The 'ALL OF 2023' Rapidfire

Nothing here!


Scholastic's The Magic School Bus: Space Exploration Game
Scholastic's The Magic School Bus: Space Exploration Game
It doesn't have Ralphie saying 'green cheese', they attacked me and specifically me
Phantasy Star II
Phantasy Star II
I gave this the most charitable attempt in the fucking world and it was still dogshit
Brave Battle Saga: Legend of the Magic Warrior
Brave Battle Saga: Legend of the Magic Warrior
A bootleg JRPG could be worse, but it could be good, too
NFL Sports Talk Football '93 Starring Joe Montana
NFL Sports Talk Football '93 Starring Joe Montana
Sports games kinda go hard?
Puyo Puyo
Puyo Puyo
Why the fuck did they put this bimbo on my mean bean machine
Toki: Going Ape Spit
Toki: Going Ape Spit
Mid
Sword of Vermilion
Sword of Vermilion
A special 'grasping at straws' kind of dogshit
Road Rash 3
Road Rash 3
Dogshit
Last Battle
Last Battle
Dogshit
Maui Mallard in Cold Shadow
Maui Mallard in Cold Shadow
RACIST dogshit
Darwin 4081
Darwin 4081
Mid
Shatterhand
Shatterhand
Man NES stuff deserves a lot more respect
Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle
Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle
Heyheyheyheyheyhey what if, heheheh, what if, heheheheheheheh, the queen, heheheheh, her clothes, hehehehehehehehe, the clothes, heheheheheheh, they go OOPS, uh oh, eek! My clothes! Ooohhhh my goodness gracious! I am Nakey!! OOooooooh my!!!!
World Championship Soccer
World Championship Soccer
Dogshit on cocaine
Pikmin
Pikmin
Beautiful beyond its aspirations, and very underdiscussed as far as its technical achievement goes. Can't believe I didn't play it sooner
Cool Cool Toon
Cool Cool Toon
It has The Vibes and that's all that matters. It's kind of dogshit when you're actually playing it
Phantasy Star III: Generations of Doom
Phantasy Star III: Generations of Doom
I ALSO gave this as much of a charitable try as I could and it fucked me anyway, pre-Sonic Genesis RPG's really are soul-siphoning experiences
Gitaroo Man
Gitaroo Man
ALSO kind of dogshit to play but the ludonarrative power here is immaculate
Tom Mason's Dinosaurs for Hire
Tom Mason's Dinosaurs for Hire
Mid
Sonic Triple Trouble 16-Bit
Sonic Triple Trouble 16-Bit
YEAR OF AMY, WOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Armored Core
Armored Core
Tank controls are cool but this is a little overkill
Mickey to Donald Magical Adventure 3
Mickey to Donald Magical Adventure 3
All these Capcom Mickey games are cool but kinda just worse versions of other games they made
Fantasy Zone
Fantasy Zone
That's some good MS soul right there
Fantasy Zone II
Fantasy Zone II
Speeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
Vampire: Master of Darkness
Vampire: Master of Darkness
I think the thing that confired most MS fans have no media literacy was watching them stumble over themselves to say this is better than NES Castlevania
Cotton 100%
Cotton 100%
Gorgeous mid is still mid unfortunately
SpongeBob SquarePants: The Cosmic Shake
SpongeBob SquarePants: The Cosmic Shake
You can't go home again
Sonic Adventure
Sonic Adventure
Nourishment
Sonic Adventure 2
Sonic Adventure 2
Nourishment... 2!!!
Hameln no Violin Hiki
Hameln no Violin Hiki
I think more games should be about skrunkly couples throwing each other at walls
Haunting Starring Polterguy
Haunting Starring Polterguy
I would probably punch polterguy in real life if I ever saw him, looks like the nazi teenager from that one Fat Albert scene
Madden NFL 96
Madden NFL 96
Somewhere playing this my brain went 'football is just a turn-based tactical rpg' and I was affected by The Disease
Sonic Frontiers: The Final Horizon
Sonic Frontiers: The Final Horizon
Evil to an excessive degree, proof that maybe Sonic Team shouldn't listen to the fans as often as they think they should
Final Zone II
Final Zone II
The middest of the mid, I've said mid a lot but this is like, the lowest effort a game has ever put into itself while still being just a little bit enjoyable. Nutty.
Gate of Thunder
Gate of Thunder
I was shocked when I ended up disliking this, I think Red/Technosoft kinda overestimated their game design skills here, should've stuck to something more simple and cinematic
Metal Head
Metal Head
32X kusoge has me acting perplexed and intruiged
Android Assault: The Revenge of Bari-Arm
Android Assault: The Revenge of Bari-Arm
Was really cool until it buckled down on the bullshit, rounded out to mid in hindsight
Wonder Dog
Wonder Dog
Mid but I have played so many horrible Amiga and Dos style platformers I was FLOORED when this game had any amount of competency put into its game design. It's like watching a baby learn motor skills in real time.
Metal Warriors
Metal Warriors
There's a saying about how you have to judge games by their own merits but man it's impossible for me to see this as anything but a total misunderstanding of what made Cybernator good. Miserable, dreadful game.
Kaizou Choujin Shubibinman Zero
Kaizou Choujin Shubibinman Zero
The best game in a PC-E series is the one not on PC-E? Curious!
Mystic Riders
Mystic Riders
Pretty cool
Gun Force II
Gun Force II
Looks and feels immaculate, plays pretty badly
Armored Core VI: Fires of Rubicon
Armored Core VI: Fires of Rubicon
Best new game I played this year maybe. I want to be hopeful and excited for the future of expansive AAA experiences at a time where 99% of studios are bleeding out at the hands of their corporate ringleaders.
King of the Monsters 2
King of the Monsters 2
Dogshit (sorry C_F it was still fun playing it w/ you)
Vixen 357
Vixen 357
There's flubbing your final act and then there's Vixen 357
Aldynes: The Mission Code for Rage Crisis
Aldynes: The Mission Code for Rage Crisis
I'd rather not think about this one again
Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Wtf it's actually good
Super Bomberman R 2
Super Bomberman R 2
SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD FRANCHISS FROM THE NO MONEY DIMENSION, PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU
Mega Man X: Project Zero
Mega Man X: Project Zero
Gay robots
Tetris Battle Gaiden
Tetris Battle Gaiden
Evil screaming incantations
Coca Cola Kid
Coca Cola Kid
:0
Streets of Rage 2
Streets of Rage 2
Very good handheld port, pretty recurring theme of the best GG games being Genesis ports. There should've been even more tbh. Where's my 8-bit Bio Hazard Battle and Granada?
Griffin
Griffin
Oh

