building on what The Huge Adventure had already done but something about the game, be it the level design or whatever, kind of highlights the issues the engine has. Inputs can be eaten frequently when doing things out of certain actions and jumping at the edges of platforms can feel really unforgiving.
Besides that there's not much to say. The new powerups are annoying, N. Trance is one of the funnier designs they made post Naughty Dog, the camera being zoomed in and the level design being what it is really leads to a lot of leap of faiths, and the game has the annoying ball levels straight outta twoc.
Overall, I spent untold amounts of money purchasing an analogue pocket and I broke it in with this fuckin thing.
Besides that there's not much to say. The new powerups are annoying, N. Trance is one of the funnier designs they made post Naughty Dog, the camera being zoomed in and the level design being what it is really leads to a lot of leap of faiths, and the game has the annoying ball levels straight outta twoc.
Overall, I spent untold amounts of money purchasing an analogue pocket and I broke it in with this fuckin thing.
2022
A lot can be said about the multiple facets of this game's gameplay and whatever but personally the thing that's the most interesting thing about the game is its structure. As someone who played it on hard, Sonic Frontiers is an easy game with an easy way out.
There are multiple different collectibles that unlock certain things and unlocking those things is generally how you'll progress the story. Collecting portal gates from minibosses in the hubworld unlock the platforming levels. Completing challenges in the platforming levels gives you vault keys that unlock the vaults holding the chaos emeralds needed to complete the story. The final main collectible is memory fragments that are found generally by completing the small platforming challenges scattered about and they are also used to progress the story. Nothing is really finite so you'll gain some of these by chance from doing shit like cylooping the ground for fun.
However, the real other way to gain all this shit is by fishing. The throne things that usually send you to one of the platforming challenges can send you to the fishing world where Big the Cat is for some reason. If you collect random purple coins scattered about (or get them from the random slot machine thing that pops up during the random meteor shower event) you can catch random things, gain tokens that way, and spend all your tokens on literally any collectible the game has to offer. If you get lucky enough to get a few hundred purple coins from the meteor showers and make it to the fourth world you can bypass pretty much the entire fourth world by paying the Big toll and it's pretty mental. It's also the only way to efficiently max out your levels because you can buy like 4000 koco and sit in front of the elder for 30 minutes mashing through slow menus upgrading shit to level 99 one level at a god damn time.
TL;DR Big the Cat is the most important character in the game
There are multiple different collectibles that unlock certain things and unlocking those things is generally how you'll progress the story. Collecting portal gates from minibosses in the hubworld unlock the platforming levels. Completing challenges in the platforming levels gives you vault keys that unlock the vaults holding the chaos emeralds needed to complete the story. The final main collectible is memory fragments that are found generally by completing the small platforming challenges scattered about and they are also used to progress the story. Nothing is really finite so you'll gain some of these by chance from doing shit like cylooping the ground for fun.
However, the real other way to gain all this shit is by fishing. The throne things that usually send you to one of the platforming challenges can send you to the fishing world where Big the Cat is for some reason. If you collect random purple coins scattered about (or get them from the random slot machine thing that pops up during the random meteor shower event) you can catch random things, gain tokens that way, and spend all your tokens on literally any collectible the game has to offer. If you get lucky enough to get a few hundred purple coins from the meteor showers and make it to the fourth world you can bypass pretty much the entire fourth world by paying the Big toll and it's pretty mental. It's also the only way to efficiently max out your levels because you can buy like 4000 koco and sit in front of the elder for 30 minutes mashing through slow menus upgrading shit to level 99 one level at a god damn time.
TL;DR Big the Cat is the most important character in the game
This game is greatly improved over the second game and makes that game feel more like a proof of concept than anything. The game addresses the main issues I had with the last game, namely the lack of interesting level objectives and one button combat. Spark 3 adds a lot of new shit that greatly increases variety, with side missions that have new objectives and a couple of vehicles that work and play well and help to break up the monotony. The combat has gained basic light - heavy strings and a launcher for some more fleshed out air combo stuff which, along with the new bosses, does help the combat a fair bit even if it's still largely "run to man and press buttons".
General platforming is as good here as it was in 2. Still a bit too slippery especially for high speed running on narrow pathways and jumping onto small platforms (the down dash still proving to be an excellent addition from 2) but as a result of everything being better the platforming gets to shine brighter. The story is largely nothing, most of it is really exposition for stuff that happened in 2, until the end when it becomes completely unhinged and so melodramatic that the only thing more batshit is how it goes from its ending to the credits which is a very aggressive mood whiplash that left me baffled. Also the OST is fairly memorable and do be slapping.
All in all it's an incredible end to what was largely a fairly mediocre trilogy and I'm definitely interested in what these amigos will be doing in the future.
