katsugarry
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Hades
2018
Within the first hour of Hades, I rolled a boon that gave me +2HP regeneration per hit at the expense of half my health, plus another which healed me by a certain amount if I dodged after being struck. I coasted to the third boss, where I finally ate shit while getting sandwiched between a minotaur and Theesus' hot, oily body (video games are all about wish-fulfillment, you see.) I figured there was no way I wouldn't knock this out in a single sitting if I was able to get 75% of the way through the game so early and with so little equipment and abilities unlocked, so I settled in and started thinking about what I'd play next.
It took me another 20ish hours to beat up my dad.
Chaos is down here, but I feel him everywhere. I sense him in the damn walls, because in true roguelike fashion, my ability to claw my way out of the underworld is largely determined by blind luck. Did I get the crystal turrets this run? No? Well shit, I guess this has become an exploratory mission, a grind to get as much crystals and keys as possible to buy stat upgrades and equipment to mitigate some of my misfortune. Oh good, I managed to get a boon to pom upgrades so everything is doubled now, surely I'll beat Hades this time and-- what do you mean he has two health bars, what is this Lies of P bull shit?
Each failed run sends me back to the main hall, where Zag can chat with his friends, colleagues and family, or pet his dog, maybe do a little interior decorating... it's a place to pause, to breath and collect oneself before the next run. Only problem is, I'm not built like that. I'm a sick little goblin freak and for the past eight hours I've been able to consistently make it to the fourth layer of the Underworld, where rats with a billion HP pick at my bones. No time to talk, Nyx. Go suck yourself, Hypnos. I don't have time for your sharply written dialog and I've run out of patience for picking out different colors of drapes, this is the run.
It's not the run. I can't be mad, though. The worst parts of Hades are tropes so quintessential to the genre that if you didn't expect them going in, then you aren't really being honest to yourself about what Hades is. The lack of predictability is a feature, one that comes with some great highs and abysmal lows, which at times made me feel like Hades is deserving of its praise while also making me want to put it down. Ask me how much I like Hades and I'm going to say "it depends."
And, in perfect fashion, I finally kicked my old man's ass not because I collected enough keys to unlock every weapon so that I could gain access to the upgrade system, or because I had maxed out several stat upgrades I felt might help keep Zag alive - as was my plan - but because I happened to roll a +900% damage perk against armor, perfect for making short work of those rats. With that, level 7 crystal turrets, and four full charges of Death Defiance, I could've taped my eyes shut during the fight against Hades. The cool thing about roguelikes is they can either favor you too early and trivialize the whole game or dick you over so much that you're just miserable. The truly fortunate land somewhere in the middle and get a more satisfying sense of balance amid all the dice rolls and chaos.
Despite the rogulike trappings of chance and repetition, I don't think Hades is a bad game, so much as it's a perfectly alright one. In fact, the bits that are more unique to Hades, like the writing, character designs, and even the way Zag feels in combat, are all great. If this genre is more your thing than it is mine, then this is probably a must play, maybe one of the best of all time. For me, it's a "shelved" that I'm giving a 3/5 because 20+ hours later, I can't imagine another run with modifiers actually turning the needle much at all. I'll probably get back to it someday, but for now, I need to put this down and play something else... Like Prey: Mooncrash!
It took me another 20ish hours to beat up my dad.
Chaos is down here, but I feel him everywhere. I sense him in the damn walls, because in true roguelike fashion, my ability to claw my way out of the underworld is largely determined by blind luck. Did I get the crystal turrets this run? No? Well shit, I guess this has become an exploratory mission, a grind to get as much crystals and keys as possible to buy stat upgrades and equipment to mitigate some of my misfortune. Oh good, I managed to get a boon to pom upgrades so everything is doubled now, surely I'll beat Hades this time and-- what do you mean he has two health bars, what is this Lies of P bull shit?
Each failed run sends me back to the main hall, where Zag can chat with his friends, colleagues and family, or pet his dog, maybe do a little interior decorating... it's a place to pause, to breath and collect oneself before the next run. Only problem is, I'm not built like that. I'm a sick little goblin freak and for the past eight hours I've been able to consistently make it to the fourth layer of the Underworld, where rats with a billion HP pick at my bones. No time to talk, Nyx. Go suck yourself, Hypnos. I don't have time for your sharply written dialog and I've run out of patience for picking out different colors of drapes, this is the run.
It's not the run. I can't be mad, though. The worst parts of Hades are tropes so quintessential to the genre that if you didn't expect them going in, then you aren't really being honest to yourself about what Hades is. The lack of predictability is a feature, one that comes with some great highs and abysmal lows, which at times made me feel like Hades is deserving of its praise while also making me want to put it down. Ask me how much I like Hades and I'm going to say "it depends."
And, in perfect fashion, I finally kicked my old man's ass not because I collected enough keys to unlock every weapon so that I could gain access to the upgrade system, or because I had maxed out several stat upgrades I felt might help keep Zag alive - as was my plan - but because I happened to roll a +900% damage perk against armor, perfect for making short work of those rats. With that, level 7 crystal turrets, and four full charges of Death Defiance, I could've taped my eyes shut during the fight against Hades. The cool thing about roguelikes is they can either favor you too early and trivialize the whole game or dick you over so much that you're just miserable. The truly fortunate land somewhere in the middle and get a more satisfying sense of balance amid all the dice rolls and chaos.
Despite the rogulike trappings of chance and repetition, I don't think Hades is a bad game, so much as it's a perfectly alright one. In fact, the bits that are more unique to Hades, like the writing, character designs, and even the way Zag feels in combat, are all great. If this genre is more your thing than it is mine, then this is probably a must play, maybe one of the best of all time. For me, it's a "shelved" that I'm giving a 3/5 because 20+ hours later, I can't imagine another run with modifiers actually turning the needle much at all. I'll probably get back to it someday, but for now, I need to put this down and play something else... Like Prey: Mooncrash!
If you open and exit this review 20 times, you'll unlock my review for Blue Spheres.
There was a long stretch where Sonic Mega Collection was my go-to way to play through the classic Genesis series, and I have a lot of fond memories of me loafing around my dorm room with my GameCube hooked up to my tiny CRT, just running through Sonic 3 & Knuckles for the millionth time. Loading it up again today for the first time in nearly 20 years, it's not surprising to me that every save slot for that game is filled up, played to 100% completion, with every combination of characters possible. I had a lot of time on my hands.
I still make enough time to go back and play these once or twice a year, and seeing as I've made the absolutely insane commitment to play every Sonic the Hedgehog game (that I am physically able to before the Sonic rot becomes terminal and fully cannibalizes my brain), I figured I should throw Mega Collection and the other compilations onto the pile and see how they stack up against each other.
Well, I've been busy breaking down each compilation with highly corrosive materials, mixing them in beakers and testing them with specially designed strips to indicate their purity, and the results are in: Sonic Mega Collection is (probably) the best one (maybe.) To date, I've tested Gems Collection, Sonic Jam, Origins Plus, and I've dabbled with the PlayStation 2 release of Mega Collection Plus, and all of them are in their own ways more compromised than vanilla Mega Collection. And yeah, I probably could've figured that out without a visit from the cops and the fine folks at the Department of Environmental Quality. Sure, just playing these games would've been "safer" and wouldn't have resulted in an "ecological disaster" or the production of "radiological material..." Whatever.
Mega Collection is a pretty straight-forward package, a real "has all his fingers and toes" release that gives you exactly what you want. The Genesis trilogy of games runs perfectly fine, I didn't encounter any more bugs than I would during a normal playthrough of these games on Genesis hardware, and while there is some audio cues here and there which don't sound quite right, it's nothing as egregious as Sonic Jam. Probably the biggest downside to actually playing these versions of Sonic 1-3 is using the GameCube controller, but if you're the sort of person who, in the year 2024, decides to play through the original Sonic games on GameCube hardware specifically, then an aftermarket controller with a proper d-pad won't set you back much and you're probably crazy enough to already have one.
Unlocking additional games - including Flicky and Ristar - however, is a total hassle. You have to boot up specific games a certain number of times before additional games will unlock, and I have no idea who thought that was a good idea, but they should be frozen and preserved until future generations develop the level of technology necessary for truly understanding their brain. Practically, if you wanted to unlock everything fast you could just keep backing in and out, but a more sensible way to do this would be unlocking new games for completing old ones. Or just have them all unlocked from the start. Really no reason not to.
Full manuals are also included for each game but navigating them is a chore and the scan quality is just low enough that they become difficult to read on a CRT. The included gallery of Archie Sonic comic covers is also hard to look at, but I did have a decent time flicking through these and remembering all the good and bad that was Archie Sonic. Did you know there's an issue where an evil Sonic (who wears a leather jacket so you know he's bad) transports himself to Sonic's world and enacts a master plan to make Sonic have too many girlfriends by kissing all the pretty ladies he can find, and then in the next couple stories Sonic's whole problem is he doesn't know how to manage a polycule? Well now you do. I put that knowledge in your head.
There's definitely better ways to play these games. I'd easily recommend Sonic 3: AIR or Sonic 3: Complete, for example, but if you're wanting something official and physical, Mega Collection is a decent package that does right by the included games. Plus, you can look at comic covers and remember they interrupted the main story to do a two-part Guardians of the Galaxy parody and that Knuckles was green for some reason.
There was a long stretch where Sonic Mega Collection was my go-to way to play through the classic Genesis series, and I have a lot of fond memories of me loafing around my dorm room with my GameCube hooked up to my tiny CRT, just running through Sonic 3 & Knuckles for the millionth time. Loading it up again today for the first time in nearly 20 years, it's not surprising to me that every save slot for that game is filled up, played to 100% completion, with every combination of characters possible. I had a lot of time on my hands.
I still make enough time to go back and play these once or twice a year, and seeing as I've made the absolutely insane commitment to play every Sonic the Hedgehog game (that I am physically able to before the Sonic rot becomes terminal and fully cannibalizes my brain), I figured I should throw Mega Collection and the other compilations onto the pile and see how they stack up against each other.
Well, I've been busy breaking down each compilation with highly corrosive materials, mixing them in beakers and testing them with specially designed strips to indicate their purity, and the results are in: Sonic Mega Collection is (probably) the best one (maybe.) To date, I've tested Gems Collection, Sonic Jam, Origins Plus, and I've dabbled with the PlayStation 2 release of Mega Collection Plus, and all of them are in their own ways more compromised than vanilla Mega Collection. And yeah, I probably could've figured that out without a visit from the cops and the fine folks at the Department of Environmental Quality. Sure, just playing these games would've been "safer" and wouldn't have resulted in an "ecological disaster" or the production of "radiological material..." Whatever.
Mega Collection is a pretty straight-forward package, a real "has all his fingers and toes" release that gives you exactly what you want. The Genesis trilogy of games runs perfectly fine, I didn't encounter any more bugs than I would during a normal playthrough of these games on Genesis hardware, and while there is some audio cues here and there which don't sound quite right, it's nothing as egregious as Sonic Jam. Probably the biggest downside to actually playing these versions of Sonic 1-3 is using the GameCube controller, but if you're the sort of person who, in the year 2024, decides to play through the original Sonic games on GameCube hardware specifically, then an aftermarket controller with a proper d-pad won't set you back much and you're probably crazy enough to already have one.
Unlocking additional games - including Flicky and Ristar - however, is a total hassle. You have to boot up specific games a certain number of times before additional games will unlock, and I have no idea who thought that was a good idea, but they should be frozen and preserved until future generations develop the level of technology necessary for truly understanding their brain. Practically, if you wanted to unlock everything fast you could just keep backing in and out, but a more sensible way to do this would be unlocking new games for completing old ones. Or just have them all unlocked from the start. Really no reason not to.
Full manuals are also included for each game but navigating them is a chore and the scan quality is just low enough that they become difficult to read on a CRT. The included gallery of Archie Sonic comic covers is also hard to look at, but I did have a decent time flicking through these and remembering all the good and bad that was Archie Sonic. Did you know there's an issue where an evil Sonic (who wears a leather jacket so you know he's bad) transports himself to Sonic's world and enacts a master plan to make Sonic have too many girlfriends by kissing all the pretty ladies he can find, and then in the next couple stories Sonic's whole problem is he doesn't know how to manage a polycule? Well now you do. I put that knowledge in your head.