THERE's my 8-bit Granada

:(
Pocket Bomberman
Pocket Bomberman
Bomberman but a platformer turns out pretty great as long as you don't have to engage with it like a bomberman game
Neo Bomberman
Neo Bomberman
The more time passes the less forgiveness I have towards quarter munchers
Fantasy Zone: The Maze
Fantasy Zone: The Maze
Pac-Man... with a GUN!
Streets of Rage 2
Streets of Rage 2
I ran through this in co-op with my older brother who never plays beatemups and it was one of the best experiences I had this year. And then I realized there's like barely any other beatemups that even get close to this and I got a little sad.
Barbie: Explorer
Barbie: Explorer
What is she exploring for? The "kitchen"? Lol! Biden 9/11 gas prices phones insurance moon pies
Mega Man 8
Mega Man 8
I could squeezehug the life out of this game
Witch n' Wiz
Witch n' Wiz
I played this for beta-testing-related-purposes and so much time has passed I'm no longer sure if the project this was related to has been publicly announced yet
Sonic Superstars
Sonic Superstars
Felt disrespected on a personal level by this one
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Back from the Sewers
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Back from the Sewers
Thanks maradona
Sesame Street Counting Cafe
Sesame Street Counting Cafe
The bar is on the floor
Ayrton Senna's Super Monaco GP II
Ayrton Senna's Super Monaco GP II
Super scaler racers need a comeback
Street Racer
Street Racer
Except these ones
Rohga: Armor Force
Rohga: Armor Force
It's like 40 minutes longer than it has any right to be
Ninja Baseball Bat Man
Ninja Baseball Bat Man
games like this make it so confusing how irem pushed out something as poorly-balanced as undercover cops
Rock On
Rock On
Dogshit! :D
Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Waking up to this was a trip
WarioWare: Move It!
WarioWare: Move It!
Great, please let Ko Takeuchi work a new rhythm heaven now
Vimana
Vimana
Ys III: Wanderers from Ys
Ys III: Wanderers from Ys
Grinding is (sometimes) cool
R-Type
R-Type
Is it sacrilege to say this one beats the arcade version?
Battletoads
Battletoads
that goofy-ass :0 the enemies make when you slam your head into their stomach
NBA Hangtime
NBA Hangtime
Benny hill type beat
Battletoads In Battlemaniacs
Battletoads In Battlemaniacs
Clinger winger 2 is the second worst thing I've experienced in my life
Wonder Boy III: The Dragon's Trap
Wonder Boy III: The Dragon's Trap
This game is racist against fish specifically
Fire Mustang
Fire Mustang
Still mid
Dangerous Seed
Dangerous Seed
Had me in the second half ngl
Hellfire
Hellfire
Still mid
Twin Hawk
Twin Hawk
Why is it called Twin Hawk if there's only One of them? bombs Oh shit now there are Seven of them, oh shit, oh ass, oh cock
Truxton
Truxton
Why does everyone drop their pants for this MD port
Bio-Ship Paladin
Bio-Ship Paladin
titanic
Sengoku 2
Sengoku 2
Where's the gameplay?
Batman Returns
Batman Returns
grappling hooks: the cornerstone of video games
Sengoku
Sengoku
Where's the gameplay?
Kolibri
Kolibri
Psygnosis apologist
Curse
Curse
Curse? More like, could be worse :)
Phelios
Phelios
"I Love You As A Woman Even More"
Thunder Force II
Thunder Force II
Peak kusoge
Sengoku 3
Sengoku 3
Oh, THERE'S the gameplay.

...where's the enemy design
Steel Empire
Steel Empire
Imitating the Europeans sure is a way to go
Fire Shark
Fire Shark
Evil kino
Trouble Shooter
Trouble Shooter
PLEASE buy our game! It has anime girls! Our penises our small and our dads left us!!
Battle Mania Daiginjou
Battle Mania Daiginjou
Art
Undead Line
Undead Line
Evil midkino? Idk they don't let me play as the ninja girl in this one :pensive:
Air Buster
Air Buster
Kaneko did right once i guess
Keio Flying Squadron
Keio Flying Squadron
Reading Mein Kampf and shaking my head the whole time so the people on the bus know I disagree with it
Twin Cobra
Twin Cobra
Evil kino

2 Comments


5 months ago

Tee hee, plane of existence I get it.

5 months ago

Banger


Last updated: