Twennytoo Five Hundo
In future year AD2022 I apparently logged 500 video games (mostly just played, not finished - can you even imagine). Am I proud of it? Of course not, brother, pride is a sin. Here they are in their entirety in order of play:
500 Games
Pretty bad, but I at least appreciate any game that has Hiroshi Hase in it.
A throwback to Renegade, so not something I really want to bother with.
This has about as much relation to actual Double Dragon as the movie does. Total slop, don't even think about it.
Not good!
I'm just confused that this was made and released. Did nobody involved know they were making a crap game? Who was it meant to please?
Completely terrible. There ought to be a law against shit like this.
Weird not-very-good game that feels like it's some in-joke I'm not getting between steamers or something.
Decidedly less cool.
Looks and sounds pretty good but is just doodoo otherwise. It's embarrassing that stuff like this was getting released by this stage.
Not a good game at all, but the obvious big thing here is that it's one of the first instances of microtransactions, and is pure evil.
Uses the Her Story framework to show us FMVs of I assume the developers and their mates filming in their grandparents' clothes. The video is endearingly amateurish but the actual playing had me eventually just getting lucky with random keywords more than following the threads to their conclusion. Maybe it's easier in French.
Don't remember anything about it, but I didn't finish it so I must not have liked it, which is disappointing for a game called Karate Blazers.
Not great. Interesting for its setting, I guess.
Nothing like the PS2 game, but a lot like a whole bunch of garbage beatemups. Don't bother with it.
Just rewatch the movie, which is very good, instead of playing this game, which is very bad.
Sadly nowhere near as good as the original Revenge.
Backloggd tells me that I played this, so I must have. I must have!
Another free on PS+ trap. Whilst I was playing this a friend sent me a message asking if I was OK and they were right to do so.
Only got this partly working from what I remember. Whatever, it's Renegade, I didn't care.
This game can fuck right off. Honestly.
Why does THIS game look like this? Who put THEM up to it?
Finally decided to take the plunge and play this. It's guff. Not the absolute worst game ever made, but there's just no reason to ever play this instead of a Mega Man game. Gave up at the Call stealth section, who has the time.
Genuinely awful. Konami were really not good at this early on.
Jesus, these avalanche sections! Whose idea was this?
Think this is the one that's really zoomed out and a lot the environment is destructible? Cool concept but it didn't feel very good to play.
Gave up on this pretty quickly, just not very good.
An interesting deviation from the standard belt scroller formula, but not very engaging beyond that.
Another clunky SNES brawler. I remember being completely incensed that this has an obvious Metal Heroes ripoff name but does not share anything of the supreme Metal Heroes aesthetic.
Another one I don't remember anything of. Sorry!
This, D.D. Crew and DJ Boy form an unholy triumvirate of terror.
It's no Skull & Crossbones.
Played this after watching the absolute garbo movie. Not particularly good, not sure why you'd want to play it over any of the more famous PS2 racing games outside of being a really big Stallone fan.
Replay. Fucking hell, man. Just one of the most tedious games ever made.
Digitised guff.
Rival Turf 2 - still bad.
I SAID no thank you!
Horrendous. Avoid.
Do celebrities get mad when people make shitty games with their name on them? I would.
Bad. It's not worth it.
Weird. In order to jump across gaps, climb ladders, etc. you have to stand on little X marks and watch the animation play out like it's a film set or something. Pretty janky.
A Simple Series game, and boy, does it show. There's a character that's clearly just supposed to be Tetsuya Watari though, and that's good.
I do not remember a single thing about this game.
It was free, which is fitting because after playing I can tell you that this game is worthless.
Rival Turf 3 continues the legacy of the Rival Turf name (being bad).
I've got no problems with avoiding this particular turf altogether. Stinks.
I finished this one but am totally blanking on anything about it.
Trying very hard to be the NES games, but not quite managing it. A bit sad about this one.
Not much to say about this one beyond flying cars being cool.
Probably wouldn't have played this if it wasn't attached to an Amemiya movie. Very frustrating at points!
Intensely ugly game.
Another Neo Geo release that feels like a relic for the time.
Replay. So, so boring, which is a huge shame considering the license. Come on.
Replay. Superseded by the remakes but this is still okay. Obviously the music rules.
