Twennytoo Five Hundo
In future year AD2022 I apparently logged 500 video games (mostly just played, not finished - can you even imagine). Am I proud of it? Of course not, brother, pride is a sin. Here they are in their entirety in order of play:
500 Games
Pretty decent game! An oddity in that it's very clearly trying to ape the SNK/KOF look - not really something I associate with the genre. It's pretty basic, but short and sweet, worth playing if you can grab it cheap. You may also notice that this is the fourth game of this genre on the list so far that has Genzoman cover art. There can be too much of a good thing.
Tiny indie platformer that had been sitting in my Steam library for ages and could be finished in no time, so I threw it on. One of those you play once and never again, but neat idea.
It's fine. I don't like that title though.
Adding in live-action FMVs are fun but otherwise this is an immediate step down from 3.
Still playing this, it's pretty cool! Obviously doesn't have the budget and weight of even the GBA Ace Attorneys behind it but the total devotion to the hard boiled clichés is very endearing. I like how much of it is just down to legwork. So far I think I would play a bunch more of these.
Another NES platformer that wasn't very good. Think I was playing these because they had translations.
Replay, technically. I've started this a bunch of times, shelved it, forgotten all of it and restarted. Gonna try and not do it this time!
It's really fun that a game devoted to a mainstay Italian cinema duo exists, and it looks really good, but the gameplay could never be accused of being deep. Whole bunch of beatemups like this.
Hyper-edgy game. Combat is pretty satisfying but not deep enough to justify the length and large number of samey enemies.
Every ship just being a flying gun is incredible, but I didn't much like it beyond that, partner.
Genuinely pretty cool, slamming people into the background rules. I didn't really feel like finishing it at the time but want to go back to it. Boss fights are a bit crap though.
Didn't play this at the time because I assumed it would be crap. It's okay! The open world is a bit naff but the parkour is still really fun.
Absurd amounts of creativity, just throwing wild scenarios and locales at you constantly, but feels pretty dated to play. SNK Style! There it is!
Saw a free shmup on PS+, got a bit into it and then got the pervert shit dropped on me when I got hit. That was a surprise! Found out afterwards you can turn that stuff off, so that's a mercy.
Decent enough for an arcade movie adaptation, although it's a little long. It's Irem so it looks good.
Fairly standard beatemup but the Conan aesthetic is very strong here. Has that one great track that's in Taiko as well.
Golden Axe II - it's like Golden Axe. I like Golden Axe. I like Golden Axe II!
I think this is the one where you can possess enemies? Not great but an interesting attempt.
The Golden Axers Once Again. It's still much the same, I still enjoy it, and I think the stage on the back of the giant eagle is badass. Good music here.
This is probably one of Konami's better licensed efforts if you're a fan of the comics, but I don't really give a shit about Asterix, sorry.
Replay. This isn't a good release, but the core gameplay of VF5FS is great, so if you have no other access to FS you should get this. Can't say enough good things about Veef.
I've played all of 10 minutes of this so far, can't say anything.
Thought this might be cool but as soon as I saw the battle system I nope'd straight out. Not in the market for turn-based beatemups, sorry.
Had this game in progress for literal years, finally made the effort to finish it this year. It's fine for a short choose your own adventure type thing, don't really have all that much to say about it.
The title of this game is so funny. It's like a weird post-apocalyptic setting! Undercover cops for what?!
Anyway it's decent, it's Irem so everything has that slightly Metal Sluggy look.
Anyway it's decent, it's Irem so everything has that slightly Metal Sluggy look.
Not very good, is it? There's a kind of charm to it though. I think I will go back and finish this at some point.
It's cool that an SD Go Nagai World game exists but that's all I can really say.
More Gunvolt Burst. It's still easy, still fine to zip through if you have 20 minutes.
Don't remember much, other than it being pretty bland outside of the player character being a kabuki guy, which is cool and more games should do.
What came out in the West as Shatterhand. Movement is a bit weird but you punch everything, including bullets, and that is cool. Good music too!
Just not that engaging after playing a bunch of games that were the same thing but better.
Cool stuff here, almost rhythm-game like. Some of the bosses can be frustrating but I had a good time with it.
These polygonal entries don't ever really seem to have the oomph of their 2D counterparts, but it's still a good game and I had a big smile on my face when the one boss shifts into TFIV player form and Lightning Strikes Again starts playing.
