Twennytoo Five Hundo
In future year AD2022 I apparently logged 500 video games (mostly just played, not finished - can you even imagine). Am I proud of it? Of course not, brother, pride is a sin. Here they are in their entirety in order of play:
500 Games
Was free on PS+ so I grabbed it. Looks great but plays exactly like the Master System version, i.e. horribly. Can see no point in it.
Okay NES platformer, only really playing it for the license.
Just okay. By this point I'd definitely cemented that I preferred Cave to Psikyo.
Better than Guardian Heroes, although I didn't finish it at the time. I remember thinking the combo system was actually pretty good. Will get back to it.
Has that high-quality Irem look but I remember it feeling really slow.
Okay, by this point I'd played a bunch that were better so it didn't do that much for me.
Kind of cool, but just a little too annoying for me.
Beatemup/adventure game hybrid that isn't too great but has some real slick animation. There's one kick in this that I've absolutely seen before but I can't place where from. I think it might be a KOF2002 animation.
More of the same. The cover art for these is really cool though, right?
It's no Skull & Crossbones.
Didn't get anywhere near finishing it, but it did seem really cool. I need to play it more.
Did not feel good at all to control, so I dropped it pretty early on.
Well, this is no good. Solid remix of the main theme though.
When you're sufficiently powered up in this one, anything flying up close behind you gets annihilated by engine wash. I think more shmups should do this.
Just looked and felt low-rent, like a Flash game you would have played in the early 2000s. The whole ancient warriors fuck yeah thing isn't really for me either.
Pretty bad, but I at least appreciate any game that has Hiroshi Hase in it.
Replay. Loved Bucky O'Hare as a kid, played the arcade machine and had no idea what I was doing and kept walking into stage hazards. Didn't blow me away playing today but it's okay by Konami standards.
Not good!
Another Guardian Heroes-alike. I don't think I'm into these, sorry!
Looks great, plays bad. Tale as old as time.
Just not that engaging after playing a bunch of games that were the same thing but better.
Another one that I think I need to go through again to really click with.
There's something I can never quite put my finger on about 3DS platformers. They always feel like they have pretty similar physics to them, and I don't think those feel particularly good. Didn't jive with this but you could probably do worse.
Licensed game for an instant noodles brand. I would like this to be good but it's extremely basic.
Never let something like a license stop you from making the Gundam game you want. This is pretty cool but it's also a shooter where you're bumped back to a checkpoint whenever you die, which is infuriating when you're as bad as me.
I'm not really sure who this is for.
Can't really remember anything of it, but I feel like I should.
Another NES platformer that wasn't very good. Think I was playing these because they had translations.
Replay. Superseded by the remakes but this is still okay. Obviously the music rules.
Okay I don't remember this one.
Didn't think this was really all that good but I do like the Conan-rip aesthetic.
Probably wouldn't have played this if it wasn't attached to an Amemiya movie. Very frustrating at points!
The first PS2 game iterated on slightly, i.e. very good. You should play these!
Metal Slug-ish, but before Metal Slug, by the folk who would make Metal Slug. Covering a wider arc because of your dual guns is cool!
Not sure what's going on here. Gunvolt is a furry character now? And you don't actually play as him outside of a super mode? And Copen is gone? Hmm. Think I'll go back to 2.
Completely terrible. There ought to be a law against shit like this.
Pretty standard shmup but with all kinds of weird cyberspace environments and enemies, it's really cool. The cutscenes where the main character enters cyberspace are the good stuff. The final boss of this game is Cyber-Hitler's skull, which has skeletal spider legs.
Not ringing many bells. I think it was another digitised one?
This was utter guff and there was no reason for me to finish it, but here we are.
Didn't blow me away but it's fine. I'll play it a bit more at some point.
For no reason I can discern the song It Came From Japan by the Von Bondies popped into my head, and I had to remember why I even know that song, and I remembered it's because it was in this game so I had to go play it. THPS it is not.
Replay. I'd started this aaaages ago and gave it another bash this year. It's very impressive, but there really is only so much you can do with Skyrim. It's a great effort but it's just not built on a good base.
Liked this more than the first game, but the difficulty is still absolutely sadistic.
Not good. I think the only notable thing about this to me is that Grifter isn't in it. Is he not this comic's only popular character?
This is Video Games.
Darius Gaiden's little brother. Great atmosphere and boss designs makes up for slightly subpar gameplay.
Another Three Kingdoms one. That's all I've got.
Weird. In order to jump across gaps, climb ladders, etc. you have to stand on little X marks and watch the animation play out like it's a film set or something. Pretty janky.
Why does THIS game look like this? Who put THEM up to it?
Unique presentation although I didn't think it was an especially great game. Great title though.
Not much to say about this one beyond flying cars being cool.
It's really fun that a game devoted to a mainstay Italian cinema duo exists, and it looks really good, but the gameplay could never be accused of being deep. Whole bunch of beatemups like this.
Don't remember much of this beyond there being some long button combinations you had to do for specific sections.
Not terrible, but the SNK stuff always feels like it's behind the curve even at this relatively early stage.
This is a Troll game. As in the little pencil toppers with the hair. That's all I remember about it.