There's definitely better ways to play these games. I'd easily recommend Sonic 3: AIR or Sonic 3: Complete, for example, but if you're wanting something official and physical, Mega Collection is a decent package that does right by the included games. Plus, you can look at comic covers and remember they interrupted the main story to do a two-part Guardians of the Galaxy parody and that Knuckles was green for some reason.
Ridge Racer Type 4
1998
I'm lousy at racing games. I enjoy destruction racers like Burnout or Flatout, but when it comes to 'real' titles like NFS or Ridge Racer, I simply can't hack it.
On my first Grand Prix race I kept my expectations low. Getting third place, I started zoning out until the replay started. Footage of me failing drifts and slamming into walls filled the screen, but it was almost irrelevant because Move Me was playing. I didn't feel like I was rock bottom or should have moved on to a different game: instead, I really wanted to improve.
The music in this game makes me grin. It's so damn good, all the tracks fit their designated purpose but do it so stylishly all the while. They can be a great motivator for success, and amp up the action no matter what place you are in the race: if you're lagging in 7th or 8th it creates urgency, and in 1st it encourages you to keep your speed up and ride the high. To that end, learning the controls and persisting was incredibly rewarding.
The stories in the Grand Prix are fun little dramas that add a bit of pizzazz to every race. I played Micro Mouse Mappy's first so I'm partial to them, but I feel like all the teams add something nice to the player experience.
Ridge Racer Type 4 is bite-sized greatness: every minute is a delight and it never outstays its welcome.
On my first Grand Prix race I kept my expectations low. Getting third place, I started zoning out until the replay started. Footage of me failing drifts and slamming into walls filled the screen, but it was almost irrelevant because Move Me was playing. I didn't feel like I was rock bottom or should have moved on to a different game: instead, I really wanted to improve.
The music in this game makes me grin. It's so damn good, all the tracks fit their designated purpose but do it so stylishly all the while. They can be a great motivator for success, and amp up the action no matter what place you are in the race: if you're lagging in 7th or 8th it creates urgency, and in 1st it encourages you to keep your speed up and ride the high. To that end, learning the controls and persisting was incredibly rewarding.
The stories in the Grand Prix are fun little dramas that add a bit of pizzazz to every race. I played Micro Mouse Mappy's first so I'm partial to them, but I feel like all the teams add something nice to the player experience.
Ridge Racer Type 4 is bite-sized greatness: every minute is a delight and it never outstays its welcome.
Fallout 4
2015
2015 was an insane year for video games, I need to stress that. Witcher, Metal Gear, Batman, and Fallout! So many big names, so many hits! How does this one stack up?
Not too well, I’m afraid.
The first time I played Fallout 4, I was impressed. Improved combat, fresh factions, a great score and atmosphere, and the added settlement system added up my playtime quickly. However, there’s a fly in the ointment - like many Bethesda titles, it’s fantastic on first contact and deteriorates with repeated playthroughs.
Fallout 4 is too streamlined, too smoothed over, and lacks the defining bumps or characteristics that made New Vegas and 3 stand out. It is the ultimate Bethesda game - most of the series’ RPG elements have been stripped clean, the main story is lacking, and the whole experience has been thoroughly idiot-proofed. The majority of quests are kill/fetch errands, and dialogue is relegated to four options. Honestly, it feels like the game plays itself half the time. Let me explain.
Nate will ask an NPC what’s up. The NPC will explain, Nate will respond in the attitude of choice, your companion will like/dislike it, and then you take the quest. Rarely is there ever a branching path or second option, it’s just a straight line. Characters seldom sound invested or urgent in dialogue, it’s just two people droning lines at each other. I’m not someone who hates the idea of voiced protagonists, but it requires a tremendous amount of talent to get it right. This goes doubly so for an RPG, where playtime will be in the tens or even hundreds. Nate and/or Nora don’t cut it for me, it’s just an additional sting for how bland the dialogue is. The one part of the dialogue system I do enjoy is how it interacts with your companion. Companion comments breathe a bit of life into the game, and make you feel like you’re not alone on the dull journey. The system built around them is a positive addition: learning their likes and dislikes over time is neat, and I think each one fills a niche that ensures that everyone will have at least a favorite or two by the time they finish the game. Nick was a big one in my first run, and Codsworth rocked in my second. It’s reminiscent of the first Dragon Age, though I think it’s done better there.
Like its forebears Oblivion and Fallout 3, the atmosphere and soundtrack is top-shelf. I don’t have any complaints about 4’s sound design, it’s remarkably solid all around. There’s a high level of detail in the presentation, with distinct sounds for every interaction, weapon, and general circumstance. I appreciate how there are distinct markers for loot containers: adhesives/tools for red boxes, drugs for blood-stained yellow ones, etc. There’s a language to scavenging that works here, and the settlement system purposefully connects to it. I played on the hard difficulty and had a fun time in combat, as it plays suitably different from normal. Using landmines and other traps is incentivized, as even your best weapons can have trouble putting down tougher foes.
Even in recognition of its few merits, the game’s skill system puts it all to waste. Gone are the days of allocating skill points and passing skill checks. In Fallout 4 you can be 20% better at something, what joy! Snark aside, its construction is a terrible pity and the reason why I chose to write this review in the first place. By removing skill-stacking, specializing, and instead focusing on perk points, the game attempts to foster a “one more turn” feeling, only to fail due to a crucial fact: the content in this game is slop. MMO-tier quests, stilted dialogue, awful story. What’s the point of chasing those perks if the only path to get there is so boring?
Imagine making your failsafe faction route composed entirely of radiant quests headed by the most annoying fucker in the whole game. That’s The Minutemen. The settlement system stapled to them doesn’t help in the quest department, as every quest is the same. Go here, kill that. The Brotherhood is almost different until they pull out Liberty Prime for the finale, which is a big disappointment. After hearing the game’s radio stations reuse songs from 3 on repeat, seeing the game rip plot points at the finish line felt like salt on a wound. That simile is an apt descriptor of 4 on the story side, as any attempt to draw into it deeper than surface level leads to unending pain.
It feels a bit mean to end my thoughts on Fallout 4 with the idea of “unending pain”, but really, it’s to be expected. 4 is the red-headed stepchild, perpetually damned with faint praise and loved for its DLC alone.