General platforming is as good here as it was in 2. Still a bit too slippery especially for high speed running on narrow pathways and jumping onto small platforms (the down dash still proving to be an excellent addition from 2) but as a result of everything being better the platforming gets to shine brighter. The story is largely nothing, most of it is really exposition for stuff that happened in 2, until the end when it becomes completely unhinged and so melodramatic that the only thing more batshit is how it goes from its ending to the credits which is a very aggressive mood whiplash that left me baffled. Also the OST is fairly memorable and do be slapping.
All in all it's an incredible end to what was largely a fairly mediocre trilogy and I'm definitely interested in what these amigos will be doing in the future.
2021
The kiwi game reminded me this game existed and that I beat like 4 levels 5 months ago.
Now that I beat the whole thing I can confirm this game exists.
Now that I beat the whole thing I can confirm this game exists.
2022
I saw the weird skeleton cardboard cut out thing in the hollowed out stump of the first level and thought "What the hell is this, a toree game?" and then I saw the game is made by the toree dev and everything makes more sense now.
Also these bite size games are cool but it's probably time to make something of actual substance here. Can't get that invested in a game that takes 45 minutes to 100%.
Also these bite size games are cool but it's probably time to make something of actual substance here. Can't get that invested in a game that takes 45 minutes to 100%.
A 2 hour (sonic) adventure in largely basic platforming levels made sometimes annoying due to slippery momentum and one button combat because there's no point in hitting triangle or holding triangle for like 3 seconds ever. A videogame of all time to be sure, but now it's time to try the third game that everyone actually likes.
2022
PAC-MAN, FAT MAN, YELLOW AND YELLOW AND YELLOW MAN
TELL ME 'BOUT THE COLOUR OF YOUR GHOST
IF PART OF YOUR SOLUTION ISN'T ENDING THE POLLUTION
THEN I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR WAKA'S TOLD
I WANT TO WELCOME YOU TO PAC-MAN'S WORLD
TELL ME 'BOUT THE COLOUR OF YOUR GHOST
IF PART OF YOUR SOLUTION ISN'T ENDING THE POLLUTION
THEN I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR WAKA'S TOLD
I WANT TO WELCOME YOU TO PAC-MAN'S WORLD
2022
Yeah yeah here's another one in the million "game good but holy shit the performance" review on this site. I'm scoring lower on the average because the graphics and the performance really are just completely inexcusable. Outside of a true open world experience there's no reason for the performance to be this shoddy. Graphically it ain't doing much, and the game cuts every single corner to save on performance and still can't muster a decent framerate. Literally every NPC/Pokemon/blade of grass on the fucking ground in the game deloads if you walk 2 feet away from them and unless you're directly next to them their animations are running at a significantly lower frame rate it's fucking astounding.
But yeah outside of the game looking and running like doggy doo doo the openess and general structure should be the new standard for the franchise. The pokemon are good (Anihilape is easily a new top five fave for me) and the characters are great with Nemona being the best friendly rival character they've ever done. I will continue to hope for a future where Pokemon games can have time to be properly worked on and polished but every game sells 10 million in its first three days regardless of anything so that won't ever happen and I'll end up playing the games through Very Legal Means At A Very Fair Price.
But yeah outside of the game looking and running like doggy doo doo the openess and general structure should be the new standard for the franchise. The pokemon are good (Anihilape is easily a new top five fave for me) and the characters are great with Nemona being the best friendly rival character they've ever done. I will continue to hope for a future where Pokemon games can have time to be properly worked on and polished but every game sells 10 million in its first three days regardless of anything so that won't ever happen and I'll end up playing the games through Very Legal Means At A Very Fair Price.
2019
Loogy's mansion is pretty fine. It's main hook and what will dictate how you ultimately feel about the game is its visuals and animations, which are very well done but couldn't carry the entire game to greatness for me. Honestly if the game got rid of the dark light mechanic, and just made the game exclusively controlled by the twin sticks and shoulder buttons while the face buttons could just have Luigi shout bullshit and make him piss his pants I'd have liked the game a lot more but c'est la vie. Also fuck the shitty aiming reticle that's barely visible at certain times give me a fuckin Call of Duty lazer sight on my vacuum pls jesus christ the final boss can eat my ass.
2021
Y'know a few hours in I was thinking that the game wasn't that bad and that I'd shoot for the platinum but the more you play it the more the horseshit just permeates the entire experience and by the last two levels I was completely spent of caring about any of it.
The implementation of the costume feature is fucked the whole way through. To get a costume in a level, you need a key to 'unlock' it, even if you've already done so. Keys are always like 3 seconds away from the costume so it's completely superfluous and completely useless design. Because the game is a literal one button videogame and they needed to make a shitload of costumes to give the game some sort of selling point, costumes do one thing and there's plenty of overlap. Also while the game allows you to switch costumes at checkpoints, costumes are finite and can be lost. This can lead to grinding out an inventory of the good costumes if you're so inclined because yes, the game is a lot better when you can air cat or frost fairy around and over shit vs having a land locked costume (yes, you can't jump with some costumes) with a shitty projectile. Also all costumes are based on like in game creatures but when you wear the costumes the shitty face of your character ruins the design and it's crap amigo it's CRAP.
