This review contains spoilers
If your perception of Forspoken is entirely predicated on pre-release trailers, you might be forgiven for thinking the game's greatest sin is its Whedony dialog. Lines like "I just moved shit with my mind!" clung to this game like a grease stain prior to launch, and Forspoken's subsequent underperformance wasn't the least bit surprising. If you're anything like me, you probably thought the derision was a little overblown and that the clunky dialog might be made up for by a satisfying gameplay loop. After an interminably long opening and upon being released into the open world of Athia, it is... at least for about three hours.
The playful banter between Frey and her magical talking vambrace named "Cuff" dries up after Frey realizes her wacky isekai adventure is actually worse than being a homeless three-strikes recipient in New York. She then dedicates the majority of the game to finding a way home, often at the expense of others, becoming so single-minded and selfish that she frequently jumps down the throats of Cipal's downtrodden yet kindly inhabitants, paying back their generosity with contempt.
Granted, the game makes a point of Frey's troubled background, her difficulty connecting with others, and adds a bit of tragedy on top of that when an orphan dies as collateral during an early battle in Cipal's lower city. The problem is Forspoken expects you to relate to and sympathize with her, and when she throws her walls up and becomes spiteful to those who are in no way responsible for her trauma, it just starts to become draining. Twelve hours in and she's still telling people who are trying to help her that she doesn't care what happens to their home or whether they live or die. That's your protagonist and your window into Athia. I'd rather her be a massive dork with bad one-liners, that's actually more endearing than lying to children and being a dick to cats.
This all came to a head for me during a particularly nasty scene where Frey engages in some one-upmanship after another character's father dies. Her entire personality at this point devolves to "my trauma power level is higher than yours," and it's suffocating. A good story can track the regression of a character's mental state, but Forspoken is completely lacking in the necessary nuance, instead wallowing in Frey's misery and confining her actual growth to the final two chapters of the game. This is especially funny as it's communicated during a series of flashbacks depicting Athia's downfall, and during this whole sequence Frey is going "oh my god, these poor people, they're all being slaughtered" like oh ok now you care I guess, or maybe the problem here is she can't tell them to eat shit because they're ghosts, I don't know!
The plot is also extremely predictable. I understand that sometimes the audience needs to know more than the protagonist so that the story can move forward, but when it gets to the point that you're twenty steps ahead at all times, it feels like the main character is just a moron. Frey keeps falling for the Son of Sam routine, constantly being goaded into killing Tantas - high witches who govern Athia - despite her protests.
"Hey, we're near the Tanta's castle. Perhaps you should confront her, knock another off the list. Think of it as self-preservation, they are trying to kill you, after all..."
"No. No, I'm NOT killing anyone else; I'm taking this sap and I'm curing Break Bob and going home."
"Ok. What if you tried to reason with Tanta instead?"
"Ohhhhyeah..."
Anyway, you kill her!
One of the story's final twists is that your cuff is a corruptive and manipulative entity, but at no point do the interactions between Frey and Cuff actually convey that some sort of corrosive force is overtaking her or leading her off the path through anything more than very mild suggestion. In fact, it really just seems like Frey is following her own personal trajectory and is independently foolish and miserable.
Though Gary Whitta helped Square develop the "germ of an idea" that became Forspoken, his contribution to the final product seems to begin and end with the foundational lore of Athia. In an interview with Video Game Writing 101, he explains that at some point during development the story was jettisoned completely and reworked as an isekai, but due to scheduling conflicts, Whitta was unavailable and unable to work on the story further. Beyond that, I can't imagine what happened that led to the story taking the shape it did, but the lack of nuance, humanity, and general thinness of the narrative hurt the game in some incredible ways.
Unfortunately, the story isn't the only thing that's "thin." Cipal, which acts as the main hub and respite for the player, feels empty. Sparsely populated by your typical stilted video game NPCs going about their rigidly programmed routines. This is where I need to shoulder some of the blame here, because admittedly, I didn't really bother with side quests after taking on two in the early game which reminded me of your typical quest in Final Fantasy XVI. I made the decision to not do that crap again. I took some pictures, and I fed some sheep, and at the end of the sheep feeding quest Frey told the nice young man who was showing me around to go fuck himself, so... you know. I'm good.
The open world is divided into different regions, as is commonly the case in these kinds of games, but there's little to distinguish them outside of minor topographical changes (one area has more water, one has more rocks) and whatever color they decided to over-saturate them with. They're littered with points of interest, but it's all the standard fare... Here's a watch tower, here's a combat challenge, here's a locked puzzle chest... The labyrinths and cat collecting were the only things I went out of the way for, because I think labyrinths and cats are cool, and because the former is the most efficient means to level up and get good gear. Everything else "is what it is," and Forspoken largely fails to incentivize you with fun or meaningful tasks.
Actual navigation feels good at first. The "magic parkour" system has you flinging yourself off trees and doing crazy stunts as you glide around the world, but it also struggles with small objects like curbs and tiny rocks. Frey frequently snags on small yet abrupt inclines which disturbs the flow of movement, and I frequently got stuck in seams and surfaces that while appearing at a scalable height were in fact not designated as a navigable piece of geometry. The game will thankfully dislodge you, but my appreciation for what Forspoken was doing with movement weakened the more I played. It just doesn't feel like it's "there" just yet, but the idea is good.
Combat functions a lot better, with the parkour movement and spellcasting giving it a sort of dance-like quality. However, despite getting some good mileage and a handful of terrific boss encounters out of this, combat doesn't feel like it truly opens up until right near the end of the game. It takes you nearly 40% of the story before you get the second elemental skill tree, with water and electricity elements unlocking so late that you're practically railroaded into the end game with little opportunity to experiment. The game knows this too as it starts dumping a ton of mana (your skill currency) on you leading up to the final boss so you can actually buy things before the game wraps up.
Every part of Forspoken is lacking in the care and attention it needed. This is a game where your Cuff verbalizes context clues to guide the player, yet the game frequently pauses to tutoralize you through pop-ups all the way to the last chapter. Where every moment of investigation, every conversation with an NPC, every disengagement from a scripted event comes with several seconds of stillness as the game considers restoring control. Small things that just don't feel good but add up to pure annoyance are then compounded by the bigger problems, like the insufferable character writing, the emptiness of the world, or the bizarre pacing of systems. There is not one grain unmarred, and whether those imperfections are a laundry list of catastrophic problems or confined to a single asterisk depends on what you're looking at.
Forspoken would be such a better game if it's biggest problem was Frey saying "I just moved shit with my mind! Yeah, I guess I do that now...!"
The playful banter between Frey and her magical talking vambrace named "Cuff" dries up after Frey realizes her wacky isekai adventure is actually worse than being a homeless three-strikes recipient in New York. She then dedicates the majority of the game to finding a way home, often at the expense of others, becoming so single-minded and selfish that she frequently jumps down the throats of Cipal's downtrodden yet kindly inhabitants, paying back their generosity with contempt.
Granted, the game makes a point of Frey's troubled background, her difficulty connecting with others, and adds a bit of tragedy on top of that when an orphan dies as collateral during an early battle in Cipal's lower city. The problem is Forspoken expects you to relate to and sympathize with her, and when she throws her walls up and becomes spiteful to those who are in no way responsible for her trauma, it just starts to become draining. Twelve hours in and she's still telling people who are trying to help her that she doesn't care what happens to their home or whether they live or die. That's your protagonist and your window into Athia. I'd rather her be a massive dork with bad one-liners, that's actually more endearing than lying to children and being a dick to cats.
This all came to a head for me during a particularly nasty scene where Frey engages in some one-upmanship after another character's father dies. Her entire personality at this point devolves to "my trauma power level is higher than yours," and it's suffocating. A good story can track the regression of a character's mental state, but Forspoken is completely lacking in the necessary nuance, instead wallowing in Frey's misery and confining her actual growth to the final two chapters of the game. This is especially funny as it's communicated during a series of flashbacks depicting Athia's downfall, and during this whole sequence Frey is going "oh my god, these poor people, they're all being slaughtered" like oh ok now you care I guess, or maybe the problem here is she can't tell them to eat shit because they're ghosts, I don't know!
The plot is also extremely predictable. I understand that sometimes the audience needs to know more than the protagonist so that the story can move forward, but when it gets to the point that you're twenty steps ahead at all times, it feels like the main character is just a moron. Frey keeps falling for the Son of Sam routine, constantly being goaded into killing Tantas - high witches who govern Athia - despite her protests.
"Hey, we're near the Tanta's castle. Perhaps you should confront her, knock another off the list. Think of it as self-preservation, they are trying to kill you, after all..."
"No. No, I'm NOT killing anyone else; I'm taking this sap and I'm curing Break Bob and going home."
"Ok. What if you tried to reason with Tanta instead?"
"Ohhhhyeah..."
Anyway, you kill her!
One of the story's final twists is that your cuff is a corruptive and manipulative entity, but at no point do the interactions between Frey and Cuff actually convey that some sort of corrosive force is overtaking her or leading her off the path through anything more than very mild suggestion. In fact, it really just seems like Frey is following her own personal trajectory and is independently foolish and miserable.
Though Gary Whitta helped Square develop the "germ of an idea" that became Forspoken, his contribution to the final product seems to begin and end with the foundational lore of Athia. In an interview with Video Game Writing 101, he explains that at some point during development the story was jettisoned completely and reworked as an isekai, but due to scheduling conflicts, Whitta was unavailable and unable to work on the story further. Beyond that, I can't imagine what happened that led to the story taking the shape it did, but the lack of nuance, humanity, and general thinness of the narrative hurt the game in some incredible ways.
Unfortunately, the story isn't the only thing that's "thin." Cipal, which acts as the main hub and respite for the player, feels empty. Sparsely populated by your typical stilted video game NPCs going about their rigidly programmed routines. This is where I need to shoulder some of the blame here, because admittedly, I didn't really bother with side quests after taking on two in the early game which reminded me of your typical quest in Final Fantasy XVI. I made the decision to not do that crap again. I took some pictures, and I fed some sheep, and at the end of the sheep feeding quest Frey told the nice young man who was showing me around to go fuck himself, so... you know. I'm good.
The open world is divided into different regions, as is commonly the case in these kinds of games, but there's little to distinguish them outside of minor topographical changes (one area has more water, one has more rocks) and whatever color they decided to over-saturate them with. They're littered with points of interest, but it's all the standard fare... Here's a watch tower, here's a combat challenge, here's a locked puzzle chest... The labyrinths and cat collecting were the only things I went out of the way for, because I think labyrinths and cats are cool, and because the former is the most efficient means to level up and get good gear. Everything else "is what it is," and Forspoken largely fails to incentivize you with fun or meaningful tasks.
Actual navigation feels good at first. The "magic parkour" system has you flinging yourself off trees and doing crazy stunts as you glide around the world, but it also struggles with small objects like curbs and tiny rocks. Frey frequently snags on small yet abrupt inclines which disturbs the flow of movement, and I frequently got stuck in seams and surfaces that while appearing at a scalable height were in fact not designated as a navigable piece of geometry. The game will thankfully dislodge you, but my appreciation for what Forspoken was doing with movement weakened the more I played. It just doesn't feel like it's "there" just yet, but the idea is good.
Combat functions a lot better, with the parkour movement and spellcasting giving it a sort of dance-like quality. However, despite getting some good mileage and a handful of terrific boss encounters out of this, combat doesn't feel like it truly opens up until right near the end of the game. It takes you nearly 40% of the story before you get the second elemental skill tree, with water and electricity elements unlocking so late that you're practically railroaded into the end game with little opportunity to experiment. The game knows this too as it starts dumping a ton of mana (your skill currency) on you leading up to the final boss so you can actually buy things before the game wraps up.
Every part of Forspoken is lacking in the care and attention it needed. This is a game where your Cuff verbalizes context clues to guide the player, yet the game frequently pauses to tutoralize you through pop-ups all the way to the last chapter. Where every moment of investigation, every conversation with an NPC, every disengagement from a scripted event comes with several seconds of stillness as the game considers restoring control. Small things that just don't feel good but add up to pure annoyance are then compounded by the bigger problems, like the insufferable character writing, the emptiness of the world, or the bizarre pacing of systems. There is not one grain unmarred, and whether those imperfections are a laundry list of catastrophic problems or confined to a single asterisk depends on what you're looking at.
Forspoken would be such a better game if it's biggest problem was Frey saying "I just moved shit with my mind! Yeah, I guess I do that now...!"
