Twennytoo Five Hundo
In future year AD2022 I apparently logged 500 video games (mostly just played, not finished - can you even imagine). Am I proud of it? Of course not, brother, pride is a sin. Here they are in their entirety in order of play:
500 Games
Probably a little overlong for what it is, but this is a solid GBA game.
There's something I can never quite put my finger on about 3DS platformers. They always feel like they have pretty similar physics to them, and I don't think those feel particularly good. Didn't jive with this but you could probably do worse.
Okay I don't remember this one.
Actually pretty good! Just a shame that it contains Doug "The Nostalgia Critic" Walker. If you play it, just try to pretend he's not there.
Konami's best effort by a country mile, probably because it's just a Final Fight remake in all but name. Super punchy and satisfying to play, absolutely awesome soundtrack accompanies the carnage. Buy me Violent Storm or go to hell!
Didn't blow me away but it's fine. I'll play it a bit more at some point.
Not a good game at all, but the obvious big thing here is that it's one of the first instances of microtransactions, and is pure evil.
Replay. SNK tries a Final Fight rip but with added ripoff music. Okay, but again feels like they can't keep up with the curve.
From what I remember this was the sequel to Sorcer Striker? Hasn't really stuck in the mind much for me. Dimahoo is a very fun name to say though. Dimahoo, Dimahoo, Dimahoo!
Darius Gaiden's little brother. Great atmosphere and boss designs makes up for slightly subpar gameplay.
They do the Lightning Strikes Again bit in this one too, and it still rules.
It's really fun that a game devoted to a mainstay Italian cinema duo exists, and it looks really good, but the gameplay could never be accused of being deep. Whole bunch of beatemups like this.
Woooof. I actually finished this one and I have no idea why - it's not fun at all.
I was hoping for a cutesy DW4, but this was just clunky and slow. Really weird considering DW3 had already come out by this point, they obviously knew how to make a good musou. Odd.
I feel that I have nothing but hate in my heart for Kunio-kun and his dumb little buddies.
The title of this game is so funny. It's like a weird post-apocalyptic setting! Undercover cops for what?!
Anyway it's decent, it's Irem so everything has that slightly Metal Sluggy look.
Anyway it's decent, it's Irem so everything has that slightly Metal Sluggy look.
Started this whilst I was on a bit of a Holmes kick from watching some of the Jeremy Brett series. I cooled off but I'll get back to it eventually!
Decent enough indie shmup, although it doesn't really have much visual personality.
Not terrible, but the SNK stuff always feels like it's behind the curve even at this relatively early stage.
Played this to test out an Apple TV I had to get for work. Thoroughly depressing.
Pretty decent game! An oddity in that it's very clearly trying to ape the SNK/KOF look - not really something I associate with the genre. It's pretty basic, but short and sweet, worth playing if you can grab it cheap. You may also notice that this is the fourth game of this genre on the list so far that has Genzoman cover art. There can be too much of a good thing.
Another great OST. Game is extremely hard, though.
Pretty standard stuff for the time, I guess. It's interesting to see what characters Sega were throwing out before they came up with Sonic.
Replay. Superseded by the remakes but this is still okay. Obviously the music rules.
Indiana Jones shoots hordes of animal poachers and also an alien (?). I dunno, I think this game is pretty cool!
Okay NES platformer, only really playing it for the license.
Absurd amounts of creativity, just throwing wild scenarios and locales at you constantly, but feels pretty dated to play. SNK Style! There it is!
Konami does X-Men x Altered Beast. Solid, except for the fact that your health is constantly going down. Playing through this genre exposes you to some of the most heinous shit ever designed to take money from kids. I played as MacGyver.
Kind of cool, but just a little too annoying for me.
This is what I wish wizards in movies and stuff were like. Just firing huge amounts of magic shit at everyone constantly. Doing a highest level Dragon's Dogma spell 50 times a minute. ZAP
Similar to Battle Garegga, so it's decent enough but not one of my favourites. The number of ships available is pretty good!
Trying very hard to be the NES games, but not quite managing it. A bit sad about this one.
The tank controls just suck all the air out of this one - player mobility sucks and enemy mobility does not. Wakle Skade is a very funny name for a protagonist though.
Replay. I finished this as a kid and remember thinking it was cool. Adult me is less enamored with it.
This is probably one of Konami's better licensed efforts if you're a fan of the comics, but I don't really give a shit about Asterix, sorry.
A better game than Lords of Thunder despite coming first.
Metal Slug-ish, but before Metal Slug, by the folk who would make Metal Slug. Covering a wider arc because of your dual guns is cool!
Now this is how you do an arena brawler, Renegade! Silly and fun. Bouncing someone's head off the concrete as an OTG attack is extremely satisfying. "The Slash Skate Screamers" is an incredible name for a gang.
Okay idea but I don't think EDF gameplay needed streamlining. Also pretty racist!
Adding in live-action FMVs are fun but otherwise this is an immediate step down from 3.
I really wanted to like this, but it's too slow. Put Sonic Blast Man in a better game please.
Cool stuff here, almost rhythm-game like. Some of the bosses can be frustrating but I had a good time with it.
A weird one. A dungeon crawl-brawler, it seemed pretty interesting but I feel like I must have missed something with the combat. Surely can't be as basic as it seemed to me?
Wanted to like this more than I did (due to it being a few characters removed from being called Dynasty Warriors).
I liked ESP Ra.De. enough to buy this. Some tweaks, more content, fine by me!
Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff other than the gimmick of being able to smash enemies into the background and break it, which does not get old.
A little sluggish for the time, but full of cool monster designs for you to punch. Also has a fun title to say.
Beatemup/adventure game hybrid that isn't too great but has some real slick animation. There's one kick in this that I've absolutely seen before but I can't place where from. I think it might be a KOF2002 animation.
I think I'd like this more if it was less about the lock-on. Sometimes I just want to shoot what's directly in front of me.
Fine I guess, but it can be really hard to make out what's actually going on in these polygonal ones.
Much better than the original. Weird, kind of grotesque designs and Winkysoft doing a Winkysoft as hell soundtrack. Final boss music just sounds like a Masou Kishin track, which is a-OK by me.
Has the same problem of being visually unremarkable that 3 has, but I was actually able to finish this one, so that means it's great, excellent, etc.
Just okay. By this point I'd definitely cemented that I preferred Cave to Psikyo.
Think this was an Eighting one? Tiny bullets. Tiny!
Do celebrities get mad when people make shitty games with their name on them? I would.
Another kind of drudgy SNK effort but worth a look for KOF history reasons.
Why does this game look like this? Who put them up to it?
This shifted between regular respawning and moving back to checkpoints on death, which was very annoying!
Just a very average game. Apparently a Playstation launch title in Japan? Only thing really notable about it.
Even worse than regular River City Ransom, because it introduces a bunch of characters who would be cool in any other game but are stuck in this one.
Wanted to replay the Blade Runner game after watching some Trancers and gave this a go. Decided it just looked a bit too weird at higher res/framerate and dropped it to go back to the original.
Got suckered in by the Hiroaki artwork. Lackluster beatemup for anime perverts. I'm good, thanks.
Gunstar Heroes but harder. There's a bunch of points in this where it feels like there is exactly one and only one way you can not take damage, so it can be pretty frustrating.
I don't really remember anything about this, but I shelved it, so I must have thought it was decent enough to go back to at some point.
Jesus, these avalanche sections! Whose idea was this?
Another NES platformer that wasn't very good. Think I was playing these because they had translations.
The only thing I can remember about this is that I didn't like it.
It took me a bit to realise how you actually speed up, and then when I did I found I was either trying to win the race or trying to shoot stuff but trying to do both wasn't really working out. Interesting experiment but I'm not in a hurry to replay it.
Wasn't really into this either. Wouldn't be the Game Gear if it wasn't hit or miss, I guess!
Haven't played any of the other games in this series but I didn't expect this to be as linear as it is. I guess it's okay but I can't say I was too impressed.
A much worse NES platformer that I played for the license.
It feels really difficult in these Psikyo joints to claw back your momentum after getting killed. Like, moreso than most other shmups. And I get killed a lot so that's trouble!
It's no Skull & Crossbones.
Cool idea that doesn't quite come together. I can't say I've read Mazin Saga; maybe it's the same!
Replay. Very cool concept but sadly a little clunky in execution. A game where you wish there had been a sequel to really refine things.
I don't think I really got this one. Might need to replay.
Game was fine, but the thing that stuck with me the most was the music.
Another Neo Geo release that feels like a relic for the time.
Okay, by this point I'd played a bunch that were better so it didn't do that much for me.
Decidedly less cool.
Gave it a bash because of the associations it's had with Castlevania, but I wasn't that into it. That one track is still a banger though.
Same story, just can't match up to the main games.
Decent enough for an arcade movie adaptation, although it's a little long. It's Irem so it looks good.
Another good Cave game. It's no Ketsui, though!
Don't have much to say about this other than I think I appreciate this style of dungeon crawler more than I actually enjoy playing them.
Doing A Henshin in this game does not make you any more powerful than you are as normal-ass Takeshi Hongo. What the fvkk. This one hurt.
Some sections ended up just being way too frustrating for me to actually finish this game, but everything up to that point was absolute top notch kusoge. Amazing how janky and low-rent one game can be. Highly recommended.
Gave this a go because I've been interested in seeing the Tsui Hark film. Not really all that much to it and environments felt quite drab to me. Worse ways to spend the time though.
Still playing this, it's pretty cool! Obviously doesn't have the budget and weight of even the GBA Ace Attorneys behind it but the total devotion to the hard boiled clichés is very endearing. I like how much of it is just down to legwork. So far I think I would play a bunch more of these.
Can't really remember anything of it, but I feel like I should.
Completely terrible. There ought to be a law against shit like this.
Not really into the style of it but it plays pretty well! Was surprised at this one.
Bad. Move on.
Impressive amount of playable characters by the end of the game but otherwise not really all that great, I thought.
A friend and I make a point of occasionally playing through games in what we affectionately call the Dumbass genre (see: much of the Xbox 360 catalogue). This is one of the ones we didn't feel like finishing.
Very cool game! Combat isn't really anything all that special but all the stages are so fun and adventurous and, well, magical. Made me want to watch a Sinbad movie, a feeling I have never had before in my life.
Chills when they hit "of the HIGHEST POWERS"
More Kunio-kun that I cannot abide.
Genuinely awful. Konami were really not good at this early on.
Just not that engaging after playing a bunch of games that were the same thing but better.
4 Comments
Damn this is impressive
Did you complete Ring Fit?!
@Vee this took me days lol
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
Vee
1 year ago
Bayou Billy is one of the most unfun NES games I ever played, goddamn what a slog-filled and mean-spirited game.