Twennytoo Five Hundo
In future year AD2022 I apparently logged 500 video games (mostly just played, not finished - can you even imagine). Am I proud of it? Of course not, brother, pride is a sin. Here they are in their entirety in order of play:
500 Games
Kinda-sorta wearing a management game skin, but really this is a choose your own adventure book. I got the best ending though, so hooray!
Another Guardian Heroes-alike. I don't think I'm into these, sorry!
Level design is more straightforward (blander) than the Gunvolt games but it's still really fun because Copen. Designs of the girls are still prison sentence bait.
Was free on PS+ so I grabbed it. Looks great but plays exactly like the Master System version, i.e. horribly. Can see no point in it.
Intensely ugly game.
Not really a great shmup but the biggest love letter to super robot shows there ever was. This is a 2D horizontal shmup that comes on four discs because of the amount of video and music shoved in to make this as much a super robot anime as is possible. Nice!
Okay, by this point I'd played a bunch that were better so it didn't do that much for me.
Saw a free shmup on PS+, got a bit into it and then got the pervert shit dropped on me when I got hit. That was a surprise! Found out afterwards you can turn that stuff off, so that's a mercy.
Ultraman shmup where you play as a ship from one of the many Science Patrols, which makes sense. It has all the Ultra fanservice you could want but it's not very good beyond that.
A better game than Lords of Thunder despite coming first.
Another one where I think it's conceptually really cool but doesn't quite live up to it in play. Maybe I'll give it another shot at some point.
Impossibly fast. Possibly made to see how much the NES can't handle? If there's anyone out there who has 1CC'd this they should be preserved in a museum.
Memory not found. I'll take your word for it.
Got nothing. Gone.
Weird not-very-good game that feels like it's some in-joke I'm not getting between steamers or something.
Pretty much the same deal as RayCrisis for me. Decent, but if I was going to go back to a polygonal shmup it'd be Radiant Silvergun over any of these.
All I remember is that it was a mech game. I finished it, so it must have been decent!
Kudos for being weird but it's not particularly good.
Probably a little overlong for what it is, but this is a solid GBA game.
Played this for the first time after having it installed on like three separate PCs at this point. I'm not far enough in to say much about it.
Notabe for laying a lot of the groundwork for the genre and as an early Technos effort, but this just isn't particularly fun.
I remember this being fairly basic but fun. A lot of these PC-Engine games have good music that is totally overpowered by loud, bad SFX.
Replay. More Splatterhouse. I think this is my preferred one of the trilogy.
A good remake of the good remake. Japanese title is better.
Another Three Kingdoms one. Not awful, but there's not much in the way of variety so I didn't feel like finishing it.
Replay. Went through this again for Halloween. Cool game! Tim Curry's attempt at a New Orleans accent is very endearing.
I do not remember a single thing about this game.
Rival Turf 3 continues the legacy of the Rival Turf name (being bad).
I'm even worse at horizontal shooters, but this is still cool. Tons of personality.
Not great. Interesting for its setting, I guess.
More of the same from Die Hard Arcade, and I'm perfectly fine with that.
Don't remember anything about it, but I didn't finish it so I must not have liked it, which is disappointing for a game called Karate Blazers.
Same story, just can't match up to the main games.
The kind of FMV game I do not like.
Replay. Fucking hell, man. Just one of the most tedious games ever made.
More Gunvolt Burst. It's still easy, still fine to zip through if you have 20 minutes.
Cool idea that doesn't quite come together. I can't say I've read Mazin Saga; maybe it's the same!
Indiana Jones shoots hordes of animal poachers and also an alien (?). I dunno, I think this game is pretty cool!
Leans more towards Dragon Quest than it does towards musou for my liking. Takes forever as well.
Rival Turf 2 - still bad.
Okay idea but I don't think EDF gameplay needed streamlining. Also pretty racist!
Extremely short game apparently made for a game dev contest? Well, it's cool anyway!
I think I'd like this more if it was less about the lock-on. Sometimes I just want to shoot what's directly in front of me.
This, D.D. Crew and DJ Boy form an unholy triumvirate of terror.
Genuinely awful. Konami were really not good at this early on.
Pretty standard stuff for the time, I guess. It's interesting to see what characters Sega were throwing out before they came up with Sonic.
Don't remember much, other than it being pretty bland outside of the player character being a kabuki guy, which is cool and more games should do.
Really disappointed with this one. It looks good, I love the parry system and the animations that come out of it, it's really satisfying to catch a strike and then kick the shit out of the guy, but it takes 100 years to kill anything at all. A slog in the purest sense. Really sad.
Free on PS+. I don't follow the UFC (a friend of mine refers to it as a putrid cretin spectacle and I may be forced to agree), and maybe that's just as well cause if I did I'd have ended up wasting my money on this. Series peaked with Undisputed 3, all downhill from there.
Another great OST. Game is extremely hard, though.
A cool idea, little puzzle game FPS. You could do worse for a free game.
Pretty good from what I remember!
A Simple Series game, and boy, does it show. There's a character that's clearly just supposed to be Tetsuya Watari though, and that's good.
Another Neo Geo release that feels like a relic for the time.
Replay. SNK tries a Final Fight rip but with added ripoff music. Okay, but again feels like they can't keep up with the curve.
It feels really difficult in these Psikyo joints to claw back your momentum after getting killed. Like, moreso than most other shmups. And I get killed a lot so that's trouble!
I was hoping for a cutesy DW4, but this was just clunky and slow. Really weird considering DW3 had already come out by this point, they obviously knew how to make a good musou. Odd.
I liked ESP Ra.De. enough to buy this. Some tweaks, more content, fine by me!