KIRBY!!! :)
Yeah this game is really good, Kirby games don't usually keep my interest past the first few levels but the levels in this game were really well designed and full of cool new ideas. Kirby's moveset translated perfectly to 3D and the platforming still felt as good as all the 2D games. I was kinda dissapointed by how few copy abilites there were but the upgrades for them added a lot to make them more interesting then they otherwise would be, so it's fine I guess. I'm not a big fan of the story, and usually just opted to skip cutscenes to get right to gameplay, but there was a lot going on in that department so I'm happy for all the Kirby lore enthusiasts that get to eat with this one. And finally the bosses, especially the ones towards the endgame, were actually really sick and sort of difficult, which I thought was really cool for one of these games. I regret not playing much of this when it came out, this game rules and it was a nice change of pace from all the heavier stuff I've been playing lately.
Yeah this game is really good, Kirby games don't usually keep my interest past the first few levels but the levels in this game were really well designed and full of cool new ideas. Kirby's moveset translated perfectly to 3D and the platforming still felt as good as all the 2D games. I was kinda dissapointed by how few copy abilites there were but the upgrades for them added a lot to make them more interesting then they otherwise would be, so it's fine I guess. I'm not a big fan of the story, and usually just opted to skip cutscenes to get right to gameplay, but there was a lot going on in that department so I'm happy for all the Kirby lore enthusiasts that get to eat with this one. And finally the bosses, especially the ones towards the endgame, were actually really sick and sort of difficult, which I thought was really cool for one of these games. I regret not playing much of this when it came out, this game rules and it was a nice change of pace from all the heavier stuff I've been playing lately.
Just wanted to say that most of the KH series is now available on Steam and Tim Sweeney needs to get a foot shoved up his ass
Not the most interesting Overwatch clone, what was more interesting is that my username was considered as profanity and i don't know why lmao.
I really wanted to like this game I really did but the combination of the dead silence for 2 years and announcing a banana as a playable character really made the comeback of this game very uncertain. I played the last private and open beta of this game and I enjoyed it but I had various problems that made me not enjoy the game which the developers seemed to have taken into account and made it worse tenfold. I feel the way the battle pass is structured feels counter intuitive to being rewarded for playing as the quests with you want to complete them all you need to play a specific way that might not end up being fun and end up being a tedious chore to play through the pve "content" feels like a worse world of light as it's just tanky bosses and requirements that might be paywalled/grind locked by characters and that's not saying how the combat pace has changed with the "full release" of the game. The gameplay combined with the servers held up by duck tape makes the gameplay feels sluggish in comparison and makes it a very unfun experience.
You don't even play as Nicolas Cage in this, what's the point.
In all seriousness, this is the worst beat em up i ever played, bullshit enemy attacks that you cant dodge (i even got juggled in place by like 4 guys), the most generic rock soundtrack and no variety in your attacks at all. Avoid at all costs.
In all seriousness, this is the worst beat em up i ever played, bullshit enemy attacks that you cant dodge (i even got juggled in place by like 4 guys), the most generic rock soundtrack and no variety in your attacks at all. Avoid at all costs.
This game makes me feel stupid.
I feel like there's so much I could do with it, yet all I do it heat up yeast and watch it grow. A baker at heart, I am.
I feel like there's so much I could do with it, yet all I do it heat up yeast and watch it grow. A baker at heart, I am.
Bitches like "I'm straight as an arrow" but if the arrow vanishes so early, you might want to consider a career as a sub...Kid Icarus GB only understood half of that, so it became a subpar sequel. In the process of ironing out things like bottom screen killzone, Icarus has lost its edges, and I... have lost my marbles. Let a man commit unalive 🗣🗣 the things that were added not only are minors not allowed to buy drinks and drink drinks, none of them have the people of Backloggd go "it holds up, underrated gem, pure unfiltered soul". Kid can hover for a few since his wings have upgraded to kfc wings, apparently. But I feel like it was artificially engineered in a lab to always fail spectacularly. The game didn't add minor things, our minor here grew up and is now completely drunk. Jill Stingray what have you served this kid??
Pit's lack of control sees an attempt to tip the scales as enemies are now easier to hit. The way the code works is that there is one arrow on screen at a time, so the closer you are to an enemy, the more you can assault the guy with unanswered work calls. While Pit is embracing his melee days earlier than Brawl, this leads to all of us trying it out on bosses. Do not mix up high risk high reward with braindead spam, my child. It is not economically viable either because bosses still have a comically oversized HP pool.. that you cant see anymore ofc. Schrodinger's health sure is a decision and to add fuel to the fire, Centurious don't help you in battle. You have just removed the most unique aspect of the game. Bruuuuh 💀 my army is now giving me wine to "heal" I see why he's drunk now. In broad delight?? (unsatisfactory)
This is one of the reviews where it's really hard to talk about the positives. It'd be a shame to end the streak here though. Ok the infinite side scrolling is kinda fun yay token positive thought. Glad they didnt get rid of shortcuts for eggplant chad no being an eggplant is still not economically viable. In regards to bosses again, I have not even said my final piece, some of the worst designed bosses I've come across in recent memories. I'll stop kicking a dying horse (opting to kick a dying minotaur) I guess it's easier with upgrades, but these training rooms have gotten even more hectic... please Gunpei Yokoi if you can hear me please save us recites incantation I guess my prayers haven't been heard lately, I didn't even know enemies could drop health im ngl.
As a wise man called Mega once said "if you liked Kid Icarus you'll be bussin with the myths and monsters" roughly paraphrased circa not long ago, this man speaks the truth I believe I am just too quirky too special you know. The NES one I end up liking more and more as I play and the GB one is the opposite, so I can't even recommend to play the first level of each to decide which one to tackle, I guess all I can muster is "list of sequels' war crimes: a thread 🧵".
Pit's lack of control sees an attempt to tip the scales as enemies are now easier to hit. The way the code works is that there is one arrow on screen at a time, so the closer you are to an enemy, the more you can assault the guy with unanswered work calls. While Pit is embracing his melee days earlier than Brawl, this leads to all of us trying it out on bosses. Do not mix up high risk high reward with braindead spam, my child. It is not economically viable either because bosses still have a comically oversized HP pool.. that you cant see anymore ofc. Schrodinger's health sure is a decision and to add fuel to the fire, Centurious don't help you in battle. You have just removed the most unique aspect of the game. Bruuuuh 💀 my army is now giving me wine to "heal" I see why he's drunk now. In broad delight?? (unsatisfactory)
This is one of the reviews where it's really hard to talk about the positives. It'd be a shame to end the streak here though. Ok the infinite side scrolling is kinda fun yay token positive thought. Glad they didnt get rid of shortcuts for eggplant chad no being an eggplant is still not economically viable. In regards to bosses again, I have not even said my final piece, some of the worst designed bosses I've come across in recent memories. I'll stop kicking a dying horse (opting to kick a dying minotaur) I guess it's easier with upgrades, but these training rooms have gotten even more hectic... please Gunpei Yokoi if you can hear me please save us recites incantation I guess my prayers haven't been heard lately, I didn't even know enemies could drop health im ngl.
As a wise man called Mega once said "if you liked Kid Icarus you'll be bussin with the myths and monsters" roughly paraphrased circa not long ago, this man speaks the truth I believe I am just too quirky too special you know. The NES one I end up liking more and more as I play and the GB one is the opposite, so I can't even recommend to play the first level of each to decide which one to tackle, I guess all I can muster is "list of sequels' war crimes: a thread 🧵".
i posted a joke review but i wanted to come back to this because this game is incredible. originally, i thought balatro would be too complex for my gorilla brain, yet the tutorial and roguelite progression introduce new jokers slowly (like tboi ig?) in a way that isn't overwhelming and lets you learn as you play.
thinking of ways to win with new jokers and getting insanely busted runs as a result make the gameplay loop so incredibly fun and addictive.
easily the best card game ive ever played, please give this a shot
thinking of ways to win with new jokers and getting insanely busted runs as a result make the gameplay loop so incredibly fun and addictive.
easily the best card game ive ever played, please give this a shot
not typically a fan of f2p shooters but ubisoft really knocked it out of the park with this one. to say anything more would spoil the experience. you simply must try it for yourself! (and i suggest you do. even if you're skeptical, i'm sure you'll be hooked before the steam refund period ends)
six to one; that's my kill/death ratio
six to one; that's my kill/death ratio
So, the other day, I was just browsing around on the internet, not really sure of what to do at that point, until I then got the idea to do a quick Google search of “worst arcade beat ‘em ups”. I figured from doing that, I could find some good shit for me to cover in a review, since it has been a while since I have checked out a beat ‘em up on this website, and I figured I needed something truly special to rope me back into them. I went ahead and looked around on several lists, scrolling through several pretty unremarkable titles, but then I saw one that immediately stuck with me. One that just seemed so stupid, yet so beautiful at the same time, that I had to check it out just to see what it was all about. That title, my friends, was Ninja Clowns.
I honestly had no clue what to expect when going into this game, other then it probably wasn’t gonna be all that good, as I had never heard of it before a day or two ago, and really, can ya blame me? It’s fucking Ninja Clowns, probably one of the most forgettable games ever made in the history of ever. Hell, it’s so forgettable, that Backloggd didn’t even bother to properly capitalize the name! (watch it get capitalized right after this review, just to make me look a dumbass) But I was too entranced with the game either way despite that: I needed to see just what this game was all about, just so I can put this demon to rest, and that it’ll be out of my mind forever. So, I beat the entire thing in 20 minutes or so, and I came to the conclusion that it was one of the worst beat ‘em ups I have ever played in my life.
The story is appropriately stupid enough, where in the generic town of Centerville, the evil Twisto launches his diabolical plan to take the citizens of the town and turn them into killer zombie clowns, all for the purpose of taking over the world, so it is up to…. these two random clowns (I couldn’t find their names) to set out to stop Twisto and his twisted scheme from being carried out, which is only the best plot ever made in the history of video games, and you can’t convince me otherwise. The graphics are terrible, with the environments and world looking so plain, boring, and uninspired, and the sprites for all of the characters and enemies, along with their animations, look extremely ugly and janky, making this much harder to look at and play as a result, the music is some of the most forgettable that I have ever heard in a video game, so much so that I’m not even gonna bother looking it up to give a full opinion on it, and the gameplay/control is what you would expect from a game in this genre, except it feels a million times worse than any other beat ‘em up that I have ever played.
The game is your typical arcade beat ‘em up, where you take control of Fucko or Jerknuts over here, go through a set of six different levels, with three of them being original, and three of the other ones being just the same Street level over and over again, beat up everybody and anyone that you come across, which isn’t just limited to the killer zombie clowns, but also with other circus performers, random passerbys on the street, cops, hippies, and so on, gather several food items that can heal you or give you temporary powerups, as well as several weapons that you can use to assist you in combat, and take on several bosses that feel just as horrible to fight as all of the other enemies in the game. All of the typical elements that you would find in a beat ‘em up are here, and when you play it for yourself, you can feel that there is, indeed, a good game hidden in here somewhere, like there is the potential for this to actually be of decent quality for what it is, but it is all held back by not just how generic and lifeless it really is, but also because of how AWFUL it feels to play.
You know how in most beat ‘em ups, whenever you throw any kind of attack, like a punch or a kick or whatever, there is some sort of connection with the hit? Like, you can feel the impact it makes onto the enemy, and when you pull off combos and special moves, it makes that feeling even better than before? Well, in Ninja Clowns, you don’t get that feeling of satisfaction or connection at all. Any time you hit any enemy with any sort of attack, there is no semblance of impact or combat whatsoever, feeling like you are just swatting at air until the thing in front of you falls down and dies, and none of the different combos and special moves that you can pull off help with that either. I can’t necessarily describe it in the best way possible, cause my brain is too small, but when you sit down and play the game for yourself, you’ll know exactly what I mean.
What doesn’t help this feeling either is the fact that the rest of the game feels just as lazy and soulless as the combat does. The stages themselves feel like they drag on forever, having no proper sense of momentum as you go through and beat up the dudes, which is weird, because the stages aren’t long at all, and yet, I feel like years have gone by by the time I finish one of them. Not to mention, there are bonus stages in-between some of the levels, and both of them feel completely lifeless, with the objects you are meant to destroy being spread out, small, and insignificant, to the point where it doesn’t feel as rewarding to smash everything, which is definitely not the feeling you should be getting across when it comes to a bonus stage. Sure, some of the powerups that you get can help make the fights and stages somewhat more enjoyable, but that’s only because the enemies die faster, as the weapons and powerups also feel like they have no real weight to them either, making it so that you don’t really feel all too powerful or enhanced whenever you get them.