Konami's best effort by a country mile, probably because it's just a Final Fight remake in all but name. Super punchy and satisfying to play, absolutely awesome soundtrack accompanies the carnage. Buy me Violent Storm or go to hell!
Fairly standard beatemup but the Conan aesthetic is very strong here. Has that one great track that's in Taiko as well.
Adding in live-action FMVs are fun but otherwise this is an immediate step down from 3.
If I had a list of games I desperately wish would get translated, this is on it. An endearingly silly love letter to tokusatsu hero shows. When you create your hero you enter their name and it comes up as a big logo! Anything you put in! Wow!
Replay. Fucking hell, man. Just one of the most tedious games ever made.
Wanted to like this more than I did (due to it being a few characters removed from being called Dynasty Warriors).
It took me a bit to realise how you actually speed up, and then when I did I found I was either trying to win the race or trying to shoot stuff but trying to do both wasn't really working out. Interesting experiment but I'm not in a hurry to replay it.
Played this after watching the absolute garbo movie. Not particularly good, not sure why you'd want to play it over any of the more famous PS2 racing games outside of being a really big Stallone fan.
Fun point-and-click that has a bunch of sections where you'll have to do some googling about real-world locations and history. I like when games do that kind of thing!
Every ship just being a flying gun is incredible, but I didn't much like it beyond that, partner.
Uses the Her Story framework to show us FMVs of I assume the developers and their mates filming in their grandparents' clothes. The video is endearingly amateurish but the actual playing had me eventually just getting lucky with random keywords more than following the threads to their conclusion. Maybe it's easier in French.
Barely out of the tutorial. Need to get back to it.
Thought this looked cool but was otherwise unremarkable. Outdone by the sequel.
Interesting idea, but that's all.
Horrendous. Avoid.
An interesting deviation from the standard belt scroller formula, but not very engaging beyond that.
Think this is the one that's really zoomed out and a lot the environment is destructible? Cool concept but it didn't feel very good to play.
Looks and sounds pretty good but is just doodoo otherwise. It's embarrassing that stuff like this was getting released by this stage.
Another free PS+ game. Serviceable beatemup, it's way longer than it needs to be but the combat is decent and I had replayed Sifu a few days before so I was in the mood for more kung fu.
You walk along a perfectly straight level and then you fight a boss. Way too long for how simplistic it is, but you do have way more moves than I would expect.
A friend and I make a point of occasionally playing through games in what we affectionately call the Dumbass genre (see: much of the Xbox 360 catalogue). This is one of the ones we didn't feel like finishing.
A game you need a pencil and paper for. Or a pen. Just something that writes, really.
Haven't played any of the other games in this series but I didn't expect this to be as linear as it is. I guess it's okay but I can't say I was too impressed.
Decent enough indie shmup, although it doesn't really have much visual personality.
Metal Slug-ish. Not as good as any of those but still okay!
Started this in 2021 but got around to finishing it in 2022. I like the new cel-shaded look but I'd rather play SW4-II. A little too light on character variety. Shikanosuke Yamanaka is very dreamy!
This is what I wish wizards in movies and stuff were like. Just firing huge amounts of magic shit at everyone constantly. Doing a highest level Dragon's Dogma spell 50 times a minute. ZAP
Not really into the style of it but it plays pretty well! Was surprised at this one.
Forgot I played this. Not very good.
More Kunio-kun that I cannot abide.
The only thing I can remember about this is that I didn't like it.
Obviously very funny to look at but it plays like ass.
Started this whilst I was on a bit of a Holmes kick from watching some of the Jeremy Brett series. I cooled off but I'll get back to it eventually!
Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff other than the gimmick of being able to smash enemies into the background and break it, which does not get old.
A little sluggish for the time, but full of cool monster designs for you to punch. Also has a fun title to say.
It's cool that an SD Go Nagai World game exists but that's all I can really say.
Gave this a go because I've been interested in seeing the Tsui Hark film. Not really all that much to it and environments felt quite drab to me. Worse ways to spend the time though.
The bad kind of FMV game and also barely functional. The cheek of them to act like this is some unearthed classic of the genre.
Another clunky SNES brawler. I remember being completely incensed that this has an obvious Metal Heroes ripoff name but does not share anything of the supreme Metal Heroes aesthetic.
What came out in the West as Shatterhand. Movement is a bit weird but you punch everything, including bullets, and that is cool. Good music too!
Interesting in that it's an unlicensed game but otherwise not much going on here. I've just noticed the title font on here is in SSF4 Abuket font, fuck me. I thought we'd escaped that.
Sadly nowhere near as good as the original Revenge.
Replay. This isn't a good release, but the core gameplay of VF5FS is great, so if you have no other access to FS you should get this. Can't say enough good things about Veef.
Very weird e-mail themed shmup? Not really that great but worth a look for the unique theme.
I think the C64 might not be the best system for this genre.
4 Comments
Damn this is impressive
Did you complete Ring Fit?!
@Vee this took me days lol
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
Vee
1 year ago
Bayou Billy is one of the most unfun NES games I ever played, goddamn what a slog-filled and mean-spirited game.