maradona
2020
If you minimize the game tab for while (lets say 20 min) a creepy rotten man is going to appear in the center of the screen for a couple of frames.
Basically I went to poop and when I came back I pooped again.
Basically I went to poop and when I came back I pooped again.
Boomer Skyrim.
2014
Abstracting and replicating patterns in harmonizing ways are some of humanity's greatest strengths as a species. Everyone knows nothing is created and that it’s all transformed, but the way in which we apply this logic in creating media is what determines whether our names shall be salvaged by history books or left to rot alongside us. When a groundbreaking title, such as a videogame, is released, everyone wants to have a piece of their own, inevitably trying to subtract what was essential for its success and applying it in different areas, in the hopes of either improving the new established norm or trying to find some success with different audiences drawn out by its newly attained fame. We always fail to take into consideration however, that even the most revolutionary discoveries like gravity, needed some sort of apple like object from somewhere else, to be fully remodeled into a genuine theory.
Dodonpachi, the cult bullet hell from ‘97 didn’t invent the shmup wheel by any means, but it improved on it massively, to the point that the symbol of the game, a quirked up bee, slowly became a cult icon for gaming as a whole. Taking direct inspiration from what it worked previously from games beloved by the recently formed STG fans, it abstracted what worked from games made by Toaplan and Raizing, to produce what some consider to be one of the most important titles to the genre of all time. One of the areas in which Dodonpachi is really memorable, is the story which it tells, mostly because you are treated with no explanations ingame for what's happening until shit hits the fan. The style in which Cave would later adopt regarding exposition would improve in their subsequent titles, however the lack of questions answered in obtuse narratives was not only kept as an already established genre tradition, but was also utterly solidified as one, as the question "Why copy this part too, sir?" wasn't asked enough times.
A lot of classic 90's and 00’s shoot ‘em ups have stories that pass flashing by as remnants of a proper one, due to the nature of how arcade titles were consumed, and how expensive it was to produce cutscenes, usually being reserved for openings made solely to attract new players. What is happening to the characters during the screen flashes of ESP Ra.De? Who are they fighting for in Progear? What do Ikaruga passages between levels tell me about the world? Even games that try to be more in your face, without the previously established archaic arcade limitations, that uphold proper dialogue such as Zero Ranger, Radiant Silvergun and the Touhou series, still give a sensation that something you can’t quite point out is missing whenever you think about the grand scheme of things, almost as if you joined a movie in the second half. The narrative of a classic shmup game are most of the time just the aesthetics, and that's not necessarily bad.
By being exposed to small glimpses of the situation your character finds themselves in, only the pastiche of war stories such as Aces High or Secret Invasion, and other heroic warfare tales being told by shonen anime lenses, remain. In the end it wouldn’t make much of a difference, would it? Your very nature as a player of just assuming the position of an underwhelmingly small war machine, bravely dismantling a whole army just by yourself, requires no explanations, instead just being relegated to something similar as the climax of a mindless yet amazingly produced power fantasy movie. Of course, not all games need to have complex stories (or stories at all), but it makes me wonder if this was a deliberate artistic choice or one made to maximize profit. I believe this unpronounceable title to be the first legitimate subversive shmup story, but to properly explain that let’s talk first about this genre's conventions.
Both in game and in the menus, your eyes will be assaulted by 28 different symbols that substitute not only our usual aramaic alphabet, but our precious arabic numbers as well. Trying to understand what’s happening in the game might seem like an easy task at first if you ignore the dialogue, however eventually you’ll notice that the alien appearance of the game also extends to the way your trusty weapon works. You only have 2 buttons besides the one that pauses, one for shooting and one for switching weapons, which I’ll be calling the cross arrangement since it has no official name and because I think it sounds cool (also because until you master it, you better pray for it).
The way the cross arrangement works is that you’ll spend approximately half a second without shooting and the last input in which you pressed (moving, shooting or even doing nothing at all) will change your shooting pattern, from wide, to more focused, aimed backwards, X shaped, auto guiding… and so on. Early on you have 4 patterns to which you can transition easily, however you can find up to 24 more by shooting on the screen in some specific areas to unlock way more, expanding in your options. Ranging from a curse and a blessing, you might panic sometimes not knowing to which pattern you can transition from. It’s a very unique sensation that I felt during a desperate struggle to maintain control of my own weapons, in an increasingly difficult double edged overly complicated system.