… And Nick Valentine. I think everyone loves Nick Valentine.
Not too well, I’m afraid.
The first time I played Fallout 4, I was impressed. Improved combat, fresh factions, a great score and atmosphere, and the added settlement system added up my playtime quickly. However, there’s a fly in the ointment - like many Bethesda titles, it’s fantastic on first contact and deteriorates with repeated playthroughs.
Fallout 4 is too streamlined, too smoothed over, and lacks the defining bumps or characteristics that made New Vegas and 3 stand out. It is the ultimate Bethesda game - most of the series’ RPG elements have been stripped clean, the main story is lacking, and the whole experience has been thoroughly idiot-proofed. The majority of quests are kill/fetch errands, and dialogue is relegated to four options. Honestly, it feels like the game plays itself half the time. Let me explain.
Nate will ask an NPC what’s up. The NPC will explain, Nate will respond in the attitude of choice, your companion will like/dislike it, and then you take the quest. Rarely is there ever a branching path or second option, it’s just a straight line. Characters seldom sound invested or urgent in dialogue, it’s just two people droning lines at each other. I’m not someone who hates the idea of voiced protagonists, but it requires a tremendous amount of talent to get it right. This goes doubly so for an RPG, where playtime will be in the tens or even hundreds. Nate and/or Nora don’t cut it for me, it’s just an additional sting for how bland the dialogue is. The one part of the dialogue system I do enjoy is how it interacts with your companion. Companion comments breathe a bit of life into the game, and make you feel like you’re not alone on the dull journey. The system built around them is a positive addition: learning their likes and dislikes over time is neat, and I think each one fills a niche that ensures that everyone will have at least a favorite or two by the time they finish the game. Nick was a big one in my first run, and Codsworth rocked in my second. It’s reminiscent of the first Dragon Age, though I think it’s done better there.
Like its forebears Oblivion and Fallout 3, the atmosphere and soundtrack is top-shelf. I don’t have any complaints about 4’s sound design, it’s remarkably solid all around. There’s a high level of detail in the presentation, with distinct sounds for every interaction, weapon, and general circumstance. I appreciate how there are distinct markers for loot containers: adhesives/tools for red boxes, drugs for blood-stained yellow ones, etc. There’s a language to scavenging that works here, and the settlement system purposefully connects to it. I played on the hard difficulty and had a fun time in combat, as it plays suitably different from normal. Using landmines and other traps is incentivized, as even your best weapons can have trouble putting down tougher foes.
Even in recognition of its few merits, the game’s skill system puts it all to waste. Gone are the days of allocating skill points and passing skill checks. In Fallout 4 you can be 20% better at something, what joy! Snark aside, its construction is a terrible pity and the reason why I chose to write this review in the first place. By removing skill-stacking, specializing, and instead focusing on perk points, the game attempts to foster a “one more turn” feeling, only to fail due to a crucial fact: the content in this game is slop. MMO-tier quests, stilted dialogue, awful story. What’s the point of chasing those perks if the only path to get there is so boring?
Imagine making your failsafe faction route composed entirely of radiant quests headed by the most annoying fucker in the whole game. That’s The Minutemen. The settlement system stapled to them doesn’t help in the quest department, as every quest is the same. Go here, kill that. The Brotherhood is almost different until they pull out Liberty Prime for the finale, which is a big disappointment. After hearing the game’s radio stations reuse songs from 3 on repeat, seeing the game rip plot points at the finish line felt like salt on a wound. That simile is an apt descriptor of 4 on the story side, as any attempt to draw into it deeper than surface level leads to unending pain.
It feels a bit mean to end my thoughts on Fallout 4 with the idea of “unending pain”, but really, it’s to be expected. 4 is the red-headed stepchild, perpetually damned with faint praise and loved for its DLC alone.
… And Nick Valentine. I think everyone loves Nick Valentine.
Warning - This review contains spoilers for Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty.
Warning - This review contains mentions of suicide, child abuse, sexual assault, self-harm, and other related topics. Read at your own risk.
Disclaimer - The idea to conceive this review was inspired by @poyfuh’s piece on Silent Hill 2. I highly recommend that you, as the reader, take a look into her work as well, if you have not yet done so. This is also a repost of my review that I made on my previous account, but I deleted it for personal reasons.
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Evening, September 20th, 2022.
After 10 years, 10 fucking years, my step-dad finally gets arrested by the police due to his exposed cases of commiting child abuse, alongside other crimes, even though that was the big reason. Now, I can finally express my happiness and freedom after so long, but at the same time, I am held back by my emotional and physical trauma, which drives me back to literal insanity… a line which I’ve crossed far too long ago. There is still a lot to uncover, and I am not done yet.
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Night, December 19th, 2022.
How much longer do I have to deal with this? I want to move on from my past, but I can’t. Everything in my house, from the PlayStation 5, all the way to my refrigerator, reminds me of my step-father. He had hurt me in so many ways, in so many different places, and actively used me as his torture toy that the after-effects are still there. Here I am, on the bridge near my house, questioning myself; Do I just end it all, right here, and right now? Or do I go back and try to amend myself. What do I even do?
Therapy isn’t fixing shit, after-school counseling isn’t fixing shit, and absolutely nothing labeled as “beneficial” is fixing shit either. But… I have to live for my friends. They don’t want me dead, but at the same time, unlike me, they have a lot of friends who they could talk to, so what’s the point? Why am I still here?
In the end, all I could ask for is a peaceful life, one without worries or doubts, but that won’t happen. However… I can make it happen. I just have to stick through it, and try to get a good grasp of what I’m currently going through.
Afternoon, January 14th, 2023.
A friend of mine named Micheal, whom I’ve known for 5 years, but stopped talking to for the past few months, decides to call me and scream at me because I made him feel unsafe when I stopped talking to him right after my step-father (before his arrest) temporarily disabled my communication devices, though once that was over, I had completely forgotten to call back. I tried telling him that I just really did not remember, and that everything is (probably) okay now, but he was just so upset for the fact that I made him feel like he lost his closest friend. I mean, can you blame him? Looking back, I would’ve called him sooner… if only I knew what would happen within the next few months.