Emphasis on the melee attack is cool, but otherwise I wasn't that into it.
Didn't blow me away but it's fine. I'll play it a bit more at some point.
Wanted to replay the Blade Runner game after watching some Trancers and gave this a go. Decided it just looked a bit too weird at higher res/framerate and dropped it to go back to the original.
This shifted between regular respawning and moving back to checkpoints on death, which was very annoying!
The kind of FMV game I do not like.
Another free PS+ game. Serviceable beatemup, it's way longer than it needs to be but the combat is decent and I had replayed Sifu a few days before so I was in the mood for more kung fu.
Absolutely not the first game I played this year but the earliest one logged for 2022. Haven't finished it yet; it seems nice enough but just takes a bit longer than I would like.
Oh jeez, I'm sorry, no, Sigma 2 is fine. I couldn't finish this. No idea what they were thinking.
Mizuki McCloud is a really funny name though.
Mizuki McCloud is a really funny name though.
I have no idea what the original cabinet was like for this, but this is a bit of a chore to play on a regular controller. I like the general weirdness of it though, and the invincible Robojacko. However it is unbelievable that it has tons of licensed Jackson music and the zombie level does not have Thriller. What the fuck!
Don't have much to say about the game, but Joe Madureira should be outlawed.
Mechanically fine but the style just isn't my thing.
Replay. Actually feels kind of satisfying to play but the enemies and environments are so bland.
Replay. I like this game still! The not-Conan world is really cool, love the big turtle village and the eagle stage.
Replay. Designed by Cenobites. You know how everyone talks about the Turbo Tunnel? Real testament to just how bad the Turbo Tunnel is that you never hear anyone talk about the level immediately after it which is even worse.
Liked this more than the first game, but the difficulty is still absolutely sadistic.
Wasn't really into this either. Wouldn't be the Game Gear if it wasn't hit or miss, I guess!
Got tricked into playing this by friends (i.e. they said I should and I agreed despite knowing better). The first one sucked, this one is even worse.
Replay. King shit. Double Dragon II is a good-ass game.
Why does this game look like this? Who put them up to it?
Free on PS+. I don't follow the UFC (a friend of mine refers to it as a putrid cretin spectacle and I may be forced to agree), and maybe that's just as well cause if I did I'd have ended up wasting my money on this. Series peaked with Undisputed 3, all downhill from there.
Replay. Thought this game was cool as hell as a kid, and hey, I still like it! The first-person sections are still very fun. Did this have Menacer support?
It's fine, but I'm not really sure why it exists. What reason is there for not just putting all these characters into Warriors Orochi instead?
A game you need a pencil and paper for. Or a pen. Just something that writes, really.
Looks great, plays bad. Tale as old as time.
Memory not found. I'll take your word for it.
Relentless game. Cruel!
Cool idea that doesn't quite come together. I can't say I've read Mazin Saga; maybe it's the same!
It's Renegade again, so it's not really very good, but the Tim Follin soundtrack is hot fire.
I was hoping for a cutesy DW4, but this was just clunky and slow. Really weird considering DW3 had already come out by this point, they obviously knew how to make a good musou. Odd.
It's Panzer Dragoon, it's fine, but it's always a little weird to me to play these remakes with modern graphics but unchanged gameplay. Always just feels slightly off.
A little sluggish for the time, but full of cool monster designs for you to punch. Also has a fun title to say.
The first cutscene was taking too long to load so I skipped it, and then the second cutscene loaded straight away and I was like oh, this is a porn game isn't it. Well, they made a pretty okay shmup when they probably could have gotten away with a lot less effort, so well done!
Really disappointed with this one. It looks good, I love the parry system and the animations that come out of it, it's really satisfying to catch a strike and then kick the shit out of the guy, but it takes 100 years to kill anything at all. A slog in the purest sense. Really sad.
Game was fine, but the thing that stuck with me the most was the music.
Didn't think this was really all that good but I do like the Conan-rip aesthetic.
Not really a kart racer guy but this seemed decent enough. Did you know Yoshinori Ono of SF4 fame was the composer for this? Crazy!
Not great. I'm not sure why they bothered to make a musou of Berserk in the first place given how few characters fit the style.