With all that being said though, I will give the game some credit, because despite how awful the main gameplay is, I will give it credit for sticking close to its clowney motif. Despite how ugly everything looks, it’s all goofy enough to fit well with the theme, with exaggerated sprites, animations, and bosses galore, and even the weapons and items you get are themed around what a clown would use, or what you would find at a carnival, which I can definitely appreciate. However, none of that helps make the gameplay feel any less mind numbing and boring, especially since this game also pulls in some arcade syndrome for you in the last couple of stages, forcing you to have to spam your special moves in order to make it through while sustaining the least amount of damage possible. At that point though, I was just feeling numb, and was hoping to get the game over with as soon as possible.
Overall, despite how it does have fun with itself when it comes to the circus-y theme it has going on, Ninja Clowns is one of the worst beat ‘em ups, dare I say THE worst one, I have ever played, pairing terrible combat, momentum, and mechanics right alongside lifeless stages, bosses, and bonus stages, making the game feel like it drags on for an eternity when it can actually be beaten in 20 minutes. Don’t even bother trying to play this yourself, no matter how much of a fan you are of clowns or beat ‘em ups, because there is nothing here worth of substance that you will find, so I think it is for the best that we all now go ahead and move on with our lives, while completely forgetting this game ever existed………………. although, I do have to mention one more thing, and that is the fact that despite the fact that the game is called NINJA Clowns, there are no ninjas or ninja-like abilities to be found in this game. The clowns don’t fight like ninjas either, so really, this game is just lying to your face from the beginning, so I should’ve seen the signs.
Game #617
I honestly had no clue what to expect when going into this game, other then it probably wasn’t gonna be all that good, as I had never heard of it before a day or two ago, and really, can ya blame me? It’s fucking Ninja Clowns, probably one of the most forgettable games ever made in the history of ever. Hell, it’s so forgettable, that Backloggd didn’t even bother to properly capitalize the name! (watch it get capitalized right after this review, just to make me look a dumbass) But I was too entranced with the game either way despite that: I needed to see just what this game was all about, just so I can put this demon to rest, and that it’ll be out of my mind forever. So, I beat the entire thing in 20 minutes or so, and I came to the conclusion that it was one of the worst beat ‘em ups I have ever played in my life.
The story is appropriately stupid enough, where in the generic town of Centerville, the evil Twisto launches his diabolical plan to take the citizens of the town and turn them into killer zombie clowns, all for the purpose of taking over the world, so it is up to…. these two random clowns (I couldn’t find their names) to set out to stop Twisto and his twisted scheme from being carried out, which is only the best plot ever made in the history of video games, and you can’t convince me otherwise. The graphics are terrible, with the environments and world looking so plain, boring, and uninspired, and the sprites for all of the characters and enemies, along with their animations, look extremely ugly and janky, making this much harder to look at and play as a result, the music is some of the most forgettable that I have ever heard in a video game, so much so that I’m not even gonna bother looking it up to give a full opinion on it, and the gameplay/control is what you would expect from a game in this genre, except it feels a million times worse than any other beat ‘em up that I have ever played.
The game is your typical arcade beat ‘em up, where you take control of Fucko or Jerknuts over here, go through a set of six different levels, with three of them being original, and three of the other ones being just the same Street level over and over again, beat up everybody and anyone that you come across, which isn’t just limited to the killer zombie clowns, but also with other circus performers, random passerbys on the street, cops, hippies, and so on, gather several food items that can heal you or give you temporary powerups, as well as several weapons that you can use to assist you in combat, and take on several bosses that feel just as horrible to fight as all of the other enemies in the game. All of the typical elements that you would find in a beat ‘em up are here, and when you play it for yourself, you can feel that there is, indeed, a good game hidden in here somewhere, like there is the potential for this to actually be of decent quality for what it is, but it is all held back by not just how generic and lifeless it really is, but also because of how AWFUL it feels to play.
You know how in most beat ‘em ups, whenever you throw any kind of attack, like a punch or a kick or whatever, there is some sort of connection with the hit? Like, you can feel the impact it makes onto the enemy, and when you pull off combos and special moves, it makes that feeling even better than before? Well, in Ninja Clowns, you don’t get that feeling of satisfaction or connection at all. Any time you hit any enemy with any sort of attack, there is no semblance of impact or combat whatsoever, feeling like you are just swatting at air until the thing in front of you falls down and dies, and none of the different combos and special moves that you can pull off help with that either. I can’t necessarily describe it in the best way possible, cause my brain is too small, but when you sit down and play the game for yourself, you’ll know exactly what I mean.
What doesn’t help this feeling either is the fact that the rest of the game feels just as lazy and soulless as the combat does. The stages themselves feel like they drag on forever, having no proper sense of momentum as you go through and beat up the dudes, which is weird, because the stages aren’t long at all, and yet, I feel like years have gone by by the time I finish one of them. Not to mention, there are bonus stages in-between some of the levels, and both of them feel completely lifeless, with the objects you are meant to destroy being spread out, small, and insignificant, to the point where it doesn’t feel as rewarding to smash everything, which is definitely not the feeling you should be getting across when it comes to a bonus stage. Sure, some of the powerups that you get can help make the fights and stages somewhat more enjoyable, but that’s only because the enemies die faster, as the weapons and powerups also feel like they have no real weight to them either, making it so that you don’t really feel all too powerful or enhanced whenever you get them.
With all that being said though, I will give the game some credit, because despite how awful the main gameplay is, I will give it credit for sticking close to its clowney motif. Despite how ugly everything looks, it’s all goofy enough to fit well with the theme, with exaggerated sprites, animations, and bosses galore, and even the weapons and items you get are themed around what a clown would use, or what you would find at a carnival, which I can definitely appreciate. However, none of that helps make the gameplay feel any less mind numbing and boring, especially since this game also pulls in some arcade syndrome for you in the last couple of stages, forcing you to have to spam your special moves in order to make it through while sustaining the least amount of damage possible. At that point though, I was just feeling numb, and was hoping to get the game over with as soon as possible.
Overall, despite how it does have fun with itself when it comes to the circus-y theme it has going on, Ninja Clowns is one of the worst beat ‘em ups, dare I say THE worst one, I have ever played, pairing terrible combat, momentum, and mechanics right alongside lifeless stages, bosses, and bonus stages, making the game feel like it drags on for an eternity when it can actually be beaten in 20 minutes. Don’t even bother trying to play this yourself, no matter how much of a fan you are of clowns or beat ‘em ups, because there is nothing here worth of substance that you will find, so I think it is for the best that we all now go ahead and move on with our lives, while completely forgetting this game ever existed………………. although, I do have to mention one more thing, and that is the fact that despite the fact that the game is called NINJA Clowns, there are no ninjas or ninja-like abilities to be found in this game. The clowns don’t fight like ninjas either, so really, this game is just lying to your face from the beginning, so I should’ve seen the signs.
Game #617
Cute, very cute. Almost too cute, the writing was damn near too much to handle (someone else's review said "saccharine" and i can't think of any better ways to put it), but, like. I write like this. To people. So I feel like I can't say much.
Proud of all of these women, I cried.
Proud of all of these women, I cried.
It's not that Ridge Racer V is a bad game, it's just that it's not Ridge Racer Type-4. Really, it's almost unfair to compare them. How do you follow up something that so perfectly nails the feel it's trying to evoke, both mechanically and aesthetically?
Ridge Racer V adopts that late 90s/early 2000s futurist vibe, rearranges the grand prix to include time trials and reverse courses as part of its standard progression, and leans in on drifting, and it's fine. Nothing about it plays poorly, though there is a lack of variety in some of the tracks and, personally, I never cared much for the "look" of the early 2000s, so the presentation here carries less weight for me.
The ability to customize the paint job of your cars and swap engines was something I wasn't able to fully explore due to issues with (I assume) my PS2's hard drive, or the software used to read games off of it. Every time I attempted to change my car, the game crashed, so I was forced to play through the entire thing with the same starting vehicle. Between this and my Wii, I'm realizing that hard drives aren't the best way to go about playing these games due to some of the stability issues they cause. Ridge Racer V is pretty cheap on the aftermarket, but... that's probably for a reason. Why would you go for RRV when any system that can play it would also support Ridge Racer 4?
I think that's more or less where I fall on this game. It's good, but I know what my Ridge Racer of choice is, and I don't see RRV doing anything more noteworthy outside the bump in fidelity.
BUT IS IT A SUMMAH GAME?
Get real low, stick your face to the ground, feel the hot pavement stick to your cheek as you watch as the air above it ripples against the asphalt fumes. You know what that is? Summah! Inhale, absorb its power.
The screech of tires, the cool blast of the AC contrasting the hot air licking at your cheek as it wafts through the open driver's side window, cars fading into the distance in your rearview... I wouldn't know what that's like, I used to drive a Sazuki Swift with a busted AC belt, but I'll tell you this: you can only get heat stroke in the Summah! Boiling to death in the slow-and-go is a rite of Summah passage, and road trips to the beach are as Summah as palm trees, boardwalks, and shark attacks. The smell of the Summah is a gas station, so pick up the nozzle and breeeathe it in... Cars are so tied to the season that I make it a point to play at least one racing game every month, but the question is, does Ridge Racer V meet the lofty expectations set by the Summah index scale?
Unfortunately, no. The vibes are all wrong. Sure, many of the tracks are set near the beach, there's palm trees, but we're talking the difference between Summer and Summah here. At 65.5, we have the first game of the 2024 season to not make a passing grade, and per Summah law, I must now go into a tremendous amount of debt buying every copy so that they may be destroyed.
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Ridge Racer V adopts that late 90s/early 2000s futurist vibe, rearranges the grand prix to include time trials and reverse courses as part of its standard progression, and leans in on drifting, and it's fine. Nothing about it plays poorly, though there is a lack of variety in some of the tracks and, personally, I never cared much for the "look" of the early 2000s, so the presentation here carries less weight for me.
The ability to customize the paint job of your cars and swap engines was something I wasn't able to fully explore due to issues with (I assume) my PS2's hard drive, or the software used to read games off of it. Every time I attempted to change my car, the game crashed, so I was forced to play through the entire thing with the same starting vehicle. Between this and my Wii, I'm realizing that hard drives aren't the best way to go about playing these games due to some of the stability issues they cause. Ridge Racer V is pretty cheap on the aftermarket, but... that's probably for a reason. Why would you go for RRV when any system that can play it would also support Ridge Racer 4?
I think that's more or less where I fall on this game. It's good, but I know what my Ridge Racer of choice is, and I don't see RRV doing anything more noteworthy outside the bump in fidelity.
BUT IS IT A SUMMAH GAME?
Get real low, stick your face to the ground, feel the hot pavement stick to your cheek as you watch as the air above it ripples against the asphalt fumes. You know what that is? Summah! Inhale, absorb its power.
The screech of tires, the cool blast of the AC contrasting the hot air licking at your cheek as it wafts through the open driver's side window, cars fading into the distance in your rearview... I wouldn't know what that's like, I used to drive a Sazuki Swift with a busted AC belt, but I'll tell you this: you can only get heat stroke in the Summah! Boiling to death in the slow-and-go is a rite of Summah passage, and road trips to the beach are as Summah as palm trees, boardwalks, and shark attacks. The smell of the Summah is a gas station, so pick up the nozzle and breeeathe it in... Cars are so tied to the season that I make it a point to play at least one racing game every month, but the question is, does Ridge Racer V meet the lofty expectations set by the Summah index scale?
Unfortunately, no. The vibes are all wrong. Sure, many of the tracks are set near the beach, there's palm trees, but we're talking the difference between Summer and Summah here. At 65.5, we have the first game of the 2024 season to not make a passing grade, and per Summah law, I must now go into a tremendous amount of debt buying every copy so that they may be destroyed.
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Einhander is known as one of the better shooters on the PSX, which says something as this console has many great shooters. Presenting you with charming low poly models, this works in hand with the futuristic gundam-like artstyle the game is going for.
What makes Einhander unique from other shooters is the weapon switching system. Depending on the ship you choose, you can hold up to 3 sub weapons and freely switch between them. This adds a little more strategy to the game as the difficulty is hard as hell, but if you have the right weapons for the right situations, it will help you get through this tough challenge. For example, in a section with a lot of tiny enemies that swarm you, you might want to use the spread or gatling gun sub weapons. For situations with armored enemies, you might want to use the cannon or grenade sub weapons. It's up to you, but there are multiple ways to make some of the enemies and bosses easier.