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Evening, April 11th, 2023.
About a couple days back, I had recently finished Metal Gear Solid, and fell in love with the game pretty quickly. The tragic story behind Solid Snake, as well as one of the main messages revolving around the idea to move on, had both made me develop a personal attachment to the series, as I knew it was shaping up to be something special. In the meantime, it was a great day today, and I was just having fun with my online friends on Instagram, when all of a sudden, I got a phone call from Micheal, to which I picked up immediately. However, instead of hearing his voice, I heard the voice of a woman, who was his sister. I went on to ask who she was, and once she had told me about herself, she then told me that earlier, Micheal hanged himself. After facing months worth of sadness and depression, as well as feeling bad for being angry at me, he just couldn’t take it anymore and felt as if he lacked any self-worth.
Upon hearing this, I was completely destroyed mentally and decided to take a break from social media for a few days. Even though we live in different states, and even though most of our communication is from online, he still meant a lot to me, and losing him also killed a fraction of myself. I took the blame, mainly because his anger on me came from my own laziness. I mean, it’s my fault, right? I never do anything right. Never. What purpose do I even serve? Even after my step-father had now left my personal life, I still have more things to grieve over, and it’s taking a huge toll on me. I just… I can’t take it anymore. I’m sorry, Micheal, I really am. If I could turn back time and fix everything, I would. I’m sorry I didn’t reach out after our initial conversation… I would’ve been there to help you. But you know what? I didn’t, because I was too selfish of myself to care about anyone else. I’m sorry.
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Midnight, April 17, 2023.
It’s 1 AM in the morning, and I am currently playing Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. I’m trying to move on from the event of my friend taking his own life by keeping myself entertained, though it only keeps coming back to me at random times. Right now, I had just reached the torture scene with Raiden, and so far, I’m not feeling anything… But wait, what is going on right now?
Raiden didn’t want any of this… he was a child soldier, forced to live under Solidus Snake’s umbrella for many years in order to become an excellent warrior, though it had only made him less sane and more unhinged, which had obviously taken a toll on him as a person, and played a role onto his overall development. He spent all that time in the VR training, all that time working on his strength, and what did that cost? His sanity. And, on top of all this, its later revealed that his own girlfriend had spied on him in order for him to be fully studied, but eventually, she actually did fall in love with him, though it took him time to realize that because of what was going on in that moment. Everything and everyone that he valued was taken away from him for the sake of standing strong, and to be “on top” of the human chain.
You see, for many years, my step-father served as a police officer, and at home, while constantly abusing me via physical abuse, he had made me learn self-defense, as well as various other forms of combat. I had basically learned how to throw people, accurately beat them up, and so much other stuff. A few years ago, I enrolled in fencing, because I thought that the idea of sword-fighting was cool, which it was. I learned how to wield a blade, and utilize any long object as a weapon in case of serious danger… and, truth be told, I tried using my self-defense skills to avoid getting bullied, as well as trying to avoid getting beaten by my step-father. This was all because he wanted me to “stay strong in dark times,” however, this just didn’t make sense, because the only person giving me my dark times was him. I had done nothing to receive any of this, and as that entire moment with Raiden’s torture seemingly came to an end, I just sat there, crying for a few minutes because I was reminded of who I once was as a person.
Shortly afterwards, when Ocelot reveals that the point of Raiden was to create a perfect soldier, meaning that his entire mission was a lie, as well as Solidus trying to show a bit of fatherhood to Raiden, it all reminded me of how my step-father would act after every time he had tried to torture me in some way.
7 months prior to this, I remember failing an optional test online due to me not being able to fully understand the key contents whatsoever, despite trying to study. Because of my failure, my step-father had decided to rape me maliciously in order to “teach me a lesson.” I was crying & yelling for the life of me, and I begged him to stop. Not only that, but over an optional test too? What was the point of this? Well, sooner or later, he tries to comfort me while acknowledging that I “made a mistake,” and to avoid getting harmed any further, I just gave in to his fake sense of discipline so that I don’t get further tortured beyond that point.
Back to the point where Solidus is trying to get Raiden to join his side, you can see that Raiden refuses, and this leads to a massive conflict between the two, because he actually stood up for himself, though at first, it was a failure.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Early Morning, April 18th, 2023.
It’s 4 AM, and I am now in the final part of the game. After witnessing the shocking AI codec call that delved into the digital world, as well as challenging all of Raiden’s self beliefs, we got straight to the climax, the moment we were all waiting for: Raiden Vs. Solidus Snake. As the fight progressed and finished, we see how Solidus finally faces his well-deserved downfall, and then, Raiden stands in between the crowd, questioning every single thing that has happened since the start of his mission. Shortly afterwards, Snake comes by and has a conversation with him, asking him many things, but one thing in particular that stood out was when he told Raiden to look at his dog tags, and see if he knows who that is on the tag. As this happens, Raiden says the following line…
“No, never heard the name before. I'll pick my own name...and my own life. I'll
find something worth passing on.”
Raiden is now a free man, no longer a puppet of Solidus or related to the Patriots in any way now whatsoever, and sooner or later, we see him return to Rose in safe hands. No more conflict, no more bullshit, everything is over now. (Metal Gear Solid 4 never happened.)
Within the next year or so, I am going to fully change my legal name, after waiting several years for it to happen. You see, everyone would call me by my middle name, which is the name I felt most comfortable with, as my first name was mainly a family name, so it wasn’t said publicly in order to avoid confusion with me and my relatives. However, my step-father would always call me by my first name, and when we would call me by it, it's often spoken in a more deepened accent, which just gave me more and more PTSD over the years. Not only that, but my biological father, whom even though I never really had a proper relationship with, was still an awful person to my mother before they divorced, and since I was carrying his last name, I wanted to clear my name completely for good, so that I can show that I am not a part of a disgusting family tree. However, I will keep my middle name since my mother gave that to me, and then, I will be my own man, with my own name, and my own life, not controlled by someone else.
As the credits rolled, and “Can't Say Goodbye to Yesterday” began to play, I started crying uncontrollably again for a while because I had never been so attached to a work of art like this in my entire life. The entire campaign from start to finish, with Snake & Raiden as they come forward to fight their own beliefs as well as relaying the message to start fresh, had connected with me in such a personal and heartwarming way that I just… I was speechless. I couldn’t believe I experienced a game like this, and I genuinely didn’t have anything to say.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night, December 12th, 2023.
