Twennytoo Five Hundo
In future year AD2022 I apparently logged 500 video games (mostly just played, not finished - can you even imagine). Am I proud of it? Of course not, brother, pride is a sin. Here they are in their entirety in order of play:
500 Games
Replay. Bad. Everyone knows it.
The tank controls just suck all the air out of this one - player mobility sucks and enemy mobility does not. Wakle Skade is a very funny name for a protagonist though.
It's fine. I don't like that title though.
Not a good game at all, but the obvious big thing here is that it's one of the first instances of microtransactions, and is pure evil.
Completely odious game. I genuinely have no idea why or how this got made.
Darius Gaiden's little brother. Great atmosphere and boss designs makes up for slightly subpar gameplay.
Not much to say about this. Not good.
This is what I wish wizards in movies and stuff were like. Just firing huge amounts of magic shit at everyone constantly. Doing a highest level Dragon's Dogma spell 50 times a minute. ZAP
It's no Skull & Crossbones.
Thought this might be cool but as soon as I saw the battle system I nope'd straight out. Not in the market for turn-based beatemups, sorry.
It was good, but it's possible that Gaiden has ruined me for the rest of this series.
Another good Cave game. It's no Ketsui, though!
Not really that great but not terrible. Whenever Banpresto strays away from SRW into other genres it always seems to just be not quite as good as you want it to be.
Another Three Kingdoms one. Not awful, but there's not much in the way of variety so I didn't feel like finishing it.
Hilariously edgy and kind of janky but it has that same fun quality of a Hotline Miami where positioning, prioritisation and full use of all your tools pays off big. Also very satisfying in its scrambliness when you don't do any of those and are just using everything around you on the fly.
Again, didn't like it as much as ESP Ra.De., but it's still good!
When you're sufficiently powered up in this one, anything flying up close behind you gets annihilated by engine wash. I think more shmups should do this.
Oh jeez, I played this last week and it's completely left my head already.
Metal Slug-ish, but before Metal Slug, by the folk who would make Metal Slug. Covering a wider arc because of your dual guns is cool!
Kinda-sorta wearing a management game skin, but really this is a choose your own adventure book. I got the best ending though, so hooray!
These polygonal entries don't ever really seem to have the oomph of their 2D counterparts, but it's still a good game and I had a big smile on my face when the one boss shifts into TFIV player form and Lightning Strikes Again starts playing.
Memory not found. I'll take your word for it.
A little overlong from what I remember, but otherwise pretty much on par with King of Dragons.
Not quite as strong a game as some of Capcom's other heavy hitters on this list, but man, I wish they still made games that looked like this.
Another free on PS+ trap. Whilst I was playing this a friend sent me a message asking if I was OK and they were right to do so.
Not terrible, but the SNK stuff always feels like it's behind the curve even at this relatively early stage.
Weird that this exists but I think Capcom should do more daft things like it. I cannot forgive how they made Vega look in this, though.
Can't really remember anything of it, but I feel like I should.
More of the same. The cover art for these is really cool though, right?
A better game than Lords of Thunder despite coming first.
Absurd amounts of creativity, just throwing wild scenarios and locales at you constantly, but feels pretty dated to play. SNK Style! There it is!
I was hoping for a cutesy DW4, but this was just clunky and slow. Really weird considering DW3 had already come out by this point, they obviously knew how to make a good musou. Odd.
More bog-standard stuff.
The only thing I can remember about this is that I didn't like it.
Kudos for being weird but it's not particularly good.
Did not feel good at all to control, so I dropped it pretty early on.
A cool idea, little puzzle game FPS. You could do worse for a free game.
This has about as much relation to actual Double Dragon as the movie does. Total slop, don't even think about it.
Just a very average game. Apparently a Playstation launch title in Japan? Only thing really notable about it.
Scott Pilgrim, but now composed exclusively of anime pervert characters. I wish for a world where its kind cannot exist.
Pretty bad, but I at least appreciate any game that has Hiroshi Hase in it.
Didn't think this was really all that good but I do like the Conan-rip aesthetic.
Not really into the style of it but it plays pretty well! Was surprised at this one.
Some decent moments to build up the tension in this, and the subject matter is mildly interesting, but there's not really much else to say about it. It does get a bit on the nose with the "CIA bad" message at points, but well, yeah, they are bad, sure!
Replay. More Splatterhouse. I think this is my preferred one of the trilogy.
A brawler that has a pretty extensive movelist for a two-button controller, but sadly this doesn't stop it being janky and dull.
Got suckered in by the Hiroaki artwork. Lackluster beatemup for anime perverts. I'm good, thanks.
Not much to say about this one beyond flying cars being cool.
Supremely frustrating game because it looks and sounds absolutely awesome - they are clearly pushing the Neo Geo to its absolute limit - but it plays like complete ass. It takes two full attack strings to break open an item barrel. Every aspect of gameplay is coated in extra thick molasses.
Another Neo Geo release that feels like a relic for the time.
Okay NES platformer, only really playing it for the license.
Thought this looked cool but was otherwise unremarkable. Outdone by the sequel.
Similar to Battle Garegga, so it's decent enough but not one of my favourites. The number of ships available is pretty good!
Replay. Went through this again for Halloween. Cool game! Tim Curry's attempt at a New Orleans accent is very endearing.
Replay. Solid management game, had no idea there was a sequel until recently but I'll need to play it.
Genuinely awful. Konami were really not good at this early on.