What else is there to say about the rest of game? It looks nice enough, obviously the CG cutscenes are the big stand out here and they're good. The stuff with the tims are alright because I just think of Tim Hortons jokes and the little TIMBITS and I could see myself engaging with the shit if the game wasn't trash. Speaking of trash, the fuckin music barely exists and the only combat music in the game has the fuckin chanting samples from the small airfield stage in street fighter 4 and it's fuckin dumb and I hate it.
But the real shit, the real shit that made me quit caring about the game, is Balan's Motherfucking Bout. Balan's Whole Ass Bout is a 'special' thing that appears in every level. You'll find a golden hat and when you jump into it the Balan's Bunghole Bout can begin. Balan's Big Booty Blowout Bout is a 1-2 minute QTE segment where Balan cycles through the same 10 animations and you have to time a button press or maybe mash at certain points to earn statues. You only earn the statue if you get an Excellent rating on all the QTEs which is far more annoying than you think because you're lining up Balan's butthole with a moving silhouette which can be visually confusing and there's variable timing between bouts so it's incredibly easy to fuck up. But hey, you can easily retry them right? FUCK. NO. To retry a Balan's Fuckhead Bout, you have to exit the level, complete the final boss of the area, re-enter the area AND THEN make your way back to the hat to try again. It's incredibly blatant padding especially when the back half of the game has multiple hats per area AND they have more animations between them, going from 4 QTEs early to 6 QTEs in later levels. It's complete horseshit and a complete waste of fucking time and life.
Balan's ultimate problem is that with it's one button gameplay you'd think it'd be on some rated EC for early childhood bullshit where it's just kind of easy and breezy and it ends and if you want to put in the extra smidge of effort you can get the platinum with little issue. This is not the case for Balan goes out of its to be an annoying piece of shit at every fucking turn to the player and the game's detriment. Unless Yuji Naka was gonna solve all the annoying bullshit with the time he wasn't on the project (and remember, he lost his job because he pissed everyone off, by his own admission) this game was always gonna be fucked, and no amount of Evil Dolphins could save it.
The implementation of the costume feature is fucked the whole way through. To get a costume in a level, you need a key to 'unlock' it, even if you've already done so. Keys are always like 3 seconds away from the costume so it's completely superfluous and completely useless design. Because the game is a literal one button videogame and they needed to make a shitload of costumes to give the game some sort of selling point, costumes do one thing and there's plenty of overlap. Also while the game allows you to switch costumes at checkpoints, costumes are finite and can be lost. This can lead to grinding out an inventory of the good costumes if you're so inclined because yes, the game is a lot better when you can air cat or frost fairy around and over shit vs having a land locked costume (yes, you can't jump with some costumes) with a shitty projectile. Also all costumes are based on like in game creatures but when you wear the costumes the shitty face of your character ruins the design and it's crap amigo it's CRAP.
What else is there to say about the rest of game? It looks nice enough, obviously the CG cutscenes are the big stand out here and they're good. The stuff with the tims are alright because I just think of Tim Hortons jokes and the little TIMBITS and I could see myself engaging with the shit if the game wasn't trash. Speaking of trash, the fuckin music barely exists and the only combat music in the game has the fuckin chanting samples from the small airfield stage in street fighter 4 and it's fuckin dumb and I hate it.
But the real shit, the real shit that made me quit caring about the game, is Balan's Motherfucking Bout. Balan's Whole Ass Bout is a 'special' thing that appears in every level. You'll find a golden hat and when you jump into it the Balan's Bunghole Bout can begin. Balan's Big Booty Blowout Bout is a 1-2 minute QTE segment where Balan cycles through the same 10 animations and you have to time a button press or maybe mash at certain points to earn statues. You only earn the statue if you get an Excellent rating on all the QTEs which is far more annoying than you think because you're lining up Balan's butthole with a moving silhouette which can be visually confusing and there's variable timing between bouts so it's incredibly easy to fuck up. But hey, you can easily retry them right? FUCK. NO. To retry a Balan's Fuckhead Bout, you have to exit the level, complete the final boss of the area, re-enter the area AND THEN make your way back to the hat to try again. It's incredibly blatant padding especially when the back half of the game has multiple hats per area AND they have more animations between them, going from 4 QTEs early to 6 QTEs in later levels. It's complete horseshit and a complete waste of fucking time and life.
Balan's ultimate problem is that with it's one button gameplay you'd think it'd be on some rated EC for early childhood bullshit where it's just kind of easy and breezy and it ends and if you want to put in the extra smidge of effort you can get the platinum with little issue. This is not the case for Balan goes out of its to be an annoying piece of shit at every fucking turn to the player and the game's detriment. Unless Yuji Naka was gonna solve all the annoying bullshit with the time he wasn't on the project (and remember, he lost his job because he pissed everyone off, by his own admission) this game was always gonna be fucked, and no amount of Evil Dolphins could save it.