Twennytoo Five Hundo
In future year AD2022 I apparently logged 500 video games (mostly just played, not finished - can you even imagine). Am I proud of it? Of course not, brother, pride is a sin. Here they are in their entirety in order of play:
500 Games
Completely odious game. I genuinely have no idea why or how this got made.
I don't think I really got this one. Might need to replay.
From what I remember this was the sequel to Sorcer Striker? Hasn't really stuck in the mind much for me. Dimahoo is a very fun name to say though. Dimahoo, Dimahoo, Dimahoo!
Controls can be quite awkward a lot of the time and there's some real bullshit sections, but it's a good take on a mech game still.
I SAID no thank you!
Pretty standard gameplay-wise but the horror setting makes it stand out. I definitely want to give that fan remake a bash.
This is in the same vein as something like The Dishwasher for me - i.e., games that I assume you're probably into if you like Jhonen Vasquez.
Has the same problem of being visually unremarkable that 3 has, but I was actually able to finish this one, so that means it's great, excellent, etc.
It's fine!
They do the Lightning Strikes Again bit in this one too, and it still rules.
Replay. Bad. Everyone knows it.
Replay. Snake Pit, Clinger Winger and Rat Race are all worse in this one than they are in the original game. Rare is made up of the most extreme sadists on Earth.
I don't really remember anything about this, but I shelved it, so I must have thought it was decent enough to go back to at some point.
Not really a kart racer guy but this seemed decent enough. Did you know Yoshinori Ono of SF4 fame was the composer for this? Crazy!
Replay. Very cool concept but sadly a little clunky in execution. A game where you wish there had been a sequel to really refine things.
Splatterhouse but with a time limit mechanic. It's fine!
I started this but then realised I could get the Ultimate version instead. Whoops!
Weird that this exists but I think Capcom should do more daft things like it. I cannot forgive how they made Vega look in this, though.
It's very funny that From made this. Hyperjank, I guess I'll finish it for lols at some point.
One of the best - maybe the best-looking arcade games of the era. Seriously, it's ridiculous! I'm amazed this has never had a home release. Gameplay-wise, well, it's yet more Golden Axe. If you like it you like it. I like it!
Presentation carries what is otherwise a pretty annoying game, honestly.
Replay. Still really impressive even now! I like how much of it feels like an actual investigation rather than you solving a series of video game puzzles. I did not get a good ending.
Looks and sounds great and I love Pulseman's look and concept but it's not much cope otherwise.
Replay. Nowhere near as bad as TMNT or The Simpsons - when you punch something it actually feels like you punched it - but it still features Konami doing their credit-stealing best to take your money. Colossus roar rules though.
Pretty much the same feeling as the first game. Atomic Guy is cool though!
Still sitting unfinished. A cool look and concept but the race gameplay feels a bit sparse. I'll get round to it eventually.
Fun as a tribute to the NES but it couldn't really hold my attention.
Not a good game at all, but the obvious big thing here is that it's one of the first instances of microtransactions, and is pure evil.
Replay. Hell yeah man. A super ambitious game that combines Cool Adventures with some absolutely primo Capcom art work. I went through it solo but I bet this'd be a total blast on Fightcade. Only complaint is that the controls can be a little fiddly.
Is there any earlier example of Just Defend in a game? Capcom beating SNK to the punch by 8 years. It's fine enough I guess, but later efforts are much better.
Replay. Solid management game, had no idea there was a sequel until recently but I'll need to play it.
Mainly played this port to hear the music. Sadly not as good as I was hoping, but this version also has a bunch of low-rent cutscenes where the Brothers Lee are Kenshiro clones with turn of the 90s anime hair. Dope.
Originally played the SNES version, so here I went for the arcade release, which like the '89 game is trash. Legendary soundtrack but that's it.
Not very good, is it? There's a kind of charm to it though. I think I will go back and finish this at some point.
Not much here. Platformer with some rules quirks that you can finish in one quick sitting. Again, one you play once and never go back to, but that's fine.
I played the Japanese version, Gun-Dec. Ninja Gaiden-ish for the most part, there's also some driving stages that are essentially on-road shmup sections. Had never heard of it before this year, it's cool!