As of typing this, it’s currently the said date of December 12th, 2023. Since my first playthrough of Metal Gear Solid 2, many more unfortunate things have happened. It has been 7 years since my younger sister died, and due to my sadness, I tried to kill myself twice on Thanksgiving via overdosing and shooting myself, and then stabbing myself, which led to me going to the hospital for quite some time before heading straight to the mental hospital for a full day. Around 2 weeks ago, I had disabled all of my main social media accounts on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram so that I could focus on my own wellbeing, and try to improve upon myself before returning to content creation in full healthiness. Also, I had recently completed a replay of Metal Gear Solid 2 on my PlayStation Vita, which led me to finish this review for good.
To wrap things up, Metal Gear Solid 2 is a game that I think every single person should play before they die, and it’s a profound work of art that truly stands the test of time, as well as having a massive impact on me as a person, as well as being able to move on from my past. You also have Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, which is arguably just as good, and I think that in the end, the franchise’s message of tragedy and overcoming your PTSD has aged quite well, and I have yet to see another franchise replicate the same exact magic as that.
“Find something to believe in. And find it for yourself. And when you do, pass it on to the future.” - Solid Snake.
Thank you, Hideo Kojima. You might not ever see this, but your work really impacted me, and helped me through the worst time of my life.
Thank you.
Warning - This review contains mentions of suicide, child abuse, sexual assault, self-harm, and other related topics. Read at your own risk.
Disclaimer - The idea to conceive this review was inspired by @poyfuh’s piece on Silent Hill 2. I highly recommend that you, as the reader, take a look into her work as well, if you have not yet done so. This is also a repost of my review that I made on my previous account, but I deleted it for personal reasons.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Evening, September 20th, 2022.
After 10 years, 10 fucking years, my step-dad finally gets arrested by the police due to his exposed cases of commiting child abuse, alongside other crimes, even though that was the big reason. Now, I can finally express my happiness and freedom after so long, but at the same time, I am held back by my emotional and physical trauma, which drives me back to literal insanity… a line which I’ve crossed far too long ago. There is still a lot to uncover, and I am not done yet.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night, December 19th, 2022.
How much longer do I have to deal with this? I want to move on from my past, but I can’t. Everything in my house, from the PlayStation 5, all the way to my refrigerator, reminds me of my step-father. He had hurt me in so many ways, in so many different places, and actively used me as his torture toy that the after-effects are still there. Here I am, on the bridge near my house, questioning myself; Do I just end it all, right here, and right now? Or do I go back and try to amend myself. What do I even do?
Therapy isn’t fixing shit, after-school counseling isn’t fixing shit, and absolutely nothing labeled as “beneficial” is fixing shit either. But… I have to live for my friends. They don’t want me dead, but at the same time, unlike me, they have a lot of friends who they could talk to, so what’s the point? Why am I still here?
In the end, all I could ask for is a peaceful life, one without worries or doubts, but that won’t happen. However… I can make it happen. I just have to stick through it, and try to get a good grasp of what I’m currently going through.
Afternoon, January 14th, 2023.
A friend of mine named Micheal, whom I’ve known for 5 years, but stopped talking to for the past few months, decides to call me and scream at me because I made him feel unsafe when I stopped talking to him right after my step-father (before his arrest) temporarily disabled my communication devices, though once that was over, I had completely forgotten to call back. I tried telling him that I just really did not remember, and that everything is (probably) okay now, but he was just so upset for the fact that I made him feel like he lost his closest friend. I mean, can you blame him? Looking back, I would’ve called him sooner… if only I knew what would happen within the next few months.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Evening, April 11th, 2023.
About a couple days back, I had recently finished Metal Gear Solid, and fell in love with the game pretty quickly. The tragic story behind Solid Snake, as well as one of the main messages revolving around the idea to move on, had both made me develop a personal attachment to the series, as I knew it was shaping up to be something special. In the meantime, it was a great day today, and I was just having fun with my online friends on Instagram, when all of a sudden, I got a phone call from Micheal, to which I picked up immediately. However, instead of hearing his voice, I heard the voice of a woman, who was his sister. I went on to ask who she was, and once she had told me about herself, she then told me that earlier, Micheal hanged himself. After facing months worth of sadness and depression, as well as feeling bad for being angry at me, he just couldn’t take it anymore and felt as if he lacked any self-worth.
Upon hearing this, I was completely destroyed mentally and decided to take a break from social media for a few days. Even though we live in different states, and even though most of our communication is from online, he still meant a lot to me, and losing him also killed a fraction of myself. I took the blame, mainly because his anger on me came from my own laziness. I mean, it’s my fault, right? I never do anything right. Never. What purpose do I even serve? Even after my step-father had now left my personal life, I still have more things to grieve over, and it’s taking a huge toll on me. I just… I can’t take it anymore. I’m sorry, Micheal, I really am. If I could turn back time and fix everything, I would. I’m sorry I didn’t reach out after our initial conversation… I would’ve been there to help you. But you know what? I didn’t, because I was too selfish of myself to care about anyone else. I’m sorry.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Midnight, April 17, 2023.
It’s 1 AM in the morning, and I am currently playing Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. I’m trying to move on from the event of my friend taking his own life by keeping myself entertained, though it only keeps coming back to me at random times. Right now, I had just reached the torture scene with Raiden, and so far, I’m not feeling anything… But wait, what is going on right now?
Raiden didn’t want any of this… he was a child soldier, forced to live under Solidus Snake’s umbrella for many years in order to become an excellent warrior, though it had only made him less sane and more unhinged, which had obviously taken a toll on him as a person, and played a role onto his overall development. He spent all that time in the VR training, all that time working on his strength, and what did that cost? His sanity. And, on top of all this, its later revealed that his own girlfriend had spied on him in order for him to be fully studied, but eventually, she actually did fall in love with him, though it took him time to realize that because of what was going on in that moment. Everything and everyone that he valued was taken away from him for the sake of standing strong, and to be “on top” of the human chain.