As this is a squaresoft game, you will naturally get a great soundtrack and visuals, and Einhander is no exception. It is considered not only a great shooter, but also a great experience due to Square's production. The low poly 3D used for robots and machines result in a satisfying crunchy explosion as you fly by and shoot enemies down. There are also many set pieces with that switch your camera view from a 2D to 3D plane, just so Square can flex their production and give it the epicness that their games usually have.
My only gripes with Einhander is the fact that there seems to be a little input delay on the movement which can significantly contribute to the difficulty, and also the analog controls aren't fully implemented in the sense where you can't use the analog stick for precise movement, and instead acts more like a digital D-pad. The difficulty can also be frustratingly chaotic towards the end.
I don't think we ever got another shooter like this from Square ever again (Unless you count the Gummi ship sections from Kingdom Hearts), so we like to cherish this one as a special title and experiment from the teams who were experts in delivering quality RPGs at the time.
What makes Einhander unique from other shooters is the weapon switching system. Depending on the ship you choose, you can hold up to 3 sub weapons and freely switch between them. This adds a little more strategy to the game as the difficulty is hard as hell, but if you have the right weapons for the right situations, it will help you get through this tough challenge. For example, in a section with a lot of tiny enemies that swarm you, you might want to use the spread or gatling gun sub weapons. For situations with armored enemies, you might want to use the cannon or grenade sub weapons. It's up to you, but there are multiple ways to make some of the enemies and bosses easier.
As this is a squaresoft game, you will naturally get a great soundtrack and visuals, and Einhander is no exception. It is considered not only a great shooter, but also a great experience due to Square's production. The low poly 3D used for robots and machines result in a satisfying crunchy explosion as you fly by and shoot enemies down. There are also many set pieces with that switch your camera view from a 2D to 3D plane, just so Square can flex their production and give it the epicness that their games usually have.
My only gripes with Einhander is the fact that there seems to be a little input delay on the movement which can significantly contribute to the difficulty, and also the analog controls aren't fully implemented in the sense where you can't use the analog stick for precise movement, and instead acts more like a digital D-pad. The difficulty can also be frustratingly chaotic towards the end.
I don't think we ever got another shooter like this from Square ever again (Unless you count the Gummi ship sections from Kingdom Hearts), so we like to cherish this one as a special title and experiment from the teams who were experts in delivering quality RPGs at the time.
Game ran at approximately 5 frames per second for me (not an exaggeration) and I decided to bow out around halfway. Game is pretty gross to be honest! You gotta shoot aliens hiding as humans or on humans or also just in place of inanimate objects. You also shoot aliens protesting the killing of aliens :(
Game looks bad, plays boring, lasts way too long, feels gross, and if you have bad (or I guess good) luck, it barely functions. Its free and I still feel scammed not worth anybody's time or attention.
Game looks bad, plays boring, lasts way too long, feels gross, and if you have bad (or I guess good) luck, it barely functions. Its free and I still feel scammed not worth anybody's time or attention.
Still feels fresh to play, still feels super fun with some real good and satisfying weapons deep in the arsenal. Exploring this Evil Dead and Alien inspired hodgepodge of visual love and human craftmanship behind each level and area. Shit is really cool to finally fully go through.
The music rips, the visuals rip, but not every map rips. But every time the game pranks ya and goofs with ya does rip though absolutely, feels like that extra touch of humanity behind this whole experience. Just wish the game itself kept its momentum the whole time and maybe relied less on throwing you into directionless mazes in the later episodes but even with that I still had a pretty fun time. Funnily enough made me finally wanna get back on the Touhou games again so that's cool.
Talked about this at length on my new podcast "The Questlog Club" if ya wanna support me and my co-hosts endeavors!
The music rips, the visuals rip, but not every map rips. But every time the game pranks ya and goofs with ya does rip though absolutely, feels like that extra touch of humanity behind this whole experience. Just wish the game itself kept its momentum the whole time and maybe relied less on throwing you into directionless mazes in the later episodes but even with that I still had a pretty fun time. Funnily enough made me finally wanna get back on the Touhou games again so that's cool.
Talked about this at length on my new podcast "The Questlog Club" if ya wanna support me and my co-hosts endeavors!
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Yves Cousteau
It is estimated that we as a species have only explored about 5% of the world's oceans. On the other hand, I estimate that the average Backloggd user hasn't even cleared that much of their backlog. Hell, mapping the entire ocean floor probably sounds like a more probable inevitability than ever getting through your backlog. Well, what's one more gonna hurt?Though, I would like it if you actually played it.
Endless Ocean 2 (known as Blue World in North America) is a game that probably flew under most peoples' radar even on release. With about 870,000 lifetime sales globally for this title specifically, it's safe to say that the series is pretty niche. I'm surprised that we even got a third game recently, despite apparently not being all that great. But that's another review for another time. EO2 molded a strong core memory within me that fits neatly amongst only a handful of other vivid and emotionally meaningful gaming experiences I experienced in my youth. Mind you, I was always fascinated with marine biology and oceanography. There's something truly fascinating but also chilling about the deep ocean. So many areas that have yet to be explored and species that are yet to be discovered. This game feeds on that childlike curiosity and excels at immersing you in the beauty of nature's waters.
Yes, there is a story, and it's actually a lot more involved than you would expect for a game who's main selling point is its exploration-driven gameplay and educational merit. It takes a page out of Tomb Raider and Uncharted, placing you in the shoes of a college student studying folklore who becomes entranced in a certain Pacific legend, travelling to the South Pacific to investigate further. You take a job at a local diving company, and adventure ensues. Throughout the campaign, you will be tasked with exploring various locales that include shallow coral reefs, muddy rivers, arctic waters, and the deep ocean, at times even exploring abandoned ancient ruins. It's semi-open world nature gives it a sense of scale that has yet to be matched in terms of immersion. Maybe Subnautica? But that game is nowhere near as good, methinks.
Between uncovering and appraising lost treasures, discovering new species to add to the marine encyclopedia, and mapping uncharted waters, it feels like there's so much to do. I actually wouldn't be surprised if this was the only single-player game I've played where I've surpassed the 100-hour playtime mark. As someone who rarely replays games, I never really considered having a comfort game, but sitting here writing this review has made me re-evaluate that. In fact, I have the sudden urge to replay this.
It is estimated that we as a species have only explored about 5% of the world's oceans. On the other hand, I estimate that the average Backloggd user hasn't even cleared that much of their backlog. Hell, mapping the entire ocean floor probably sounds like a more probable inevitability than ever getting through your backlog. Well, what's one more gonna hurt?
Endless Ocean 2 (known as Blue World in North America) is a game that probably flew under most peoples' radar even on release. With about 870,000 lifetime sales globally for this title specifically, it's safe to say that the series is pretty niche. I'm surprised that we even got a third game recently, despite apparently not being all that great. But that's another review for another time. EO2 molded a strong core memory within me that fits neatly amongst only a handful of other vivid and emotionally meaningful gaming experiences I experienced in my youth. Mind you, I was always fascinated with marine biology and oceanography. There's something truly fascinating but also chilling about the deep ocean. So many areas that have yet to be explored and species that are yet to be discovered. This game feeds on that childlike curiosity and excels at immersing you in the beauty of nature's waters.
Yes, there is a story, and it's actually a lot more involved than you would expect for a game who's main selling point is its exploration-driven gameplay and educational merit. It takes a page out of Tomb Raider and Uncharted, placing you in the shoes of a college student studying folklore who becomes entranced in a certain Pacific legend, travelling to the South Pacific to investigate further. You take a job at a local diving company, and adventure ensues. Throughout the campaign, you will be tasked with exploring various locales that include shallow coral reefs, muddy rivers, arctic waters, and the deep ocean, at times even exploring abandoned ancient ruins. It's semi-open world nature gives it a sense of scale that has yet to be matched in terms of immersion. Maybe Subnautica? But that game is nowhere near as good, methinks.
Between uncovering and appraising lost treasures, discovering new species to add to the marine encyclopedia, and mapping uncharted waters, it feels like there's so much to do. I actually wouldn't be surprised if this was the only single-player game I've played where I've surpassed the 100-hour playtime mark. As someone who rarely replays games, I never really considered having a comfort game, but sitting here writing this review has made me re-evaluate that. In fact, I have the sudden urge to replay this.
Yeah, it's a true dilemma. You want to take 100c because 50c is boring, and then the enemy is cheating in full spotlight. Yoshi commits tax fraud AND gets speeding tickets aplenty. Now why does Mario keep screaming YIPPEEE at me, road rage is insane. This game is the definition of "drunk don't run in our family. they drive" they slidin kinda insane rn. If you guys wasn't on there to witness, this game was the latest entry for 5 whole years! Impressive, for the time. I think I hauve the boner of hate for early Mario Kart. Alright campers, today's challenge is find a reason for Mario Kart 64 to employ that fake ass Paper Mario ass fake 3D-2D marriage. What's up with the 64 in this? She's 64 zaaamn!! But unfortunately, they are still 8. 8 racers. If you didn't understand. I know my reviews get confusing but just enjoy the vibe chill, smoke a fat blunt idk
I need to bleach my eyes and forge them anew because what da hell I seeeeen, are enemies immune to the tribulations of the common man? They lost the ability to conjure items out of thin air, at what cost, acting as if my banana peels are out of their realm of existence? Bitch there is no strategy here. This is MK 64 you're getting rubber banded. Perhaps a worse offender is that in the chinese version, the Special Cup is renamed the "iQue Cup" what the skibidi is this?? hell nah watch Tencent install 30 thousand gacha slops into my PC to retrieve my personal data after my statements 💀 something common in all versions of the game regardless of the place of release: is that the game finally has walls! There are no camera problems whatsoever. Not that I expected any, it'd be funny if this was bestowed a reputation of being a racing game with camera issues since I don't know any. hmu with egregious examples
So, a whopping 8 racers. Let's pick the 🐐 Luigi! I can't wait to enjoy a wide array of exceptional items to put to use! In the years since the last race on the Super Nintendo, it turns out the shell economy experienced a massive meltdown. We can have three for the small price of a single box! They made Mario Kart woke and lame for all audiences age 3 to 100. I half expected a list of federal crimes at first glance, but it looks like they simply gave stats to fighters. Luigi looks freaky in his render wat da hell! Now, why aren't all his stats the highest? Bugs have found their way through the cracks. I feel like Luigi keeps havin his kart flipping for no reason, like damn air got hands. He is literally attracted to hazards like babies finding their way to corrosive substances istg i'm not making anything up
Now you may be saying I lack "whimsy", but despite MK 64 shying away from flatbitches stages, they can get... quirky. A bunch of them are up to Los Pollos standards, but take the train in Kalimari Desert. What the scallop?? I don't know if there's a trick, but I'm sure 5 years old first reflex will be to wait patiently for the green light. Now, that's honorable of Miyamoto to instill this knowledge in younger players, but come on now. Traumacore tumblr edit of me fumbling my way through these courses plz 🤣 especially Yoshi Valley; now, this is a new concept, you don't know who's even first place in that track. Battle Mode ahh design. On the contrario, Sherbet Land is a good track. It's not an arbitrary ranking, but they're really not fun to play, especially the latter tracks (curious, curious). Rainbow Road has a DSi album timelapse type beat fuckery goin on in the background. Is that what you guys called "soul" that don't exist today? Maybe. It does feel relaxing to look at. But I can't. I have to concentrate to deliver the best driving I can.