Replay. This isn't a good release, but the core gameplay of VF5FS is great, so if you have no other access to FS you should get this. Can't say enough good things about Veef.
Very cool game! Combat isn't really anything all that special but all the stages are so fun and adventurous and, well, magical. Made me want to watch a Sinbad movie, a feeling I have never had before in my life.
Impressive effort for a NES game but playing it in amongst so many technically superior games did it no favours for me. Maybe one day.
Replay. Hell yeah man. A super ambitious game that combines Cool Adventures with some absolutely primo Capcom art work. I went through it solo but I bet this'd be a total blast on Fightcade. Only complaint is that the controls can be a little fiddly.
Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff other than the gimmick of being able to smash enemies into the background and break it, which does not get old.
Digitised guff.
Really cool just how many combinations of your team are possible. This kicked my ass and then I read the review on here about difficulty scaling with credits. Absolutely fiendish.
Looks really cool, but I wasn't too bothered about finishing it. I'll pick it back up at some point.
Pretty standard shmup but with all kinds of weird cyberspace environments and enemies, it's really cool. The cutscenes where the main character enters cyberspace are the good stuff. The final boss of this game is Cyber-Hitler's skull, which has skeletal spider legs.
I SAID no thank you!
Fairly standard beatemup but the Conan aesthetic is very strong here. Has that one great track that's in Taiko as well.
Fun point-and-click that has a bunch of sections where you'll have to do some googling about real-world locations and history. I like when games do that kind of thing!
Is there any earlier example of Just Defend in a game? Capcom beating SNK to the punch by 8 years. It's fine enough I guess, but later efforts are much better.
A good take on the formula laid down by the D&D games. Just went on a bit too long for me at the time, but I want to get back to it.
This is how you do an FMV game! I wanna see those digitised folks walking around, picking up stuff and looking at it - maybe even reacting to it!
Really cool, all the hokey charm of FMV combined with a pretty cool story that involves some real-world history, which I like. Education!
Really cool, all the hokey charm of FMV combined with a pretty cool story that involves some real-world history, which I like. Education!
Adding in live-action FMVs are fun but otherwise this is an immediate step down from 3.
Has that high-quality Irem look but I remember it feeling really slow.
Very weird e-mail themed shmup? Not really that great but worth a look for the unique theme.
Splatterhouse but with a time limit mechanic. It's fine!
A little too samey throughout but it's cool that they tried it. They managed to make the mechs feel really big and heavy, and of course Blodia is just a cool design. Glad they reused it.
Free on PS+. I don't follow the UFC (a friend of mine refers to it as a putrid cretin spectacle and I may be forced to agree), and maybe that's just as well cause if I did I'd have ended up wasting my money on this. Series peaked with Undisputed 3, all downhill from there.
Played this after watching the absolute garbo movie. Not particularly good, not sure why you'd want to play it over any of the more famous PS2 racing games outside of being a really big Stallone fan.
Has the same problem of being visually unremarkable that 3 has, but I was actually able to finish this one, so that means it's great, excellent, etc.
Probably would have liked it a lot if I played it at the time of release, but this ended up being a big-time disappointment. Just felt sluggish and killing things took forever. Obviously looks awesome, though.
Well, this is no good. Solid remix of the main theme though.
Another NES platformer that wasn't very good. Think I was playing these because they had translations.
It's Warriors Orochi, it's good. I think this one isn't quite up to the same level of 3 Ultimate, but you're still guaranteed a fun time. The designs of the new characters are very funny to me - stupid sexy Hades!
Think this is the one that's really zoomed out and a lot the environment is destructible? Cool concept but it didn't feel very good to play.
It's cool that an SD Go Nagai World game exists but that's all I can really say.
This shifted between regular respawning and moving back to checkpoints on death, which was very annoying!
Just not that engaging after playing a bunch of games that were the same thing but better.
This is in the same vein as something like The Dishwasher for me - i.e., games that I assume you're probably into if you like Jhonen Vasquez.
Wanted to like this more than I did (due to it being a few characters removed from being called Dynasty Warriors).
Oh, this is just Beatmania. Well cool, I like Beatmania! Also I'm terrible at Beatmania!
Looks and sounds pretty good but is just doodoo otherwise. It's embarrassing that stuff like this was getting released by this stage.
Pretty decent game! An oddity in that it's very clearly trying to ape the SNK/KOF look - not really something I associate with the genre. It's pretty basic, but short and sweet, worth playing if you can grab it cheap. You may also notice that this is the fourth game of this genre on the list so far that has Genzoman cover art. There can be too much of a good thing.
A little sluggish for the time, but full of cool monster designs for you to punch. Also has a fun title to say.
Pretty much the same feeling as the first game. Atomic Guy is cool though!
Okay I don't remember this one.
Replay. Very cool concept but sadly a little clunky in execution. A game where you wish there had been a sequel to really refine things.
Interesting in that it's an unlicensed game but otherwise not much going on here. I've just noticed the title font on here is in SSF4 Abuket font, fuck me. I thought we'd escaped that.
Not great. I'm not sure why they bothered to make a musou of Berserk in the first place given how few characters fit the style.
Relentless game. Cruel!
This was utter guff and there was no reason for me to finish it, but here we are.
4 Comments
Damn this is impressive
Did you complete Ring Fit?!
@Vee this took me days lol
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
Vee
1 year ago
Bayou Billy is one of the most unfun NES games I ever played, goddamn what a slog-filled and mean-spirited game.