You see, for many years, my step-father served as a police officer, and at home, while constantly abusing me via physical abuse, he had made me learn self-defense, as well as various other forms of combat. I had basically learned how to throw people, accurately beat them up, and so much other stuff. A few years ago, I enrolled in fencing, because I thought that the idea of sword-fighting was cool, which it was. I learned how to wield a blade, and utilize any long object as a weapon in case of serious danger… and, truth be told, I tried using my self-defense skills to avoid getting bullied, as well as trying to avoid getting beaten by my step-father. This was all because he wanted me to “stay strong in dark times,” however, this just didn’t make sense, because the only person giving me my dark times was him. I had done nothing to receive any of this, and as that entire moment with Raiden’s torture seemingly came to an end, I just sat there, crying for a few minutes because I was reminded of who I once was as a person.
Shortly afterwards, when Ocelot reveals that the point of Raiden was to create a perfect soldier, meaning that his entire mission was a lie, as well as Solidus trying to show a bit of fatherhood to Raiden, it all reminded me of how my step-father would act after every time he had tried to torture me in some way.
7 months prior to this, I remember failing an optional test online due to me not being able to fully understand the key contents whatsoever, despite trying to study. Because of my failure, my step-father had decided to rape me maliciously in order to “teach me a lesson.” I was crying & yelling for the life of me, and I begged him to stop. Not only that, but over an optional test too? What was the point of this? Well, sooner or later, he tries to comfort me while acknowledging that I “made a mistake,” and to avoid getting harmed any further, I just gave in to his fake sense of discipline so that I don’t get further tortured beyond that point.
Back to the point where Solidus is trying to get Raiden to join his side, you can see that Raiden refuses, and this leads to a massive conflict between the two, because he actually stood up for himself, though at first, it was a failure.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Early Morning, April 18th, 2023.
It’s 4 AM, and I am now in the final part of the game. After witnessing the shocking AI codec call that delved into the digital world, as well as challenging all of Raiden’s self beliefs, we got straight to the climax, the moment we were all waiting for: Raiden Vs. Solidus Snake. As the fight progressed and finished, we see how Solidus finally faces his well-deserved downfall, and then, Raiden stands in between the crowd, questioning every single thing that has happened since the start of his mission. Shortly afterwards, Snake comes by and has a conversation with him, asking him many things, but one thing in particular that stood out was when he told Raiden to look at his dog tags, and see if he knows who that is on the tag. As this happens, Raiden says the following line…
“No, never heard the name before. I'll pick my own name...and my own life. I'll
find something worth passing on.”
Raiden is now a free man, no longer a puppet of Solidus or related to the Patriots in any way now whatsoever, and sooner or later, we see him return to Rose in safe hands. No more conflict, no more bullshit, everything is over now. (Metal Gear Solid 4 never happened.)
Within the next year or so, I am going to fully change my legal name, after waiting several years for it to happen. You see, everyone would call me by my middle name, which is the name I felt most comfortable with, as my first name was mainly a family name, so it wasn’t said publicly in order to avoid confusion with me and my relatives. However, my step-father would always call me by my first name, and when we would call me by it, it's often spoken in a more deepened accent, which just gave me more and more PTSD over the years. Not only that, but my biological father, whom even though I never really had a proper relationship with, was still an awful person to my mother before they divorced, and since I was carrying his last name, I wanted to clear my name completely for good, so that I can show that I am not a part of a disgusting family tree. However, I will keep my middle name since my mother gave that to me, and then, I will be my own man, with my own name, and my own life, not controlled by someone else.
As the credits rolled, and “Can't Say Goodbye to Yesterday” began to play, I started crying uncontrollably again for a while because I had never been so attached to a work of art like this in my entire life. The entire campaign from start to finish, with Snake & Raiden as they come forward to fight their own beliefs as well as relaying the message to start fresh, had connected with me in such a personal and heartwarming way that I just… I was speechless. I couldn’t believe I experienced a game like this, and I genuinely didn’t have anything to say.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night, December 12th, 2023.
As of typing this, it’s currently the said date of December 12th, 2023. Since my first playthrough of Metal Gear Solid 2, many more unfortunate things have happened. It has been 7 years since my younger sister died, and due to my sadness, I tried to kill myself twice on Thanksgiving via overdosing and shooting myself, and then stabbing myself, which led to me going to the hospital for quite some time before heading straight to the mental hospital for a full day. Around 2 weeks ago, I had disabled all of my main social media accounts on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram so that I could focus on my own wellbeing, and try to improve upon myself before returning to content creation in full healthiness. Also, I had recently completed a replay of Metal Gear Solid 2 on my PlayStation Vita, which led me to finish this review for good.
To wrap things up, Metal Gear Solid 2 is a game that I think every single person should play before they die, and it’s a profound work of art that truly stands the test of time, as well as having a massive impact on me as a person, as well as being able to move on from my past. You also have Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, which is arguably just as good, and I think that in the end, the franchise’s message of tragedy and overcoming your PTSD has aged quite well, and I have yet to see another franchise replicate the same exact magic as that.
“Find something to believe in. And find it for yourself. And when you do, pass it on to the future.” - Solid Snake.
Thank you, Hideo Kojima. You might not ever see this, but your work really impacted me, and helped me through the worst time of my life.
Thank you.
I’ve been putting off on the choice on whether I want a “review” of sorts to even exist for this game, because I genuinely don’t think that any number of words will ever be enough to completely describe why I love Disco Elysium so much, nor will my slightly complicated history with the game be ever fully explained, either.
Subdue the regret. Dust yourself off, proceed. You'll get it in the next life, where you don't make mistakes. Do what you can with this one, while you're alive.
Subdue the regret. Dust yourself off, proceed. You'll get it in the next life, where you don't make mistakes. Do what you can with this one, while you're alive.
Gris
2018
This isn't as deep or artsy as it appears, definitely not subtle either, and I really don't think the game does anything well outside of looking pretty. But it's very good at being pretty so I guess that's fine. It's also super short, so I didn't feel like I wasted my time either. If you have a spare afternoon and want to look at pretty pictures then this is a solid choice.
Wild World is a very special, unique game within the Animal Crossing series in that it focuses on one singular aspect the rest neglect, even the N64/GC ones. That being, interpersonal relationships. Every addition and change to the game systems from Doubutsu no Mori e+ contribute to this goal.
