ALL OF 2022, RANKED
2022 was a good year and I spent way more than I needed to on games - most of which were mid! But there were still a lot of highlights and fun laughs over vc. My tastes didn't evolve much, but I felt my linguistics and understanding of old favorites maturing.
This is EVERYTHING ranked - plus blurbs for the Top 50.
(Set to 'List' view for best reading of the blurbs, or 'Grid' for best display of overall ranks.)
Excluded replays:
-Dynamite Headdy -Vectorman 1/2 -Star Allies -Time Crisis 3 -Sonic CD -Ninja Gaiden -Knuckles in Sonic 2 -Barney's Hide & Seek Game -Darius MD [Extra] -GG Aleste -Jurassic Park (Arcade) -Warlords -Sonic & Knuckles -Sonic Classic Heroes -Shinobi III
Excluded new plays:
-Super Cream 64 -Radar Mission -Top Pro Golf 2 -Answer These 10 Questions And I'll Tell You What Kind of Lover You Are -Death Crimson -Two Girls Punch Me Repeatedly -Prehistoric Isle 2 -Boxy & Prisma -New 3D Golf Simulation: Harukanaru Augusta -New 3D Golf Simulation: Waialae no Kiseki
This is EVERYTHING ranked - plus blurbs for the Top 50.
(Set to 'List' view for best reading of the blurbs, or 'Grid' for best display of overall ranks.)
Excluded replays:
-Dynamite Headdy -Vectorman 1/2 -Star Allies -Time Crisis 3 -Sonic CD -Ninja Gaiden -Knuckles in Sonic 2 -Barney's Hide & Seek Game -Darius MD [Extra] -GG Aleste -Jurassic Park (Arcade) -Warlords -Sonic & Knuckles -Sonic Classic Heroes -Shinobi III
Excluded new plays:
-Super Cream 64 -Radar Mission -Top Pro Golf 2 -Answer These 10 Questions And I'll Tell You What Kind of Lover You Are -Death Crimson -Two Girls Punch Me Repeatedly -Prehistoric Isle 2 -Boxy & Prisma -New 3D Golf Simulation: Harukanaru Augusta -New 3D Golf Simulation: Waialae no Kiseki
230 Games
129
128
127
126
(Game Gear)
125
124
123
122
121
120
119
118
117
116
115
114
113
109
108
107
(Genesis)
105
104
103
102
101
100
99
97
96
93
88
82
78
76
70
69
(Master System)
65
62
61
57
55
53
51
Konami spent 2 decades being beat-em-up's false prophet but I gotta give credit where due: Turtles in Time's SNES port cleans up really well. All those tv-quality sprites finally put to good use in something with impact and a satisfying rhythm.
I hate this game but my brother loves it and demanded me to play it with him. Imagine Portal 2 co-op if it was 10x less funny and had 10x more backstabbing people over spikepits. Bad shit, groan-inducing writing - but, I can't deny the experience got a lot of miserable kicks.
Like the best intersection of early Capcom's traditional beatemup design and late Capcom's gimmick-driven beatemup design. Very cool.
My fetish is playing historically-hated Sonic things and finding out they actually kick ass
The PS2 Hot Shots games would be the best golf of their entire generation if my american ass could play the version without the bad mighty beanz ass 'tude characters
Nero is the most invested I ever got into a DMC character arc. I was constantly frustrated and disappointed with the game's numerous issues, but it still left an imprint where it mattered. An accurate reflection of Nero's surging rage and love. Gaming's most relatable teenager.
44
Lots of people's ideal platforming control schemes are conked-out MMX-style speedrun tools with millions of multi-directional airdashes and parkour. But I think I found my soft spot in rigid-style controls supported by a few touches. Skyblazer is a solid realization of Hook's floaty heaven-chasing platforming with strong level design and aesthetic.
Regrettable for being a retread with mostly no improvements and lots of little bastardizations to the original. But, it's still Battle for Bikini Bottom, and it was a fun replay to break in the new gaming setup.
The most appropriately-peanuts Peanuts game ever. What else would be more fitting to the meandering everyday of Snoopy than terrible point-and-click platforming, slide puzzles, and a 2 hour fetchquest minigame?
C-C-C-commando
Aw jeez rick, oh no, augh, i ended up in golf hell rick, they put the green on a steep mountain rick, awww, thats pretty bad y'know cause like, if you hit the ball too far it falls all the way to the bottom, and then you have to start over again rick, auuugh, that's pretty fucked up isn't it rick, jesus christ
39
Joystick made me realize I like men (satire (not satire (who knows?)))
38
This artform is truly about weird polygon creatures shooting each other with laser beams for fun. Just as a giggle. A hallway nerf gun fight.
The way I felt about Forgotten Land was the same way I imagine most people felt about Frontiers: "wow i can't wait for these innovations to be a used in a good game"
Mad props for just making an isometric, fixed-camera platformer in 2022 but damn I kinda wish it had any meat instead of 'do a bunch of gacha-y tasks' nintendo thing. Becomes a bit of a slog very quickly and has a lot of things I just don't want to engage with in a Kirby game, which just tests my patience when the main levels recycle the same 4 midbosses and only have half as many copy abilities with half as many moves. Affirmed my belief that Kirby fans mean well but are kinda babyheads who eat literally anything.
Mad props for just making an isometric, fixed-camera platformer in 2022 but damn I kinda wish it had any meat instead of 'do a bunch of gacha-y tasks' nintendo thing. Becomes a bit of a slog very quickly and has a lot of things I just don't want to engage with in a Kirby game, which just tests my patience when the main levels recycle the same 4 midbosses and only have half as many copy abilities with half as many moves. Affirmed my belief that Kirby fans mean well but are kinda babyheads who eat literally anything.
top 5 beatemup from 4th gen and it was shocking when people told me 'yeah the remake is just objectively better in every way'
35
One of the few replays I opted to include in the list because it was so eye-opening. The safest and most edgeless entry in a trilogy predacated on high-budget tech-demo thrills, but still a smooth runtime with solid production value in spite of that. Flaccid and biteless compared to most 3D platformers but it knows not to push your buttons with unruly mixups. Very Foxbox-core too.
A cool jetbiker girl rides through the endless sea, eliminating foes while jamming out to jazz-rock. An extremely solid yet overlooked Namco gem - and to me, a shining star of the early MD library.
The trojan horse meme but the horse is 'the worst shmup you've ever played', Troy is 'touhou fans' and the Greek soldiers are 'killer7 but about drawing fetish art of your crush'
Sunset Riders 2: More style, less substance.
Target Earth/ASL was the biggest 'I want to like this game but can't' crisis I had this year - powerfully-innovative but mindlessly-cruel in difficulty. The remake takes cues from classics like Armored Core and Ranger-X, adding improved control while respecting the sense of weight and agency a mech has. Peak OVA gaming.