Fine I guess, but it can be really hard to make out what's actually going on in these polygonal ones.
Really tough in parts, but still a really cool game. Honorary Amemiyacore.
A brawler that has a pretty extensive movelist for a two-button controller, but sadly this doesn't stop it being janky and dull.
Very cool setting but otherwise a slog to play. Might start specifically calling this the SNK Style.
Scott Pilgrim, but now composed exclusively of anime pervert characters. I wish for a world where its kind cannot exist.
This is how you use a license, because it is 10x funnier to try and pass this off as a John McClane adventure. Mental game. There's a review on here that calls it the father of the Yakuza series and they're completely right.
Not really that great but not terrible. Whenever Banpresto strays away from SRW into other genres it always seems to just be not quite as good as you want it to be.
Emphasis on the melee attack is cool, but otherwise I wasn't that into it.
Bad. It's not worth it.
Hilariously edgy and kind of janky but it has that same fun quality of a Hotline Miami where positioning, prioritisation and full use of all your tools pays off big. Also very satisfying in its scrambliness when you don't do any of those and are just using everything around you on the fly.
Just a very average game. Apparently a Playstation launch title in Japan? Only thing really notable about it.
Supremely frustrating game because it looks and sounds absolutely awesome - they are clearly pushing the Neo Geo to its absolute limit - but it plays like complete ass. It takes two full attack strings to break open an item barrel. Every aspect of gameplay is coated in extra thick molasses.
The kind of TV show adaptation game we deserve more of - missions are presented like episodes of the show, you get the little title stings, the eyecatches, all of it (The Space Sheriff Spirits is also very good for this stuff). Gameplay-wise it's an otherwise unremarkable TPS but if you like VOTOMs you will probably get a kick out this for a while. You skate about, it does the noise. Mission accomplished.
Knocked me for six. What a cool game! Boss health is excessive but that's my only issue. This one really got me itching to go on a run of shmups.
Another good Cave game. It's no Ketsui, though!
I think the release of this I played might have had a different title but that's the only thing I recall of it.
A weird one. A dungeon crawl-brawler, it seemed pretty interesting but I feel like I must have missed something with the combat. Surely can't be as basic as it seemed to me?
I feel like your ship moves a little too slowly and your hurtbox is massive.
The essence of the arcade game. You're on a hoverboard, you punch stuff. It's good.
Probably the best of the bunch overall that I'd played on PC-Engine up to this point.
The first PS2 game iterated on slightly, i.e. very good. You should play these!
A very basic 3D beatemup, but you can smash enemies into tons of stuff or smash enemies with tons of stuff, so that's good. I like the main guy's brown leather jacket/red gloves combo!
Replay. Remake of the arcade game that is better than the arcade game. Love to see it! Only complaint is it doesn't have Daddy Mulk.
The first cutscene was taking too long to load so I skipped it, and then the second cutscene loaded straight away and I was like oh, this is a porn game isn't it. Well, they made a pretty okay shmup when they probably could have gotten away with a lot less effort, so well done!
It's fine. I don't like that title though.
This is how you do an FMV game! I wanna see those digitised folks walking around, picking up stuff and looking at it - maybe even reacting to it!
Really cool, all the hokey charm of FMV combined with a pretty cool story that involves some real-world history, which I like. Education!
Really cool, all the hokey charm of FMV combined with a pretty cool story that involves some real-world history, which I like. Education!
Gunstar Heroes but harder. There's a bunch of points in this where it feels like there is exactly one and only one way you can not take damage, so it can be pretty frustrating.
Think this was an Eighting one? Tiny bullets. Tiny!
A little too samey throughout but it's cool that they tried it. They managed to make the mechs feel really big and heavy, and of course Blodia is just a cool design. Glad they reused it.
Wasn't really all that into it, but it's at the very least better than Final Fight 2, which is kind of embarrassing.
The title of this game is so funny. It's like a weird post-apocalyptic setting! Undercover cops for what?!
Anyway it's decent, it's Irem so everything has that slightly Metal Sluggy look.
Anyway it's decent, it's Irem so everything has that slightly Metal Sluggy look.
Just a fun arcade game. Some parts of this are absolute nails.
Interesting as a weird curiosity - a beatemup spinoff of House of the Dead - but otherwise not much to enjoy here. I do like that they threw in a Yusaku Matsuda-inspired guy for no reason.
Konami does X-Men x Altered Beast. Solid, except for the fact that your health is constantly going down. Playing through this genre exposes you to some of the most heinous shit ever designed to take money from kids. I played as MacGyver.
Still playing this, it's pretty cool! Obviously doesn't have the budget and weight of even the GBA Ace Attorneys behind it but the total devotion to the hard boiled clichés is very endearing. I like how much of it is just down to legwork. So far I think I would play a bunch more of these.
Very easy Mega Man clone. I'd seen people say that Beck is hard mode, and I guess he is in relative terms, because I replayed this later in the year as Gunvolt and I could probably have done it with my eyes closed.
It's fine, but I'm not really sure why it exists. What reason is there for not just putting all these characters into Warriors Orochi instead?
Woooof. I actually finished this one and I have no idea why - it's not fun at all.
Gave up on this pretty quickly, just not very good.
Do celebrities get mad when people make shitty games with their name on them? I would.
Super cool, Metal Squad goes extremely hard.
I'm just confused that this was made and released. Did nobody involved know they were making a crap game? Who was it meant to please?
4 Comments
Damn this is impressive
Did you complete Ring Fit?!
@Vee this took me days lol
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
Vee
1 year ago
Bayou Billy is one of the most unfun NES games I ever played, goddamn what a slog-filled and mean-spirited game.