There is a menu dedicated to leveling up, however because you can’t interpret what’s on screen, it’s a question of trying to decipher how far off from getting an upgrade you are. Even worse, if you gather points by playing solely the last levels, the algorithm doesn’t bend back to upgrade your early necessities, in an incredibly bizarre way that feels like you can only buy such upgrades if you have enough money, but not too much in your wallet. Applying and understanding how each and everyone works (except the obligatory life upgrade), is another challenge in itself, even after beating the game 2 times to make this review, I still don’t properly understand what they do. Googling for help the day before was hilarious, because not only I was trying to understand a really cryptic and specific tool in the game, but also I couldn’t find a way to look for the title’s name itself, as just searching ‘_____’ showed me results similar to the peculiar I’m Feeling Lucky button.
The way in which the story is told is not exactly what you think it is from such an offbeat shoot ‘em up. Riding through different planets with small transitions only to fight against seemingly similar enemies from the ones before, just to encounter a rival that fights using your own moves while speaking complete gibberish, is something that feels oddly familiar, even if you can’t point out a specific title that does it. The alienation to which we have been exposed to STG narratives existed even in its infancy in the 80’s, when it was filled to the brim with nonspecific all-encompassing space odysseys, striking back once again with added relatively modern shmup anime lenses from the 90’s and 00’s laid back game design choices of continuing in a multitude of ways, to the mix. The proper ending of the game made it all worth it, explaining not only the stylistic choices found in this peculiar galaxy adventure, but also the very nature of this game release, which I won’t spoil because I think it is particularly genius. Consider this a challenge to beat the game, for everyone who’s reading.
For a title to have such a unique and hard way to find, it sure was made by a studio that covers itself with unusual stylistic choices aimed directly at those who end up stumbling on the title, like someone who just found out a secret pile of gold. Just to give some small context about Platine Dispositif, they had a game vanish from Steam, in which you had to unlock the ability to walk. Obscurity by choice in a game that plays itself as being an abstracted version of repeating the genre’s usual staples while still carrying purposefully unfamiliar visuals and mechanics that forces you to abstract the genre’s conventions on your own, is what some may call ‘art’. Being inventive even in the way in which it was released, as to having such a name that the only video I could find about it attached a "?" to the game’s title, is a very unfamiliar sensation in the medium of video games. From a regurgitating genre full of familiar sameness, this unpronounceable title shines, in the bottom of everyone’s obscure radar, as a certified shmup ultra obscure classic.
Now, pray and tell me oh local Backloggd user.
How did you even find this page?
Dodonpachi, the cult bullet hell from ‘97 didn’t invent the shmup wheel by any means, but it improved on it massively, to the point that the symbol of the game, a quirked up bee, slowly became a cult icon for gaming as a whole. Taking direct inspiration from what it worked previously from games beloved by the recently formed STG fans, it abstracted what worked from games made by Toaplan and Raizing, to produce what some consider to be one of the most important titles to the genre of all time. One of the areas in which Dodonpachi is really memorable, is the story which it tells, mostly because you are treated with no explanations ingame for what's happening until shit hits the fan. The style in which Cave would later adopt regarding exposition would improve in their subsequent titles, however the lack of questions answered in obtuse narratives was not only kept as an already established genre tradition, but was also utterly solidified as one, as the question "Why copy this part too, sir?" wasn't asked enough times.
A lot of classic 90's and 00’s shoot ‘em ups have stories that pass flashing by as remnants of a proper one, due to the nature of how arcade titles were consumed, and how expensive it was to produce cutscenes, usually being reserved for openings made solely to attract new players. What is happening to the characters during the screen flashes of ESP Ra.De? Who are they fighting for in Progear? What do Ikaruga passages between levels tell me about the world? Even games that try to be more in your face, without the previously established archaic arcade limitations, that uphold proper dialogue such as Zero Ranger, Radiant Silvergun and the Touhou series, still give a sensation that something you can’t quite point out is missing whenever you think about the grand scheme of things, almost as if you joined a movie in the second half. The narrative of a classic shmup game are most of the time just the aesthetics, and that's not necessarily bad.