I need to bleach my eyes and forge them anew because what da hell I seeeeen, are enemies immune to the tribulations of the common man? They lost the ability to conjure items out of thin air, at what cost, acting as if my banana peels are out of their realm of existence? Bitch there is no strategy here. This is MK 64 you're getting rubber banded. Perhaps a worse offender is that in the chinese version, the Special Cup is renamed the "iQue Cup" what the skibidi is this?? hell nah watch Tencent install 30 thousand gacha slops into my PC to retrieve my personal data after my statements 💀 something common in all versions of the game regardless of the place of release: is that the game finally has walls! There are no camera problems whatsoever. Not that I expected any, it'd be funny if this was bestowed a reputation of being a racing game with camera issues since I don't know any. hmu with egregious examples
So, a whopping 8 racers. Let's pick the 🐐 Luigi! I can't wait to enjoy a wide array of exceptional items to put to use! In the years since the last race on the Super Nintendo, it turns out the shell economy experienced a massive meltdown. We can have three for the small price of a single box! They made Mario Kart woke and lame for all audiences age 3 to 100. I half expected a list of federal crimes at first glance, but it looks like they simply gave stats to fighters. Luigi looks freaky in his render wat da hell! Now, why aren't all his stats the highest? Bugs have found their way through the cracks. I feel like Luigi keeps havin his kart flipping for no reason, like damn air got hands. He is literally attracted to hazards like babies finding their way to corrosive substances istg i'm not making anything up
Now you may be saying I lack "whimsy", but despite MK 64 shying away from flat
Something as simple as a name can take a village to come up with, a lot of peeps have pondered over names for their music track or their OC's ultimate attack harder than some have regarding their third-born son, and sometimes you can get away with "Crysis" or "Fallout". I think LIMBO isn't the first name I'd think of for this game, but it fits like a glove. The game's presentation and mechanics are much like a game made on Unity before its heyday, only this was done on its own little engine. You'd be foregiven if you thought Limbo's claim to fame was to be slow as fuck 😂 our little black & white friend is NOT making waves! Playing a non-descript shadow of a boy adventuring into the unknown cuz we don't know shit, to end with fuck all information... chat wat just habbened!! That's the part where you think long and hard about what you experienced, and how the peculiar gameplay ties into the lore implications...
...this will come off as me just taking the gameplay at face value, but maybe 2010 was too early for this. INSIDE worked. But here, it's like "Oh! See that part right there? You died! Yup. You're shit out of luck, aren't you?". That is roughly what came up in interviews as well, so that raises even more questions out of me. Sorry... I did.. not.. gel... with this. One may even call the attempt lazy, but I'll spare the insult to the injury. What this little boy needs to find... is a damn school application. Unless he's dead. That is quite possible! No person alive has been in a rotating room before. Being this sluggish, or "dummy thicc" as they call it, and watching your character die from a minor slip-up as you havent accounted the neurodivergent movement... 😅 yep here we go again, pain.
Most of its simple are puzzle as a bitch, BUTT there were times of rare "le swag" and then I had to look up guide because I couldn't see an interactable... the 101 of level design mf, you be actin different but I'm not sure you should ignore primal rules like that gung ho miscreant 🤓☝️ you thought you was eating. It is met with a very simple control scheme. The game is short and you're doing different things, so there's that. Winston Churchill once said in 2024 "I like LIMBO like I like my women. I DONT" and damn was this a powerful statement at the time. What you like or don't isn't as black and white as LIMBO, so I hope the scrunkly indie with soul community has foregiven me. I don't know why lately I've not been moved by legendary indies like Undertale and Outer Wilds. But then I give Zelda II a whopping 8.5/10 rating. Nature is fickle. But maybe there's not much to think about. Unlike this game...
Lastly, while the spider was the highlight, and its encounters intuitive... that's the thing, betting on your best horse at the start is kinda like... false advertising! No cap, this be concussing me. Maybe a revisionist me will finally get it after suddenly realizing why the scrunkly searched for the wobbly. Welp. Not much else I can say without delving into the finer details of the beast. If you're looking for an unconventional game that challenges your patience and may reward you for your wits... it LIMBO tiem... if you're looking to become an influencer, chase your dreams lil bro, maybe u really will influence me more than this. I belive in gaming supremacy
...this will come off as me just taking the gameplay at face value, but maybe 2010 was too early for this. INSIDE worked. But here, it's like "Oh! See that part right there? You died! Yup. You're shit out of luck, aren't you?". That is roughly what came up in interviews as well, so that raises even more questions out of me. Sorry... I did.. not.. gel... with this. One may even call the attempt lazy, but I'll spare the insult to the injury. What this little boy needs to find... is a damn school application. Unless he's dead. That is quite possible! No person alive has been in a rotating room before. Being this sluggish, or "dummy thicc" as they call it, and watching your character die from a minor slip-up as you havent accounted the neurodivergent movement... 😅 yep here we go again, pain.
Most of its simple are puzzle as a bitch, BUTT there were times of rare "le swag" and then I had to look up guide because I couldn't see an interactable... the 101 of level design mf, you be actin different but I'm not sure you should ignore primal rules like that gung ho miscreant 🤓☝️ you thought you was eating. It is met with a very simple control scheme. The game is short and you're doing different things, so there's that. Winston Churchill once said in 2024 "I like LIMBO like I like my women. I DONT" and damn was this a powerful statement at the time. What you like or don't isn't as black and white as LIMBO, so I hope the scrunkly indie with soul community has foregiven me. I don't know why lately I've not been moved by legendary indies like Undertale and Outer Wilds. But then I give Zelda II a whopping 8.5/10 rating. Nature is fickle. But maybe there's not much to think about. Unlike this game...
Lastly, while the spider was the highlight, and its encounters intuitive... that's the thing, betting on your best horse at the start is kinda like... false advertising! No cap, this be concussing me. Maybe a revisionist me will finally get it after suddenly realizing why the scrunkly searched for the wobbly. Welp. Not much else I can say without delving into the finer details of the beast. If you're looking for an unconventional game that challenges your patience and may reward you for your wits... it LIMBO tiem... if you're looking to become an influencer, chase your dreams lil bro, maybe u really will influence me more than this. I belive in gaming supremacy
Kinda crazy how, even tho it didn’t end up using any of Bloodborne’s characters and locations directly and spawning as a joke game of sorts with a really silly idea, it still is a far more interesting and cool use of the IP than whatever Sony has done with it for the past 9 years.
Nightmare Kart is one of those weird anomalies in which I’m completely baffled with how amazing it is even tho I really shouldn’t be; some months ago I watched my girlfriend play the entirety of Bloodborne PSX and I’m still super impressed at how much effort went to what’s essentially a re-imagination of the beginning hours of Bloodborne; all the enemies and NPCs look incredible in all of their polygon glory, the sound effects and compression is top notch, and the whole final section is completely original and has a focus on my man Gilbert! Basically, what I’m trying to say is that Lilith Walther is the GOAT, and that I’ve should have totally seen coming that what was originally meant to be Bloodborne Kart was going to be far more than a thing to point at and say ‘’HA! That werewolf is on a giant wheel-shaped kart!’’… I mean it’s also that but you get my point.
This game is so delightfully silly that I wish it had even more cutscenes to showcase it; there’s nothing better than to see Father Gascoine’s cutscenes being played completely straight only for a bike to appear out of thin air followed by Akira shot for shot references. It keeps the sensibilities and character mannerisms that made the original Yharnam so unique and adds on top of that a flare of stupidity that by doesn’t feel out of place ‘cause of how dumb yet self-serious the whole premise is. Seeing a Skeleton driving on Gherman’s wheelchair fucking sent me for some reason, and the Boar being one of the vehicles is such an obvious decision that I cannot believe I didn’t see it coming, yet is genius!
Till now I’ve been referring to all characters by their original Bloodborne monickers, and even tho all locations and faces are clearly meant to represent the original game and it’s still a shame that Lilith and her team had to rework all of the characters in some way or another, that’d be a huge disservice to the admittedly creative or fucking hilarious some of these characters have received. The main Good Hunter design goes HARD, I love how the Dream Watchers’ heads are replaced by big funny eyeballs, the Matilda Sisters are honestly WAYYYY cooler than their real game counterparts and, to be utterly honest, I’m so glad the rebranding happened if only because it gave us the absolute best change to Nicholas: he still keeps the similar dialogue and big head-cage… BUT HE ALSO GETS A BIRD. A COMICALLY SMALL CARTOONY BIRD THAT SITS ON TOP HIS HEAD WHILE HE DARTS AROUND THE CORRIDORS WHILE SHOOTING A GUN LIKE A FUCKING MANIAC. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT THE CAGE IS ALSO A SELECTABLE KART THAT LETS YOU RUN ALONG THE TRACKS, BUT IT ALSO GIVES YOU THE BIRD. If getting to hear his scream when he dies in any part of the track didn’t already make way cooler and funnier than Micolash, then the bird for sure does.
It gains a ton thanks to its amazing presentation, and on that note, I really like how this one still keeps the whole PSX theme while not being completely binded by it: in Bloodborne PSX it made complete since the whole point of that game was to be a reimagination of how Bloodborne would work on the original console, while in Nightmare Kart is more of a visual throwback than anything else. There still is some sound compression on dialogue and the UI elements are clearly still referencing those of the PS1, but the controls are clearly influenced by more modern Kart racers and the music sounds SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD, the OST is hella strong, not really sound like anything in the original game at all, but a perfect fit, nonetheless.
But it wouldn’t be enough to make a hilarious kart parody game, ‘cause why not make the gameplay rock? I think I usually like the idea of combat-racing games more than playing them, so keep that in mind when I say that it’s been a while since I’ve had this much fun driving in a game. It all feels so hectic and buttery smooth, the track design is surprisingly great —both as references to the source material and tracks on their own to race on—, the act of shooting enemies both behind and in front on you or using the main selectable weapon is incredibly satisfying and responsive (most of the time), and the sheer variety in battle modes and creativity in the bosses during the campaign had me drooling, the only thing that that I can think of that comes close in what is trying to pull off is that mission mode in Mario Kart DS, and even that would be a bit of a far-fetched comparison considering the amazing hob his game does in adapting Bloodborne’s bosses into this whole new environment.
I even went for the secret ending which grants the final boss, and even if 9I wished at least one of the other two endings also gave some sort of final fight, the lack of any previous final boss made it even more special and cool, phase 2 particularly was simply unbelievable, and honestly, probably better than Bloodborne’s secret final boss. There’s nothing like seeing an eldritch abomination ride a go kart and running for dear life!
Tho if anything, the controls being so good and the battles being so creative makes the game’s biggest downfalls stick out even more, since it makes it the more noticeable when somethings feel more finnicky or unresponsive, like the weapon lock on or how basically all races become incredibly easy once you gain a bit of an advantage and where only one item can hit you. Plus, the enemy AI are clearly not the best, tho that seems to be something that’s being fixed with each update, and with the last one, 1.08, I’d say bosses like Nicholas that were damn easy or dumb have been given a very welcomed upgrade in that regard, and I can see things getting even better as more patches roll.
And that’s the thing, even more work is being continuously put on this game, more hours on top on an already amazing project and brimming with detail, effort, and even content and secrets. What could have been a one-not fan game resulted in an incredible homage, a game that stands on its two legs and offers a racing experience that it’s everything but monotonous. I really need to try free play with friends one day, ‘cause this is honestly an experience I wouldn’t mind going back to in the slightest, running along the nightmare or dashing through libraries in a wheelchair…
… and now that this isn’t tied to the Bloodborne IP at all, you know what that means? We can have merch of Nicholas and the Bird! Forget Bloodborne for PC, this is the real good ending, it was to happen!
Nightmare Kart is one of those weird anomalies in which I’m completely baffled with how amazing it is even tho I really shouldn’t be; some months ago I watched my girlfriend play the entirety of Bloodborne PSX and I’m still super impressed at how much effort went to what’s essentially a re-imagination of the beginning hours of Bloodborne; all the enemies and NPCs look incredible in all of their polygon glory, the sound effects and compression is top notch, and the whole final section is completely original and has a focus on my man Gilbert! Basically, what I’m trying to say is that Lilith Walther is the GOAT, and that I’ve should have totally seen coming that what was originally meant to be Bloodborne Kart was going to be far more than a thing to point at and say ‘’HA! That werewolf is on a giant wheel-shaped kart!’’… I mean it’s also that but you get my point.
This game is so delightfully silly that I wish it had even more cutscenes to showcase it; there’s nothing better than to see Father Gascoine’s cutscenes being played completely straight only for a bike to appear out of thin air followed by Akira shot for shot references. It keeps the sensibilities and character mannerisms that made the original Yharnam so unique and adds on top of that a flare of stupidity that by doesn’t feel out of place ‘cause of how dumb yet self-serious the whole premise is. Seeing a Skeleton driving on Gherman’s wheelchair fucking sent me for some reason, and the Boar being one of the vehicles is such an obvious decision that I cannot believe I didn’t see it coming, yet is genius!
