after 3 months, i see myself finishing elden ring. the most recent to the discourse, maybe out of time, and probably having nothing relevant to say about this or starting a discussion about [put thematic or design polemic here]. i do have some reflections about it, though. and i'm gonna list it:

- it keeps me amazed from 90% of the time that a game, this big, actually exists. not really (only) because of its map size, but how much its on it. from content to the systems. a lot of things that came from different miyazaki's games not in a "they tried this to bring them here" way exactly (its not wrong, tho) but really in a greatest hits way. and it works, nothing out of place but still with the feeling that you can break the game as much as you want and just mess with some crazy ass build that gonna solo the hardest boss. the areas are all beautiful and architectonic impressive, too. the dungeons are almost all reminiscent from dark souls 3 and bloodborne but when i saw literally blighttown type of level design (the best dark souls 1 area (maybe not, anor londo...)), i smirked. it's one the few open world games that is great to actually explore the open world exactly because of how much it's on it (dungeons, bosses, npcs, mountains, lights from nowhere (or should i say... somewhere?), looking at the beautiful sky boxes and vibing in general) and you just realize that from know how to create worlds. 100% me like big game brain.

- the 10% i didn't enjoyed are maybe my fault? is still an open world game and a big ass one. and a souls game. playing it while you are in college is not really something i would recommend. the free time i had i've chosen to spend going out with friends and i'm not really regretful of it. i think its more "my fault". by the end i was just waiting for it to finish, and i'm glad it goes full ffxv mode of being linear in its last hours (that is like, 5% of the game lol (not accurate)).

- not really expert lore wise since i've not watched vaati as everyone else yet, but i did enjoyed it! it didn't touched me as much as bloodborne's since bb was the from's game in which world i was most involved too, but it touched on some subjects that made me think and i enjoyed. i may be wrong but it's perhaps the souls that you are closest to god beings ever. not all demigods lose their minds and some of them you don't even fight. they are basically a very problematic and privileged family with different ideals but the same goal. i don't think the game treats anything with glamour, too. i don't know if it critics, but it presents to you how fucked up they are. the npcs itself are very interesting too and with the many groups around the world, its curious seeing their different philosophies. beings not able to see the grace of god and just fighting for survival, following that god even though their light is not on them or simply rejecting and wanting you to kill it. in the end, the decision for which path you take is yours. you can see the grace, will you kill god even then?

- i started to think about my relationship with souls game and alikes. it always takes me time to finish them for the first time. i'm not a great gamer, so i do find difficult the game that is supposed to be difficult! the thing is, i do engage with those games when i play them for the first time. perhaps not in the reading item description way or the build-bros way but in a kind "life-experience" way. like going to a roller coaster. i never went to a roller coaster but i couldn't think about a best example so let me explain: it's something you would (want to) do at least once in your life. you could do it, twice or more times, but the first time you do it it's the one that marks you the most and maybe the one that you going to tell people about it. like a life achievement. they do not speak to me directly as suda games or, idk, kingdom hearts, while i do find its thematics interesting and worth discussing, but in a more mechanical and lived way, it's something that i always want to experience, at least once. i've never finished a NG+ from any souls, even tho i played bloodborne a bunch of times. it just does not works for me. i don't immediately starts playing souls games again after finishing it, if i want to do it i just start a new game. but in the end, the fact that i did experienced it, being intensive and requiring as it was, is, by itself, a "life achievement". maybe i'm receiving a golden trophy for that? who knows!

i tried to play this without guides or anything like that at first, but i'm not gamer enough to do this. even when i used one, i still felt constantly as if i would have a stroke every single damn time i entered a room. this is not the first search action game, it's actually the first survival horror game: navigating into a horrific and menacious environment, while having to administrate resources and without a single map!! even with your jumps and shootings you still have to search for better shootings and bigger jumps as a stray dog looking for food. it's amazing how it even has checkpoints, but you start with 30 HP only and almost no missiles! it's a cursed but yet interesting experience. i need some water, though.

