Twennytoo Five Hundo
In future year AD2022 I apparently logged 500 video games (mostly just played, not finished - can you even imagine). Am I proud of it? Of course not, brother, pride is a sin. Here they are in their entirety in order of play:
500 Games
Horrendous. Avoid.
Barely out of the tutorial. Need to get back to it.
Not really a great shmup but the biggest love letter to super robot shows there ever was. This is a 2D horizontal shmup that comes on four discs because of the amount of video and music shoved in to make this as much a super robot anime as is possible. Nice!
I think the C64 might not be the best system for this genre.
Uses the Her Story framework to show us FMVs of I assume the developers and their mates filming in their grandparents' clothes. The video is endearingly amateurish but the actual playing had me eventually just getting lucky with random keywords more than following the threads to their conclusion. Maybe it's easier in French.
Another forgotten Legend.
Jesus, these avalanche sections! Whose idea was this?
For no reason I can discern the song It Came From Japan by the Von Bondies popped into my head, and I had to remember why I even know that song, and I remembered it's because it was in this game so I had to go play it. THPS it is not.
A very basic 3D beatemup, but you can smash enemies into tons of stuff or smash enemies with tons of stuff, so that's good. I like the main guy's brown leather jacket/red gloves combo!
More Kunio-kun that I cannot abide.
You walk along a perfectly straight level and then you fight a boss. Way too long for how simplistic it is, but you do have way more moves than I would expect.
Replay. Superseded by the remakes but this is still okay. Obviously the music rules.
Weird not-very-good game that feels like it's some in-joke I'm not getting between steamers or something.
The kind of TV show adaptation game we deserve more of - missions are presented like episodes of the show, you get the little title stings, the eyecatches, all of it (The Space Sheriff Spirits is also very good for this stuff). Gameplay-wise it's an otherwise unremarkable TPS but if you like VOTOMs you will probably get a kick out this for a while. You skate about, it does the noise. Mission accomplished.
Copen's gameplay is switched up to make him more melee-focused and he loses some of his movement options. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. Definitely a step down from the first game, but I like Brigade's design.
Probably wouldn't have played this if it wasn't attached to an Amemiya movie. Very frustrating at points!
Extremely short game apparently made for a game dev contest? Well, it's cool anyway!
Not good!
I'm not really sure who this is for.
If I had a list of games I desperately wish would get translated, this is on it. An endearingly silly love letter to tokusatsu hero shows. When you create your hero you enter their name and it comes up as a big logo! Anything you put in! Wow!
Woooof. I actually finished this one and I have no idea why - it's not fun at all.
Never let something like a license stop you from making the Gundam game you want. This is pretty cool but it's also a shooter where you're bumped back to a checkpoint whenever you die, which is infuriating when you're as bad as me.
Ultraman shmup where you play as a ship from one of the many Science Patrols, which makes sense. It has all the Ultra fanservice you could want but it's not very good beyond that.
Still playing this, it's pretty cool! Obviously doesn't have the budget and weight of even the GBA Ace Attorneys behind it but the total devotion to the hard boiled clichés is very endearing. I like how much of it is just down to legwork. So far I think I would play a bunch more of these.
Played this for the first time after having it installed on like three separate PCs at this point. I'm not far enough in to say much about it.
More Gunvolt Burst. It's still easy, still fine to zip through if you have 20 minutes.
Nothing like the PS2 game, but a lot like a whole bunch of garbage beatemups. Don't bother with it.
Probably the best of the bunch overall that I'd played on PC-Engine up to this point.
Same story, just can't match up to the main games.
Gave this a go because I've been interested in seeing the Tsui Hark film. Not really all that much to it and environments felt quite drab to me. Worse ways to spend the time though.
Okay, by this point I'd played a bunch that were better so it didn't do that much for me.
What came out in the West as Shatterhand. Movement is a bit weird but you punch everything, including bullets, and that is cool. Good music too!
Kind of cool, but just a little too annoying for me.
Sadly nowhere near as good as the original Revenge.
Scott Pilgrimcore. Nope.
I remember this being fairly basic but fun. A lot of these PC-Engine games have good music that is totally overpowered by loud, bad SFX.
Originally played the SNES version, so here I went for the arcade release, which like the '89 game is trash. Legendary soundtrack but that's it.
Rival Turf 3 continues the legacy of the Rival Turf name (being bad).
Indiana Jones shoots hordes of animal poachers and also an alien (?). I dunno, I think this game is pretty cool!
A much worse NES platformer that I played for the license.
Not great. Interesting for its setting, I guess.
The first cutscene was taking too long to load so I skipped it, and then the second cutscene loaded straight away and I was like oh, this is a porn game isn't it. Well, they made a pretty okay shmup when they probably could have gotten away with a lot less effort, so well done!
From what I remember this was the sequel to Sorcer Striker? Hasn't really stuck in the mind much for me. Dimahoo is a very fun name to say though. Dimahoo, Dimahoo, Dimahoo!
All I remember is that it was a mech game. I finished it, so it must have been decent!
Replay. Fucking hell, man. Just one of the most tedious games ever made.
One of the best - maybe the best-looking arcade games of the era. Seriously, it's ridiculous! I'm amazed this has never had a home release. Gameplay-wise, well, it's yet more Golden Axe. If you like it you like it. I like it!