Till now I’ve been referring to all characters by their original Bloodborne monickers, and even tho all locations and faces are clearly meant to represent the original game and it’s still a shame that Lilith and her team had to rework all of the characters in some way or another, that’d be a huge disservice to the admittedly creative or fucking hilarious some of these characters have received. The main Good Hunter design goes HARD, I love how the Dream Watchers’ heads are replaced by big funny eyeballs, the Matilda Sisters are honestly WAYYYY cooler than their real game counterparts and, to be utterly honest, I’m so glad the rebranding happened if only because it gave us the absolute best change to Nicholas: he still keeps the similar dialogue and big head-cage… BUT HE ALSO GETS A BIRD. A COMICALLY SMALL CARTOONY BIRD THAT SITS ON TOP HIS HEAD WHILE HE DARTS AROUND THE CORRIDORS WHILE SHOOTING A GUN LIKE A FUCKING MANIAC. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT THE CAGE IS ALSO A SELECTABLE KART THAT LETS YOU RUN ALONG THE TRACKS, BUT IT ALSO GIVES YOU THE BIRD. If getting to hear his scream when he dies in any part of the track didn’t already make way cooler and funnier than Micolash, then the bird for sure does.
It gains a ton thanks to its amazing presentation, and on that note, I really like how this one still keeps the whole PSX theme while not being completely binded by it: in Bloodborne PSX it made complete since the whole point of that game was to be a reimagination of how Bloodborne would work on the original console, while in Nightmare Kart is more of a visual throwback than anything else. There still is some sound compression on dialogue and the UI elements are clearly still referencing those of the PS1, but the controls are clearly influenced by more modern Kart racers and the music sounds SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD, the OST is hella strong, not really sound like anything in the original game at all, but a perfect fit, nonetheless.
But it wouldn’t be enough to make a hilarious kart parody game, ‘cause why not make the gameplay rock? I think I usually like the idea of combat-racing games more than playing them, so keep that in mind when I say that it’s been a while since I’ve had this much fun driving in a game. It all feels so hectic and buttery smooth, the track design is surprisingly great —both as references to the source material and tracks on their own to race on—, the act of shooting enemies both behind and in front on you or using the main selectable weapon is incredibly satisfying and responsive (most of the time), and the sheer variety in battle modes and creativity in the bosses during the campaign had me drooling, the only thing that that I can think of that comes close in what is trying to pull off is that mission mode in Mario Kart DS, and even that would be a bit of a far-fetched comparison considering the amazing hob his game does in adapting Bloodborne’s bosses into this whole new environment.
I even went for the secret ending which grants the final boss, and even if 9I wished at least one of the other two endings also gave some sort of final fight, the lack of any previous final boss made it even more special and cool, phase 2 particularly was simply unbelievable, and honestly, probably better than Bloodborne’s secret final boss. There’s nothing like seeing an eldritch abomination ride a go kart and running for dear life!
Tho if anything, the controls being so good and the battles being so creative makes the game’s biggest downfalls stick out even more, since it makes it the more noticeable when somethings feel more finnicky or unresponsive, like the weapon lock on or how basically all races become incredibly easy once you gain a bit of an advantage and where only one item can hit you. Plus, the enemy AI are clearly not the best, tho that seems to be something that’s being fixed with each update, and with the last one, 1.08, I’d say bosses like Nicholas that were damn easy or dumb have been given a very welcomed upgrade in that regard, and I can see things getting even better as more patches roll.
And that’s the thing, even more work is being continuously put on this game, more hours on top on an already amazing project and brimming with detail, effort, and even content and secrets. What could have been a one-not fan game resulted in an incredible homage, a game that stands on its two legs and offers a racing experience that it’s everything but monotonous. I really need to try free play with friends one day, ‘cause this is honestly an experience I wouldn’t mind going back to in the slightest, running along the nightmare or dashing through libraries in a wheelchair…
… and now that this isn’t tied to the Bloodborne IP at all, you know what that means? We can have merch of Nicholas and the Bird! Forget Bloodborne for PC, this is the real good ending, it was to happen!
Seeing as Metal Gear is one of my favourite series, I was determined to make an event out of the first time I played Ground Zeroes. I sat down with a plate of strawberries, joking to my friends that, knowing the series' infamously long cutscenes, I would probably have finished them before the first cutscene was over. As you can see, I make very funny and original jokes, which is why I have lots of friends and am DEFINITELY not lonely.
These were famous last words. Not only was the intro over before I had eaten my strawberries, but so was the fucking game. Ground Zeroes is incredibly short, and savvy readers already know the only story-related mission can be completed within an hour.
I'll give it this: from a technical point of view, Ground Zeroes is a marvel. The first time I played it was on a laptop that didn't even have a GPU, and it still ran like a dream. The graphics are phenomenal, bringing the nigh-photorealism we take for granted today. I remember the exact moment in the first cutscene that I realized that there hadn't been a single camera cut, and I was mindblown. This gritty, guerilla-cam directing style became a staple of Hideo Kojima games from this point onwards. The climax is one of my favourite cutscenes in any video game.
And the gameplay is superb. Ground Zeroes provides a stellar stealth action sandbox that, while not quite up to The Phantom Pain's level of 'if you can think it, you can do it,' was an excellent taster of what was to come. There are many ways to achieve your goals, and the developers thought of everything: cutscenes change to accommodate the smallest detail. Despite the low score, rest assured that this game plays very well.
That said, it's terrible value for the money. Ground Zeroes launched for the price of $40, and even today, is being sold for $20 - $10 if you buy it as a bundle with Phantom Pain. Every one of these prices is a scam. Make no mistake, this is a demo. The story can be cleared within 45 minutes, the side ops (all using the same base) lack proper stories, and score chases/collectibles aren't a suitable incentive for the casual player.
It would have made sense if Ground Zeroes had been released as a free demo, or included in The Phantom Pain as a prologue chapter. There are a few players who claim to have hundreds of hours in it, but the only explanation I can think of is that they left their PC on all night. Even if you sieve this game for every morsel of material, it adds up to a few hours at best. Unless you're a completionist, you won't get your money's worth buying this game at full price. And here's the thing: you don't have to impose these conditions while purchasing other games. It's usually bad form to judge a game's value by its length, but here it's justified.
The long and short of it is, Konami found a way to fuck it up once again. It's a shame that a game with such high production value was handled by a company whose unofficial motto is: "Where there's a will, there's a slot machine."
These were famous last words. Not only was the intro over before I had eaten my strawberries, but so was the fucking game. Ground Zeroes is incredibly short, and savvy readers already know the only story-related mission can be completed within an hour.
I'll give it this: from a technical point of view, Ground Zeroes is a marvel. The first time I played it was on a laptop that didn't even have a GPU, and it still ran like a dream. The graphics are phenomenal, bringing the nigh-photorealism we take for granted today. I remember the exact moment in the first cutscene that I realized that there hadn't been a single camera cut, and I was mindblown. This gritty, guerilla-cam directing style became a staple of Hideo Kojima games from this point onwards. The climax is one of my favourite cutscenes in any video game.
And the gameplay is superb. Ground Zeroes provides a stellar stealth action sandbox that, while not quite up to The Phantom Pain's level of 'if you can think it, you can do it,' was an excellent taster of what was to come. There are many ways to achieve your goals, and the developers thought of everything: cutscenes change to accommodate the smallest detail. Despite the low score, rest assured that this game plays very well.
That said, it's terrible value for the money. Ground Zeroes launched for the price of $40, and even today, is being sold for $20 - $10 if you buy it as a bundle with Phantom Pain. Every one of these prices is a scam. Make no mistake, this is a demo. The story can be cleared within 45 minutes, the side ops (all using the same base) lack proper stories, and score chases/collectibles aren't a suitable incentive for the casual player.
It would have made sense if Ground Zeroes had been released as a free demo, or included in The Phantom Pain as a prologue chapter. There are a few players who claim to have hundreds of hours in it, but the only explanation I can think of is that they left their PC on all night. Even if you sieve this game for every morsel of material, it adds up to a few hours at best. Unless you're a completionist, you won't get your money's worth buying this game at full price. And here's the thing: you don't have to impose these conditions while purchasing other games. It's usually bad form to judge a game's value by its length, but here it's justified.
The long and short of it is, Konami found a way to fuck it up once again. It's a shame that a game with such high production value was handled by a company whose unofficial motto is: "Where there's a will, there's a slot machine."
This is a surprisingly good port of Street Fighter IV to the 3DS, however there is also surprisingly little to talk about here. It is essentially just Street Fighter IV but on the 3DS. The main issue people tend to have with this game is the fact that your only controller happens to be a Nintendo 3DS, but after playing the mobile version of this game I'm grateful to even have a joystick at all, and it honestly doesn't feel that bad. My inputs were pretty consistent and even most combos were pretty easy to pull off. The only thing that I found slightly annoying was inputting super/ultra moves, but the ability to do special moves by tapping the touch screen completely fixes that, even if it is a little busted on characters like Gief. There is also new headache inducing 3D mode that I would never recommend playing, but otherwise this is a pretty solid port.
in the span of a few years i went from being a teenager who hated tedium in video games regardless of how it served a narrative and also one who thought kingdom hearts was dumb as shit to now being an adult who loves any given method of tedium if used well to serve a narrative and also just a more fully realized person who's more comfortable with herself and interests. this all happening around the same time made it so that a replay of 358/2 days was maybe a perfect storm for getting me to hyperfixate on a series i might not have been very fair to in the past. if somebody tells you that the movie is a better way to experience 358/2 days, they're either a total liar or just not even remotely worth listening to. everyone complaining that the best kingdom hearts story is locked behind tedious game mechanics or whatever should just uhhhh get better at appreciating games as art or something
I've been truly left without words for the last couple of hours. Few and far between are the times that I've considered a gaming moment to be truly legendary. Final Fantasy VI has gifted me that and oh I am so thankful. I will now give myself the titanic task of attempting to convey some of my feelings about this great adventure.
I say feelings because most of the time that is what videogames give me. Whether it's wonder, some flavor of boredom, rage or anything in between; I believe that they all can be cherishable moments that serve as a reflection of what the PIECE OF ART (in this case) is trying to say.
That's also the style of reviews I like to write - kind of. They are more like a reaction rather than an objective summary of what happens in the game etc.
One of the first things I noticed after booting the game for the first time is the amount of polish it has compared to its predecessors - and I mean polish everywhere. There are more and more fluid animations, sprites look beautiful, the bestiary is large and thicc and it even feels like it's the biggest and most varied OST of any FF so far - and oh man, the writing and dialogue.
As I've mentioned before i think, the thing that makes me dislike a game more is weak plot and writing. It's not that a game has to have a serious plot or serious grown up writing about real life things, after all, we are playing videogames. What I look for and what I like the most is when the words are inspiring. When they aren't lazy. I love when I see wit and personality. I like when writers are brave enough to make their characters imperfect and human-like. I love that they all have their quirks. I love how they all exist in a tragic world and have very tragic things happen to them that make them what they are - and it's all told in such a smart and tactful way.
I love how Edgar is always a hopeless romantic and how he's always saying cheesy one liners to women. I love how Sabin is this tunnel visioned knuckle head that lightly mocks Celes when she suggests he might have been hurt after the world ends. I love how one of the characters is a moogle that can communicate with humans. I love the most that these traits aren't their whole personality. It shocks me and it's almost eerie how they managed to create so many playable characters (14!) that feel this developed. I mean, I have seen movies and read novels that have characters that are way more one-dimensional than the FF6 cast. This game might have even given me the first instance where I actually do remember the names of some of the characters i spent almost 50 hours with.
There are so many memorable moments in the game - tragic, wholesome and funny. It honestly surprised me how it just kept going and going. There's a section where you fight the undead and suplex a train. There's another where you find an abandoned kid raised by wolves and you adopt him into your party (a salute to Gau). I did feel sometimes that events were sometimes not connected in the most fluid way. Sometimes it did feel kind of forced and most of the time I felt kind of lost in what the game wanted me to do.
That takes me to the plot. I felt it somewhat similar to FFII in that it's this epic story of the empire vs the resistance. The Gestahlian Empire vs the Returners in this case. Magic is gone from this world because the empire has taken all of it because of some mystical beings that possess it (or create it?) and they were friends with humans, but there was a huge battle eons ago that left their friendship in shambles and eh, you should definitely go play it to understand it better - but it's definitely convoluted and a slow burn at first. You're introduced to characters relatively slowly, but many things happen quickly and when your party eventually starts getting large you get split and you get tasked with scheming schemes and thinking of ways to mess up the empire's plans. It's always a classic underdog story and our main villain is one hateable asshole. Which is good! Because it really drives the story. There is a fully voiced (sung?) opera, river poisoning, samurai dreams, a mercenary that becomes your friend and a little brush stroke of incelhood - and of course in a very FF style, it ends with you taking out a good amount of gods and celestial beings. A great story in my opinion.