By being exposed to small glimpses of the situation your character finds themselves in, only the pastiche of war stories such as Aces High or Secret Invasion, and other heroic warfare tales being told by shonen anime lenses, remain. In the end it wouldn’t make much of a difference, would it? Your very nature as a player of just assuming the position of an underwhelmingly small war machine, bravely dismantling a whole army just by yourself, requires no explanations, instead just being relegated to something similar as the climax of a mindless yet amazingly produced power fantasy movie. Of course, not all games need to have complex stories (or stories at all), but it makes me wonder if this was a deliberate artistic choice or one made to maximize profit. I believe this unpronounceable title to be the first legitimate subversive shmup story, but to properly explain that let’s talk first about this genre's conventions.
Both in game and in the menus, your eyes will be assaulted by 28 different symbols that substitute not only our usual aramaic alphabet, but our precious arabic numbers as well. Trying to understand what’s happening in the game might seem like an easy task at first if you ignore the dialogue, however eventually you’ll notice that the alien appearance of the game also extends to the way your trusty weapon works. You only have 2 buttons besides the one that pauses, one for shooting and one for switching weapons, which I’ll be calling the cross arrangement since it has no official name and because I think it sounds cool (also because until you master it, you better pray for it).
The way the cross arrangement works is that you’ll spend approximately half a second without shooting and the last input in which you pressed (moving, shooting or even doing nothing at all) will change your shooting pattern, from wide, to more focused, aimed backwards, X shaped, auto guiding… and so on. Early on you have 4 patterns to which you can transition easily, however you can find up to 24 more by shooting on the screen in some specific areas to unlock way more, expanding in your options. Ranging from a curse and a blessing, you might panic sometimes not knowing to which pattern you can transition from. It’s a very unique sensation that I felt during a desperate struggle to maintain control of my own weapons, in an increasingly difficult double edged overly complicated system.
There is a menu dedicated to leveling up, however because you can’t interpret what’s on screen, it’s a question of trying to decipher how far off from getting an upgrade you are. Even worse, if you gather points by playing solely the last levels, the algorithm doesn’t bend back to upgrade your early necessities, in an incredibly bizarre way that feels like you can only buy such upgrades if you have enough money, but not too much in your wallet. Applying and understanding how each and everyone works (except the obligatory life upgrade), is another challenge in itself, even after beating the game 2 times to make this review, I still don’t properly understand what they do. Googling for help the day before was hilarious, because not only I was trying to understand a really cryptic and specific tool in the game, but also I couldn’t find a way to look for the title’s name itself, as just searching ‘_____’ showed me results similar to the peculiar I’m Feeling Lucky button.
The way in which the story is told is not exactly what you think it is from such an offbeat shoot ‘em up. Riding through different planets with small transitions only to fight against seemingly similar enemies from the ones before, just to encounter a rival that fights using your own moves while speaking complete gibberish, is something that feels oddly familiar, even if you can’t point out a specific title that does it. The alienation to which we have been exposed to STG narratives existed even in its infancy in the 80’s, when it was filled to the brim with nonspecific all-encompassing space odysseys, striking back once again with added relatively modern shmup anime lenses from the 90’s and 00’s laid back game design choices of continuing in a multitude of ways, to the mix. The proper ending of the game made it all worth it, explaining not only the stylistic choices found in this peculiar galaxy adventure, but also the very nature of this game release, which I won’t spoil because I think it is particularly genius. Consider this a challenge to beat the game, for everyone who’s reading.
For a title to have such a unique and hard way to find, it sure was made by a studio that covers itself with unusual stylistic choices aimed directly at those who end up stumbling on the title, like someone who just found out a secret pile of gold. Just to give some small context about Platine Dispositif, they had a game vanish from Steam, in which you had to unlock the ability to walk. Obscurity by choice in a game that plays itself as being an abstracted version of repeating the genre’s usual staples while still carrying purposefully unfamiliar visuals and mechanics that forces you to abstract the genre’s conventions on your own, is what some may call ‘art’. Being inventive even in the way in which it was released, as to having such a name that the only video I could find about it attached a "?" to the game’s title, is a very unfamiliar sensation in the medium of video games. From a regurgitating genre full of familiar sameness, this unpronounceable title shines, in the bottom of everyone’s obscure radar, as a certified shmup ultra obscure classic.
