What the fuck.. I thought the 3DS was for Pokemonsters and Mario... What is this SOVL....

The vibes are impeccable. The atmosphere is unmatched. The press turn system is, obviously, good. The crits are brutal. The first dungeon is harder than probably all of Persona 5 (random stray slander I haven't played it). The monsters are... PNGs.... The world map... uh.. anyway

The story is mid, but the worldbuilding saves it. It's at least always interesting, but I mean, the overall plot is just SMT like, again, so not much room there. I appreciate the allegories and symbolism and such as always, but it's not exactly a character driven franchise. That's fine.

Surprisingly great English voice acting, particularly Burroughs. I miss her

terrible thought: the lower class we had been demeaning (vita players) might have been on the right side of history

its 2d air juggle combo game with lite-ivalice art, lite-ivalice story, real-ivalice music - how could i be honestly mad at all

the only things i can really complain about is its small scope, quite a bit of repeating levels and some slow menus, but generally i am cumming . i am comboing and i am cumming. i am doing a cumbo

unfortunately mogs all other personas by having the evoker method being the most kinomatic shit of all time

I can only really compare it to 4 at this point but it's so much more focused and handles its theming much better. some social links are pretty cringekino but another one made me cry . you win some you lose some

ultimately it's just a cool ass game - i wish tartaros was about 70% shorter but nevermind that, ill forgive you.

i then found out that "the answer" that everyone is talking about is approximately 70% more tartaros - i think this was a stupid decision made by an idiot. in fact it might have been the stupidest decision made in japan for all of the early 2000s. i put in about 2 hours before i decided its best played through on a youtube playlist. if i had decided to play it my rating likely would have dropped by at least a full star . thats okay . just dont play it unless youre really really dumb

less of a "sequel to dragon's dogma" and more of a "what if dragon's dogma had a budget"

the peaks are absolutely insane but there's still a lot of conflicting subsystems and rpgjank - i was really hoping for they'd add more non-boss monsters (they added uh.. slimes) so you're not just fighting saurians 80% of the time but alas. the new big guys are really fun and the world design is spectacular. i just be running around looking for caves. i be in the caves, mining, digging- you wouldnt get it.

let me be clear, i like the limited fast travel, i like the friction, i like the only-one-save-file-deal-with-it approach. but i also wish i could, like, ask a pawn to throw me over a river or whatever, and like, maybe access more than 4 abilities without having to go to the Menu Stone. or co-op! imagine co-op! goodness! these are the kinds of things i expected to be expanded - they were not. maybe thats on me.

oh it does also run like shit but like, cry about it....

COME TO REBIRTH WE GOT THE

- 1 gorillion animation dollar budget
- industry standard setters of cutscenes and environments
- ....
- the worst act of the original game
- far cry tower
- far cry outpost
- far cry crafting
- open world with movement worse than zelda on the n64
- seriously, it's like ps1 tomb raider
- 3(!!) great chapters
- 11 uhhh other chapters
- story reliant on having played evercrisis and the free to play mobile battle royale????
- nojima 😡😡😡
- at least 3 hours spent in the materia menu
- the same bosses you fought in remake 3 times, 3 times
- the worst fucking minigames you've ever touched
- all the most annoying characters from anywhere else in the extended series
- benches?
- every action or animation locking you in for several extra unnecessary seconds
- shipbait
- tifa and aerith randomly deciding to act like harem anime characters for like 2 cutscenes
- fans who only read the title of the game and gave 5 stars on release date (all your reviews and ratings should be deleted)
- cait sith...?
- filler filler boat filler filler filler
- michael bay audio mixing
- bloated combat
- the sphere grid for some reason (but worse)
- "ahh cloud-kun you nearly touched mmy l-l-l-lips baka" yuffie
- crate puzzles you solve in 3 seconds and then spend 3 minutes doing

This is not the worst game I ever played, but it might be the most disappointed I've ever been going blind into a sequel of a game I liked. Before leaving a comment, please read the "Common Copes (CC)" section below. Thanks in advance.

COMMON COPES

C: But the original also had this many mini-games!
A: That was a shit part of the original too.

C: But the original also had this much filler!
A: That was shit too.

C: But in the original you also had to fiddle this much with materia!
A: That was also shit. Please just be normal and don't say all these silly things

C: I think this game is awesome man!
A: You must have Gone Gaga!

CLOSING THOUGHTS

If this kind of Ubisoft remake happened to my favorite RPG my only review would be a LiveLeak video.

It's quite beautiful to make a game with this much interactivity with a singular button. Puzzles feel good, look good, and are very digestible without being solved at first glance. I feel like puzzle games kinda struggle with a good balance between rocket surgery and square block goes into square hole, but this strikes it nicely.

I'm kinda missing a point to it all? It's like this was a project to explore interactivity, which I guess is fine on its own, but it's just a bit wasted potential to be this immersed and only end up thinking about button presses. Kinda feels like I just had sex for 6 hours without cumming? Like it's nice and all, but.. I like cumming