This is all such a silly and wonderful experience that I highly recommend. It celebrates absurdity and storytelling and the beauty that is to understand that we all suffer as humans in very similar ways. The games in the pixel remaster series have all so many quality of life upgrades that the grinding time for many of the games sections can be reduced to your liking, making this a very appealing experience to have nowadays.
Anyway:
5 double casted ultima spells out of 5 🧿🧿🧿🧿🧿 (with an entry to my personal hall of fame)
As some of you may know, this concludes my journey of going through the first 6 Final Fantasy entries. Thank you for the ones that have read my reviews so far. I'll be back for FF7 and beyond!
I say feelings because most of the time that is what videogames give me. Whether it's wonder, some flavor of boredom, rage or anything in between; I believe that they all can be cherishable moments that serve as a reflection of what the PIECE OF ART (in this case) is trying to say.
That's also the style of reviews I like to write - kind of. They are more like a reaction rather than an objective summary of what happens in the game etc.
One of the first things I noticed after booting the game for the first time is the amount of polish it has compared to its predecessors - and I mean polish everywhere. There are more and more fluid animations, sprites look beautiful, the bestiary is large and thicc and it even feels like it's the biggest and most varied OST of any FF so far - and oh man, the writing and dialogue.
As I've mentioned before i think, the thing that makes me dislike a game more is weak plot and writing. It's not that a game has to have a serious plot or serious grown up writing about real life things, after all, we are playing videogames. What I look for and what I like the most is when the words are inspiring. When they aren't lazy. I love when I see wit and personality. I like when writers are brave enough to make their characters imperfect and human-like. I love that they all have their quirks. I love how they all exist in a tragic world and have very tragic things happen to them that make them what they are - and it's all told in such a smart and tactful way.
I love how Edgar is always a hopeless romantic and how he's always saying cheesy one liners to women. I love how Sabin is this tunnel visioned knuckle head that lightly mocks Celes when she suggests he might have been hurt after the world ends. I love how one of the characters is a moogle that can communicate with humans. I love the most that these traits aren't their whole personality. It shocks me and it's almost eerie how they managed to create so many playable characters (14!) that feel this developed. I mean, I have seen movies and read novels that have characters that are way more one-dimensional than the FF6 cast. This game might have even given me the first instance where I actually do remember the names of some of the characters i spent almost 50 hours with.
There are so many memorable moments in the game - tragic, wholesome and funny. It honestly surprised me how it just kept going and going. There's a section where you fight the undead and suplex a train. There's another where you find an abandoned kid raised by wolves and you adopt him into your party (a salute to Gau). I did feel sometimes that events were sometimes not connected in the most fluid way. Sometimes it did feel kind of forced and most of the time I felt kind of lost in what the game wanted me to do.
That takes me to the plot. I felt it somewhat similar to FFII in that it's this epic story of the empire vs the resistance. The Gestahlian Empire vs the Returners in this case. Magic is gone from this world because the empire has taken all of it because of some mystical beings that possess it (or create it?) and they were friends with humans, but there was a huge battle eons ago that left their friendship in shambles and eh, you should definitely go play it to understand it better - but it's definitely convoluted and a slow burn at first. You're introduced to characters relatively slowly, but many things happen quickly and when your party eventually starts getting large you get split and you get tasked with scheming schemes and thinking of ways to mess up the empire's plans. It's always a classic underdog story and our main villain is one hateable asshole. Which is good! Because it really drives the story. There is a fully voiced (sung?) opera, river poisoning, samurai dreams, a mercenary that becomes your friend and a little brush stroke of incelhood - and of course in a very FF style, it ends with you taking out a good amount of gods and celestial beings. A great story in my opinion.
This is all such a silly and wonderful experience that I highly recommend. It celebrates absurdity and storytelling and the beauty that is to understand that we all suffer as humans in very similar ways. The games in the pixel remaster series have all so many quality of life upgrades that the grinding time for many of the games sections can be reduced to your liking, making this a very appealing experience to have nowadays.
Anyway:
5 double casted ultima spells out of 5 🧿🧿🧿🧿🧿 (with an entry to my personal hall of fame)
As some of you may know, this concludes my journey of going through the first 6 Final Fantasy entries. Thank you for the ones that have read my reviews so far. I'll be back for FF7 and beyond!
5 hours in and this is already much better than the original
Already alot more interactions (I really like the demon haunt, it's the little things like that, that make the game more memorable IMO)
The new features fit in perfectly, more specifically the QoL improvements (mostly saving on the spot and auto-battle) make the game insanely smooth to play
Not trapped on the switch so it consistently looks great, new tracks are pretty good so far
But again it's only 5 hours and I don't have super high expectations (mostly of the new story), so i'll see what happens - could either get better or get worse. At least the non main story stuff feels good atm.
Already alot more interactions (I really like the demon haunt, it's the little things like that, that make the game more memorable IMO)
The new features fit in perfectly, more specifically the QoL improvements (mostly saving on the spot and auto-battle) make the game insanely smooth to play
Not trapped on the switch so it consistently looks great, new tracks are pretty good so far
But again it's only 5 hours and I don't have super high expectations (mostly of the new story), so i'll see what happens - could either get better or get worse. At least the non main story stuff feels good atm.
The PlayStation 3 was the first home console I ever got to myself, back during Christmas of 2009. I was pretty young back then, so when I saw it in commercials prior to that, I wanted a PS3 because of EyePet.
It looked cute and adorable, and it pleased my young self's mind. But the console bundle that came with it also contained another game... Ratchet & Clank: Quest for Booty.
Now, that game is not the subject of this review, but it holds extreme significance to me, not only for being the game responsible for introducing me to this series... but it was also the first 3D Platformer I had ever played.
I'll detail more my thoughts of that game when I get to reviewing it, but short into the point, that game made me a Ratchet & Clank fan, and while I'm not as active with the series as I used to be, it still is a franchise that holds a special place in my heart.
During the next few years, many of the games I would get for my PlayStation 3 were either Sonic games or Ratchet & Clank games, with the ocassional odd-ball thrown here and there. I got three different Ratchet & Clank games in 2014: Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time; Ratchet & Clank: Into the Nexus; and the game that's being reviewed today, Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction.
I was pretty happy when I got the game because I would be seeing the events that were told to me at the beginning of Quest for Booty. But as I progressed through it, I started to notice that the game was much harder than that one. So much so that I experienced one of my first rage-quits, one that I'm not very proud of.
It wouldn't be until 2020, where I decided to go back to Tools of Destruction, start it from scratch and finish it. I even got all of the Gold Bolts and RYNO IV Holo-Plans, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
You guys might be wondering what Ratchet & Clank even is?
Well, let's begin.
Ratchet & Clank is one of Sony Interactive Entertainment's flagship series, mixing platforming with third-person shooting. The game stars the titular duo, as they go around various planets, using various weapons to blow shit up and defeat the antagonist of the game in question.
With Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction, that is no different. Although, for Japanese and North American players, the game's title is actually Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction.
While the game is not a reboot or even a soft-reboot, as the series jumped into the PlayStation 3, there was a different perspective on how to approach story-telling.
While I still have yet to play the PS2 trilogy and Deadlocked/Gladiator, from what I understand, those games had simple stories but with a lot of good jokes featuring various characters you would meet in the many planets the duo would visit. Many of those jokes made fun of capitalism and stuff related to it.
With the PS3, the team over at Insomniac Games wanted to make a more ambitious story, delving into the origins of the duo and tell something that would branch over multiple games, thus creating the Future saga.
Did they succeed? Kinda.
In a vaccum, Tools of Destruction's plot is not much different from the plots presented in previous games. In spite of game's more serious nature, it's not afraid to make jokes and to have cool characters Ratchet & Clank meet throughout the story.
The number of characters they meet is lesser than those games, but those characters stick with the duo through most of the game.
There are interesting things that are set-up in this title, like the whereabouts of Talwyn's father, Max Apogee, or the origin of the Lombaxes, Ratchet's race.
Thing is, not all of them have a pay-off in the game itself, or in future games. And this boils down to the game's rather problematic development.
At the time, Insomniac Games had a very big crunch culture, putting out a Ratchet & Clank game every year. With the PS3 era, in order to make sure they wouldn't have burnout, they decided to make the Resistance series, and they would release a Resistance game one year, and a Ratchet & Clank game the next.
This strategy blew up in their faces, but I'll discuss this more in the Quest for Booty and A Crack in Time reviews.
Point is, because of this and various other problems going on at Insomniac around this time, the plot and the game as a whole were rushed to hell and back.
I'm honestly shocked that the game we got is as polished as it is.
Continuing on, let's talk about the gameplay!
Like previous games, Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction remains a platformer mixed in with a third-person shooter. Many of Clank's various abilities that he had with Ratchet are still here, like the Heli-Pack and the Hydro-Pack.
Ratchet can still hit enemies with his wrench and use various gun-fire, like previously. Starting with this game, many of the weapons Ratchet would receive going forward would be from this game. It was nice getting unique weapons per game previously, but a lot of these weapons kick ass, so I don't have many complaints on reusing them for later titles.
In my most recent run, I actually got a lot of use out of two particular weapons, the Groovetron and the Alpha Disruptor. The Groovetron is a device that makes enemies dance, holding them in place for you to attack them.
And the Alpha Disruptor is a big fuck-you weapon. It may not have a lot of ammo, and needs to be charged up, but considering this game's difficulty, it really came in handy.
And yeah, let's talk about the elephant in the room, the difficulty. Now, I'm not sure how hard previous games were, so I can't comment much on them. What I can say is that Tools of Destruction can be quite stingy with checkpoints, and the enemies deal a lot of damage.
Even if you go out of your way to buy armors to upgrade your defenses, you'll still die in 2 to 3 hits, even at the end of the game. It's quite fucking ridiculous, but thankfully, I have a tip for y'all, in case you want to play the game. Whenever you're low on health, stop everything that you're doing, and try to reach the nearest shop.
There are 3 types of shops in this game, and not all of them may appear in the same area. There are Weapon Shops, the most common ones. There are Device Shops, where you can buy smaller weapons like the Groovetron, and there are Armour Shops, which are self-explanatory.
The point is, whenever you enter and leave a shop, you regain all of your health back, and that can be a life-saver at many points in your journey.
Another thing that can help you is Raritanium! Outside of the main currency, bolts, you'll find these purple crystals in certain chests. These allow you to upgrade your weapons in the shop, outside of their usual level-up system. You can make them have more ammo, deal more damage, or have a special effect that is specific to each weapon. These are upgraded via a Skill Tree, and while changes are small per upgrade, completing a weapon's Skill Tree does produce some great results!
And then, there is the RYNO IV. This weapon continues a Ratchet & Clank tradition, where some of the games contain a RYNO for you to obtain. It stands for "Rip Ya a New One", and they're the BFG's of the series. I believe in the first game, it was the most expensive weapon to obtain.
But in this game, you obtain it via different means. Throughout most levels, there is a Holo-Plan for you to collect. You might find a few of these by accident, but if you obtain all of them, then you'll be able to get the RYNO IV.
I didn't get to use it much, especially as the last Holo-Plan needed is in the last level of the game, but it can quite satisfying.
But we can get better, I assure you.
In some portions of the game, you'll encounter some Star-Fox like sections, where you control the ship Aphelion, shooting at many things. These are fine, they don't require much of the player, I say. I do like you're able to control the ship and reticle independently from one another though.
You may also get Gold Bolts from these levels. Gold Bolts are the series' main-stay when it comes to hidden collectibles. In this game, if you gather enough of them, you'll be able to unlock a skin for Ratchet. Whether it'd be one of the game's side-characters, a snowman, or Dan Johnson (a former Insomniac developer, that sadly passed away before this game released), I find this to be a pretty cool feature.
I used the Mustachio Furioso skin through my adventure, the best skin of all time, and you can't argue that with me, that's just facts.
The last thing I'd like to talk about is the presentation. And sweet mother of fuck, this game looks fucking gorgeous! Even though this game is almost two decades old, it holds up like fine wine, thanks to a mixture of great coloration, nicely-done textures and a great art direction! The combination of cartoony character designs with realistic environments works really well here! Character expressions are top notch, and the voice acting is simply stellar.
The music is pretty decent, I'd say. Not a whole lot of it is memorable, as the game goes for a very cinematic vibe, but when the songs hit, they really hit. The music for the first level in the game has been in my mind ever since I was a kid, playing the demo of this game for the first time. It's pretty epic, I'd say.