Now, pray and tell me oh local Backloggd user.
How did you even find this page?
Madeline is so freaking cute, I wanna lift her by those big ass ears like a two handle coffee cup and display her at the top of the mountain like I'm lifting the UCL trophy.
Oops I think she heard that.
Oops I think she heard that.
2016
I like to think that if Dennis Prager touched a copy of P5 he would die on the spot.
This is how my 4'11 ass fought my 6'6 friend after he called me a 'pipsqueak'.
1999
" I rolled a streak of 7 hits in my limit break with a Meteor Barret 9999 finisher "
Me: STFU Zell nobody cares. Annoying ass "chicken-wuss" SeeD member.
" I uhmmm rolled a single Cura in my Slot ability... "
Me: Thank you for this vital support my queen. All hail Selphie from Trabia Garden.
Me: STFU Zell nobody cares. Annoying ass "chicken-wuss" SeeD member.
" I uhmmm rolled a single Cura in my Slot ability... "
Me: Thank you for this vital support my queen. All hail Selphie from Trabia Garden.
BUZZFEED QUIZ #1986
Who Said It — Taylor Swift (😍😍😍) Or Beatrice (🤮🤮🤮)?
1 "Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?"
2 "Do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?"
3 “Past the curses and cries, beyond the terror in the nightfall"
4 “Now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head"
5 “Life isn't how to survive the storm, it's about how to dance in the rain”
6 “Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together”
7 "I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones in a faith-forgotten land"
8 "Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow, tarnished but so grand"
9 "I wish to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed"
10 “Ushiromiya Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatler cackle cackle cackle cackle cackle"
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Answers:
1 Taylor Swift
2 Taylor Swift
3 Taylor Swift
4 Taylor Swift
5 Taylor Swift
6 Taylor Swift
7 Taylor Swift
8 Taylor Swift
9 Taylor Swift
10 Taylor Swift could have said that too we can’t say for sure (Devil's proof)
Number 1 female Spotify artist EVER.
Taylor could write Umineko but Ryukishi could never write Evermore.
“People haven't always been there for me but music always has.”
― Taylor Swift
👆👆👆👆 Such powerful words 😭
Swifties stay winning 💅💅💅💅 You mad little gay boi with the SHEEPS 🤣🤣 and WOLVES 🤣🤣 family ????
My diva is also taller (1.80 cm or 5 ft 11") than your stupid spaghetti (🍝?) smelling ass witch.
>calls herself golden witch
>can only manifest candy
>og_battler_crying_sprite.png
>calls herself a "mere" pop artist
>also wrote the best country, country-pop and pop-rock albums of all time
>CHAD_TAYLOR_DIVA_QUEEN_QUEEN_CHAD.png
Stay slayin queen, don't let this goofy ass spaghetti (🍝?) smelling ass witch take your throne.
Me when 黄金の影修正版 BEATRICE MELODY（ラック眼力）is playing: 🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴
Me when Shake it Off is playing: 🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻
THAT'S 👏 ALL 👏 FOLKS 👏 !
Who Said It — Taylor Swift (😍😍😍) Or Beatrice (🤮🤮🤮)?
1 "Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?"
2 "Do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?"
3 “Past the curses and cries, beyond the terror in the nightfall"
4 “Now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head"
5 “Life isn't how to survive the storm, it's about how to dance in the rain”
6 “Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together”
7 "I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones in a faith-forgotten land"
8 "Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow, tarnished but so grand"
9 "I wish to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed"
10 “Ushiromiya Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatler cackle cackle cackle cackle cackle"
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Answers:
1 Taylor Swift
2 Taylor Swift
3 Taylor Swift
4 Taylor Swift
5 Taylor Swift
6 Taylor Swift
7 Taylor Swift
8 Taylor Swift
9 Taylor Swift
10 Taylor Swift could have said that too we can’t say for sure (Devil's proof)
Number 1 female Spotify artist EVER.
Taylor could write Umineko but Ryukishi could never write Evermore.
“People haven't always been there for me but music always has.”
― Taylor Swift
👆👆👆👆 Such powerful words 😭
Swifties stay winning 💅💅💅💅 You mad little gay boi with the SHEEPS 🤣🤣 and WOLVES 🤣🤣 family ????