Peak of the series here, I think. Copen is a great addition and is super fun to play.
Had this game in progress for literal years, finally made the effort to finish it this year. It's fine for a short choose your own adventure type thing, don't really have all that much to say about it.
A triumph. It was super hard and reading up on how the difficulty works made me do a big laugh with zero humour in it, but that's completely secondary to the music and the visuals here for me. A game I really, really wish I had played at the time because I would never have seen or heard anything like it. Maybe I'd be a completely different person now. That's the power I think Darius Gaiden might hold!
Again, didn't like it as much as ESP Ra.De., but it's still good!
More bog-standard stuff.
Another free on PS+ trap. Whilst I was playing this a friend sent me a message asking if I was OK and they were right to do so.
Genuinely astounding effort for one guy. Awesome combo system, this was walking the Streets of Rage 4 walk before that game existed. Only problems I have with it are the lighting is a bit much at times and the main girl leans way too hard into anime fanservice for my taste. Genuinely really good game.
It was good, but it's possible that Gaiden has ruined me for the rest of this series.
Tried this after enjoying the Gunvolt stuff but I wasn't into how it controlled at all.
Impressive effort for a NES game but playing it in amongst so many technically superior games did it no favours for me. Maybe one day.
Replay. Loved this game as a kid and still enjoyed it here. It's very basic and enemy variety is nonexistent but it just feels good to hit stuff and it's colourful! Great music too. OK, GO!
Replay. Same story as VSav. Weird game. Love Omega Red's theme.
At least, another actually good Double Dragon game! It can be frustrating at points (staring directly at the final boss) but I think the dodge stuff is really fun. Not huge into the 80s throwback stuff, it's always under about ten separate layers of irony, but it does have the single best rendition of the Double Dragon theme.
Played the Japanese release, where it's a game adaptation of the anime Area 88 (high melodrama, watch it). Why is this game so hard!
Oh jeez, I played this last week and it's completely left my head already.
Also very hard! Such a cool game though.
Just rewatch the movie, which is very good, instead of playing this game, which is very bad.
Probably would have liked it a lot if I played it at the time of release, but this ended up being a big-time disappointment. Just felt sluggish and killing things took forever. Obviously looks awesome, though.
The first stop on my journey of playing every game listed in the beatemup history book Go Straight. Not great.
Replay. Old reliable. I love how the big blue laser looks.
Replay. I don't know who it was that convinced the world that the licensed Konami beatemups are really good but they were doing the devil's work. I guess I can see how it would be fun if you had four players on the go and it does look and sound great, but the gameplay absolutely reeks. No impact to a single thing you do.
Replay. Golf It night with the boys. Get a solid custom map and it's a great laugh.
VERY COOL. This is one that I'm absolutely going to keep coming back to. Just relentless, I love how the proximity gimmick means that against bosses it feels like you're mashing up against each other and trying to force each other down. Great.
The current era of KOF just isn't for me. XIV and XV feel like they're trying to carry on the Big Combo Game style of XIII, but combos in these games are just not nearly as cool or interesting. Feels like they want you to go down very specific predefined combo routes. I could watch, say, Marvel 3 footage now and there's a solid chance I'll see something I've never seen before; it doesn't feel like this can happen with current KoF. Also this game is ugly as hell. At least there's always 98!
Replay. Actually feels kind of satisfying to play but the enemies and environments are so bland.
Relentless game. Cruel!
Replay. The final evolution of Capcom's Final Fight remakes. What a cool game! Really sucks that it's likely lost to the wilderness forever.
I guess this is okay, but I'd rather play SNES Turtles in Time if I've got to play Turtles in Time.
Hyper-edgy game. Combat is pretty satisfying but not deep enough to justify the length and large number of samey enemies.
It's definitely cool, but these tiny bullets are killing me, man. My eyesight is bad.
Still hard, still cool. Great music in this.
Wanted to like this, but I just found it kind of obnoxious, and I don't think it's a particularly good beatemup. Disappointing.
Can't really remember it. Looks good from screenshots though!
I'd played the first episode of this before but decided to go through the whole thing from the start before I play Return. Promptly put it to the side after getting distracted by other stuff.