Overall, while Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction suffers from weirdly-developed difficulty and some plot issues here and there, the series transitioned very well into the PlayStation 3 thanks to tight controls, great characters, varied environments and fantastic presentation!
It looked cute and adorable, and it pleased my young self's mind. But the console bundle that came with it also contained another game... Ratchet & Clank: Quest for Booty.
Now, that game is not the subject of this review, but it holds extreme significance to me, not only for being the game responsible for introducing me to this series... but it was also the first 3D Platformer I had ever played.
I'll detail more my thoughts of that game when I get to reviewing it, but short into the point, that game made me a Ratchet & Clank fan, and while I'm not as active with the series as I used to be, it still is a franchise that holds a special place in my heart.
During the next few years, many of the games I would get for my PlayStation 3 were either Sonic games or Ratchet & Clank games, with the ocassional odd-ball thrown here and there. I got three different Ratchet & Clank games in 2014: Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time; Ratchet & Clank: Into the Nexus; and the game that's being reviewed today, Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction.
I was pretty happy when I got the game because I would be seeing the events that were told to me at the beginning of Quest for Booty. But as I progressed through it, I started to notice that the game was much harder than that one. So much so that I experienced one of my first rage-quits, one that I'm not very proud of.
It wouldn't be until 2020, where I decided to go back to Tools of Destruction, start it from scratch and finish it. I even got all of the Gold Bolts and RYNO IV Holo-Plans, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
You guys might be wondering what Ratchet & Clank even is?
Well, let's begin.
Ratchet & Clank is one of Sony Interactive Entertainment's flagship series, mixing platforming with third-person shooting. The game stars the titular duo, as they go around various planets, using various weapons to blow shit up and defeat the antagonist of the game in question.
With Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction, that is no different. Although, for Japanese and North American players, the game's title is actually Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction.
While the game is not a reboot or even a soft-reboot, as the series jumped into the PlayStation 3, there was a different perspective on how to approach story-telling.
While I still have yet to play the PS2 trilogy and Deadlocked/Gladiator, from what I understand, those games had simple stories but with a lot of good jokes featuring various characters you would meet in the many planets the duo would visit. Many of those jokes made fun of capitalism and stuff related to it.
With the PS3, the team over at Insomniac Games wanted to make a more ambitious story, delving into the origins of the duo and tell something that would branch over multiple games, thus creating the Future saga.
Did they succeed? Kinda.
In a vaccum, Tools of Destruction's plot is not much different from the plots presented in previous games. In spite of game's more serious nature, it's not afraid to make jokes and to have cool characters Ratchet & Clank meet throughout the story.
The number of characters they meet is lesser than those games, but those characters stick with the duo through most of the game.
There are interesting things that are set-up in this title, like the whereabouts of Talwyn's father, Max Apogee, or the origin of the Lombaxes, Ratchet's race.
Thing is, not all of them have a pay-off in the game itself, or in future games. And this boils down to the game's rather problematic development.
At the time, Insomniac Games had a very big crunch culture, putting out a Ratchet & Clank game every year. With the PS3 era, in order to make sure they wouldn't have burnout, they decided to make the Resistance series, and they would release a Resistance game one year, and a Ratchet & Clank game the next.
This strategy blew up in their faces, but I'll discuss this more in the Quest for Booty and A Crack in Time reviews.
Point is, because of this and various other problems going on at Insomniac around this time, the plot and the game as a whole were rushed to hell and back.
I'm honestly shocked that the game we got is as polished as it is.
Continuing on, let's talk about the gameplay!
Like previous games, Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction remains a platformer mixed in with a third-person shooter. Many of Clank's various abilities that he had with Ratchet are still here, like the Heli-Pack and the Hydro-Pack.
Ratchet can still hit enemies with his wrench and use various gun-fire, like previously. Starting with this game, many of the weapons Ratchet would receive going forward would be from this game. It was nice getting unique weapons per game previously, but a lot of these weapons kick ass, so I don't have many complaints on reusing them for later titles.
In my most recent run, I actually got a lot of use out of two particular weapons, the Groovetron and the Alpha Disruptor. The Groovetron is a device that makes enemies dance, holding them in place for you to attack them.
And the Alpha Disruptor is a big fuck-you weapon. It may not have a lot of ammo, and needs to be charged up, but considering this game's difficulty, it really came in handy.
And yeah, let's talk about the elephant in the room, the difficulty. Now, I'm not sure how hard previous games were, so I can't comment much on them. What I can say is that Tools of Destruction can be quite stingy with checkpoints, and the enemies deal a lot of damage.
Even if you go out of your way to buy armors to upgrade your defenses, you'll still die in 2 to 3 hits, even at the end of the game. It's quite fucking ridiculous, but thankfully, I have a tip for y'all, in case you want to play the game. Whenever you're low on health, stop everything that you're doing, and try to reach the nearest shop.
There are 3 types of shops in this game, and not all of them may appear in the same area. There are Weapon Shops, the most common ones. There are Device Shops, where you can buy smaller weapons like the Groovetron, and there are Armour Shops, which are self-explanatory.
The point is, whenever you enter and leave a shop, you regain all of your health back, and that can be a life-saver at many points in your journey.
Another thing that can help you is Raritanium! Outside of the main currency, bolts, you'll find these purple crystals in certain chests. These allow you to upgrade your weapons in the shop, outside of their usual level-up system. You can make them have more ammo, deal more damage, or have a special effect that is specific to each weapon. These are upgraded via a Skill Tree, and while changes are small per upgrade, completing a weapon's Skill Tree does produce some great results!
And then, there is the RYNO IV. This weapon continues a Ratchet & Clank tradition, where some of the games contain a RYNO for you to obtain. It stands for "Rip Ya a New One", and they're the BFG's of the series. I believe in the first game, it was the most expensive weapon to obtain.
But in this game, you obtain it via different means. Throughout most levels, there is a Holo-Plan for you to collect. You might find a few of these by accident, but if you obtain all of them, then you'll be able to get the RYNO IV.
I didn't get to use it much, especially as the last Holo-Plan needed is in the last level of the game, but it can quite satisfying.
But we can get better, I assure you.
In some portions of the game, you'll encounter some Star-Fox like sections, where you control the ship Aphelion, shooting at many things. These are fine, they don't require much of the player, I say. I do like you're able to control the ship and reticle independently from one another though.
You may also get Gold Bolts from these levels. Gold Bolts are the series' main-stay when it comes to hidden collectibles. In this game, if you gather enough of them, you'll be able to unlock a skin for Ratchet. Whether it'd be one of the game's side-characters, a snowman, or Dan Johnson (a former Insomniac developer, that sadly passed away before this game released), I find this to be a pretty cool feature.
I used the Mustachio Furioso skin through my adventure, the best skin of all time, and you can't argue that with me, that's just facts.
The last thing I'd like to talk about is the presentation. And sweet mother of fuck, this game looks fucking gorgeous! Even though this game is almost two decades old, it holds up like fine wine, thanks to a mixture of great coloration, nicely-done textures and a great art direction! The combination of cartoony character designs with realistic environments works really well here! Character expressions are top notch, and the voice acting is simply stellar.
The music is pretty decent, I'd say. Not a whole lot of it is memorable, as the game goes for a very cinematic vibe, but when the songs hit, they really hit. The music for the first level in the game has been in my mind ever since I was a kid, playing the demo of this game for the first time. It's pretty epic, I'd say.
Overall, while Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction suffers from weirdly-developed difficulty and some plot issues here and there, the series transitioned very well into the PlayStation 3 thanks to tight controls, great characters, varied environments and fantastic presentation!
My rating is just the average rating for all the games.
Overall, it's great that almost the entire series is in one complete package. Without this, I would've never experienced Halo.
Halo CE: 6/10
Halo 2: 9/10
Halo 3: 8/10
ODST: 7/10
Reach: 10/10
Halo 4: 6/10
Overall, it's great that almost the entire series is in one complete package. Without this, I would've never experienced Halo.
Halo CE: 6/10
Halo 2: 9/10
Halo 3: 8/10
ODST: 7/10
Reach: 10/10
Halo 4: 6/10
This was a really ambitious game to make, one filled with love, passion, creativity and a distinct vision and I liked it a lot for that! I might not have played Bloodborne so I couldn't tell you how similar/different everything is, but I love how it was an April Fools joke turned into a full fledged and enjoyable game, and its such a visually distinct game from anything from the kart racer genre (even if the music is still cartoonish, but its still amazing regardless) and unapologetically retro, with some really useful options for customising your experience.
All items are pretty derivative of Mario Kart's items (blood droplets = coins, guns = green shells, etc) but they have a grittier spin on them, like blood increasing max speed, insentivising hunting other players and enemies on the course, as well as being able to collect aether vials while drifting for a little speed boost to your kart.
The diversity of missions in the campaign also made it fresh and like I wasn't just playing Grand Prix again, having some cool boss fights and making battle more than just a side mode, which is great because the weapons are really fun to use. Multiplayer is also really fun, having everything in the campaign (except for bosses) with a lot of customisation options for battle and races. Its a shame that after every round you get kicked out, so you can't select how many you want to do before getting booted to the menu, but its not a major annoyance.
I do have to admit that this game isn't perfect however, and my time on it was filled with a little more frustration than enjoyment since the controls didn't feel as responsive or nice to use as most kart racers; the lack of a more in-depth tutorial meant I was running off previous knowledge and muscle memory, which didn't help the feeling of the controls. The UI isn't the most intuitive it could be, there aren't any way markers for dark/foggy maps, sounds, especially voices, were so extremely quiet when compared to the rest of the SFX (I turned it up to max and I still could barely hear it over the music) and I hated the Nicholas boss for being unintuitive to fight and for being able to double tap with his body and his weapon.
Overall its a fun and promicing game but I probably overhyped myself before launch and subsequently got a little disappointed by it, but its getting updated pretty frequently so I can't complain, especially if my gripes get fixed. Trans rights!!
All items are pretty derivative of Mario Kart's items (blood droplets = coins, guns = green shells, etc) but they have a grittier spin on them, like blood increasing max speed, insentivising hunting other players and enemies on the course, as well as being able to collect aether vials while drifting for a little speed boost to your kart.
The diversity of missions in the campaign also made it fresh and like I wasn't just playing Grand Prix again, having some cool boss fights and making battle more than just a side mode, which is great because the weapons are really fun to use. Multiplayer is also really fun, having everything in the campaign (except for bosses) with a lot of customisation options for battle and races. Its a shame that after every round you get kicked out, so you can't select how many you want to do before getting booted to the menu, but its not a major annoyance.
I do have to admit that this game isn't perfect however, and my time on it was filled with a little more frustration than enjoyment since the controls didn't feel as responsive or nice to use as most kart racers; the lack of a more in-depth tutorial meant I was running off previous knowledge and muscle memory, which didn't help the feeling of the controls. The UI isn't the most intuitive it could be, there aren't any way markers for dark/foggy maps, sounds, especially voices, were so extremely quiet when compared to the rest of the SFX (I turned it up to max and I still could barely hear it over the music) and I hated the Nicholas boss for being unintuitive to fight and for being able to double tap with his body and his weapon.
Overall its a fun and promicing game but I probably overhyped myself before launch and subsequently got a little disappointed by it, but its getting updated pretty frequently so I can't complain, especially if my gripes get fixed. Trans rights!!
When President Johnson loosens his tie, says he's ready to face the consequences of his betrayal against the US, then grabs Raiden by the pussy I had to put the controller down and wonder how Kojima knew Trump would become president.
Free to start painting its own vision, Zero 2 really nails down the personality of the series I think. Strong roster of bosses, dramatic presentation, surprisingly fun and rewarding upgrade systems, and of course all the dimensions the Chain Rod adds to the game - it all just comes together to make Zero 2 one of the best ever. Grappling hooks are a fun and rare treat in platformers, and it gives Zero 2 a sort of unique edge over the other Mega Man games.
Depending on the day, I waffle between Zero 2 and Mega Man 8 being my favorite in the entire franchise. Not only was Zero 2 my first in the Zero series but I also find it to just be such a solid, well-rounded game in its own right (but maybe Im crazy there, how much can I really defend a game where you beat up a small frog man named “Burble Hekelot”?)
Depending on the day, I waffle between Zero 2 and Mega Man 8 being my favorite in the entire franchise. Not only was Zero 2 my first in the Zero series but I also find it to just be such a solid, well-rounded game in its own right (but maybe Im crazy there, how much can I really defend a game where you beat up a small frog man named “Burble Hekelot”?)