Twennytoo Five Hundo
In future year AD2022 I apparently logged 500 video games (mostly just played, not finished - can you even imagine). Am I proud of it? Of course not, brother, pride is a sin. Here they are in their entirety in order of play:
500 Games
Digitised guff.
Uses the Her Story framework to show us FMVs of I assume the developers and their mates filming in their grandparents' clothes. The video is endearingly amateurish but the actual playing had me eventually just getting lucky with random keywords more than following the threads to their conclusion. Maybe it's easier in French.
Pretty bad, but I at least appreciate any game that has Hiroshi Hase in it.
I think the release of this I played might have had a different title but that's the only thing I recall of it.
A throwback to Renegade, so not something I really want to bother with.
All I remember is that it was a mech game. I finished it, so it must have been decent!
For no reason I can discern the song It Came From Japan by the Von Bondies popped into my head, and I had to remember why I even know that song, and I remembered it's because it was in this game so I had to go play it. THPS it is not.
If I had a list of games I desperately wish would get translated, this is on it. An endearingly silly love letter to tokusatsu hero shows. When you create your hero you enter their name and it comes up as a big logo! Anything you put in! Wow!
Think this is the one that's really zoomed out and a lot the environment is destructible? Cool concept but it didn't feel very good to play.
Don't remember much of this beyond there being some long button combinations you had to do for specific sections.
Interesting idea, but that's all.
Not great. Interesting for its setting, I guess.
It's cool that an SD Go Nagai World game exists but that's all I can really say.
Got nothing. Gone.
Well, this is no good. Solid remix of the main theme though.
I think the C64 might not be the best system for this genre.
Intensely ugly game.
Another clunky SNES brawler. I remember being completely incensed that this has an obvious Metal Heroes ripoff name but does not share anything of the supreme Metal Heroes aesthetic.
Can't really remember it, just know I didn't finish it.
Extremely short game apparently made for a game dev contest? Well, it's cool anyway!
Another one I don't remember anything of. Sorry!
Did not feel good at all to control, so I dropped it pretty early on.
I do not remember a single thing about this game.
A brawler that has a pretty extensive movelist for a two-button controller, but sadly this doesn't stop it being janky and dull.
Nothing like the PS2 game, but a lot like a whole bunch of garbage beatemups. Don't bother with it.
This was utter guff and there was no reason for me to finish it, but here we are.
Not much to say about this. Not good.
Licensed game for an instant noodles brand. I would like this to be good but it's extremely basic.
Ultraman shmup where you play as a ship from one of the many Science Patrols, which makes sense. It has all the Ultra fanservice you could want but it's not very good beyond that.
I finished this one but am totally blanking on anything about it.
Only got this partly working from what I remember. Whatever, it's Renegade, I didn't care.
Not good!
Memory not found. I'll take your word for it.
Looks great, plays bad. Tale as old as time.
Don't remember anything about it, but I didn't finish it so I must not have liked it, which is disappointing for a game called Karate Blazers.
Not ringing many bells. I think it was another digitised one?
Looks and sounds pretty good but is just doodoo otherwise. It's embarrassing that stuff like this was getting released by this stage.
This has about as much relation to actual Double Dragon as the movie does. Total slop, don't even think about it.
A game you need a pencil and paper for. Or a pen. Just something that writes, really.
You walk along a perfectly straight level and then you fight a boss. Way too long for how simplistic it is, but you do have way more moves than I would expect.
Why does THIS game look like this? Who put THEM up to it?
Not much to say about this one beyond flying cars being cool.
Very weird e-mail themed shmup? Not really that great but worth a look for the unique theme.
The essence of the arcade game. You're on a hoverboard, you punch stuff. It's good.
Weird. In order to jump across gaps, climb ladders, etc. you have to stand on little X marks and watch the animation play out like it's a film set or something. Pretty janky.
What came out in the West as Shatterhand. Movement is a bit weird but you punch everything, including bullets, and that is cool. Good music too!
Gave up on this pretty quickly, just not very good.
Obviously very funny to look at but it plays like ass.
This, D.D. Crew and DJ Boy form an unholy triumvirate of terror.
Pretty standard shmup but with all kinds of weird cyberspace environments and enemies, it's really cool. The cutscenes where the main character enters cyberspace are the good stuff. The final boss of this game is Cyber-Hitler's skull, which has skeletal spider legs.
Another forgotten Legend.
The up/down/middle system of blocking and attacking is interesting enough for the time I guess, but this is too jank to really be fun.
Probably wouldn't have played this if it wasn't attached to an Amemiya movie. Very frustrating at points!
Never let something like a license stop you from making the Gundam game you want. This is pretty cool but it's also a shooter where you're bumped back to a checkpoint whenever you die, which is infuriating when you're as bad as me.