By this point I'd played a lot of shmups and I think this is the first one where I really wondered how anyone could 1CC it. Wild!
This is also awesome.
A little overlong from what I remember, but otherwise pretty much on par with King of Dragons.
Replay. Absolutely the best Battletoads game, probably better than several Double Dragon games, still not really that great.
The Golden Axers Once Again. It's still much the same, I still enjoy it, and I think the stage on the back of the giant eagle is badass. Good music here.
Thought 2 was a bit of an easier ride and then 3 decided they'd given me enough leeway. I was happy to finally go through all of these but they were an ordeal and a half.
Another unfinished. A PS4 game that is clearly in reality a PS3 game. A theme song can only carry a game so far. Combat just doesn't have the oomph you want from a mech game and I'll be honest, I don't know how people can play these kinds of dating sim-adjacent things without feeling horribly embarrassed at every moment.
Oh, so the bug princess does nothing but kill bugs? Typical royals. These Cave shmups with tiny hurtboxes are very fun!
Got a couple of levels in before deciding I couldn't be holed at the minute. I'll get back to it at some point.
Golden Axe II - it's like Golden Axe. I like Golden Axe. I like Golden Axe II!
Replay. King shit. Double Dragon II is a good-ass game.
Replay. Fun idea, good enough to play about with for 20 minutes. Mega Man charm counts for a lot!
Another PS+ game. I guess I don't mind Minecraft, but I haven't put much time into this because it keeps trying to get me to do story stuff that I don't care about.
Replay. Linn Kurosawa is so cool, man. What a good game.
Replay. There can be no justice in the world as long as this is stuck on the Wii of all things. No idea why it was exclusive in the first place.
Now we're getting it. Still very playable and has one of the best title themes of all time.
Finally decided to take the plunge and play this. It's guff. Not the absolute worst game ever made, but there's just no reason to ever play this instead of a Mega Man game. Gave up at the Call stealth section, who has the time.
I have no idea what the original cabinet was like for this, but this is a bit of a chore to play on a regular controller. I like the general weirdness of it though, and the invincible Robojacko. However it is unbelievable that it has tons of licensed Jackson music and the zombie level does not have Thriller. What the fuck!
Replay. One of Capcom's many remakes of Final Fight But in [Setting]. This time it's the grim future of...uh...4 years from now. It's fine, mostly gets points for being a little weird. Mack the Knife rules.
Played the Japanese version. It's very good! They've refined the SoR formula to a fine art. And yet the best was still yet to come...man...
Better than Final Fight 2 for sure, but still pretty lackluster. There isn't even boss music! What the hell!
Not quite as strong a game as some of Capcom's other heavy hitters on this list, but man, I wish they still made games that looked like this.
I was having fun with this, but my save messed up and I haven't gone back to it yet.
Replay. Have never liked this game - I guess you can say the RPG elements were worth trying at the time, but I think the implementation here just goes against what's actually fun about the genre. And obviously it directly led to the Scott Pilgrim game, which is even worse.
Cool little idea. I like games with boats.
Doesn't really have any of the energy of the first game, sadly. Just kind of a slog. And it introduces Maki, who I think is chiefly liked by anime boys that you would not want to talk to. Not the fault of the game but it's hard to look past.
Replay. Isn't it kind of wild that this exists? It's hilarious how massive the Kingpin is in the final boss fight.
It's pretty cool, isn't it? I noticed the other day that I've finally been knocked off the top of my friends list by a few seconds. Raging. Will have to go back to it!
Cool game, very hard. This and the first one make me laugh a lot because you've got all these folk who have been facecapped so you can go oh wow that's Naoto Takenaka! And then you've got William who has proper Koei Face.
Played the Mega Drive version as a kid so I went for the arcade version here. Similarly clunky and not really all that fun, but all the monster transformation stuff is still cool and the voice clips are always funny.
4 Comments
Damn this is impressive
Did you complete Ring Fit?!
@Vee this took me days lol
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
@Dalaamclouds that's not the word I'd use but thank you!
@letshugbro good lord no. new years resolution though!
Vee
1 year ago
Bayou Billy is one of the most unfun NES games I ever played, goddamn what a slog-filled and mean-spirited game.