Mechanically fine but the style just isn't my thing.
I've played all of 10 minutes of this so far, can't say anything.
A game you need a pencil and paper for. Or a pen. Just something that writes, really.
Another kind of drudgy SNK effort but worth a look for KOF history reasons.
Chills when they hit "of the HIGHEST POWERS"
Don't have much to say about this other than I think I appreciate this style of dungeon crawler more than I actually enjoy playing them.
This is probably one of Konami's better licensed efforts if you're a fan of the comics, but I don't really give a shit about Asterix, sorry.
Replay. So, so boring, which is a huge shame considering the license. Come on.
Interesting idea, but that's all.
Got nothing. Gone.
Do celebrities get mad when people make shitty games with their name on them? I would.
This, D.D. Crew and DJ Boy form an unholy triumvirate of terror.
Didn't blow me away but it's fine. I'll play it a bit more at some point.
This is Video Games.
I'm just confused that this was made and released. Did nobody involved know they were making a crap game? Who was it meant to please?
Game was fine, but the thing that stuck with me the most was the music.
Konami does X-Men x Altered Beast. Solid, except for the fact that your health is constantly going down. Playing through this genre exposes you to some of the most heinous shit ever designed to take money from kids. I played as MacGyver.
Not sure what's going on here. Gunvolt is a furry character now? And you don't actually play as him outside of a super mode? And Copen is gone? Hmm. Think I'll go back to 2.
Don't remember anything about it, but I didn't finish it so I must not have liked it, which is disappointing for a game called Karate Blazers.
A throwback to Renegade, so not something I really want to bother with.
Impossibly fast. Possibly made to see how much the NES can't handle? If there's anyone out there who has 1CC'd this they should be preserved in a museum.
Doing A Henshin in this game does not make you any more powerful than you are as normal-ass Takeshi Hongo. What the fvkk. This one hurt.
This is a Troll game. As in the little pencil toppers with the hair. That's all I remember about it.
I finished this one but am totally blanking on anything about it.
Don't remember much, other than it being pretty bland outside of the player character being a kabuki guy, which is cool and more games should do.
Another one that I think I need to go through again to really click with.
Licensed game for an instant noodles brand. I would like this to be good but it's extremely basic.
Impressive amount of playable characters by the end of the game but otherwise not really all that great, I thought.
Don't remember much of this beyond there being some long button combinations you had to do for specific sections.
Think this was an Eighting one? Tiny bullets. Tiny!
Disappointing. I like the concept but the gameplay is just clunky and dull, and the story didn't really end up anywhere I liked either. I guess I'm glad hokey FMV guff is still getting made though.
Intensely ugly game.
Now this is how you do an arena brawler, Renegade! Silly and fun. Bouncing someone's head off the concrete as an OTG attack is extremely satisfying. "The Slash Skate Screamers" is an incredible name for a gang.
Played this to test out an Apple TV I had to get for work. Thoroughly depressing.
Understandably similar to the sequel. Love that box art.
Another one where I think it's conceptually really cool but doesn't quite live up to it in play. Maybe I'll give it another shot at some point.
Not interested at all in Overwatch and its ilk but I gave this a go because it's Gundam. Looking down ironsights? In a Gundam game? You're having a laugh mate. Also if someone picks the suit I want I can't pick it? Seriously? Is this what these games are like? I thought we solved this shit in Champion Edition. Absurd.
Not ringing many bells. I think it was another digitised one?
Gunstar Heroes but harder. There's a bunch of points in this where it feels like there is exactly one and only one way you can not take damage, so it can be pretty frustrating.
An Elvis impersonator as a playable character is real nice but this game is otherwise not very good.
Weird. In order to jump across gaps, climb ladders, etc. you have to stand on little X marks and watch the animation play out like it's a film set or something. Pretty janky.
Replay. Remake of the arcade game that is better than the arcade game. Love to see it! Only complaint is it doesn't have Daddy Mulk.
Pretty standard stuff for the time, I guess. It's interesting to see what characters Sega were throwing out before they came up with Sonic.
Not amazing but a pretty charming little game. Parrying blaster bolts back will always be fun.
Just okay. By this point I'd definitely cemented that I preferred Cave to Psikyo.
Fine I guess, but it can be really hard to make out what's actually going on in these polygonal ones.
It took me a bit to realise how you actually speed up, and then when I did I found I was either trying to win the race or trying to shoot stuff but trying to do both wasn't really working out. Interesting experiment but I'm not in a hurry to replay it.
About as good as GT: Final Bout, i.e. not very.
Only got this partly working from what I remember. Whatever, it's Renegade, I didn't care.
I think this is the one where you can possess enemies? Not great but an interesting attempt.
Another one I don't remember anything of. Sorry!
Gave it a bash because of the associations it's had with Castlevania, but I wasn't that into it. That one track is still a banger though.
I feel like your ship moves a little too slowly and your hurtbox is massive.
A Simple Series game, and boy, does it show. There's a character that's clearly just supposed to be Tetsuya Watari though, and that's good.
4 Comments
Damn this is impressive
Did you complete Ring Fit?!
@Vee this took me days lol
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
Vee
1 year ago
Bayou Billy is one of the most unfun NES games I ever played, goddamn what a slog-filled and mean-spirited game.