the most "2000s cartoon network" videogame ever made (probably). i cannot imagine this game being made today, it has such billy & mandy type of humor and when the conspiracy hits is just like, KND movie levels of nonsense and paranoia (zombies that are actually old people (everyone is afraid of old people, i guess?)). just real clever writing, with good timing for comedy while showing a lot of different mental illness and traumas with a bit of dark humor here and there, but never losing sensibility (not the same you would see in today's games like celeste, but still!! (and to be honest, this approach feels better for my tastes)). the main character, raz, is very well developed and his character arc is concluded in the most unexpected way. love the whole contextualization of "videogame things" into mind-things, i.e, your health bar being "mental health" and your power being medium powers (im surprised i've not seen a joke about bending spoons) and stuff you see in cold war media (btw, is this game happening in the 60s? 70s?). the gameplay being janky as it is and some levels being a little frustrating just helps with the comfy-yet-menacing vibes and the whole mean comedy it has. some of the levels are, by the way, one of the best i've ever seen in a videogame -- milkman's conspiracy is just such an engaging story and meat circus is at bowser's castle from super mario 64 level of "utilizing everything you've learned from the game" (while being a scout mission, too!). really like how the camp is a whole place and not a mini HUB -- love when games with levels have a way of locomotion between them, makes the world feels more real and is crazy the amount of, cough, "lore" it has -- hidden stories about the other kids in the camp or bizarre things that you may encounter soon but, until there, is just legend. the kids, by the way, really act like 10~13 years old kids: they are starting to fell in love with each other, talking about "making out" but still have both meanness and innocence a kid has -- you can see this in raz own character, like how he reacts to some of the adults problems while you can totally relate to them, but is still gentle and helps in the way he can.

is just. a really good game.

in kingdom hearts chain of memories, sora is looking for riku and king mickey. he climbs a tower and while he does it, he starts to lose his memories. we learn, then, how memory is perhaps the most important thing that we, as human beings, have. to be honest, the sickness that scares me the most is alzheimer. the fact that someone can totally forget who i am or that i can forget everyone else is just... terrible.

wild arms 3 is a videogame all about memories. your party is made of a girl haunted by memories of her missing dad, carried by the feeling of, one day, finding him; a guy from a lineage of ancient people, who does not want to accept his 'fate' and follow what the memory of his people say is right, but rather, create new memories by himself; a boy that hasn't any memory from before he becomes a drifter (wild arms' mercenary), and is edgy because, huh, he is not really sure of who he is; and a middle age man, historian, looking for the past memories from the planet. while the game has every single aspect that a jrpg story has (criticizes colonialism, goes full kill-a-god mode, anime tropes (not the criminal ones!), learning how to be friends with strangers you just met, etc.), it never loses focus and, in the end, concludes every character arc and its message.

it can be rough around the edges sometimes, yeah. while it does have a lot of interesting stuff, the way it is presented is kind of archaic and can be a little difficult to fully understand everything. the dungeons are very creative and have some kind of zelda progression, in the way that you almost always have some kind of puzzle to progress and a new item or gimmick to utilize. it plays very well with the camera and perspective too. at the end, tho, it gets a little tiring. the game is very "anime" in a sense that not only is, in fact, directed by an anime director and screenwriter (which give the scenes very cool framings!) but also that is paced in a very episodic way. it gives vibes from a 2000s anime that you would probably love as a teenager but can be tiring if you play this very straightforwardly.

however! it was a very special game to me. it bothered me sometimes but made me think a lot about how i see games and if i am really positive about almost everything i consume or just don't have good taste -- in the end, this critical-existencial-crisis does not matter! what i love about living is having great memories about everything i do and learning how to take care of the bad ones, and this goes for gaming, too. wild arms 3 will forever be a good memory for me, just as this adventure will be for virginia, gallows, jet and clive.

kind of late to the "astro's playroom" discourse but its such a game that could be only a capitalist propaganda but, in the end, is a letter of love to playstation and its history with delightful gameplay and levels! screamed a lot seeing metal gear, final fantasy and devil may cry references and looooved how team asobi respects ico! makes me really sad that, with all this love and care, astro bot is probably a franchise destined to be sony's tech demo project, existing only for the purpose of selling hardware capabilities. not so different from what nintendo does with all their mario games, but mario is a consolidated franchise with its own mythos. astro is cute and perfect and wonderful, but only a mirror to the glory days of sony and its variety of games. wish things were different!