About as good as GT: Final Bout, i.e. not very.
Not much to say about this. Not good.
Replay. SNK tries a Final Fight rip but with added ripoff music. Okay, but again feels like they can't keep up with the curve.
Replay. Bad Dudes is not a good-ass game.
Played this to test out an Apple TV I had to get for work. Thoroughly depressing.
Woooof. I actually finished this one and I have no idea why - it's not fun at all.
Obviously very funny to look at but it plays like ass.
Has that high-quality Irem look but I remember it feeling really slow.
Forgot I played this. Not very good.
Notabe for laying a lot of the groundwork for the genre and as an early Technos effort, but this just isn't particularly fun.
Another forgotten Legend.
Scott Pilgrimcore. Nope.
A brawler that has a pretty extensive movelist for a two-button controller, but sadly this doesn't stop it being janky and dull.
The bad kind of FMV game and also barely functional. The cheek of them to act like this is some unearthed classic of the genre.
Not terrible, but the SNK stuff always feels like it's behind the curve even at this relatively early stage.
Interesting idea, but that's all.
The up/down/middle system of blocking and attacking is interesting enough for the time I guess, but this is too jank to really be fun.
A much worse NES platformer that I played for the license.
Bad. Move on.
A friend and I make a point of occasionally playing through games in what we affectionately call the Dumbass genre (see: much of the Xbox 360 catalogue). This is one of the ones we didn't feel like finishing.
Looks really cool, but I wasn't too bothered about finishing it. I'll pick it back up at some point.
An Elvis impersonator as a playable character is real nice but this game is otherwise not very good.
The huge sprites and zooming and the cut-ins are all cool for the time but I don't remember it being very hot to play. Arabian Magic kind of wiped most of my memories of this away.
Very cool setting but otherwise a slog to play. Might start specifically calling this the SNK Style.
Did not feel good at all to control, so I dropped it pretty early on.
The only thing I can remember about this is that I didn't like it.
I think the release of this I played might have had a different title but that's the only thing I recall of it.
Licensed game for an instant noodles brand. I would like this to be good but it's extremely basic.
It's very funny that From made this. Hyperjank, I guess I'll finish it for lols at some point.
Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff other than the gimmick of being able to smash enemies into the background and break it, which does not get old.
Played the Mega Drive version as a kid so I went for the arcade version here. Similarly clunky and not really all that fun, but all the monster transformation stuff is still cool and the voice clips are always funny.
Replay. Bad. Everyone knows it.
Another Guardian Heroes-alike. I don't think I'm into these, sorry!
This Legend has been entirely forgotten by me.
I'm not really sure who this is for.
Not good. I think the only notable thing about this to me is that Grifter isn't in it. Is he not this comic's only popular character?
Replay. Very cool concept but sadly a little clunky in execution. A game where you wish there had been a sequel to really refine things.
Replay. Another one where I think I like the idea of it more than I do actually playing it. When characters from it show up in other SNK things I think that's cool!
Replay. I finished this as a kid and remember thinking it was cool. Adult me is less enamored with it.
Very cool game! Combat isn't really anything all that special but all the stages are so fun and adventurous and, well, magical. Made me want to watch a Sinbad movie, a feeling I have never had before in my life.
Started this whilst I was on a bit of a Holmes kick from watching some of the Jeremy Brett series. I cooled off but I'll get back to it eventually!
Replay. Loved this game as a kid and still enjoyed it here. It's very basic and enemy variety is nonexistent but it just feels good to hit stuff and it's colourful! Great music too. OK, GO!
Well, this is no good. Solid remix of the main theme though.
This was utter guff and there was no reason for me to finish it, but here we are.
Pretty much the same feeling as the first game. Atomic Guy is cool though!
Doing A Henshin in this game does not make you any more powerful than you are as normal-ass Takeshi Hongo. What the fvkk. This one hurt.
All the big colourful sprites are cool but I wasn't that into it at the time. I might give this one another go.
4 Comments
Damn this is impressive
Did you complete Ring Fit?!
@Vee this took me days lol
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
Vee
1 year ago
Bayou Billy is one of the most unfun NES games I ever played, goddamn what a slog-filled and mean-spirited game.