My diva is also taller (1.80 cm or 5 ft 11") than your stupid spaghetti (🍝?) smelling ass witch.
>calls herself golden witch
>can only manifest candy
>og_battler_crying_sprite.png
>calls herself a "mere" pop artist
>also wrote the best country, country-pop and pop-rock albums of all time
>CHAD_TAYLOR_DIVA_QUEEN_QUEEN_CHAD.png
Stay slayin queen, don't let this goofy ass spaghetti (🍝?) smelling ass witch take your throne.
Me when 黄金の影修正版 BEATRICE MELODY（ラック眼力）is playing: 🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴
Me when Shake it Off is playing: 🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻
THAT'S 👏 ALL 👏 FOLKS 👏 !
2009
Baby chocobo had no idea what the FUCK was going on.
Me: "Damn, I know I'm on a trip, but I really feel like GAMING today..."
Louvre employee: "Saviez-vous qu'il est étonnamment facile de modifier votre 3ds?"
Louvre employee: "Saviez-vous qu'il est étonnamment facile de modifier votre 3ds?"
2020
" What if I made a fantasy world where all fantasy races lived in peace "
Me: 🙂🙂🙂
" And then you had a comfy coffee shop with a diverse cast of costumers "
Me: 😄😄😄
" But the world was filled with prejudice and xenophobia "
Me: 😓😓😓
" And they used memes to describe structural racism "
Me: 😞😞😞
" And orcs are like... black people! "
Me: 😔😔😔
Me: 🙂🙂🙂
" And then you had a comfy coffee shop with a diverse cast of costumers "
Me: 😄😄😄
" But the world was filled with prejudice and xenophobia "
Me: 😓😓😓
" And they used memes to describe structural racism "
Me: 😞😞😞
" And orcs are like... black people! "
Me: 😔😔😔
1999
The left is like: "I think all humans deserve basic healthcare"
The right is like: "I think poor people should die for not being able to afford a human right"
And I'm just here like: "Heck yeah gonna catch me some apes today let's a go this is so much fun :)"
The right is like: "I think poor people should die for not being able to afford a human right"
And I'm just here like: "Heck yeah gonna catch me some apes today let's a go this is so much fun :)"
2022
The phantom, exterior like fish eggs,
interior like suicide wrist-rags,
I could exercise you, this could be your phys-ed,
cheat on your man homie AGHHH I tried to sneak through the door, man! Can't make it, can't make it, the shit's stuck! Outta my way son! DOOR STUCK! DOOR STUCK! Please! I beg you! We're dead! You're a g-g-genuine dick sucker! boom
interior like suicide wrist-rags,
I could exercise you, this could be your phys-ed,
cheat on your man homie AGHHH I tried to sneak through the door, man! Can't make it, can't make it, the shit's stuck! Outta my way son! DOOR STUCK! DOOR STUCK! Please! I beg you! We're dead! You're a g-g-genuine dick sucker! boom
2020
Angels: Please stop pogging we're scared.
Poggers Robot: No.
Poggers Robot: No.
"More than a third of the birds on its supplier farms in the UK and Ireland suffer from a painful inflammation known as footpad dermatitis that in severe cases can prevent birds from walking normally.
Footpad dermatitis is characterised by lesions on the feet, usually because of poor ventilation and litter management. KFC said the number of birds affected had fallen from more than half to 35% in just four years, and that its top suppliers were achieving levels of 15% or below.
Nearly all the chickens reared for KFC are fast-growing breeds that take just 30 days to reach slaughter weight. The push for high growth rates and maximum amounts of breast meat has exacerbated health and welfare problems for birds, including inability to move and liver and heart failure." - Alvorada Foundation
Footpad dermatitis is characterised by lesions on the feet, usually because of poor ventilation and litter management. KFC said the number of birds affected had fallen from more than half to 35% in just four years, and that its top suppliers were achieving levels of 15% or below.
Nearly all the chickens reared for KFC are fast-growing breeds that take just 30 days to reach slaughter weight. The push for high growth rates and maximum amounts of breast meat has exacerbated health and welfare problems for birds, including inability to move and liver and heart failure." - Alvorada Foundation