For starters, there is a massive amount of dialogue here, much, much more than any other Animal Crossing game. Some villagers even have unique dialogue, albeit rarely. Most importantly, the dialogue is consistently well-written and interesting, giving you insight into villagers' lives in a way not seen before or since.
Villagers are portrayed more convincingly as independent, living beings. They will often speak of their friendships and rivalries, and they may comment on some of the major NPCs like Tom Nook and Blathers (more on that later). These comments aren't arbitrary, either. If Villager A likes Villager B, Villager C will notice and comment on it. If A and B meet outside and have a conversation, it will reflect their thoughts and feelings. They'll invite their best friend over for their birthday party; birthdays were stated on e-Reader cards before but never acknowledged in-game until Wild World.
They can also form deeper relationships with you, the player. Sickness, greetings, and friendship gifts were brought back from e+ with some changes. You can wave hi on command now by tapping on a villager, and their response will be different depending on your friendship with them. Upon becoming close with a villager, they will gift you a picture of themselves which you can keep and display in your house to always remember them. They'll ask to visit your house. They'll place gifts you send them in the mail in their home. They'll have hobbies they partake in, asking you for help with more specific tasks in addition to then N64/GC-style fetch quests. Perhaps the most important change facilitating this is the added ability to chat with villagers indefinitely without them becoming upset, as long as they're home. It makes so much sense logically, yet you can only do that in this game.
While there are still only six personality types, and therefore only six pools of dialogue, among all 156 villagers, these additions help to diversify them.
In addition, major NPCs including Tom Nook, Mabel, Sable, Pelly, Phyllis, and Blathers get special events throughout the year that give insight into their personal troubles and history before moving to the town. It's really something special, and it's a shame these characters were made shallower in later entries.
A lot of the conversations in Wild World center on the past, actually. Learning to accept the past, move on, and learn seems to be major theme of the game. To match this tone, the music is more subdued and melancholic this time around, with standout tracks being the title theme, 2AM and 3AM.
While it's very unfortunate most events and holidays from previous games were cut, and the new ones added are lame, I feel it ultimately isn't a big deal. Unlike the N64/GC games, Wild World is focused on dealing with the daily lives and interactions of its characters rather than bonding as a community. To that end, it succeeds very well. Very, very few games simulate the minute details of life as well as this game does.
For starters, there is a massive amount of dialogue here, much, much more than any other Animal Crossing game. Some villagers even have unique dialogue, albeit rarely. Most importantly, the dialogue is consistently well-written and interesting, giving you insight into villagers' lives in a way not seen before or since.
Villagers are portrayed more convincingly as independent, living beings. They will often speak of their friendships and rivalries, and they may comment on some of the major NPCs like Tom Nook and Blathers (more on that later). These comments aren't arbitrary, either. If Villager A likes Villager B, Villager C will notice and comment on it. If A and B meet outside and have a conversation, it will reflect their thoughts and feelings. They'll invite their best friend over for their birthday party; birthdays were stated on e-Reader cards before but never acknowledged in-game until Wild World.
They can also form deeper relationships with you, the player. Sickness, greetings, and friendship gifts were brought back from e+ with some changes. You can wave hi on command now by tapping on a villager, and their response will be different depending on your friendship with them. Upon becoming close with a villager, they will gift you a picture of themselves which you can keep and display in your house to always remember them. They'll ask to visit your house. They'll place gifts you send them in the mail in their home. They'll have hobbies they partake in, asking you for help with more specific tasks in addition to then N64/GC-style fetch quests. Perhaps the most important change facilitating this is the added ability to chat with villagers indefinitely without them becoming upset, as long as they're home. It makes so much sense logically, yet you can only do that in this game.
While there are still only six personality types, and therefore only six pools of dialogue, among all 156 villagers, these additions help to diversify them.
In addition, major NPCs including Tom Nook, Mabel, Sable, Pelly, Phyllis, and Blathers get special events throughout the year that give insight into their personal troubles and history before moving to the town. It's really something special, and it's a shame these characters were made shallower in later entries.
A lot of the conversations in Wild World center on the past, actually. Learning to accept the past, move on, and learn seems to be major theme of the game. To match this tone, the music is more subdued and melancholic this time around, with standout tracks being the title theme, 2AM and 3AM.
While it's very unfortunate most events and holidays from previous games were cut, and the new ones added are lame, I feel it ultimately isn't a big deal. Unlike the N64/GC games, Wild World is focused on dealing with the daily lives and interactions of its characters rather than bonding as a community. To that end, it succeeds very well. Very, very few games simulate the minute details of life as well as this game does.
I enjoyed my time with this game (loading times notwithstanding). I liked how the city’s atmosphere was created visually and as conveyed through interacting with the people you meet along the way.
The young detective you play as a young amnesiac with a heart of gold, which was fine by me. The tone of this game takes itself serous as a mystery/drama half the time. Some people will wish the story was as dark as the series the creator is known for, but I didn’t miss any of elements that people say they miss from danganrompa.
While the details change , the gameplay it takes to progress through the investigations can feel annoyingly similar, after a while. There were a couple characters whose demeanor & dialog was dependably groan-worthy, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker for this kind of game
I was happy to have a game that was built on the work that preceded it, but went it’s own way too often to be seen as merely derivative.
The young detective you play as a young amnesiac with a heart of gold, which was fine by me. The tone of this game takes itself serous as a mystery/drama half the time. Some people will wish the story was as dark as the series the creator is known for, but I didn’t miss any of elements that people say they miss from danganrompa.
While the details change , the gameplay it takes to progress through the investigations can feel annoyingly similar, after a while. There were a couple characters whose demeanor & dialog was dependably groan-worthy, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker for this kind of game
I was happy to have a game that was built on the work that preceded it, but went it’s own way too often to be seen as merely derivative.
Probably my FAVORITE MegaTen game, very close to being one of my favorite jRPGs ever.
The atmosphere and vibe of this game is second to none, the combat is challenging and it is not ashamed of being itself.
If Nietzche was a game, this would be it.
The atmosphere and vibe of this game is second to none, the combat is challenging and it is not ashamed of being itself.
If Nietzche was a game, this would be it.