A Simple Series game, and boy, does it show. There's a character that's clearly just supposed to be Tetsuya Watari though, and that's good.
An Elvis impersonator as a playable character is real nice but this game is otherwise not very good.
The kind of TV show adaptation game we deserve more of - missions are presented like episodes of the show, you get the little title stings, the eyecatches, all of it (The Space Sheriff Spirits is also very good for this stuff). Gameplay-wise it's an otherwise unremarkable TPS but if you like VOTOMs you will probably get a kick out this for a while. You skate about, it does the noise. Mission accomplished.
This is a Troll game. As in the little pencil toppers with the hair. That's all I remember about it.
Another Three Kingdoms one. That's all I've got.
Interesting in that it's an unlicensed game but otherwise not much going on here. I've just noticed the title font on here is in SSF4 Abuket font, fuck me. I thought we'd escaped that.
Just looked and felt low-rent, like a Flash game you would have played in the early 2000s. The whole ancient warriors fuck yeah thing isn't really for me either.
The bad kind of FMV game and also barely functional. The cheek of them to act like this is some unearthed classic of the genre.
I remember this being fairly basic but fun. A lot of these PC-Engine games have good music that is totally overpowered by loud, bad SFX.
Backloggd tells me that I played this, so I must have. I must have!
The huge sprites and zooming and the cut-ins are all cool for the time but I don't remember it being very hot to play. Arabian Magic kind of wiped most of my memories of this away.
Another one where I think it's conceptually really cool but doesn't quite live up to it in play. Maybe I'll give it another shot at some point.
Played this after watching the absolute garbo movie. Not particularly good, not sure why you'd want to play it over any of the more famous PS2 racing games outside of being a really big Stallone fan.
Sadly nowhere near as good as the original Revenge.
I'd probably be interested in checking out some of the later Gradius games, but this one didn't do much for me.
Not really that great but not terrible. Whenever Banpresto strays away from SRW into other genres it always seems to just be not quite as good as you want it to be.
Weird not-very-good game that feels like it's some in-joke I'm not getting between steamers or something.
Mechanically fine but the style just isn't my thing.
I've played all of 10 minutes of this so far, can't say anything.
Fairly standard beatemup but the Conan aesthetic is very strong here. Has that one great track that's in Taiko as well.
I'm not really sure who this is for.
I think this is the one where you can possess enemies? Not great but an interesting attempt.
Not good. I think the only notable thing about this to me is that Grifter isn't in it. Is he not this comic's only popular character?
Played this for the first time after having it installed on like three separate PCs at this point. I'm not far enough in to say much about it.
When you're sufficiently powered up in this one, anything flying up close behind you gets annihilated by engine wash. I think more shmups should do this.
Understandably similar to the sequel. Love that box art.
Not really a great shmup but the biggest love letter to super robot shows there ever was. This is a 2D horizontal shmup that comes on four discs because of the amount of video and music shoved in to make this as much a super robot anime as is possible. Nice!
It's Renegade again, so it's not really very good, but the Tim Follin soundtrack is hot fire.
Thought this might be cool but as soon as I saw the battle system I nope'd straight out. Not in the market for turn-based beatemups, sorry.
It's fine. I don't like that title though.
More Gunvolt Burst. It's still easy, still fine to zip through if you have 20 minutes.
Kudos for being weird but it's not particularly good.
Horrendous. Avoid.
Don't remember much, other than it being pretty bland outside of the player character being a kabuki guy, which is cool and more games should do.
A cool idea, little puzzle game FPS. You could do worse for a free game.
Forgot I played this. Not very good.
Every ship just being a flying gun is incredible, but I didn't much like it beyond that, partner.
Bad. It's not worth it.
Played under the name Vendetta. Konami's first real pretty good effort. OTGing people is good and punching people's fingers so they lose grip and fall off the stage: great.
Looks really cool, but I wasn't too bothered about finishing it. I'll pick it back up at some point.
The first cutscene was taking too long to load so I skipped it, and then the second cutscene loaded straight away and I was like oh, this is a porn game isn't it. Well, they made a pretty okay shmup when they probably could have gotten away with a lot less effort, so well done!
These polygonal entries don't ever really seem to have the oomph of their 2D counterparts, but it's still a good game and I had a big smile on my face when the one boss shifts into TFIV player form and Lightning Strikes Again starts playing.
Has that high-quality Irem look but I remember it feeling really slow.
Genuinely awful. Konami were really not good at this early on.
Thought this looked cool but was otherwise unremarkable. Outdone by the sequel.
This Legend has been entirely forgotten by me.
4 Comments
Damn this is impressive
Did you complete Ring Fit?!
@Vee this took me days lol
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
Vee
1 year ago
Bayou Billy is one of the most unfun NES games I ever played, goddamn what a slog-filled and mean-spirited game.