Replay. Snake Pit, Clinger Winger and Rat Race are all worse in this one than they are in the original game. Rare is made up of the most extreme sadists on Earth.
Beatemup/adventure game hybrid that isn't too great but has some real slick animation. There's one kick in this that I've absolutely seen before but I can't place where from. I think it might be a KOF2002 animation.
I really wanted to like this, but it's too slow. Put Sonic Blast Man in a better game please.
Replay. This game is very, very boring, and at no point do you ever actually feel like Superman in it. Why am I not punching all these little Igors and weird goatmen into space? Why am I having to combo them?
Not interested at all in Overwatch and its ilk but I gave this a go because it's Gundam. Looking down ironsights? In a Gundam game? You're having a laugh mate. Also if someone picks the suit I want I can't pick it? Seriously? Is this what these games are like? I thought we solved this shit in Champion Edition. Absurd.
Was free on PS+ so I grabbed it. Looks great but plays exactly like the Master System version, i.e. horribly. Can see no point in it.
Another kind of drudgy SNK effort but worth a look for KOF history reasons.
Wanted to like this more than I did (due to it being a few characters removed from being called Dynasty Warriors).
Very easy Mega Man clone. I'd seen people say that Beck is hard mode, and I guess he is in relative terms, because I replayed this later in the year as Gunvolt and I could probably have done it with my eyes closed.
Some sections ended up just being way too frustrating for me to actually finish this game, but everything up to that point was absolute top notch kusoge. Amazing how janky and low-rent one game can be. Highly recommended.
Never let something like a license stop you from making the Gundam game you want. This is pretty cool but it's also a shooter where you're bumped back to a checkpoint whenever you die, which is infuriating when you're as bad as me.
Not really that great but not terrible. Whenever Banpresto strays away from SRW into other genres it always seems to just be not quite as good as you want it to be.
The first stop on my journey of playing every game listed in the beatemup history book Go Straight. Not great.
Wanted to like this, but I just found it kind of obnoxious, and I don't think it's a particularly good beatemup. Disappointing.
Feel like I missed some controversy over this maybe? Had never heard of it but it showed up on an itch.io page I was on so I gave it a bash. Played it for 10 minutes and don't see myself ever going back to it.
Now this is how you do an arena brawler, Renegade! Silly and fun. Bouncing someone's head off the concrete as an OTG attack is extremely satisfying. "The Slash Skate Screamers" is an incredible name for a gang.
Don't remember much of this beyond there being some long button combinations you had to do for specific sections.
Another game where if I'd played it at the time I would probably love it, but now just doesn't really hold my attention.
Got suckered in by the Hiroaki artwork. Lackluster beatemup for anime perverts. I'm good, thanks.
Completely odious game. I genuinely have no idea why or how this got made.
Now we're getting it. Still very playable and has one of the best title themes of all time.
Indiana Jones shoots hordes of animal poachers and also an alien (?). I dunno, I think this game is pretty cool!
Had to give up on this one because I was playing on emulator and the button sensitivity stuff just didn't work. From what I played it felt like this game could probably be finished in about 15 minutes if you skipped every cutscene (which I will absolutely be doing if I ever play a proper copy).
Interesting as a weird curiosity - a beatemup spinoff of House of the Dead - but otherwise not much to enjoy here. I do like that they threw in a Yusaku Matsuda-inspired guy for no reason.
Fun point-and-click that has a bunch of sections where you'll have to do some googling about real-world locations and history. I like when games do that kind of thing!
Pretty standard stuff for the time, I guess. It's interesting to see what characters Sega were throwing out before they came up with Sonic.
A weird one. A dungeon crawl-brawler, it seemed pretty interesting but I feel like I must have missed something with the combat. Surely can't be as basic as it seemed to me?
Still sitting unfinished. A cool look and concept but the race gameplay feels a bit sparse. I'll get round to it eventually.
Just a very average game. Apparently a Playstation launch title in Japan? Only thing really notable about it.
Interesting in that it's an unlicensed game but otherwise not much going on here. I've just noticed the title font on here is in SSF4 Abuket font, fuck me. I thought we'd escaped that.
4 Comments
Damn this is impressive
Did you complete Ring Fit?!
@Vee this took me days lol
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
Vee
1 year ago
Bayou Billy is one of the most unfun NES games I ever played, goddamn what a slog-filled and mean-spirited game.